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FIC: Unmasked, Part 16 of 25
Title: Unmasked, Part 16 of 25
Rating: NC-17 overall
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Kikuchi/Onozuka, Kenzaki/Yoshizumi
Characters: Onozuka, Miyasaka, Iwaki, Yoshizumi, Kenzaki
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Word count: ~8,470
Warnings: Mild spoilers for the When a Man Loves a Man series
Sequel to: Unexpected Opportunities, Comeback (Part 1 and Part 2), Forgiveness, Firsts, First Date (Part 1 and Part 2), Going Steady (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6), Audition (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Cookout (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Press Conference (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Sanctuary, The Prince vs. the Groupie (Part 1, Part 2), Family Visit: Tokyo (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), Gigolo (Part 1, Part 2), Yoshizumi's Night Out (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Family Visit: Okinawa (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), and Interlude. The series also includes two side-stories that are outside of the main timeline: Valentine's Day Surprise and Strictly Business.
Summary: Miyasaka gets some advice from Iwaki, and Yoshizumi has a disastrous non-date with Kenzaki.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15
***
The phone rang and Iwaki hurried to pick it up, thinking that it might be Katou, but it was Miyasaka who answered, "Hello, Iwaki-san, is Katou there?"
"No, he left for his location shoot yesterday," Iwaki replied.
"Oh, right, I forgot about that!" Miyasaka exclaimed. "No wonder he wasn't answering his cell. I'm sorry to bother you, Iwaki-san."
Beneath the politeness, he sounded disappointed, and it was unusual for Miyasaka to call their home number rather than Katou's cell, so Iwaki asked, "Did you have something important to discuss with Katou, Miyasaka-kun?" When the other man hesitated, Iwaki added, "About Onozuka-kun, perhaps?"
"Well...yes," Miyasaka confessed sheepishly. "He still hasn't come home yet, and he hasn't returned any of my messages except to say that he's staying with Yoshizumi-san."
"I'm sorry that Katou's not here," Iwaki replied. "He said that he might not be able to call in very often while he's in the Middle East. But I'd be happy to listen if you need someone to talk to, Miyasaka-kun."
"Thanks, Iwaki-san," Miyasaka said gratefully. "I sure could use some advice!"
"Would you like to come over and talk about it over dinner?" Iwaki suggested.
"I'd love to, but it probably wouldn't be a very good idea," Miyasaka said regretfully. "For one thing, Katou probably wouldn't like it." Before Iwaki could respond, Miyasaka added hastily, "Not that I would do anything bad, of course, and I think Katou knows that, but still...it's only natural that he wouldn't want me to be alone with you. And for the sake of our friendship, I should respect his wishes. Besides, if the press finds out that you had a guy over at the house while Katou was gone, you might end up with another scandal like the one with Asano."
"You're right, Miyasaka-kun," Iwaki said with a smile. Miyasaka could still be impulsive and hot-headed, but he was beginning to mature. The old Miyasaka wouldn't have stopped to think things through so carefully, and Iwaki was touched and pleased by Miyasaka's consideration for Katou. Maybe his recent problems with Onozuka had contributed to his newfound introspection.
"Well. we could still talk over the phone if you like," Iwaki said aloud. "Is now a good time for you?"
"Yes," Miyasaka replied. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about me and Onozuka, like Katou said I should."
"And?" Iwaki prompted.
"Katou and Onozuka both thought I'd 'cool off' after a few days, but my feelings are as strong as ever," Miyasaka replied earnestly. "It feels strange to say it, but I think that I really am in love with him, Iwaki-san."
Iwaki wasn't nearly as sure of that. He had no doubt that Miyasaka sincerely believed that he was in love with Onozuka, but there was a difference between thinking that one was in love and actually being in love with someone. Besides, Iwaki was pretty sure that Kikuchi was the one that Onozuka was really in love with, but it might be better if Miyasaka was able to come to that conclusion on his own.
"What does love mean to you, Miyasaka-kun?" Iwaki asked.
"Eh?" Miyasaka replied, clearly taken aback by the question. "Well..." He paused to gather his thoughts and continued, "I guess...wanting the other person more than anything else in the world, so much that no one else can compare to them. Needing that person, the way you need to eat or drink or breathe. Feeling like something's missing when they're not around."
"Those things can be a part of love, but they're not necessarily love in and of themselves," Iwaki said patiently. "They could simply be lust or infatuation or obsession."
"Well then, what do you think love is, Iwaki-san?" Miyasaka asked, sounding genuinely curious.
"What you've described...it's all about how Onozuka-kun makes you feel, not the other way around," Iwaki replied, choosing his words carefully. "I believe that when you love someone, their happiness is always first and foremost in your mind, that their well-being is more important to you than your own." He thought about how Katou would react to that statement and smiled, then corrected himself, "No, that's not quite right--that their well-being is equal to your own, I guess I should say. Katou would say that if I only think about him and don't look after my own health, that I would be hurting him."
There was a long silence, and Iwaki started to wonder if Miyasaka had hung up, but then the younger man said in a very subdued voice, "I see...you're saying that right now I'm only thinking about myself and not Onozuka."
"Yes," Iwaki replied, kindly but firmly. "Being lovers means more than just sharing a bed and having passionate sex. It means having a true partnership where both people support and care about each other." He added in a very gentle voice, "And sometimes...love means letting the other person go if they would be happier without you."
He was expecting Miyasaka to argue with him, but instead, Miyasaka said quietly, "Thank you, Iwaki-san. You've given me a lot to think about," and he hung up.
Iwaki smiled as he placed the receiver back on the phone. He did feel badly for Miyasaka, who was probably going to end up with a broken heart, or at least some hurt feelings. But on the other hand, he was happy to see the hotheaded young man growing up, and thought that Miyasaka would turn out better for it in the long run.
***
Yoshizumi had offered to meet Kenzaki at the museum for the Sharaku exhibit, but Kenzaki insisted on picking him up. "I have a car and we're both going to the same place, so it doesn't make sense for you to waste money coming down separately in a cab," Kenzaki pointed out logically.
And Yoshizumi didn't have a good argument to counter such a reasonable statement, except that having Kenzaki pick him up for an outing felt a bit too much like a date for Yoshizumi's comfort. But if he said that out loud, Kenzaki would either be hurt that Yoshizumi thought he had ulterior motives, or more likely, would just laugh at him for being so silly.
So Yoshizumi politely accepted Kenzaki's offer of a ride, although he did regret it slightly when Onozuka sang out sweetly, "Have a good time!" when Kenzaki arrived to pick him up that morning.
"I'm beginning to wish I'd never offered my couch to him," Yoshizumi grumbled as they drove off.
"He seems a little mischievous, but I'm sure it's all in fun," Kenzaki chuckled. "I don't sense any malice in him."
"Don't let yourself be fooled by the Golden Prince's charm," Yoshizumi said sourly. "That persona is all an act, you know. The real Onozuka-kun is a cold and calculating bastard."
"Well, sure, you've told me how devious he is," Kenzaki replied, sounding puzzled. "But I thought you liked him even though you were annoyed with the revenge he took on Asano. And anyway, I'm not so easily fooled by a bit of surface charm--a host has to be good at reading people."
"It seems like the Prince has won another devotee," Yoshizumi muttered sarcastically, and Kenzaki gave him another puzzled look. Realizing how petty he sounded, Yoshizumi forced himself to smile and say lightly, "Forgive me, Kenzaki-kun; I've been a bit irritable lately. You're right, Onozuka-kun is a nice enough young man, but I'm used to living alone and his mischievousness is starting to get on my nerves. He said that he only needed a place to stay for a few days, but he hasn't shown any signs that he's planning to move out anytime soon."
"Yes, it's difficult to adjust your life to accommodate someone else when you're used to living alone," Kenzaki said sympathetically. "I'm sure that he'll go back home soon, and if not, you can drop a few gentle hints about needing your privacy. I'm sure that there's no shortage of people willing to offer their couch to the Prince, and even if there aren't, I'm sure he earns enough to pay for a hotel room."
"It's fine," Yoshizumi said sheepishly, embarrassed now that he'd made such a fuss. "It's not that much trouble, and I'm sure he'll make up with his roommate soon."
The rest of the car ride felt a bit awkward, although Kenzaki did his best to make casual small talk with the practiced ease of a host, but Yoshizumi relaxed once they got to the museum and his enthusiasm took over.
"This is such a great opportunity!" he exclaimed as he admired the colorful and comical woodblock prints of Kabuki actors. "Sharaku prints are very rare and I could never afford to buy a real original, so being able to see them up close like this is a real treat!"
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki replied, looking pleased. "I get that his prints are expensive because they're rare, but why are they so rare to begin with?"
"Well, his career was very short because he wasn't very popular at the time, so not many prints were made," Yoshizumi explained. "The subject of his portraits were Kabuki actors, and the main audience for those types of prints would be fans of the actors. However, rather than glamorizing the actors, Sharaku was a little too truthful in his art." He flipped open the museum brochure for the exhibition and read a quote from it: "'Sharaku designed likenesses of Kabuki actors, but because he depicted them too truthfully, his prints did not conform to accepted ideas, and his career was short.'"
"Ah, I get it!" Kenzaki exclaimed. "These prints, they're like the photos and posters of pop idols and movie stars that modern day fans buy, with the idols' flaws hidden by make-up or clever lighting, or just airbrushed over. But this Sharaku guy portrayed the actors warts and all."
