FIC: Unmasked, Part 10 of 25

[geri_chan]

Title: Unmasked, Part 10 of 25
Rating: NC-17 overall
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Kikuchi/Onozuka, Miyasaka/Onozuka
Characters: Kikuchi, Onozuka, Miyasaka
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Word count: ~6,360
Sequel to: Unexpected Opportunities, Comeback (Part 1 and Part 2), Forgiveness, Firsts, First Date (Part 1 and Part 2), Going Steady (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6), Audition (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Cookout (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Press Conference (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Sanctuary, The Prince vs. the Groupie (Part 1, Part 2), Family Visit: Tokyo (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), Gigolo (Part 1, Part 2), Yoshizumi's Night Out (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Family Visit: Okinawa (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), and Interlude. The series also includes two side-stories that are outside of the main timeline: Valentine's Day Surprise and Strictly Business.
Summary: Miyasaka wants to pursue a relationship with Onozuka, much to Onozuka's dismay; Kikuchi and Onozuka's relationship problems affect their performance on the set.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

***

The quiet but persistent beeping of the travel clock--softer than Onozuka's regular, now broken alarm clock--finally roused Onozuka out of his slumber, and he rolled over in bed and reached out to shut it off. He had hoped to leave for work before Miyasaka woke, but as he stumbled to the bathroom, yawning and rubbing his eyes, the door to Miyasaka's bedroom opened and his friend cautiously poked his head out, saying, "Onozuka? I think we need to talk..."

"Not now," Onozuka said gruffly. "I need to shower and get ready for work." Then he quickly ducked into the bathroom before Miyasaka had time to object.

He was hoping that Miyasaka would give up and let the subject drop, but after he finished showering and got dressed, he found Miyasaka sitting at the kitchen table waiting for him. He had made coffee and even cooked breakfast--there were plates of toast and sunny-side eggs laid out on the table.

"Sit," Miyasaka said firmly. "Have some breakfast."

His words sounded more like an order than a request, and Onozuka bristled, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at his friend. "Miya-chan..." he said warningly.

"Come on, Onozuka," Miyasaka said in a more cajoling tone. "I know you're busy, but you have to eat, don't you? We can talk over breakfast."

"I'm running a bit late," Onozuka lied. "I was just going to grab something at the studio cafeteria."

"Please, Onozuka--this is important!" Miyasaka exclaimed in a voice that was half pleading and half frustrated.

"Fine," Onozuka gave in with a sigh of resignation, since it was obvious that Miyasaka wasn't going to just let this slide. Besides, he was a little touched that Miyasaka had made breakfast for him--even though the toast was slightly burnt and the eggs were slightly runny. He sat down across from Miyasaka and ate a bite of the eggs, thinking wistfully about all the delicious breakfasts that Kikuchi had made for him when he'd been able to sleep over, and then he got annoyed when he remembered that he was supposed to be angry at Kikuchi.

"Look, Miyasaka, I told you to just forget about last night," Onozuka said irritably as tore off a piece of toast and used it to sop up some of the egg yolk, which made the burnt taste slightly more tolerable.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that," Miyasaka replied quietly.

"You aren't thinking things through, Miya-chan," Onozuka warned him. "Mixing sex and friendship is never a good idea; it just screws the friendship up."

"How do you know?" Miyasaka asked suspiciously. "Have you ever slept with a friend before?"

"Well...no," Onozuka admitted. "But that's because I'm smart enough to keep my friendships intact."

"I don't want to lose your friendship," Miyasaka said earnestly. "And to be honest, I'm not sure that I want to be your lover--"

"Then why are we even having this conversation?!" Onozuka snapped.

"Because I'm confused and I'm trying to work things out!" Miyasaka shot back at him. "This isn't easy for me, either, so will you please just listen and let me finish?"

"Fine," Onozuka said sullenly. Miyasaka took a moment to gather his thoughts, and Onozuka began tearing a slice of toast into shreds, letting the crumbs pile up on his plate while he fought the urge to flee.

"I've slept with lots of women," Miyasaka finally said. "But I never really cared about any of them. Oh sure, I've been infatuated a few times, but it was never true love. The closest I ever got to it were my feelings for Iwaki-san, but I guess that wasn't really love, either, or I wouldn't have tried to hurt him like I did."

Onozuka had to bite his lip to keep from snapping at Miyasaka to hurry up and get to the point. Instead, he vented his frustration on the toast, ripping it up a little more viciously.

