FIC: Dreams

[geri_chan]

Title: Dreams
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Masahiko/Fuyumi
Word count: ~4,000
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Summary: In Book 3, Iwaki's father said that Masahiko "also had dreams of his own that he gave up, for the sake of succeeding the family". One day, Fuyumi discovers what those dreams were, and wants to help him rediscover them.

Author's note: An omiai is a sort of formal matchmaking meeting set up between two potential marriage partners. In Book 3, Iwaki's mother was apparently trying to set him up with one (or several) of these meetings before she died.

Thanks to: snapelike, who helped spawn the plot bunny with this post about the Iwaki family on the Youka Nitta IJ Asylum and our musings on what Masahiko's dreams might have been.

***

After Fuyumi's mother-in-law had died, her father-in-law had kept all of her belongings exactly as she'd left them, as if moving them would be some kind of betrayal. Or perhaps having them near reminded him of Mother's presence and gave him some comfort in his grief.

Whatever the reason, Father seemed to be healing. Kyousuke's reconciliation with his family had helped immensely, and Hina's birth seemed to have brought him true joy. It was a relief to see his stern and careworn face relax into a doting smile as he cradled his granddaughter in his arms, and Fuyumi couldn't help but feel a measure of pride as Hina's mother.

So Fuyumi was not entirely surprised when Father gruffly told Hisako one day that she could pack up Mother's clothes and put them into storage. Fuyumi offered to help and Father took Hina out for a walk to the park, obviously preferring to be away from the house until they were done.

"I'm glad that the Master is ready to move on," Hisako confided as they packed away the clothing into boxes, making sure to carefully fold all of Mother's beautiful kimono and wrap them in paper to protect them. "The Mistress wouldn't want him to mourn forever."

"No, she wouldn't," Fuyumi agreed. In fact, during her final days, Mother had told Fuyumi, "Someday, if he finds a good woman who makes him happy, tell him that I said it's all right if he remarries. In fact, tell him that I will be angry if he passes up a chance at happiness if it's offered to him." Though she had been very weak at that point, she had managed to find the strength to smile at Fuyumi and reach out to clasp her hand. "I can't tell Masahiko, because he's not ready to hear it right now, and he's as stubborn as his father. But you're a woman, Fuyumi-san, so you understand, don't you?"

"Yes, Mother, I do," Fuyumi had whispered, gently squeezing her mother-in-law's hand in return.

Fuyumi blinked back tears, careful not to let them fall on the silk kimono she was folding. It would break her heart if she were unable to raise Hina to adulthood and watch her daughter marry and raise a family of her own--but if the worst happened, she would not want Masahiko to be lonely, and she wouldn't want Hina to grow up without a mother. So she understood perfectly how Mother had felt.

"I only wish that Mother had lived long enough to see Hina-chan," Fuyumi said regretfully.

"Stop that before you make me cry, too," Hisako scolded, and she indeed looked rather teary-eyed. "We have to set a good example for the Master--the Mistress would be upset if we were all still sitting around weeping over her."

"Indeed she would be," Fuyumi laughed, brushing away her tears, as she recalled Mother's last wishes.

"I'm sure that she can see Hina-chan now," Hisako assured her. "And I'm also sure that she's pleased to have such a darling granddaughter, and relieved that young Master Kyousuke finally returned to the family. At least some good came out of her death, in that it brought Master Kyousuke back home."

The women carried the boxes of clothing out to the small storage building located behind the house. It contained boxes of books, old furniture, and some dishes and pottery that were no longer used, but for various reasons could not be given away or discarded. There was one particularly ugly vase that had been given to the family by a relative, and had to be dusted off and displayed whenever said relative came to visit, which fortunately wasn't very often.

Fuyumi was setting one of the boxes down in a corner when she bumped into something large and bulky covered by a tarp--several somethings, actually. A number of framed and unframed canvases toppled to the floor with a clatter, and Fuyumi hastily knelt down to pick them up.

"Oh!" she exclaimed in wonder as she got a better look at the paintings. "These are beautiful!" One was a painting of the koi pond out back, and the bright scales of the carp seemed to sparkle beneath the water. Another was a portrait of Mother, looking younger and less troubled as she smiled warmly, her eyes filled with affection and good humor. A third was of a plump, dark-haired toddler chasing after a dragonfly--a young Kyousuke?