"That's a pretty apt comparison," Yoshizumi agreed, smiling at the thought of the Golden Prince growing a few warts, then silently chided himself for his pettiness. "Sharaku didn't come to be appreciated as a great artist until well after his death--if he was a single man, that is." Kenzaki looked intrigued, and Yoshizumi explained, "There's a great deal of mystery surrounding him, and no one knows his true identity. One theory is that 'Sharaku' was actually a group of artists rather than a single person. Another is that he was a Noh actor named Saitou Juroubei. There's more about it in here, if you're interested." Yoshizumi tapped the brochure with his forefinger.
"It sounds like his life story would make a good movie, if anyone could figure out what the truth is," Kenzaki said with a grin.
"Actually, there already was a movie made about Sharaku, with Sanada Hiroyuki starring in the title role," Yoshizumi replied wistfully. "Out of necessity, it was mostly speculation and invention, of course, but it was an interesting film."
"Did you audition for the role, Yoshizumi-san?" Kenzaki asked curiously.
"I never even had the chance," Yoshizumi said with a wry smile. "From what I heard, the director had Sanada-san in mind from the start. And even if the role had gone to open auditions, the chances of an unknown actor like me getting the lead role would've been pretty slim."
"You're not unknown," Kenzaki protested loyally.
"Not in the industry, but to the public, I am," Yoshizumi replied philosophically. "If they recognize me, it's in a vague way--'the guy who's in all those samurai dramas' or 'the guy who worked with Iwaki and Katou.' Much as I might wish otherwise, filmmaking is a business, and producers usually want a famous actor in the lead role to ensure a profit at the box office. I understand the reality of it, and for the most part I'm happy with being a supporting actor, but..." Yoshizumi sighed regretfully. "That was one role that I really hated missing out on."
"I'm sorry, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki said. "I know you're okay with not being a leading actor, but I can't help but feel that an opportunity will come up someday where you can show everyone just how good you are. I would really love to see you in a starring role, Yoshizumi-san."
Yoshizumi smiled and patted his shoulder, saying, "It's nice of you to say so, Kenzaki-kun."
"I mean it!" Kenzaki insisted, looking a little hurt. "That wasn't just empty host-talk--I really do think you're a good actor! I enjoy watching your TV shows and movies, and you do a good job in all your roles, but I feel like you haven't reached your full potential yet. I would really love to see you tackle the challenge of a leading role!" Yoshizumi was startled by the passion in his voice, and Kenzaki blushed and ducked his head, muttering, "Sorry, I said too much."
"No, your honesty is what I value about you, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi said sincerely. "I don't really feel like I'm settling for second best by accepting supporting roles, but maybe you're right and I haven't been challenging myself as much as I could have. I promise that I'll give it my all at my next audition, whether the role is big or small!" He smiled warmly at his friend and added, "And it makes me happy that you like my acting so much."
Kenzaki turned even redder and muttered an incoherent response as they moved on to view the next print. It was cute to see the normally smooth and suave host get so flustered--and then Yoshizumi felt a hint of unease as he began to wonder why Kenzaki had gotten so flustered by his words.
But Kenzaki distracted him by asking about the print they were currently viewing, and Yoshizumi explained whom the actors were and which characters they were portraying. By the time he was done, that odd moment had passed, and they took their time enjoying the rest of the exhibition.
"Have you ever been here before?" Yoshizumi asked.
"Just once, for a school field trip years ago," Kenzaki replied.
"Then let's go take a look at the rest of the museum," Yoshizumi urged. "They have a marvelous miniature diorama of Edo, built to scale. It's incredibly realistic and detailed, and I can always find something new no matter how many times I look at it."
"Sure, that sounds like fun," Kenzaki agreed, chuckling. "You're really into all this historical stuff, aren't you, Yoshizumi-san? It's more than just a job for you."
"Well, it started off as just a job," Yoshizumi admitted. "My parents worked in the industry, mainly on historical dramas, so that was naturally my introduction into the acting world. But since I played a lot of characters based on real life historical figures, I started doing research on them to help me understand my roles, and I began to develop a genuine interest in history."
As they left the Sharaku exhibit, they were approached by a woman who called out, "Kenzaki-san!"
Kenzaki instantly assumed his gracious host demeanor and he took her hand in greeting and lifted it to his lips as he bowed. "Natsuki-san, how good to see you," he said smoothly as the woman blushed and giggled. "This is my good friend, Yoshizumi Naotaka. Yoshizumi-san, this lovely lady is Fujishima Natsuki--she works here at the museum."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Yoshizumi said politely. "You must be the one we have to thank for the tickets to today's exhibition."
"Oh, it was no problem at all," Natsuki assured him. "So you must be the friend of Kenzaki-san's who is a fan of Sharaku. I hope that you're enjoying the exhibition."
Yoshizumi gave Kenzaki a quizzical look, but his friend seemed to be avoiding his gaze. "Yes, I'm enjoying it very much," Yoshizumi told Natsuki. "I was just telling Kenzaki-san that it's a wonderful opportunity to be able to view Sharaku's works up close like this."
Natsuki took a closer look at Yoshizumi and exclaimed, "Oh, you're Yoshizumi-san the actor, aren't you?!"
Yoshizumi nodded in acknowledgment, resigning himself to the usual response of "Weren't you supposed to be in 'Winter Cicadas' with Iwaki-san and Katou-san?" or perhaps, "What's it like to work with the Golden Prince?"
But instead, Natsuki surprised him by saying, "I remember now, you were in 'The Kings of Ginza'--I loved that show! You were so great as Hikaru, the top 'King'! Do you think you'll ever do a sequel?"
"Well, I'm afraid it's not up to me," Yoshizumi replied, feeling a little bemused about having a fan gush over him--he was more used to seeing Katou and Iwaki get that type of treatment. "But if the network ever decides to commission a sequel, I'd be thrilled to reprise my role."
"Oh, I hope so!" Natsuki said hopefully. "Actually, that show was how I ended up meeting Kenzaki-san." She giggled sheepishly and explained, "I decided to visit a real host club, just to see what it was like, and I'd heard that the actors had done some research at Rusty Nail, so that was where I went, and well..."
"The rest is history," Kenzaki finished smoothly, and Natsuki giggled again.
"Exactly! And you two must have met through the show, too, right?"
"Yes," Yoshizumi confirmed. "As you said, I came to Rusty Nail with the other actors to do research for the show."
"It was so good to meet you, Yoshizumi-san. I have to get back to work now, but please enjoy the exhibition."
"We will, and thank you again for the tickets," Yoshizumi replied.
"And I hope to see you again soon at Rusty Nail," Kenzaki added with a wink, and Natsuki blushed and replied that of course she would visit again soon.
Once she was gone, Kenzaki said hastily, "Didn't you want to go see that diorama, Yoshizumi-san?"
"Not so fast, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi said, fixing his friend with a stern glare. "You made it sound like your client 'just happened' to give you the tickets, but from what she said, you specifically asked her for them because of me."
"All right, I plead guilty," Kenzaki said placatingly, flashing a charming smile at Yoshizumi. "Don't be mad, Yoshizumi-san. I just wanted to do something nice for you after you gave me those Shisa--they're a big hit at the club, by the way. I could have just bought the tickets, but I knew that Natsuki-san works here, and it makes my clients feel special if they're able to do favors for me. It's not like I was taking advantage of her--the tickets didn't cost her anything, so I figured it was an easy way to make everybody happy."
"I don't care about the cost of the tickets," Yoshizumi said impatiently. "What bothers me is that you lied to me."
"'Lie' is such a harsh word," Kenzaki protested, and Yoshizumi gave him another glare. "All right, so I told a little white lie," Kenzaki confessed with a sigh. "It's just that I didn't want you to feel obligated to me because I got you a gift, or to think that I felt beholden to you over the Shisa. I just wanted to do something nice for you as a friend, to make you happy."
Yoshizumi's anger faded, but he was still confused about why Kenzaki had felt the need to deceive him, even if it was only "a little white lie." Perhaps he had made Kenzaki uncomfortable with his extravagant, impulsive gifts like the Shisa and the kimono he had given to Kenzaki last Christmas, although Kenzaki had seemed amused at the time.
"There's no need to hide things from me," Yoshizumi said quietly. He took Kenzaki's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, then released it before the other museum patrons could notice. "Like I said before, I value your honesty, Kenzaki-kun. I'd be sad if you felt like you couldn't be truthful with me, even it's to spare my feelings."
"You're right, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki mumbled in a chastened voice. "I'm sorry."
"No problem," Yoshizumi replied. "And I really am happy that you thought about me. Are we good now?"
"Sure," Kenzaki said, giving him a relieved smile. Yoshizumi thought that his eyes still looked a little troubled, but before he could be certain of it, Kenzaki turned away, saying, "So let's check out that diorama!"
They marveled over the lifelike diorama, admired some antique kimono and samurai swords, and had fun checking out some of the interactive exhibits--they sat in a rickshaw together, and took turns pedaling an old-fashioned bicycle. Kenzaki seemed to be having a good time, but there was something a little off-kilter about his behavior, something Yoshizumi couldn't quite put his finger on.
After they'd finished touring most of the exhibits, Kenzaki suggested, "How about grabbing some lunch?"
"I could eat," Yoshizumi replied distractedly, still trying to figure out what was bothering him about Kenzaki. "There's a café here in the museum."
"I had someplace nicer in mind," Kenzaki said. "I made reservations at a restaurant." When Yoshizumi hesitated, Kenzaki coaxed, "Aw, come on, Yoshizumi-san--let me treat you to a nice meal before you go back to Kyoto."