Maybe Miyasaka noticed, because he cleared his throat and said nervously, "Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I've been wondering what it would be like to make love to someone that I really cared about. Because I do care about you, Onozuka." He hastily added, "As a friend, of course--but after last night I was wondering...do you think it's possible that maybe...we could become something more? I mean, friendship is a type of love, right? So I think it's possible for friendship to turn into a different kind of love--like Ryoko-san and Takenaga-san." He was referring to a secretary and an assistant at the talent agency who had recently gotten married; they had been good friends for a couple of years before their feelings had turned more romantic. "They say that their friendship formed a solid foundation for their relationship."

"Miyasaka, you are not in love with me," Onozuka said impatiently. "It's purely lust. You said yourself when you met Kikuchi that you were trying to figure out if you could be attracted to men other than Iwaki-san. You saw me and Kikuchi having sex and you got turned on--it's as simple as that. It could have been any other two guys and you would've had the same reaction."

"No," Miyasaka replied, quietly but firmly. "I don't think so."

"That's because you don't think, Miyasaka!" Onozuka snapped.

"That's not true," Miyasaka replied, still speaking in that quiet and serious voice. "I stayed up all night thinking about what happened, and about you and me."

"Well then, your brain must really hurt since it's not used to working that hard," Onozuka said snidely, and Miyasaka gave him a hurt, angry look.

"I know I'm not as smart as you, but I'm not stupid! You can really be a jerk sometimes, Onozuka."

"I'm sorry," Onozuka apologized, and he did feel guilty, so he refrained from pointing out all the stupid things Miyasaka had done in the past. "I'm in a bad mood and I took it out on you."

"It's okay," Miyasaka said, his expression immediately softening. "I know that last night was totally weird and awkward..."

"You can say that again!" Onozuka exclaimed, and Miyasaka laughed. The tension eased slightly and it felt for a moment like they were back on familiar ground, two old friends laughing about an embarrassing moment.

Unfortunately, that moment didn't last long. "I know that you think I was just acting on impulse, and in a way, I was," Miyasaka continued. "But you're wrong in saying that I don't really want you and it could have been any guy. Like I said, I stayed up all last night thinking, and I realized that I've been jealous of Kikuchi-san ever since you first started seeing him."

"Of course," Onozuka replied, trying to brush off Miyasaka's concerns. "It's just like how we get annoyed when Katou has to rush back home to Iwaki-san instead of hanging out with us all night like he used to."

"At first that's all I thought it was, too," Miyasaka said. "But I got really annoyed when you started spending all your free time with him, more than I did with Katou. I remember you told me once that I don't appreciate you enough, and you were right. You were always there for me and I took that for granted until suddenly you weren't around anymore, and then it really bothered me."

"Hey, I'll always be there for you, Miya-chan," Onozuka said gently, then tried to lighten the mood by joking, "And you don't have to sleep with me in exchange--I'll do it for free!"

But Miyasaka gave him only a faint, halfhearted smile in return before saying, "I'm serious, Onozuka. It's more than just being put out because my friend doesn't want to go out drinking as much we used to."

"Friends can be jealous of each other, too," Onozuka pointed out. "The women at the agency complain sometimes about how their friends disappear whenever they get a new boyfriend."

"It's more than that," Miyasaka insisted, then hesitated, looking very uncomfortable. "Last night...while I was thinking, I realized something. My type has always been curvy brunettes, but lately I've been sleeping with slim blonde girls--preferably with short hair." He took a deep breath, then continued, "I've been sleeping with girls who look like you, Onozuka."

Onozuka dropped the remains of his toast onto the plate, then pushed back his chair and started to stand up. "I told you that nothing is going to happen between us, Miyasaka, and I meant it," he said in a cold, dangerous voice--the one that usually caused Miyasaka to back off.

But this time Miyasaka refused to be intimidated. He reached out to grab Onozuka's hand and pleaded, "Onozuka, I'm not saying that we should go right out and get married, but can't we at least think things over? I'm trying to tell you that this isn't just a whim on my part, and I think I've had feelings for you for a long time--I just didn't realize it until now!"

Onozuka jerked his hand free, but dropped back down into the chair. "I told you, you're mistaking lust for love!" he snapped. "You're so impressionable--you saw Katou doing Iwaki-san, and then you wanted Iwaki-san for yourself. And then you saw me and Kikuchi having sex, and all of a sudden you want me!" He added in a bitter voice, "But you don't really want me, Miyasaka--like I told you last night, you're like a child coveting a toy that belongs to someone else. I'm only attractive to you because someone else wants me. If I actually broke up with Kikuchi to start dating you, I bet you'd lose interest in no time."