"Those are Master Masahiko's paintings," Hisako said in a hushed voice, kneeling beside Fuyumi. "I had forgotten how lovely they were."

"But why are these hidden away in storage?" Fuyumi asked in confusion. "Why aren't they displayed in the house? I can see why he would put away the paintings of Kyousuke while they were estranged, but wouldn't Father like to have this painting of Mother? And why hasn't Masahiko ever told me that he can paint?"

"It's a painful memory for him, I suppose," Hisako sighed sadly. "He loved art from the time he was old enough to play with finger paints--and make quite a mess all over the kitchen, I might add!" She smiled nostalgically. "He was very talented, and after he graduated from high school, he received a scholarship offer to study abroad at a famous art college. But he turned it down because as the eldest son and heir, it was his duty to take over the family business. Instead he went to Tokyo University to get a business degree."

"I see," Fuyumi said quietly. "So if he hadn't had to succeed the business, he would have become an artist?"

"Most likely," Hisako replied. "He still continued painting and sketching in his free time, and the Master and Mistress discussed the possibility of letting young Master Kyousuke take over the business instead, to allow Master Masahiko to follow his dream. But then Master Kyousuke ran off to become an actor and...well, Master Masahiko threw out all his paints and brushes and put these paintings into storage. He said that it was past time to set aside childish dreams and settle down and give his full attention to the business. The Mistress said that he didn't need to be so extreme, that there was no reason why he couldn't continue to pursue art as a hobby, but..."

"But Masahiko is stubborn, and never does things by halves," Fuyumi finished with a smile.

"Anyhow, let's get these put away," Hisako said briskly, helping Fuyumi pick up the fallen paintings. "Master Masahiko would be upset if he knew you'd seen them."

They finished their task and returned to the house, and eventually Father came back with Hina, appearing to be in good spirits. But Fuyumi couldn't stop thinking about the paintings, and she noticed Masahiko giving her a puzzled look during dinner.

"Is something wrong?" he asked later, looking concerned, when they were alone in their bedroom. "You've seemed distracted all night."

"Oh, it's nothing," Fuyumi lied. "I was helping Hisako put away Mother's things today, and I guess I'm feeling a little pensive."

Masahiko relaxed then, and gave her an understanding smile. "It's difficult, but I think it was the right thing to do. Father seems at peace now, and I know that it's due in large part to you and Hina."

"I'm glad," Fuyumi replied.

They made love that night, gently and tenderly, and Fuyumi thought that Father wasn't the only one who had found peace. Masahiko would never admit it, but she thought that Kyousuke's return home had helped him to heal, too. He still seemed aloof and standoffish to outsiders, but from her perspective, he had mellowed considerably. If he didn't care about Kyousuke, he would never have welcomed his brother's lover into their house, however grudgingly. She giggled as she remembered how embarrassed and irritated he'd been when they had overheard the sounds of Kyousuke and Youji-san making love during the New Year's holidays. Fuyumi had been embarrassed, too, but she thought that it was sweet how they doted on each other like newlyweds.

"What are you laughing at?" Masahiko wanted to know.

"Oh, nothing," Fuyumi replied, kissing him. "I'm just happy."

"Hmm," her husband said suspiciously, but kissed her back and let the matter drop.

***

Fuyumi, however, continued thinking about Masahiko and his discarded dreams, and found herself sneaking out to the storage shed to look at the paintings several times over the next few days. She poked around some more, and found some notebooks filled with pencil and charcoal sketches, and a few simple watercolor paintings, and she snuck one of them back into the house with her to look over more carefully.

It must have been done when Masahiko was still in school and Kyousuke was still a toddler, because it was filled with drawings of a young Kyousuke. Fuyumi smiled tenderly at the drawings, sensing in them the deep love that Masahiko had for his brother.

She had first met Masahiko through an omiai: her father was a client of the Iwakis, and had been impressed by Masahiko's diligence and business acumen, and he had asked the vice-president of the company to be a go-between and arrange a meeting between "the two young people".

Fuyumi had not been enthusiastic, preferring to choose her own husband rather than have a marriage arranged for her, but had given in to her mother's insistence that she "at least take a look at the young man before you reject him. After all, who knows, you might like him. And if you don't, well, no one's going to force you to marry him against your will. For heaven's sake, this isn't a samurai drama where the weeping bride is dragged off by force to her new husband's home!"