"All right," Yoshizumi agreed. However, it wasn't just any restaurant, but a small, exclusive, and no doubt very expensive kaiseki restaurant serving traditional Japanese cuisine. Not that there was anything ostentatious about it--rather, it was the quiet simplicity of the private tatami-floored room that revealed its quality to Yoshizumi's discerning eye. And the dishes--simple, but artfully arranged and delicious--of seasonal fish and vegetables further confirmed Yoshizumi's suspicions.
"Relax, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki told him, as if sensing his thoughts. "I wanted to enjoy a good meal with a good friend, and I assure you, it doesn't cost nearly as much as the Shisa must have!"
"Well, I suppose that I can allow the number-one host to treat me to an expensive meal once in awhile," Yoshizumi laughed, trying to relax as Kenzaki urged. Kenzaki entertained him with some stories about the club and the comical misadventures of the two junior hosts, Kei and Akira, but something still felt off, and Yoshizumi finally realized what it was: Kenzaki's banter was just a little too smooth, a little too practiced.
"I think you're the one who needs to relax," Yoshizumi said, frowning at the younger man. "You're acting like a host trying to impress a client, rather than a friend enjoying a meal with another friend. In fact, you've been acting weird all day. Just what is going on, Kenzaki-kun?"
For a split second, Kenzaki looked panicked before he covered it up with a carefree smile. If Yoshizumi hadn't been watching him so closely, he would have thought he'd imagined it.
"You're imagining things, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki chuckled. "Or maybe I've just been working too hard and forgot to turn off my professional charm!"
"Stop it!" Yoshizumi snapped, suddenly angry at his friend. "Didn't we just agree that it's important to be honest with each other?"
Kenzaki's artificial charm abruptly deflated, leaving him looking tired and sad, and leaving Yoshizumi feeling as if he'd crossed over a line that he shouldn't have, even though Kenzaki was the one acting strangely, not him.
"It's just...I wanted to enjoy the short time we have left before you go back to Kyoto," Kenzaki said quietly. "I wanted to do something special for you, but maybe I was trying too hard."
"You don't have to try so hard," a puzzled Yoshizumi said. "The exhibition, this lunch--all of it was wonderful, but I enjoy just spending time with you, Kenzaki-kun. It's fine with me if we just hang out at the club; you don't have to do anything fancy. Today was like...well, it was almost like a date!" Yoshizumi laughed at that ridiculous notion, then noticed that Kenzaki wasn't laughing at all, and had in fact turned white as a sheet. "Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi whispered, with a feeling of foreboding. "Please tell me that this isn't a date."
Kenzaki attempted a smile, but it came out as more of a pained grimace. "I told myself it would be easy to act like nothing had changed between us, but I guess I'm not such a good actor, after all," he said ruefully. "I can charm my clients, make them believe that I'm whatever they want me to be. But with you, I don't seem to be able to pretend. Maybe because, as you said, our friendship has always been based on honesty."
"Kenzaki-kun?" Yoshizumi whispered in a bewildered voice, wishing now--a little too late--that he had let Kenzaki's odd behavior slide.
The young host drew in a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and lifted his head up almost defiantly, as if he were preparing for battle. "Yoshizumi-san," he said in a determined voice, "we're good together. We have great sex, but more than that, we can laugh together and feel at ease with each other. We feel comfortable being honest and can tell each other anything without having to worry about offending the other's pride. Can't we...shouldn't we...consider the possibility that we could be more than friends?"
"No," Yoshizumi said firmly, fighting a rising surge of panic. He had never expected Kenzaki, of all people, to suddenly turn romantic on him! He tried to keep his voice calm as he continued, "I told you from the start that I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship and casual sex, and you agreed to that."
"I know I did," Kenzaki said a bit impatiently. "But circumstances change. People change, Yoshizumi-san--no one stays the same forever. Haven't you felt it, too, that we've been growing closer during these past few months you've spent in Tokyo?"
He had--Yoshizumi suddenly recalled the moment of unease he'd felt the night he'd showered and slept over at Kenzaki's apartment. It wasn't that he'd felt uncomfortable with Kenzaki, Yoshizumi now realized. On the contrary, what had disturbed him was that it had felt a little too comfortable to stay for an entire night with Kenzaki, instead of just a few hours at a love hotel. He had been too tired for it to fully sink in at the time, but they had begun to anticipate each other's needs, to be able to communicate without words--like lovers instead of friends-with-benefits.
However, that wasn't something that Yoshizumi wanted to admit even to himself, let alone Kenzaki, so instead he tried to change the subject by saying, "Kenzaki-kun, I don't believe that you're really in love with me. I apologize for bringing up such a painful subject, but don't you still have feelings for Shinkawa-kun? Perhaps you're just transferring your feelings for him onto me."
But Kenzaki shook his head without flinching, without the shadow of regret and sorrow that usually fell over his face whenever Shinkawa's name came up in conversation. "No, that was what made me realize how I felt about you, Yoshizumi-san. I ran into Shinkawa and Takaaki the other day, and I felt nothing--no jealousy, no sadness, no pangs of unrequited love. Nothing but a hint of nostalgic affection, the kind you'd feel for an old friend that you'd lost touch with. Because you're the one I care about most now, Yoshizumi-san."
He stared at Yoshizumi with pleading eyes--not unlike Katou's puppy-eyes look, but tempered with sadness. Instead of a bouncy golden retriever, Kenzaki looked more like a stray dog begging for a kind word and maybe a pat on the head, but not really expecting to get either.
"Please don't look at me like that, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi groaned. "You are a dear friend to me, but you know how I feel about romance--"
"I know you've had bad experiences in the past, but you and I don't have to be like that," Kenzaki pleaded. "Were your previous relationships so traumatic that you can't even consider the possibility of falling in love again?"
A few of Yoshizumi's youthful love affairs had ended badly, with harsh words and hurt feelings, but he couldn't really say that they'd been traumatic--not in the sense of having his heart broken so badly that he feared to love again. In fact, he didn't believe that he'd really been in love with his partners, although he had mistaken infatuation for love at the time. No, what had turned him against romance was the sheer inconvenience of it all--having to soothe a lover's hurt feelings, having to adjust his life to accommodate another person. Katou and Iwaki obviously felt like they had gained something by having each other in their lives, but Yoshizumi had always felt like he was losing something by being in a relationship--his freedom, his independence.
"It's not so much that they were traumatic," Yoshizumi said reluctantly, because that might give Kenzaki false hope. It would be easier to say yes, his heart was so scarred that he could never love again, but he had just demanded that Kenzaki be honest with him, so it wouldn't be right to take the easy way out by lying. "But I'm just not cut out for that kind of relationship: the lovers' quarrels and mind games that Kikuchi-san and Onozuka-kun are putting each other through, or the overwhelming jealousy that Katou-kun feels whenever another man so much as looks at Iwaki-kun. I joke a lot about how Katou-kun and Iwaki-kun's sappiness makes me nauseous, but in all seriousness, I would feel smothered by the kind of all-consuming passion that those two have for each other."
"Not all couples are the same, Yoshizumi-san!" Kenzaki exclaimed in frustration. "We don't have to be like Kikuchi and Onozuka, or Iwaki and Katou. I would never play mind games with you--didn't you just say that our friendship works because we're honest with each other? And neither of us is the jealous type. Why should any of that change if we became lovers?" He added in a quieter voice, "There's more than one way of loving someone, Yoshizumi-san, and I certainly don't want to smother you. I understand that your independence is important to you and that you need some time to yourself. We don't have to rush and move in together; we can keep separate apartments like we do now. Hell, we don't even have to live in the same city--I know that you spend most of the year in Kyoto. I'd be willing to consider moving there if things got serious between us, but I'm also willing to make a long distance relationship work if you would feel more comfortable with that. Hell, it's not like Kyoto is that far from Tokyo, anyway--it's only a few hours away by bullet train."
"Distance is not the problem," Yoshizumi argued, although in a way it was. It had been easy to keep Kenzaki at arm's length when they had lived in different cities, but while he'd been living here in Tokyo during filming, he had allowed himself to get a little too close to Kenzaki--and now he was paying the price for that. "It's just...I'm not cut out for love, Kenzaki-kun. It's nothing personal against you; I'm just not capable of having those kinds of feelings for anyone."
"You said that we should be honest with each other," Kenzaki said in his typical blunt manner, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at Yoshizumi. It seemed that he'd quickly gotten over the intimidation he'd felt when first confessing his feelings. "And honestly, my bullshit detector is going off right now," Kenzaki continued. "If your feelings for me really are strictly platonic, that's one thing--although we do have a lot of sex for a supposedly platonic friendship."
"Sex is not the same thing as love!" Yoshizumi insisted.
"No," Kenzaki replied quietly, "it's not. I've had meaningless sex before, and I can tell the difference. There is emotion behind the sex we have--it might not quite be love yet, but there's affection and humor, and sometimes even a bit of tenderness, I think."
"Well, of course," Yoshizumi said uncomfortably. He couldn't in truth deny it, and even if he'd been willing to lie, he didn't want to hurt Kenzaki's feelings--at least, not any more than they would be by Yoshizumi's refusal to make their relationship serious. And then he suddenly recalled Onozuka's warning to him on the night they'd gone to Rusty Nail: "Although you might want to be careful, Yoshizumi-san--I was in a 'not serious' relationship, too, and the other person unexpectedly changed their mind about how serious they wanted to be."
"I care about you, Kenzaki-kun, but only as a friend," Yoshizumi said aloud, silently cursing Onozuka. "I'm sorry if I accidently misled you or gave you the impression that I wanted something more."