"That's not true!" Miyasaka protested, looking a little hurt. "Is that really what you think of me, Onozuka?"

"I know you, Miyasaka," Onozuka said firmly. "Better than you know yourself, in some ways. I know you believe what you're saying right now, but trust me, if I actually slept with you, you would get bored with me right away, and I don't want to be treated like all the girls that you play with, whose names you can't even remember half of the time." Miyasaka gave him a thoughtful look, and Onozuka hastily continued, "Anyway, the point is moot, because even if you're interested in me, I'm not interested in you--not in that way!"

Miyasaka frowned in concentration, a small crease furrowing his brow, and he said slowly, "But that's not really true, is it, Onozuka? Whatever happened between us last night...you felt it, too. You responded to my touch; you can't deny that."

Onozuka blushed. It was difficult to deny when he knew that Miyasaka had felt how aroused he had been, but he did his best. "Yeah, I got turned on," he admitted grudgingly. "But that was only because you interrupted me and Kikuchi while we were having sex. My body was so aroused that it would have responded to anyone who touched me. It's just a physical reaction, that's all--it doesn't mean anything."

Miyasaka gave him a skeptical and suspicious look. "I don't believe you," he said stubbornly.

"Maybe your ego just can't handle the fact that I'm not falling madly in love with you just because you've convinced yourself that you want me," Onozuka retorted, his upper lip curling in a sneer. He was deliberately trying to provoke his friend, to try and make Miyasaka lose his temper in order to distract him. Miyasaka was usually pathetically easy to manipulate, but for once he didn't rise to the bait. It was a very inconvenient time for him to suddenly gain a bit of maturity!

"You seem to be trying very hard to convince me--and yourself--that you don't want me," Miyasaka replied with another thoughtful frown. "Maybe a little too hard? You've complained in the past that all I talk about is Iwaki-san. Could you be a little jealous of Iwaki-san, the way that I am of Kikuchi-san?"

"You're dreaming, Miya-chan!" Onozuka shouted, then saw a gleam of hope in Miyasaka's eyes, and he realized that he'd given himself away by his reaction, and he silently cursed himself.

"I don't blame you for being freaked out, Onozuka," Miyasaka said earnestly. "I'm a little freaked out myself. But last night...it felt so good being with you. It felt...well...right, somehow. I care about you more than any of the women that I've slept with. And if we care about each other and the sex is good--"

"We haven't had sex yet!" Onozuka interrupted, and Miyasaka grinned at him. Horrified by his unconscious slip of the tongue, he hastily corrected himself, "We haven't had sex period, and we never will!"

"Okay, technically we didn't have sex," Miyasaka conceded. "But we got far enough that we both know it would be good--no, better than good. It would be great!" His face flushed, and his eyes went a little glassy, and Onozuka's horror increased at the realization that his friend was fantasizing about them having sex.

"You don't know that!" Onozuka protested desperately.

"I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you last night," Miyasaka said bluntly. "As I was saying, if we care about each other and we're physically compatible, shouldn't we consider the possibility that we could make a good couple?"

"No!" Onozuka shouted, slamming his hands down on the table emphatically. "You're completely deluded, not to mention a fickle bastard! Not too long ago, you were so in love with Iwaki-san that you couldn't think straight, and now all of a sudden you're in love with me instead?"

Miyasaka gave him a puzzled look. "I gave up on Iwaki-san after you showed me what a terrible thing I had done to him and Katou. That was the whole reason why you arranged for me to see them making love, right? Isn't it a good thing that I'm trying to move on and be with someone else?"

It was difficult to argue with such a reasonable statement, so Onozuka decided to sidestep the issue. "Aren't you forgetting something else, Miyasaka--like the fact that I already have a boyfriend?" he asked sarcastically.

"I thought you said that you didn't want a serious relationship with him," Miyasaka pointed out. "Besides, I sort of got the impression that you broke up with him when you threw him out of the apartment last night."

Which reminded Onozuka of why he was angry with Kikuchi and that he didn't know what to do about Kikuchi's unexpected revelation. He scowled across the table at his friend and replied, "I haven't decided yet what I'm going to do about Kikuchi. But the fact remains that I have been dating him, and now you think you can just waltz in and I'll dump him for you because you've deigned to honor me with your attention?"