Later, Fuyumi learned that Masahiko had been reluctant to proceed with the omiai as well, and had only gone along with it because he hadn't wanted to offend Fuyumi's father. It turned out that he'd had an omiai once before with another woman, and she had turned him down because she had thought he was too cold and emotionless.

Fuyumi knew that wasn't true, although she could see why the woman had made that mistake: she herself had been intimidated at first by his stern and serious manner. In fact, she had been so nervous that she'd knocked her cup of tea over, and had felt mortified. But Masahiko had quickly leaned over and mopped up the spill with a napkin, smiling at her kindly and telling an anecdote about his childhood, in which he had spilled an entire pot of tea into the lap of a very important guest of his father's. Everyone had laughed, and it had broken the ice of the formal atmosphere, and the meeting had gone much better from there, with the conversation flowing much more freely and naturally.

Much to their parents' approval, they had agreed to continue seeing each other, and Fuyumi had learned that the kindness Masahiko had shown at their initial meeting was not a fluke, but an intrinsic part of him. She had mentioned in passing during their first date that she liked candied chestnuts, thinking nothing more of it. On their second date, he had taken her to a teahouse that served the most delicious candied chestnuts she had ever tasted, and had smiled with pleasure at her startled and delighted reaction.

They had begun dating during the rainy season, and one day, they had carelessly left their umbrellas in the car when they had gone to have lunch at a restaurant. When they emerged, it had been pouring rain, and Fuyumi had said that it was only a short distance to the car and that they could just make a run for it. However, Masahiko had insisted on sprinting to the car alone, returning sopping wet with an umbrella to shelter Fuyumi.

And whenever a spider or beetle happened to wander into the house, Masahiko would carefully pick it up and take it outside instead of swatting it. He had blushed like a schoolboy the first time she had observed such an incident and said that she liked that he was tender-hearted.

His kindness was one of the things she loved most about him, and she could see it in the way that he doted on Hina, and in his gruff affection for his brother. If Masahiko had not loved Kyousuke deeply, he would never have felt so angry and hurt by what he had seen as his brother's betrayal. It had left a deep wound on him that was only now beginning to heal, and she suspected that the paintings in the storage building represented another hidden wound.

Fuyumi sighed heavily. Why did men have to be so proud and determined to show no weakness? After all, wasn't it a wife's duty to support her husband? Well, Fuyumi intended to support Masahiko, whether he wanted her help or not.

She knew that this all had the potential to go terribly wrong, but she could be as stubborn as her husband in her own way--she was usually just more subtle about it. So she asked Father and Hisako to baby-sit Hina for a little while and went into town to buy some art supplies.

She left the package on Masahiko's desk in his study and braced herself for the confrontation that was sure to follow. He arrived home at his usual time and followed his usual routine: he greeted everyone, played with Hina for a bit, and then retired to the study to go over some paperwork before dinner.

A minute later, he stormed into the kitchen where Fuyumi and Hisako were preparing dinner, and waved the package from the art store accusingly in her face. "What is this?!" he demanded.

"Exactly what it looks like, dear," Fuyumi replied calmly. "Some paper, pencils, brushes, and paint."

"Where in the world did you get the impression that I was interested in that sort of nonsense?!" he shouted.

"Stop growling, dear," Fuyumi told him. "You'll make Hina-chan cry."

Masahiko opened his mouth to argue further, but then spotted his father standing in the doorway holding a wide-eyed Hina, and he pressed his lips together tightly, forcing himself to remain silent.

"Is something wrong?" Father asked.

"Not at all, Father," Fuyumi said pleasantly, taking off her apron. "I'm sorry, Hisako-san, but can you finish up here? Masahiko and I need to talk in private."

Hisako nodded mutely, looking worried, and as Fuyumi left the kitchen with Masahiko, she overheard her father-in-law saying in an amused voice, "There's a saying in the West about the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object..."

"I never thought of Mistress Fuyumi as an unstoppable force before," Hisako said doubtfully. "To be honest, sir, that sounds more like Katou-san."

By then, Masahiko was closing the door of the study behind them, and Fuyumi couldn't hear what, if anything, Father said in reply.

"When Hisako and I were putting away Mother's things, I happened to find your paintings," Fuyumi said quietly. "They were so beautiful..."