"Do you know what I think, Yoshizumi-san?" Kenzaki retorted. "It's not that you can't love me, but that you're afraid to. I didn't expect a guy who risked his life for a roll of film to be such a coward."
"I'm not afraid!" Yoshizumi snapped, his pride stung by Kenzaki's accusation.
"Then prove it!" Kenzaki shot back. "Give us a try. If you're not afraid, then you have nothing to lose, right? At best it works out great and we're happy together, and at worst...well, we gave it our best shot, and we chalk it up to experience and go back to being friends."
"It's not that easy, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi tried to argue. "I'm not afraid for myself, but I don't want to hurt you--"
"I'm willing to take the risk," Kenzaki interrupted, giving him a sharp look that clearly said he thought Yoshizumi was trying to weasel his way out of the situation--which he was. "So don't use concern about me as an excuse. Do you think that I'm not scared, too? Of course I am, but nothing risked, nothing gained. Breaking up with Shinkawa was devastating, but I would rather have my heart broken a hundred times than go through life wrapped in a protective bubble, too scared to let anyone get close to me, always keeping people at arm's length. You might not get hurt that way, but you'll never find true happiness, either. I don't want to live a life of mediocrity, never feeling any emotional highs or lows."
"I am not just coasting through life!" Yoshizumi retorted angrily. "I have plenty of passion--for my work! I'm not interested in romantic relationships, but I do care deeply about my family and friends, including you. That's one reason why I don't want to do this, Kenzaki-kun. You say we can go back to being just friends if things don't work out, but I know from experience that things get complicated after a breakup, and it's not that easy to go back to the way things were."
"I know," Kenzaki said, his voice and expression softening slightly. "Believe me, I know. But as you said, you value my friendship and I value yours, Yoshizumi-san. It might be awkward at first, but I believe that we care about each other enough to work at keeping our friendship alive even if the romance fails. And hell, if I can manage to stay friends with Shinkawa after everything I went through with him, I can certainly manage to stay friends with you!" Kenzaki smiled, affectionately and a bit wistfully at Yoshizumi. "I really did love Shinkawa, and he's a good guy beneath his arrogant exterior. But he could be kind of self-centered at times, and he didn't think about how he was hurting me when he would come to me for comfort every time he and Takaaki had a fight. You're not like that, Yoshizumi-san. You try to be respectful and considerate of other people's feelings--even if you can be a bit clueless at times, especially when it comes to romantic feelings." His smile widened, a glint of humor easing the sadness in his eyes. "You might hurt someone unintentionally, but once you've realized what you've done, you always apologize and do your best to make things right. So I'm confident that our friendship will endure no matter what--all I'm asking is that you give us the chance to take our relationship to the next level." He pleaded in an earnest voice, "I really think we have something special, Yoshizumi-san, and I think that we could make it work."
Yoshizumi felt very humbled and a little guilty, because he wasn't sure that he was any less selfish than Shinkawa had been. He had been using Kenzaki for comfort and casual sex, never stopping to consider that Kenzaki might want something more. Although to be fair, he had made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want a serious relationship, and Kenzaki had said that he felt the same way. But still, he felt as if he should have noticed that Kenzaki's feelings were changing, that he should have been a little more considerate of his friend instead of just thinking about his own needs.
Faced with Kenzaki's pleading eyes and knowing that he had the power to break his friend's heart, Yoshizumi found himself tempted to break his anti-romance policy for the first time in years, and that filled him with a sudden sense of panic, like a wild animal caught in a net. He lurched to his feet without any of his usual grace, nearly falling over as he mumbled incoherently, "I can't...I'm sorry...it just wouldn't work..."
"Yoshizumi-san, wait, let's talk about this!" Kenzaki cried out, looking alarmed.
"I'm sorry," Yoshizumi said helplessly, feeling as if his own heart would break. "I'm so sorry, Kenzaki-kun."
He shoved open the sliding door and fled down the corridor, ignoring Kenzaki's cry of "Yoshizumi-san!" He nearly ran over the woman bringing the next course of their meal, and she just barely managed to keep from dropping the tray as she exclaimed in a startled voice, "Sir, is something wrong?!"
Yoshizumi kept running, leaving Kenzaki to deal with the poor waitress, which would hopefully slow him down and keep him from following, at least until Yoshizumi had the chance to make his escape. He ran for several blocks, barely paying any attention to his surroundings, until finally he had to stop and catch his breath, doubled over and clutching at his side with one hand, panting heavily as passers-by gave him odd looks and a wide berth.
Once he was able to breathe normally, he straightened up and looked around--Kenzaki was nowhere in sight. Either Yoshizumi had managed to lose him or Kenzaki hadn't bothered to follow him in the first place. Yoshizumi told himself that he felt relieved, although he felt a tiny hint of regret in the back of his mind which he firmly squashed before it could take proper shape. It was better this way, Yoshizumi told himself. Kenzaki would be hurt by his rejection, but Kenzaki would be hurt even more in the long run if Yoshizumi gave in to his pleas and started a romance that was doomed to failure because Yoshizumi could never return his feelings--it would be like the whole mess with Shinkawa all over again. No, it was better to nip this firmly in the bud before it even started.
Since going back to the restaurant wasn't an option, Yoshizumi took out his cell phone and called a cab, although he had to stop and look at the street signs to figure out where he was. During the ride home, he found himself nursing a sudden resentment towards Onozuka. Although he knew his feelings were completely irrational, he couldn't help feeling like he'd been infected with the Prince's romantic problems, as if they were contagious. Besides, everything had been fine between him and Kenzaki until he'd taken Onozuka to the host club.
By the time he got home, he'd managed to work up a sense of righteous indignation, and walked into the apartment intending to tell Onozuka that it was time to find another couch to sleep on. Ironically, Onozuka was sitting on said couch watching TV when Yoshizumi walked through the door, but before he could manage to get out a single word of the speech he had planned in the cab, Onozuka jumped up and shouted, "Yoshizumi-san, have you seen the news?!"
"No, I was at the museum all morning," Yoshizumi replied irritably. "Onozuka-kun, we really need to--"
"Then you have to watch this!" Onozuka interrupted, grabbing Yoshizumi's arm and pulling him down onto the couch.
Yoshizumi frowned at the television screen, which was currently playing a commercial for toothpaste being hawked by some generically pretty idol, who was babbling something about her teeth being sparkly white and her breath being minty fresh. "You think I need to brush my teeth?" he asked dubiously.
"No, not the commercial!" Onozuka said impatiently. "The news should be coming back on in just a minute."
"Onozuka-kun, I don't have time for--" Yoshizumi started to protest, but then the news show came back on.
"Getting back to our breaking story," the male newscaster said in a brisk voice, "Nojima Yoshihiko, the president of the InterProduction talent agency, was arrested last night for drug possession. InterProduction is best known for representing actor Iwaki Kyousuke, who is famed not only for his acting skills, which have earned him a Best Actor nomination for this year's Academy Awards, but also for his real life romance with co-star Katou Youji. It is rumored that Iwaki-san's contract with InterPro will expire soon and that he was planning to leave the agency, which is being cited by industry insiders as a possible reason for President Nojima's drug use. Neither InterPro nor Iwaki-san have issued a statement about the matter at this time."
Yoshizumi's anger at Onozuka suddenly seemed petty and insignificant, and was immediately replaced by concern for his friend. "Have you spoken to Iwaki-kun about this?" he asked.
Onozuka shook his head. "I tried calling him, but his phone went straight to voicemail, so I just left a message. I'm sure he's consulting with Shimizu-san and the other staff at InterPro--the entire office must be in an uproar. I couldn't get through to Katou, either, but he's supposed to be filming in a remote location in the Middle East, so that's not surprising. He probably hasn't even heard the news yet."
"I haven't spoken to Katou-kun and Iwaki-kun lately," Yoshizumi said. "Was he really planning to leave InterPro?"
"Yeah, his contract really does expire this year," Onozuka replied. "He was planning to go independent because he and Katou wanted to form their own production company. Katou is still under contract to Sunrise, of course, but he planned to join Iwaki-san when he gained his freedom. As he put it, 'I want to work alongside my beloved Iwaki-san, in order to support each other and control our own destiny.'"
"Ah, that very dramatic and poetic statement really does sound like Katou-kun!" Yoshizumi chuckled.
"Maybe it's good that Iwaki-san is leaving InterPro," Onozuka said thoughtfully. "That way he won't be tied to a tainted name. On the other hand, it could hurt his reputation if he's seen as the cause for the company's downfall."
Trust Onozuka to be able to examine the situation so clinically, even when his own friend is involved, Yoshizumi thought, with a touch of both admiration and distaste for Onozuka's detachment. "Well, either way, Iwaki-kun needs our support right now," he said aloud.
Before Onozuka had a chance to reply, his cell phone rang and he quickly answered it. "Hello, Iwaki-san? I saw the news about President Nojima and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Hang on, Yoshizumi-san is here, too; I'll put you on speaker phone." Onozuka pressed a button on his phone, and Iwaki's voice came through, a little tinny but still audible.
"Yoshizumi-san?" Iwaki said, sounding weary and worried. "I suppose you heard about what happened."
"Yes, I just saw it on the news," Yoshizumi replied. "How are you holding up?"
"It's difficult," Iwaki said. "Not only was I leaving InterPro, but Shimizu-san decided to come along with me. I know that there must be other reasons for the President's drug use, but I can't help worrying that the double loss might have pushed him over the edge."