Miyasaka pouted, looking hurt, but also a little peevish. "You're twisting around my words to make me sound like a jerk," he complained.

Onozuka patted him on the head in an affectionate but deliberately condescending manner, attempting to restore their relationship back to its normal, familiar mode. "Miya-chan, you're my best friend, but you are a bit of a jerk sometimes."

Instead of rolling his eyes and grumbling good-naturedly as usual, Miyasaka shoved Onozuka's hand away and snapped, "Stop that--I'm not your pet puppy! I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, so the least you can do is to take me seriously!"

Onozuka raised his eyebrows, startled by Miyasaka's vehemence. "Fine," he said coldly. "I'll be perfectly serious with you, then. I might have felt a moment of sexual attraction to you last night, but there is no way in hell that I would ever have a romantic relationship with you."

"Why not?" Miyasaka demanded indignantly.

"Because your ideas about gay relationships are completely messed up," Onozuka retorted. "You think in terms of being 'the man' and 'the woman,' and there is no way that I am going to play the role of the little wifey for you."

Anger turned to confusion as Miyasaka gave him a puzzled look and said, "But...aren't you...well...'the woman' with Kikuchi-san? I mean, last night..." Onozuka leaned over and smacked him hard on the head, and Miyasaka yelped, "Ow!"

"You idiot, that is exactly what I'm talking about!" Onozuka shouted. "I am not 'the woman' in our relationship!"

Miyasaka gaped at him in shock. "Do you mean...that you're usually the one on top?" he asked slowly, as if trying to puzzle out the meaning behind Onozuka's words. "Wow, I totally didn't expect that! I mean, Kikuchi-san seems so, well, masculine..."

"And what, I'm girly in comparison?" Onozuka asked sarcastically in a voice sharp enough to cut, and Miyasaka winced.

"Ah, no, of course not!" Miyasaka hastily tried to backtrack. "I didn't mean it that way at all! It's just...after I saw you guys last night...I just assumed..."

Onozuka sighed impatiently. "It's possible for people to have sex in more than one position, you know! Sometimes he's on top, and sometimes I am. Sometimes we don't fuck at all, but have oral sex or jerk each other off or--" He cut himself off when he noticed that Miyasaka was getting flushed and glassy-eyed again, and decided it would probably be better not to go into too much detail about his sex life. "Anyway, whatever his other faults are, Kikuchi has never tried to treat me like 'the woman.' If I wanted a woman, I would've just slept with a real woman instead of trying to make Kikuchi over into one, and I'm sure he feels the same way."

"Yeah, Kikuchi-san said something like that when I first brought him home," Miyasaka recalled. "I guess I didn't really understand what he meant."

"That's because you're an idiot," Onozuka told him, but with an air of resigned affection rather than real anger. "I can't be with you because if we were a couple, you would expect me to be 'the woman.'" Miyasaka hesitated, and Onozuka persisted, "You wouldn't let me fuck you, right?"

"Well..." Miyasaka squirmed nervously in his seat. "I admit, the idea doesn't really appeal to me. But I know you're not a woman, Onozuka." He smiled wryly and added, "Believe me, I know! Making out with another guy--with you--was very different than being with a woman, but I liked it. Even if I don't want to be on the bottom, you don't seem to dislike it--you certainly seemed to enjoy what Kikuchi was doing to you." He scowled jealously. "So what's the problem?"

"You just don't get it, Miyasaka," Onozuka said, shaking his head in frustration. "If I agreed to be in that kind of relationship with you, we wouldn't be equals anymore, and I can't be with someone who disrespects me."

Miyasaka frowned in confusion. "Okay, you're right--I don't get it. How is preferring a certain position being disrespectful?"

"It's not just a matter of preference," Onozuka said impatiently. "Deep down, you find the idea of some guy sticking his thing into you dirty and distasteful, right?" Miyasaka remained silent, but the way that he wrinkled his nose was confirmation enough. "Yet you're willing to do something dirty and distasteful to me," Onozuka continued, and finally he saw a hint of comprehension beginning to dawn on Miyasaka's face.

"No," Miyasaka tried to protest. "I don't think of it that way. Honestly, I'm not trying to look down on you, Onozuka..."

"I know that you don't mean to, Miya-chan," Onozuka said gently. "But deep down, you do think of being 'the woman' as something shameful, and if I became 'the woman' for you, subconsciously you would start to look down on me even if you didn't intend to."