"That was just a childish hobby!" Masahiko snapped dismissively. "I put aside all that nonsense years ago!" He muttered, more to himself than to her, "I should have burned those things instead of just putting them into storage..."

"But you couldn't, because they were precious to you, right?" Fuyumi persisted. "I saw the love and care that you put into your work."

Masahiko took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly and said in a carefully controlled voice, "I know that you mean well, Fuyumi, but just leave it be. There are some things that should remain in the past."

Fuyumi loved Masahiko as he was, and that included his sternness and reserved personality. Although she had grown fond of her "brother-in-law" Katou Youji, she could not picture Masahiko with Youji-san's bouncy exuberance, nor would she want him to be that way. But still, sometimes she wished that Masahiko could allow himself to relax his iron self-control just a little--somewhere outside of the marriage bed, which was the only place that he did seem to let go of that control.

Fuyumi flushed slightly as she remembered the first time that they had made love, and how she had been surprised--though not in a bad way--by what a passionate lover he was.

However, those thoughts were a distraction right now, and she forced her mind back to the situation at hand. "And there are some things that should not remain in the past," she retorted. "This is one of them." She went to retrieve the sketchbook, which she had hidden away on the bottom shelf of the bookcase in the study. She placed it on the desk and opened it to a series of sketches of a baby Kyousuke: crying, laughing, and taking his first wobbly step on his little toddler legs.

"You have so much talent that it's a crime to waste it!" she cried.

"Someone had to take over the family business, and it was obvious that Kyousuke was too selfish to do it!" Masahiko snapped. He paused, then added gruffly, "Besides, even if he were willing, I am the eldest son and heir, and I wouldn't push off my responsibilities onto him."

A realization suddenly dawned on Fuyumi. "Hisako-san said that Mother and Father were thinking of naming Kyousuke the successor so that you could study art. Is that why you gave it up, so that Kyousuke wouldn't have to be the one to give up his dreams?"

Masahiko blushed, then turned away and growled, "You're talking nonsense, Fuyumi! I never supported his desire to become an actor--it was a foolish, selfish dream! I took over the business because I knew that Kyousuke would run it into the ground if he tried to succeed Father."

There was truth in his words--he really did believe that acting was a frivolous profession--but it was only a partial truth; Fuyumi was as certain of that as she was of his innate kindness. She wrapped her arms around him from behind and leaned against his back, drawing comfort from the warmth of his body.

"I love you," she whispered.

He sighed, and she felt the anger draining out of him, leaving behind a sense of weary resignation. He rested one of his hands on hers, which were clasped around his waist, and mumbled, "I love you, too," in a gruff, embarrassed voice. He sounded like a teenage boy confessing his love for the first time; Fuyumi found it adorable and squeezed her arms around him a little more tightly.

Reluctantly, she released him and turned him around to face her. "I'm not saying that you should give up your responsibilities, Masahiko. If you were the kind of man who could do that, you wouldn't be the same man that I loved and married. But can't you still find a way to pursue your dream at the same time?"

"It's not that simple, Fuyumi," her husband protested. "It's not just a hobby to me--"

"I know that," Fuyumi said gently, clasping his hands in hers. "I would never dismiss it as something so trivial. I can see that you poured your whole heart and soul into your work. I know that you won't be able to study art in Europe, but...can't you still find some time to draw and paint, as you did before? These drawings..." She gestured at the sketchbook. "...and those paintings of Mother and Kyousuke...they were beautiful. They truly warmed my heart. I would love to have a painting of Hina-chan someday, made by these hands." She lifted his hands to her lips and tenderly kissed them.

Masahiko stared at her, with an uncharacteristic open vulnerability in his eyes, and then he turned his head to one side and cleared his throat. "I'll...think about it," he said gruffly. "Come, let's go eat dinner now before it gets cold."

That was as much of a concession as Fuyumi was going to get right now; she knew if she pushed too hard, he would push back and dismiss the idea entirely. So she smiled and nodded, and they went to join the rest of the family. Hisako stared at Masahiko anxiously, but said nothing, and Father gave them both a shrewd look, but didn't press them, either.

***

Their routine went back to normal, and to Fuyumi's disappointment, the paints were tucked away into the closet and went untouched. On the other hand, at least Masahiko hadn't thrown them away, so she counted that as a good sign.