"Every person is responsible for his or her own actions," Yoshizumi said firmly. "You are not to blame for the President doing something illegal, Iwaki-kun."
"Even so, I'm worried about what will happen to InterPro," Iwaki replied. "I'd feel disloyal abandoning the company in their time of need. Asano-kun asked me today if I really had to go independent now, and said that it was the worst possible time to do it."
"That little snake is just worried about his own ass," Onozuka muttered under his breath.
"I'm sorry, Onozuka-kun, did you say something?" Iwaki asked. "The connection must be bad; I didn't quite catch that."
"It's nothing," Onozuka replied. "Have you spoken to Katou yet?"
"No, and that's partly why I called," Iwaki said. "I've discussed it with Katou's agency and we've agreed not to tell Katou about this until he returns from the Middle East, so please don't say anything to him about it."
Onozuka frowned disapprovingly. "Katou is your lover; doesn't he have the right to know? I can understand why Sunrise wants to conceal this from him, but--"
"It's not just pressure from the agency," Iwaki interrupted. "I want to protect Katou, too. I want him to be able to concentrate on his work without worrying about me, and I don't want him to be distracted while he's in such a dangerous place."
"I still think it's wrong," Onozuka insisted. "You're treating him like a child, making decisions for him without his consent." He turned towards Yoshizumi with a fierce look that seemed to say, "Help me out here!"
"Well, I can understand why you want to protect him, Iwaki-kun," Yoshizumi said very carefully, earning a glare from Onozuka. "However, if your positions were reversed, wouldn't you want to know about something that affected Katou-kun so drastically? He might get a little angry when he finds out that you hid it from him."
"I'd probably want to know, but I'd understand that Katou wanted to protect me," Iwaki replied, and Onozuka rolled his eyes skeptically in response. "His safety is what's most important right now, and I'll accept his scolding later if he gets angry. In any case, it's my decision and I hope the two of you will respect that." In spite of the very polite phrasing of his words, there was steel in his voice and he clearly wasn't going to accept "no" for an answer.
Onozuka opened his mouth to argue further, but Yoshizumi shook his head, and the younger man fell silent, although he scowled at both Yoshizumi and the phone. "Regardless of whether we approve or not, that's something between you and Katou, and it's not our place to interfere," Yoshizumi said. "I understand that you didn't make the decision lightly, and that you have Katou's welfare in mind."
"Thank you, Yoshizumi-san," Iwaki said, sounding relieved. However, there was still a hint of steel in his voice when he asked sternly, "Onozuka-kun?"
"Oh, fine," Onozuka huffed, not very graciously. "I won't say anything, but don't blame me if the two of you get into a fight over it when he comes back."
"If he's alive and well to quarrel with me, I'll be grateful for it," Iwaki replied with complete sincerity. "Thank you for respecting my decision, and thank you both for your concern."
He hung up, and Onozuka turned off the phone, still scowling. "I admire your loyalty to Katou-kun," Yoshizumi said tactfully. "And you may be right about him deserving to know the truth, but in my experience, it's always a bad idea to interfere in a couple's relationship."
"You're right," Onozuka conceded grudgingly. "Even though Katou will probably be upset that Iwaki hid the truth, he would get even angrier at me for criticizing his precious Iwaki-san."
Yoshizumi chuckled. It seemed that Onozuka felt comfortable enough with him to drop the princely facade, or maybe he was simply too distracted by his concern for Katou to keep it up. Either way, he rather liked the petulant but sincere Onozuka more than the smooth, gracious Prince.
Onozuka gave him a suspicious look, and Yoshizumi explained, "Sorry, I wasn't making fun of you, Onozuka-kun. I was just thinking to myself that both you and Iwaki-kun are being protective of Katou in your own ways."
Onozuka glared at him for a moment, then heaved a sigh of resignation. "I'll leave it to Iwaki-san to protect him, then. And to be fair, Katou can be just as stubborn about protecting Iwaki-san as Iwaki-san is about him."
"They're two fools in love," Yoshizumi said with a good-natured shrug. "What can you do?"
"Nothing," Onozuka sighed, throwing up his hands in disgust. "They're hopelessly besotted! Oh, by the way, Yoshizumi-san...was there something you wanted to tell me? It seemed like you were about to say something when you walked in, but we got distracted by the InterPro scandal."
"I don't remember," Yoshizumi lied, feeling a little ashamed about the way he'd blamed all of his problems on Onozuka. Besides, he didn't want to even think about his disastrous "date" with Kenzaki at the moment. "I'm sure it wasn't important. Say, have you had lunch yet?"
"Not yet," Onozuka replied. "You didn't eat with Kenzaki-san?"
"Ah...no," Yoshizumi said. "He had some, er, business to attend to and had to leave early. How about ordering some sushi?"
Onozuka gave him a shrewd, speculative look, but then shrugged and chose not to question Yoshizumi's statement--maybe because he had his own denial to deal with. "Sure, sushi sounds great," was all he said.
Part 17
***
Afterword: The information about Sharaku comes from his Wikipedia entry and from the book mentioned in the afterword for Part 13, The Sasaya Kuninori Version of the Ukiyo-e Ryuikō in Sharaku: The Enigmatic Ukiyo-e Master by Muneshige Narazaki. There really was a movie made called "Sharaku" starring real-life actor Sanada Hiroyuki (most recently seen in the US as Dogen in the TV show "Lost"--an underdeveloped role that wasted his talent, imho, but that's a rant for another day). I don't really know if the director had him in mind for the role or if auditions were held for it, but it seems logical that the director and producers would want a famous actor for the lead role rather than a supporting actor like Yoshizumi. (Although someday I would like to play around with the plot bunny about Mochimune making a Sharaku movie starring Yoshizumi.)
The kimono that Yoshizumi mentions giving to Kenzaki as a present of course comes from Bronze Ribbons' Present Understanding. (As far as I'm concerned, that story is part of "Comeback" canon now! ^_^)
I saw the Edo-Tokyo museum featured on a TV travel show, and it really looked like a cool place, especially for someone like me who loves historical dramas. The diorama is amazing, though you need to use binoculars to pick up on all the marvelous details. The interactive exhibits that Yoshizumi and Kenzaki try out are mentioned on the museum's website.
You can find more about kaiseki ryori here, where it's described as "artistic and gracious Japanese seasonal cuisine" which "uses the fresh ingredients of the season and are cooked in ways that enhance the original taste of the ingredients." Kaiseki restaurants tend to be rather expensive, as Yoshizumi observes.
It is mentioned in Book 7, during the auditions for "Winter Cicadas," that the name of Katou's agency is "Sunrise."
The phone rang and Iwaki hurried to pick it up, thinking that it might be Katou, but it was Miyasaka who answered, "Hello, Iwaki-san, is Katou there?"
"No, he left for his location shoot yesterday," Iwaki replied.
"Oh, right, I forgot about that!" Miyasaka exclaimed. "No wonder he wasn't answering his cell. I'm sorry to bother you, Iwaki-san."
Beneath the politeness, he sounded disappointed, and it was unusual for Miyasaka to call their home number rather than Katou's cell, so Iwaki asked, "Did you have something important to discuss with Katou, Miyasaka-kun?" When the other man hesitated, Iwaki added, "About Onozuka-kun, perhaps?"
"Well...yes," Miyasaka confessed sheepishly. "He still hasn't come home yet, and he hasn't returned any of my messages except to say that he's staying with Yoshizumi-san."
"I'm sorry that Katou's not here," Iwaki replied. "He said that he might not be able to call in very often while he's in the Middle East. But I'd be happy to listen if you need someone to talk to, Miyasaka-kun."
"Thanks, Iwaki-san," Miyasaka said gratefully. "I sure could use some advice!"
"Would you like to come over and talk about it over dinner?" Iwaki suggested.
"I'd love to, but it probably wouldn't be a very good idea," Miyasaka said regretfully. "For one thing, Katou probably wouldn't like it." Before Iwaki could respond, Miyasaka added hastily, "Not that I would do anything bad, of course, and I think Katou knows that, but still...it's only natural that he wouldn't want me to be alone with you. And for the sake of our friendship, I should respect his wishes. Besides, if the press finds out that you had a guy over at the house while Katou was gone, you might end up with another scandal like the one with Asano."
"You're right, Miyasaka-kun," Iwaki said with a smile. Miyasaka could still be impulsive and hot-headed, but he was beginning to mature. The old Miyasaka wouldn't have stopped to think things through so carefully, and Iwaki was touched and pleased by Miyasaka's consideration for Katou. Maybe his recent problems with Onozuka had contributed to his newfound introspection.
"Well. we could still talk over the phone if you like," Iwaki said aloud. "Is now a good time for you?"
"Yes," Miyasaka replied. "I've been doing a lot of thinking about me and Onozuka, like Katou said I should."
"And?" Iwaki prompted.
"Katou and Onozuka both thought I'd 'cool off' after a few days, but my feelings are as strong as ever," Miyasaka replied earnestly. "It feels strange to say it, but I think that I really am in love with him, Iwaki-san."
Iwaki wasn't nearly as sure of that. He had no doubt that Miyasaka sincerely believed that he was in love with Onozuka, but there was a difference between thinking that one was in love and actually being in love with someone. Besides, Iwaki was pretty sure that Kikuchi was the one that Onozuka was really in love with, but it might be better if Miyasaka was able to come to that conclusion on his own.
"What does love mean to you, Miyasaka-kun?" Iwaki asked.