Miyasaka fell silent, looking thoughtful and chagrined, and Onozuka thought that he'd finally gotten through to his friend. However, he should have remembered how stubborn Miyasaka was, and how he refused to let go once he got fixated on a notion.

"Okay, I think I understand what you mean now," Miyasaka said. "But if we could get around this 'woman' thing somehow..."

"No, you still don't get it!" Onozuka groaned. "You don't want me at all!"

"Are you kidding?!" Miyasaka exclaimed in disbelief. "I've told you how much I want you! Hell, last night you must have felt how much I wanted you!"

"I told you before, you didn't want me until you saw Kikuchi doing me!" Onozuka shouted, losing his temper. "I've been here all along and you've never noticed me--you were too busy chasing after your precious Iwaki-san! I'm only desirable to you now because someone else wants me. If it weren't for Kikuchi, you never would have wanted me, not even if I did a striptease right under your nose! Fruit of the forbidden tree is always more attractive--I bet that in high school, you were the type who always went after the girls who already had boyfriends!"

An involuntary tic in Miyasaka's face gave him away, and he muttered, "Well, that's because they were the hottest girls in the school, so of course they already had boyfriends..."

"Let's say hypothetically that I dump Kikuchi to be with you," Onozuka continued angrily. "Once you didn't have any competition, you'd get bored and go back to screwing women or looking around for some other unattainable guy, and then where the hell would I be? Kikuchi would be gone and you'd be gone, and I'd be left with nothing!"

Miyasaka's eyes widened, another look of comprehension filling his face. "Onozuka," he said in a very gentle, almost pitying voice, "are you afraid that I'll hurt you? I know I never say so, and I take you for granted and all that, but you're my dearest friend and I care about you a lot. I would never--"

Onozuka belatedly realized that he had exposed much more of himself than he'd intended with that little rant, and he was suddenly filled with a stifling, almost paralyzing sense of panic. For a moment, he felt like he couldn't breathe, and he stumbled away from the table with such haste that he knocked his chair over.

Miyasaka mercifully broke off his speech and asked anxiously, "Onozuka, are you all right?"

"No," Onozuka replied and fled to his room.

"Onozuka!" Miyasaka shouted, jumping up to run after him. Onozuka grabbed a duffle bag and began packing it with some clothes and a few other necessities, ignoring Miyasaka's pleas to calm down and talk things over.

"I've done plenty of talking, but you refuse to listen to what I'm saying!" Onozuka snarled as he slung the bag over his shoulder. "I'm going to stay somewhere else for a few days to give your hormones time to cool down."

"But where are you going?" Miyasaka demanded as Onozuka stormed out of the apartment.

The truth was that Onozuka wasn't sure, so he just replied coolly, "It's better if you don't know." Then he left and slammed the door behind him as Miyasaka continued to shout protests.

***

Kikuchi was there when Onozuka arrived at the studio, and Kikuchi gave him a hesitant, worried smile, saying, "Good morning, Onozuka-kun."

Onozuka replied, "Good morning, Kikuchi-san," giving him a bright, charming, and utterly impersonal smile. Kikuchi winced slightly, although no one else seemed to notice anything amiss.

"Can we talk in private for a moment?" Kikuchi murmured.

Aware that other cast and crew members were watching them, Onozuka smiled flirtatiously and leaned in to whisper in a cold voice, "Don't speak to me unless it's work related."

Kikuchi winced again, and he quietly pleaded, "Onozuka-kun..."

At that moment, Asami and Yoshizumi walked by, and Asami teased, "Are you two already whispering sweet nothings into each other's ears?"

"Oh, Kikuchi-san is just being a flirt as always," Onozuka said lightly, and Kikuchi managed a forced smile. Asami laughed, but Yoshizumi gave them a thoughtful look, and Onozuka made a mental note to be more careful around the other actor.

The assistant Hikari walked up to them and said diffidently, "Excuse me, Onozuka-san, Kikuchi-san, but there's been a change in schedule and the director would like to speak to you." She gave Kikuchi a nervous look; she had been skittish of him ever since he'd spoken to her curtly after the love scene where she had let her eyes linger on Onozuka's body a little too long for Kikuchi's liking. Which made Onozuka realize just how often Kikuchi had been jealous over him and that maybe he should have taken it a bit more seriously--but everything was always clear in hindsight.

"Of course, Hikari-chan," Onozuka replied, exerting all his princely charm on the girl, just to annoy Kikuchi. "We'll be right there. Is he in his office?"