And then, over a week later, Masahiko took Hina to the park while Fuyumi and Hisako were doing some housecleaning. When the chores were done, Fuyumi went to join them and was greeted by a surprising sight.

Masahiko had laid a blanket down on the grass, and Hina was sitting on it, babbling cheerful baby-talk as she played with a set of plastic blocks. Masahiko sat on the blanket with her, a look of intense concentration on his face as he drew Hina's likeness in the new sketchbook Fuyumi had bought him. She looked over his shoulder and marveled at how a few carefully-placed pencil strokes could so perfectly capture Hina's chubby cheeks and bright eyes, and infuse them with a sense of life.

"Those are beautiful!" she exclaimed, dropping down to sit on the blanket beside him. Spotting her mother, Hina discarded the blocks and crawled over to Fuyumi, gurgling happily.

"Now you made her break the pose," Masahiko grumbled, but Fuyumi could tell that he was more embarrassed than angry.

"Babies can't sit still for long, anyway," Fuyumi laughed, gathering Hina up into her arms. "Isn't that right, Hina-chan?" Hina laughed and clapped her little hands together, as if in agreement.

"You hold that pose, then--and Hina-chan," Masahiko ordered, flipping to a blank page and then sketching with renewed zeal.

"Will you let me see it when you're done?" Fuyumi asked.

Masahiko flushed and muttered, "These aren't very good...I'm a little rusty."

"I think they're lovely," Fuyumi said with a smile.

"I can do better," Masahiko insisted. "I haven't done this in years. Let me get some practice in, and when I'm ready, I'll paint a proper portrait of you and Hina-chan."

"I'd like that," Fuyumi said quietly, and Masahiko smiled at her, looking a bit sheepish but happy.

"And maybe you should bring some of your old paintings out of storage," Fuyumi suggested. "I bet that Father would love to have that portrait of Mother."

"You think so?" Masahiko asked, frowning slightly. "It wouldn't make him sad?"

"Perhaps a little," Fuyumi replied. "But I also think that he would see it as a nice tribute to Mother, and a reminder of all the happy times you had together as a family."

"All right, I'll ask him about it when we get back home," Masahiko said agreeably.

In fact, he was being so agreeable that Fuyumi thought it was safe to tease him a bit. "And I bet that Youji-san would like to have one of those portraits of Kyousuke!"

"Never!" Masahiko shouted vehemently. "I'll never give one of my precious paintings to that pervert!"

Fuyumi burst into laughter, and several people nearby turned to stare at them oddly. Masahiko flushed again, embarrassed by his outburst, and hunched over his sketchbook.

"Hmph!" he snorted, and Fuyumi laughed again, a little more softly this time. He looked up and glared at her for a moment, but she smiled affectionately at him and Hina giggled. Masahiko heaved a long-suffering sigh, then shook his head and resumed his drawing. But as he bent his head down over the sketchbook, he couldn't quite hide the small smile that crossed his lips.

THE END

***

Afterword: I had Hisako call both Fuyumi and the late Mrs. Iwaki by the title "Mistress," but when I went back and checked the BeBeautiful translation, they used the term "Madam" instead. So I was going to change it, but when I referred to Iwaki's mother as "the Madam," it sort of sounded like the Iwaki family business was a brothel! (Of course, we don't know what the family business is, but it probably isn't that, cracky plot bunnies aside.) So I ended up sticking with "Mistress," which might have other unfortunate connotations, but we'll just overlook them, shall we? ~_^

I remember reading in the translation notes of some manga--it may have been XXXholic--that some old traditional Japanese estates have a storage building on the property, and that seemed to fit the bill for the Iwaki family.

This could be a stand-alone story, or it could eventually fit into the "Comeback" series universe. I was entertaining a vague plot bunny about Father-Iwaki meeting Onozuka's widowed grandmother and the two of them hitting it off, much to Onozuka's horror, so I threw in the line about Mrs. Iwaki telling Fuyumi to let Father-Iwaki know that it was okay to remarry someday.

Masahiko screams "repressed gay character" to me at times, so the only problem with writing this fic is that now I like Fuyumi too much to have them divorce so that I can set Masahiko up with WMLM Iwaki some smexy guy! (Even if I did also find another smexy guy Yoshizumi Kaneko little brother Kikuchi to set her up with.)