"Eh?" Miyasaka replied, clearly taken aback by the question. "Well..." He paused to gather his thoughts and continued, "I guess...wanting the other person more than anything else in the world, so much that no one else can compare to them. Needing that person, the way you need to eat or drink or breathe. Feeling like something's missing when they're not around."
"Those things can be a part of love, but they're not necessarily love in and of themselves," Iwaki said patiently. "They could simply be lust or infatuation or obsession."
"Well then, what do you think love is, Iwaki-san?" Miyasaka asked, sounding genuinely curious.
"What you've described...it's all about how Onozuka-kun makes you feel, not the other way around," Iwaki replied, choosing his words carefully. "I believe that when you love someone, their happiness is always first and foremost in your mind, that their well-being is more important to you than your own." He thought about how Katou would react to that statement and smiled, then corrected himself, "No, that's not quite right--that their well-being is equal to your own, I guess I should say. Katou would say that if I only think about him and don't look after my own health, that I would be hurting him."
There was a long silence, and Iwaki started to wonder if Miyasaka had hung up, but then the younger man said in a very subdued voice, "I see...you're saying that right now I'm only thinking about myself and not Onozuka."
"Yes," Iwaki replied, kindly but firmly. "Being lovers means more than just sharing a bed and having passionate sex. It means having a true partnership where both people support and care about each other." He added in a very gentle voice, "And sometimes...love means letting the other person go if they would be happier without you."
He was expecting Miyasaka to argue with him, but instead, Miyasaka said quietly, "Thank you, Iwaki-san. You've given me a lot to think about," and he hung up.
Iwaki smiled as he placed the receiver back on the phone. He did feel badly for Miyasaka, who was probably going to end up with a broken heart, or at least some hurt feelings. But on the other hand, he was happy to see the hotheaded young man growing up, and thought that Miyasaka would turn out better for it in the long run.
***
Yoshizumi had offered to meet Kenzaki at the museum for the Sharaku exhibit, but Kenzaki insisted on picking him up. "I have a car and we're both going to the same place, so it doesn't make sense for you to waste money coming down separately in a cab," Kenzaki pointed out logically.
And Yoshizumi didn't have a good argument to counter such a reasonable statement, except that having Kenzaki pick him up for an outing felt a bit too much like a date for Yoshizumi's comfort. But if he said that out loud, Kenzaki would either be hurt that Yoshizumi thought he had ulterior motives, or more likely, would just laugh at him for being so silly.
So Yoshizumi politely accepted Kenzaki's offer of a ride, although he did regret it slightly when Onozuka sang out sweetly, "Have a good time!" when Kenzaki arrived to pick him up that morning.
"I'm beginning to wish I'd never offered my couch to him," Yoshizumi grumbled as they drove off.
"He seems a little mischievous, but I'm sure it's all in fun," Kenzaki chuckled. "I don't sense any malice in him."
"Don't let yourself be fooled by the Golden Prince's charm," Yoshizumi said sourly. "That persona is all an act, you know. The real Onozuka-kun is a cold and calculating bastard."
"Well, sure, you've told me how devious he is," Kenzaki replied, sounding puzzled. "But I thought you liked him even though you were annoyed with the revenge he took on Asano. And anyway, I'm not so easily fooled by a bit of surface charm--a host has to be good at reading people."
"It seems like the Prince has won another devotee," Yoshizumi muttered sarcastically, and Kenzaki gave him another puzzled look. Realizing how petty he sounded, Yoshizumi forced himself to smile and say lightly, "Forgive me, Kenzaki-kun; I've been a bit irritable lately. You're right, Onozuka-kun is a nice enough young man, but I'm used to living alone and his mischievousness is starting to get on my nerves. He said that he only needed a place to stay for a few days, but he hasn't shown any signs that he's planning to move out anytime soon."
"Yes, it's difficult to adjust your life to accommodate someone else when you're used to living alone," Kenzaki said sympathetically. "I'm sure that he'll go back home soon, and if not, you can drop a few gentle hints about needing your privacy. I'm sure that there's no shortage of people willing to offer their couch to the Prince, and even if there aren't, I'm sure he earns enough to pay for a hotel room."
"It's fine," Yoshizumi said sheepishly, embarrassed now that he'd made such a fuss. "It's not that much trouble, and I'm sure he'll make up with his roommate soon."
The rest of the car ride felt a bit awkward, although Kenzaki did his best to make casual small talk with the practiced ease of a host, but Yoshizumi relaxed once they got to the museum and his enthusiasm took over.
"This is such a great opportunity!" he exclaimed as he admired the colorful and comical woodblock prints of Kabuki actors. "Sharaku prints are very rare and I could never afford to buy a real original, so being able to see them up close like this is a real treat!"
"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki replied, looking pleased. "I get that his prints are expensive because they're rare, but why are they so rare to begin with?"
"Well, his career was very short because he wasn't very popular at the time, so not many prints were made," Yoshizumi explained. "The subject of his portraits were Kabuki actors, and the main audience for those types of prints would be fans of the actors. However, rather than glamorizing the actors, Sharaku was a little too truthful in his art." He flipped open the museum brochure for the exhibition and read a quote from it: "'Sharaku designed likenesses of Kabuki actors, but because he depicted them too truthfully, his prints did not conform to accepted ideas, and his career was short.'"
"Ah, I get it!" Kenzaki exclaimed. "These prints, they're like the photos and posters of pop idols and movie stars that modern day fans buy, with the idols' flaws hidden by make-up or clever lighting, or just airbrushed over. But this Sharaku guy portrayed the actors warts and all."
"That's a pretty apt comparison," Yoshizumi agreed, smiling at the thought of the Golden Prince growing a few warts, then silently chided himself for his pettiness. "Sharaku didn't come to be appreciated as a great artist until well after his death--if he was a single man, that is." Kenzaki looked intrigued, and Yoshizumi explained, "There's a great deal of mystery surrounding him, and no one knows his true identity. One theory is that 'Sharaku' was actually a group of artists rather than a single person. Another is that he was a Noh actor named Saitou Juroubei. There's more about it in here, if you're interested." Yoshizumi tapped the brochure with his forefinger.
"It sounds like his life story would make a good movie, if anyone could figure out what the truth is," Kenzaki said with a grin.
"Actually, there already was a movie made about Sharaku, with Sanada Hiroyuki starring in the title role," Yoshizumi replied wistfully. "Out of necessity, it was mostly speculation and invention, of course, but it was an interesting film."
"Did you audition for the role, Yoshizumi-san?" Kenzaki asked curiously.
"I never even had the chance," Yoshizumi said with a wry smile. "From what I heard, the director had Sanada-san in mind from the start. And even if the role had gone to open auditions, the chances of an unknown actor like me getting the lead role would've been pretty slim."
"You're not unknown," Kenzaki protested loyally.
"Not in the industry, but to the public, I am," Yoshizumi replied philosophically. "If they recognize me, it's in a vague way--'the guy who's in all those samurai dramas' or 'the guy who worked with Iwaki and Katou.' Much as I might wish otherwise, filmmaking is a business, and producers usually want a famous actor in the lead role to ensure a profit at the box office. I understand the reality of it, and for the most part I'm happy with being a supporting actor, but..." Yoshizumi sighed regretfully. "That was one role that I really hated missing out on."
"I'm sorry, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki said. "I know you're okay with not being a leading actor, but I can't help but feel that an opportunity will come up someday where you can show everyone just how good you are. I would really love to see you in a starring role, Yoshizumi-san."
Yoshizumi smiled and patted his shoulder, saying, "It's nice of you to say so, Kenzaki-kun."
"I mean it!" Kenzaki insisted, looking a little hurt. "That wasn't just empty host-talk--I really do think you're a good actor! I enjoy watching your TV shows and movies, and you do a good job in all your roles, but I feel like you haven't reached your full potential yet. I would really love to see you tackle the challenge of a leading role!" Yoshizumi was startled by the passion in his voice, and Kenzaki blushed and ducked his head, muttering, "Sorry, I said too much."
"No, your honesty is what I value about you, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi said sincerely. "I don't really feel like I'm settling for second best by accepting supporting roles, but maybe you're right and I haven't been challenging myself as much as I could have. I promise that I'll give it my all at my next audition, whether the role is big or small!" He smiled warmly at his friend and added, "And it makes me happy that you like my acting so much."
Kenzaki turned even redder and muttered an incoherent response as they moved on to view the next print. It was cute to see the normally smooth and suave host get so flustered--and then Yoshizumi felt a hint of unease as he began to wonder why Kenzaki had gotten so flustered by his words.
But Kenzaki distracted him by asking about the print they were currently viewing, and Yoshizumi explained whom the actors were and which characters they were portraying. By the time he was done, that odd moment had passed, and they took their time enjoying the rest of the exhibition.
"Have you ever been here before?" Yoshizumi asked.
"Just once, for a school field trip years ago," Kenzaki replied.
"Then let's go take a look at the rest of the museum," Yoshizumi urged. "They have a marvelous miniature diorama of Edo, built to scale. It's incredibly realistic and detailed, and I can always find something new no matter how many times I look at it."
"Sure, that sounds like fun," Kenzaki agreed, chuckling. "You're really into all this historical stuff, aren't you, Yoshizumi-san? It's more than just a job for you."
"Well, it started off as just a job," Yoshizumi admitted. "My parents worked in the industry, mainly on historical dramas, so that was naturally my introduction into the acting world. But since I played a lot of characters based on real life historical figures, I started doing research on them to help me understand my roles, and I began to develop a genuine interest in history."
As they left the Sharaku exhibit, they were approached by a woman who called out, "Kenzaki-san!"