Hikari nodded mutely, her face turning a bright red, and Kikuchi shot an annoyed look at both her and Onozuka. Normally Onozuka would have taken a bit of mischievous pleasure in needling his lover, but this time he simply ignored Kikuchi and avoided even looking at him. This was partly to punish Kikuchi, but also partly because he didn't entirely trust himself. Until he figured out what he wanted to do about their relationship, he didn't want to be lulled into forgiveness by one of Kikuchi's devilishly charming, sexy smiles.

So Onozuka and Kikuchi headed over to director's office in silence. Kitamura smiled at them when they walked in, not seeming to sense anything wrong. "I'm glad that you two came in early this morning," he said. "Maybe we can get this done without pushing the rest of the schedule too far back."

Onozuka hadn't actually needed to be at the studio until more than an hour later, but he'd come in early to escape further conversation with Miyasaka. As for Kikuchi, he offered up his own excuse to the director with a slightly strained smile: "I always come in early in hopes of spending as much time as possible with the Prince."

Kitamura chuckled and said, "Well, that works in my favor today. I was editing the beach scenes that we shot in Okinawa, and I noticed that sound isn't as clear as I'd like it to be in certain sections. It seemed okay at the time, but the wind and the surf interfere with the dialogue at times. Your voices are still audible, but especially with the final scene, I want to make sure that the audience feels the full emotional impact, so I'd like the two of you to dub over the affected lines."

"Of course, Kantoku-san," Onozuka replied obediently, although he really wasn't in the mood to do any love scenes with Kikuchi right now. At least it would only be a voice-over, and he wouldn't be required to kiss Kikuchi, or worse, pretend to have sex with him.

Kitamura gave them copies of the specific pages from the script, with the lines that they needed to dub over highlighted. They were given a short time to look over the lines and get into character, but since they were already familiar with the script and Kitamura wanted to finish recording as soon as possible, the preparation time was minimal.

They headed over to the recording studio, but the tension from last night remained between them. Usually Onozuka had no problem getting into character even if he was in a bad mood or disliked his co-star, but he found that playing a love scene with his real life lover was more than a bit awkward when he had just had a fight with that lover.

"I love you, Ryotaro-san, more than anything, but--"

"Stop!" Kitamura interrupted, looking both annoyed and worried. "You sound like actors reading lines off a script, not like two people in love! I know that it's difficult to get the same impact in a sound booth that you had on the beach, but the two of you are professionals and I know that you can do it."

Onozuka and Kikuchi both muttered apologies and tried again, but after a few more botched takes, the director was looking increasingly frustrated and suspicious. "I don't know what the problem is, but the two of you need to get it together!"

Onozuka flushed with shame; he hadn't been scolded by a director like that in years--not since he'd been a green rookie. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I guess that whole mess with my family shook me up more than I thought. Please let me try that line again." He normally despised actors who made excuses for their shortcomings, but he thought that it was better for people to think that he was upset about the tabloid scandal rather than a fight with Kikuchi.

However, Kitamura stared at them thoughtfully, his eyes narrowing behind his thick glasses, and Onozuka had the unsettling suspicion that the director wasn't buying his story. "No," Kitamura said, shaking his head. "We're not going to get anywhere like this. Let's take a short break, and the two of you use the time to work out whatever it is that's bothering you."

The director and the recording engineer left the room, leaving the two actors alone. After a brief, awkward silence, Kikuchi cleared his throat and said, "Yuu, about last night--"

"Not now," Onozuka interrupted curtly. "Not here. And don't call me by name at work where someone might overhear us."

"Onozuka-kun," Kikuchi tried again, giving him a pleading look. "I'm sorry--"

"I said, not now!" Onozuka snapped, and Kikuchi fell silent. Onozuka took a deep breath and then slowly exhaled, trying to calm himself down. He closed his eyes, trying to will himself into the character of Eisuke--a naive and idealistic young man who was completely unlike the cynical and calculating Onozuka. Normally, that was part of the fun--playing roles that were different from himself. That was why he had gotten into acting in the first place, because it had been a welcome escape to become someone, anyone other than Nakata Yuu, dutiful heir to the family confectionery.