Kenzaki instantly assumed his gracious host demeanor and he took her hand in greeting and lifted it to his lips as he bowed. "Natsuki-san, how good to see you," he said smoothly as the woman blushed and giggled. "This is my good friend, Yoshizumi Naotaka. Yoshizumi-san, this lovely lady is Fujishima Natsuki--she works here at the museum."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Yoshizumi said politely. "You must be the one we have to thank for the tickets to today's exhibition."
"Oh, it was no problem at all," Natsuki assured him. "So you must be the friend of Kenzaki-san's who is a fan of Sharaku. I hope that you're enjoying the exhibition."
Yoshizumi gave Kenzaki a quizzical look, but his friend seemed to be avoiding his gaze. "Yes, I'm enjoying it very much," Yoshizumi told Natsuki. "I was just telling Kenzaki-san that it's a wonderful opportunity to be able to view Sharaku's works up close like this."
Natsuki took a closer look at Yoshizumi and exclaimed, "Oh, you're Yoshizumi-san the actor, aren't you?!"
Yoshizumi nodded in acknowledgment, resigning himself to the usual response of "Weren't you supposed to be in 'Winter Cicadas' with Iwaki-san and Katou-san?" or perhaps, "What's it like to work with the Golden Prince?"
But instead, Natsuki surprised him by saying, "I remember now, you were in 'The Kings of Ginza'--I loved that show! You were so great as Hikaru, the top 'King'! Do you think you'll ever do a sequel?"
"Well, I'm afraid it's not up to me," Yoshizumi replied, feeling a little bemused about having a fan gush over him--he was more used to seeing Katou and Iwaki get that type of treatment. "But if the network ever decides to commission a sequel, I'd be thrilled to reprise my role."
"Oh, I hope so!" Natsuki said hopefully. "Actually, that show was how I ended up meeting Kenzaki-san." She giggled sheepishly and explained, "I decided to visit a real host club, just to see what it was like, and I'd heard that the actors had done some research at Rusty Nail, so that was where I went, and well..."
"The rest is history," Kenzaki finished smoothly, and Natsuki giggled again.
"Exactly! And you two must have met through the show, too, right?"
"Yes," Yoshizumi confirmed. "As you said, I came to Rusty Nail with the other actors to do research for the show."
"It was so good to meet you, Yoshizumi-san. I have to get back to work now, but please enjoy the exhibition."
"We will, and thank you again for the tickets," Yoshizumi replied.
"And I hope to see you again soon at Rusty Nail," Kenzaki added with a wink, and Natsuki blushed and replied that of course she would visit again soon.
Once she was gone, Kenzaki said hastily, "Didn't you want to go see that diorama, Yoshizumi-san?"
"Not so fast, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi said, fixing his friend with a stern glare. "You made it sound like your client 'just happened' to give you the tickets, but from what she said, you specifically asked her for them because of me."
"All right, I plead guilty," Kenzaki said placatingly, flashing a charming smile at Yoshizumi. "Don't be mad, Yoshizumi-san. I just wanted to do something nice for you after you gave me those Shisa--they're a big hit at the club, by the way. I could have just bought the tickets, but I knew that Natsuki-san works here, and it makes my clients feel special if they're able to do favors for me. It's not like I was taking advantage of her--the tickets didn't cost her anything, so I figured it was an easy way to make everybody happy."
"I don't care about the cost of the tickets," Yoshizumi said impatiently. "What bothers me is that you lied to me."
"'Lie' is such a harsh word," Kenzaki protested, and Yoshizumi gave him another glare. "All right, so I told a little white lie," Kenzaki confessed with a sigh. "It's just that I didn't want you to feel obligated to me because I got you a gift, or to think that I felt beholden to you over the Shisa. I just wanted to do something nice for you as a friend, to make you happy."
Yoshizumi's anger faded, but he was still confused about why Kenzaki had felt the need to deceive him, even if it was only "a little white lie." Perhaps he had made Kenzaki uncomfortable with his extravagant, impulsive gifts like the Shisa and the kimono he had given to Kenzaki last Christmas, although Kenzaki had seemed amused at the time.
"There's no need to hide things from me," Yoshizumi said quietly. He took Kenzaki's hand and gave it a quick squeeze, then released it before the other museum patrons could notice. "Like I said before, I value your honesty, Kenzaki-kun. I'd be sad if you felt like you couldn't be truthful with me, even it's to spare my feelings."
"You're right, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki mumbled in a chastened voice. "I'm sorry."
"No problem," Yoshizumi replied. "And I really am happy that you thought about me. Are we good now?"
"Sure," Kenzaki said, giving him a relieved smile. Yoshizumi thought that his eyes still looked a little troubled, but before he could be certain of it, Kenzaki turned away, saying, "So let's check out that diorama!"
They marveled over the lifelike diorama, admired some antique kimono and samurai swords, and had fun checking out some of the interactive exhibits--they sat in a rickshaw together, and took turns pedaling an old-fashioned bicycle. Kenzaki seemed to be having a good time, but there was something a little off-kilter about his behavior, something Yoshizumi couldn't quite put his finger on.
After they'd finished touring most of the exhibits, Kenzaki suggested, "How about grabbing some lunch?"
"I could eat," Yoshizumi replied distractedly, still trying to figure out what was bothering him about Kenzaki. "There's a café here in the museum."
"I had someplace nicer in mind," Kenzaki said. "I made reservations at a restaurant." When Yoshizumi hesitated, Kenzaki coaxed, "Aw, come on, Yoshizumi-san--let me treat you to a nice meal before you go back to Kyoto."
"All right," Yoshizumi agreed. However, it wasn't just any restaurant, but a small, exclusive, and no doubt very expensive kaiseki restaurant serving traditional Japanese cuisine. Not that there was anything ostentatious about it--rather, it was the quiet simplicity of the private tatami-floored room that revealed its quality to Yoshizumi's discerning eye. And the dishes--simple, but artfully arranged and delicious--of seasonal fish and vegetables further confirmed Yoshizumi's suspicions.
"Relax, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki told him, as if sensing his thoughts. "I wanted to enjoy a good meal with a good friend, and I assure you, it doesn't cost nearly as much as the Shisa must have!"
"Well, I suppose that I can allow the number-one host to treat me to an expensive meal once in awhile," Yoshizumi laughed, trying to relax as Kenzaki urged. Kenzaki entertained him with some stories about the club and the comical misadventures of the two junior hosts, Kei and Akira, but something still felt off, and Yoshizumi finally realized what it was: Kenzaki's banter was just a little too smooth, a little too practiced.
"I think you're the one who needs to relax," Yoshizumi said, frowning at the younger man. "You're acting like a host trying to impress a client, rather than a friend enjoying a meal with another friend. In fact, you've been acting weird all day. Just what is going on, Kenzaki-kun?"
For a split second, Kenzaki looked panicked before he covered it up with a carefree smile. If Yoshizumi hadn't been watching him so closely, he would have thought he'd imagined it.
"You're imagining things, Yoshizumi-san," Kenzaki chuckled. "Or maybe I've just been working too hard and forgot to turn off my professional charm!"
"Stop it!" Yoshizumi snapped, suddenly angry at his friend. "Didn't we just agree that it's important to be honest with each other?"
Kenzaki's artificial charm abruptly deflated, leaving him looking tired and sad, and leaving Yoshizumi feeling as if he'd crossed over a line that he shouldn't have, even though Kenzaki was the one acting strangely, not him.
"It's just...I wanted to enjoy the short time we have left before you go back to Kyoto," Kenzaki said quietly. "I wanted to do something special for you, but maybe I was trying too hard."
"You don't have to try so hard," a puzzled Yoshizumi said. "The exhibition, this lunch--all of it was wonderful, but I enjoy just spending time with you, Kenzaki-kun. It's fine with me if we just hang out at the club; you don't have to do anything fancy. Today was like...well, it was almost like a date!" Yoshizumi laughed at that ridiculous notion, then noticed that Kenzaki wasn't laughing at all, and had in fact turned white as a sheet. "Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi whispered, with a feeling of foreboding. "Please tell me that this isn't a date."
Kenzaki attempted a smile, but it came out as more of a pained grimace. "I told myself it would be easy to act like nothing had changed between us, but I guess I'm not such a good actor, after all," he said ruefully. "I can charm my clients, make them believe that I'm whatever they want me to be. But with you, I don't seem to be able to pretend. Maybe because, as you said, our friendship has always been based on honesty."
"Kenzaki-kun?" Yoshizumi whispered in a bewildered voice, wishing now--a little too late--that he had let Kenzaki's odd behavior slide.
The young host drew in a deep breath, squared his shoulders, and lifted his head up almost defiantly, as if he were preparing for battle. "Yoshizumi-san," he said in a determined voice, "we're good together. We have great sex, but more than that, we can laugh together and feel at ease with each other. We feel comfortable being honest and can tell each other anything without having to worry about offending the other's pride. Can't we...shouldn't we...consider the possibility that we could be more than friends?"
"No," Yoshizumi said firmly, fighting a rising surge of panic. He had never expected Kenzaki, of all people, to suddenly turn romantic on him! He tried to keep his voice calm as he continued, "I told you from the start that I wasn't interested in anything more than friendship and casual sex, and you agreed to that."
"I know I did," Kenzaki said a bit impatiently. "But circumstances change. People change, Yoshizumi-san--no one stays the same forever. Haven't you felt it, too, that we've been growing closer during these past few months you've spent in Tokyo?"