The problem, Onozuka finally acknowledged to himself, wasn't the differences between himself and Eisuke--it was the similarities in their current situation. Eisuke was afraid to let himself love Ryotaro, fearing that Ryotaro didn't truly love him in return, and Onozuka was terrified of the mere possibility that he might be falling in love with Kikuchi. He had been content to devote himself to his career and "live like a monk," as Miyasaka put it, and had never wanted the complications of dealing with a serious relationship. But when the opportunity to sleep with his favorite movie star had unexpectedly fallen into his lap, Onozuka had dived in head-first without considering the possible consequences--in hindsight, a serious mistake. That was what he got for letting his childhood hero worship of Kikuchi sway his better judgment.

He was holding back in his performance of Eisuke because the character's emotions touched his own too closely, and he realized that he was going to have to let himself feel those emotions in order to give a performance that would satisfy the director. He opened his eyes and saw Kikuchi staring at him with a worried look on his face. Kikuchi had moved closer to him while he'd been lost in thought, and Onozuka was taken aback to find Kikuchi standing just a couple of feet away from him, close enough to reach out and touch.

"Onozuka-kun," Kikuchi said huskily, and for a moment, Onozuka wanted nothing more than to step forward and close the short distance between them, to hold his lover in his arms and to feel Kikuchi's mouth on his.

But just then, Kitamura and the engineer returned, and Kikuchi and Onozuka both hastily took a step back away from each other.

"Um...should we come back later?" Kitamura asked.

Onozuka fought the urge to blush, while Kikuchi replied smoothly, "No, it's fine. We were just...getting into character."

"I can see that," Kitamura said dryly, and this time Onozuka did blush, but figured what the hell, it was in keeping with his image of the sweet, innocent Prince.

They did the scene again, and this time, Onozuka could feel his longing for Kikuchi creeping into Eisuke's lines. It was so intense that he had to avoid looking directly at Kikuchi's face for fear that he would lose control and give himself away--not just to Kikuchi, but to the director and engineer as well. He had never felt so completely exposed, not even while performing the sex scenes in his underwear. When he said the words "I love you" to Ryotaro/Kikuchi, he could hear his voice tremble, and the director looked pleased, but it wasn't something that Onozuka had feigned for the sake of the character--he literally couldn't keep his voice steady in that moment, and he hated himself for it.

By the time they were done recording, Onozuka felt as if he'd been flayed raw, emotionally speaking--in fact, he would much have preferred a physical beating to this. But finally Kitamura said, "Good work. Kikuchi-san, I need you and Asami-chan to dub over a few more lines, but I'm done with Onozuka-kun for now. You can go take a break; I'll have Hikari-chan let you know when we're ready to begin filming."

"Thank you," Onozuka replied, bowing respectfully, then fled to the solitary refuge of his dressing room to pull himself together and try to get his emotions under control.

***

"Let's take a short break as well," Kitamura told the engineer. "Why don't you go get some coffee?" The other man glanced at Kikuchi, then took the obvious hint and walked out of the room, leaving Kitamura and Kikuchi alone in the studio.

Kitamura was normally an easygoing, laid-back type, but right now he fixed Kikuchi with an intent and disapproving look that wasn't--quite--a glare. "I'm not in on the betting pool, and frankly, I don't care what you and Onozuka-kun do in your private lives--as long as it doesn't affect the movie. I don't know and I don't care whether it's over creative differences or a lover's quarrel, but there's obviously some kind of tension between you two and it's affecting your performances, so you had better fix it."

Easier said than done, Kikuchi thought to himself, but he bowed deeply and said, "I'm sorry; the fault is all mine." He figured that he already had a bad reputation, so there was no reason to put Onozuka's career in jeopardy as well. "I...ah...played a prank on Onozuka-kun that got a little out of hand and in hindsight, wasn't very funny."

Kitamura held up a hand, as if stop any further confessions. "I don't want to know the details, although I'm sure that Asami-chan would love to hear them if you have a pressing need to unburden yourself."

"I'll pass," Kikuchi said with a wry smile. "In any case, I promise that we won't allow our problems to affect our work again."

"Good," Kitamura said. He glanced at his watch and said, "Let's take a break, and I'll be back with Asami-chan in fifteen minutes."

Kitamura walked off, leaving Kikuchi alone with his thoughts. He wasn't entirely sure that he could keep his promise to the director, but at least he and Onozuka had completed all their love scenes, so they could probably manage to keep it together for the rest of the shoot. What Kikuchi was more worried about was the fact that there were only a couple more weeks of filming left, and he wasn't sure that would be enough time to earn Onozuka's forgiveness. Once the movie wrapped, he wouldn't have an excuse to see Onozuka every day, and it would make a reconciliation much more difficult if Onozuka refused to see him or take his calls. He could just camp outside Miyasaka's apartment until Onozuka agreed to talk to him, but the paparazzi would be bound to notice that, and Kikuchi didn't want to be the cause of a potentially career-wrecking scandal, especially so soon after the last one. If he couldn't win Onozuka back before the movie was completed, there was a very good chance that he would never win Onozuka back at all.

No! Kikuchi told himself vehemently. He simply would not allow that to happen. If he could survive the scandal from ten years ago and manage to reforge a successful career, then he couldn't allow himself to be defeated by a simple lover's quarrel--even though there was nothing simple about his relationship with Onozuka. He would start by apologizing, he decided, although he wasn't really sorry that he'd finally confessed his true feelings to his lover. Still, he had handled it badly, and he did regret that, and he certainly regretted what a mess his clever plan had turned into.

"You need to think before you act, Katsuya," his father had told him many times before, and as usual, his father was right. Kikuchi had decided to stake his claim on Onozuka without really considering the consequences of his actions. If an apology would help ease the tension between them, Kikuchi wasn't too proud to apologize as many times as it would take for Onozuka to forgive him.

He knew that it wasn't going to be that easy, of course, and that Onozuka wasn't going to be pacified by a single apology or even several of them, but he had to start somewhere. Since he doubted that Onozuka would talk to him face to face in private right now, he took out his phone and typed up an e-mail.

Part 11

***

Afterword: This was originally one long chapter, but it was too long to fit into a single post, so I had to split it into two. Sorry it was late (again), but Part 12 is already coming nicely, so hopefully that's a good sign! Also, I'm adding a specific "unmasked" tag for this story, since it's already 11 chapters long and no end in sight yet.

Comments

[portisheart.livejournal.com]

poor Onozuka. no place for him to be quiet. at home, a raving Miyasaka wanting to make him his, at work love scenes with the person he feels most awkward with, and too attentive a director..
Kikuchi in this countdown mood adds to the suspense ^^

[geri-chan.livejournal.com]

Haha, now I feel kind of sorry for Onozuka--I really put him through a lot this chapter, didn't I? ~_^

Thanks for the feedback!

[lyingfiend.livejournal.com]

Hello!! This story is awesome!! i started with chapter 1 of Unmasked this morning and i positively cannot stop (it's after lunch now)!! =) =) The plot, characters, dialogue, emotions are all totally believable and in keeping with the manga (crossovers aside, and you make me feel so sympathetic towards both Kikuchi and Onozuka), and i feel as though i'm reading an actual spin-off from Haru =) So, thanks so much for writing this and i can't wait to read more!

i'm so happy that a friend pointed me over to read this =) and i wish you wrote more KatouxIwaki... sigh... =)

[geri-chan.livejournal.com]

i feel as though i'm reading an actual spin-off from Haru =)

Thank you! I love the manga, so that's one of the best compliments I could ever receive! ^_^

Kikuchi/Onozuka is my current obsession, but of course I love Iwaki and Katou too, and I'm sure I'll get around to writing more about them eventually. If you want to check out my masterlist of Haru fics, I do have a couple of stand-alone Iwaki/Katou fics on there, if you haven't seen them yet:

http://geri-chan.livejournal.com/56079.html

Thanks for reading!

[lysanatt.livejournal.com]

Aaaah, this is sooo brilliant. Damn, this is good writing, I'm totally caught up in it. Ouch, poor Miyasaka, he really doesn't get it... but I look forward to see what happens when real, true love hits him at some point. And I definitely look forward to see what Kikuchi is going to do because... oh, he's in for severe punishment before he's back in the Prince's good graces, I predict. Or maybe he just shows up with a metaphorical white horse and sweeps Onozuka off to ravish him into submission...

[geri-chan.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Miya-chan means well but just doesn't get it. But wait till he starts working with Mochimune! (Which will probably happen after this story arc is done.)

Or maybe he just shows up with a metaphorical white horse and sweeps Onozuka off to ravish him into submission...

*snicker* Maybe he should try that because nothing else is working so far! Love that mental image! ^_^

[nursedarry.livejournal.com]

*fixes Miya-chan up with Hikari-chan*

Now, to get Asano laid and we're all sorted. *altruistically volunteers self*

can't wait for the next bit. Epic make-up or tragedy?!

[geri-chan.livejournal.com]

Haha, that's an interesting idea, but I already promised Snapelike that I would eventually hook up Miya-chan with Mochimune. I am fond of Hikari-chan, though! ^_^