He had--Yoshizumi suddenly recalled the moment of unease he'd felt the night he'd showered and slept over at Kenzaki's apartment. It wasn't that he'd felt uncomfortable with Kenzaki, Yoshizumi now realized. On the contrary, what had disturbed him was that it had felt a little too comfortable to stay for an entire night with Kenzaki, instead of just a few hours at a love hotel. He had been too tired for it to fully sink in at the time, but they had begun to anticipate each other's needs, to be able to communicate without words--like lovers instead of friends-with-benefits.
However, that wasn't something that Yoshizumi wanted to admit even to himself, let alone Kenzaki, so instead he tried to change the subject by saying, "Kenzaki-kun, I don't believe that you're really in love with me. I apologize for bringing up such a painful subject, but don't you still have feelings for Shinkawa-kun? Perhaps you're just transferring your feelings for him onto me."
But Kenzaki shook his head without flinching, without the shadow of regret and sorrow that usually fell over his face whenever Shinkawa's name came up in conversation. "No, that was what made me realize how I felt about you, Yoshizumi-san. I ran into Shinkawa and Takaaki the other day, and I felt nothing--no jealousy, no sadness, no pangs of unrequited love. Nothing but a hint of nostalgic affection, the kind you'd feel for an old friend that you'd lost touch with. Because you're the one I care about most now, Yoshizumi-san."
He stared at Yoshizumi with pleading eyes--not unlike Katou's puppy-eyes look, but tempered with sadness. Instead of a bouncy golden retriever, Kenzaki looked more like a stray dog begging for a kind word and maybe a pat on the head, but not really expecting to get either.
"Please don't look at me like that, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi groaned. "You are a dear friend to me, but you know how I feel about romance--"
"I know you've had bad experiences in the past, but you and I don't have to be like that," Kenzaki pleaded. "Were your previous relationships so traumatic that you can't even consider the possibility of falling in love again?"
A few of Yoshizumi's youthful love affairs had ended badly, with harsh words and hurt feelings, but he couldn't really say that they'd been traumatic--not in the sense of having his heart broken so badly that he feared to love again. In fact, he didn't believe that he'd really been in love with his partners, although he had mistaken infatuation for love at the time. No, what had turned him against romance was the sheer inconvenience of it all--having to soothe a lover's hurt feelings, having to adjust his life to accommodate another person. Katou and Iwaki obviously felt like they had gained something by having each other in their lives, but Yoshizumi had always felt like he was losing something by being in a relationship--his freedom, his independence.
"It's not so much that they were traumatic," Yoshizumi said reluctantly, because that might give Kenzaki false hope. It would be easier to say yes, his heart was so scarred that he could never love again, but he had just demanded that Kenzaki be honest with him, so it wouldn't be right to take the easy way out by lying. "But I'm just not cut out for that kind of relationship: the lovers' quarrels and mind games that Kikuchi-san and Onozuka-kun are putting each other through, or the overwhelming jealousy that Katou-kun feels whenever another man so much as looks at Iwaki-kun. I joke a lot about how Katou-kun and Iwaki-kun's sappiness makes me nauseous, but in all seriousness, I would feel smothered by the kind of all-consuming passion that those two have for each other."
"Not all couples are the same, Yoshizumi-san!" Kenzaki exclaimed in frustration. "We don't have to be like Kikuchi and Onozuka, or Iwaki and Katou. I would never play mind games with you--didn't you just say that our friendship works because we're honest with each other? And neither of us is the jealous type. Why should any of that change if we became lovers?" He added in a quieter voice, "There's more than one way of loving someone, Yoshizumi-san, and I certainly don't want to smother you. I understand that your independence is important to you and that you need some time to yourself. We don't have to rush and move in together; we can keep separate apartments like we do now. Hell, we don't even have to live in the same city--I know that you spend most of the year in Kyoto. I'd be willing to consider moving there if things got serious between us, but I'm also willing to make a long distance relationship work if you would feel more comfortable with that. Hell, it's not like Kyoto is that far from Tokyo, anyway--it's only a few hours away by bullet train."
"Distance is not the problem," Yoshizumi argued, although in a way it was. It had been easy to keep Kenzaki at arm's length when they had lived in different cities, but while he'd been living here in Tokyo during filming, he had allowed himself to get a little too close to Kenzaki--and now he was paying the price for that. "It's just...I'm not cut out for love, Kenzaki-kun. It's nothing personal against you; I'm just not capable of having those kinds of feelings for anyone."
"You said that we should be honest with each other," Kenzaki said in his typical blunt manner, crossing his arms over his chest as he glared at Yoshizumi. It seemed that he'd quickly gotten over the intimidation he'd felt when first confessing his feelings. "And honestly, my bullshit detector is going off right now," Kenzaki continued. "If your feelings for me really are strictly platonic, that's one thing--although we do have a lot of sex for a supposedly platonic friendship."
"Sex is not the same thing as love!" Yoshizumi insisted.
"No," Kenzaki replied quietly, "it's not. I've had meaningless sex before, and I can tell the difference. There is emotion behind the sex we have--it might not quite be love yet, but there's affection and humor, and sometimes even a bit of tenderness, I think."
"Well, of course," Yoshizumi said uncomfortably. He couldn't in truth deny it, and even if he'd been willing to lie, he didn't want to hurt Kenzaki's feelings--at least, not any more than they would be by Yoshizumi's refusal to make their relationship serious. And then he suddenly recalled Onozuka's warning to him on the night they'd gone to Rusty Nail: "Although you might want to be careful, Yoshizumi-san--I was in a 'not serious' relationship, too, and the other person unexpectedly changed their mind about how serious they wanted to be."
"I care about you, Kenzaki-kun, but only as a friend," Yoshizumi said aloud, silently cursing Onozuka. "I'm sorry if I accidently misled you or gave you the impression that I wanted something more."
"Do you know what I think, Yoshizumi-san?" Kenzaki retorted. "It's not that you can't love me, but that you're afraid to. I didn't expect a guy who risked his life for a roll of film to be such a coward."
"I'm not afraid!" Yoshizumi snapped, his pride stung by Kenzaki's accusation.
"Then prove it!" Kenzaki shot back. "Give us a try. If you're not afraid, then you have nothing to lose, right? At best it works out great and we're happy together, and at worst...well, we gave it our best shot, and we chalk it up to experience and go back to being friends."
"It's not that easy, Kenzaki-kun," Yoshizumi tried to argue. "I'm not afraid for myself, but I don't want to hurt you--"
"I'm willing to take the risk," Kenzaki interrupted, giving him a sharp look that clearly said he thought Yoshizumi was trying to weasel his way out of the situation--which he was. "So don't use concern about me as an excuse. Do you think that I'm not scared, too? Of course I am, but nothing risked, nothing gained. Breaking up with Shinkawa was devastating, but I would rather have my heart broken a hundred times than go through life wrapped in a protective bubble, too scared to let anyone get close to me, always keeping people at arm's length. You might not get hurt that way, but you'll never find true happiness, either. I don't want to live a life of mediocrity, never feeling any emotional highs or lows."
"I am not just coasting through life!" Yoshizumi retorted angrily. "I have plenty of passion--for my work! I'm not interested in romantic relationships, but I do care deeply about my family and friends, including you. That's one reason why I don't want to do this, Kenzaki-kun. You say we can go back to being just friends if things don't work out, but I know from experience that things get complicated after a breakup, and it's not that easy to go back to the way things were."
"I know," Kenzaki said, his voice and expression softening slightly. "Believe me, I know. But as you said, you value my friendship and I value yours, Yoshizumi-san. It might be awkward at first, but I believe that we care about each other enough to work at keeping our friendship alive even if the romance fails. And hell, if I can manage to stay friends with Shinkawa after everything I went through with him, I can certainly manage to stay friends with you!" Kenzaki smiled, affectionately and a bit wistfully at Yoshizumi. "I really did love Shinkawa, and he's a good guy beneath his arrogant exterior. But he could be kind of self-centered at times, and he didn't think about how he was hurting me when he would come to me for comfort every time he and Takaaki had a fight. You're not like that, Yoshizumi-san. You try to be respectful and considerate of other people's feelings--even if you can be a bit clueless at times, especially when it comes to romantic feelings." His smile widened, a glint of humor easing the sadness in his eyes. "You might hurt someone unintentionally, but once you've realized what you've done, you always apologize and do your best to make things right. So I'm confident that our friendship will endure no matter what--all I'm asking is that you give us the chance to take our relationship to the next level." He pleaded in an earnest voice, "I really think we have something special, Yoshizumi-san, and I think that we could make it work."
Yoshizumi felt very humbled and a little guilty, because he wasn't sure that he was any less selfish than Shinkawa had been. He had been using Kenzaki for comfort and casual sex, never stopping to consider that Kenzaki might want something more. Although to be fair, he had made it clear from the beginning that he didn't want a serious relationship, and Kenzaki had said that he felt the same way. But still, he felt as if he should have noticed that Kenzaki's feelings were changing, that he should have been a little more considerate of his friend instead of just thinking about his own needs.
Faced with Kenzaki's pleading eyes and knowing that he had the power to break his friend's heart, Yoshizumi found himself tempted to break his anti-romance policy for the first time in years, and that filled him with a sudden sense of panic, like a wild animal caught in a net. He lurched to his feet without any of his usual grace, nearly falling over as he mumbled incoherently, "I can't...I'm sorry...it just wouldn't work..."
"Yoshizumi-san, wait, let's talk about this!" Kenzaki cried out, looking alarmed.
"I'm sorry," Yoshizumi said helplessly, feeling as if his own heart would break. "I'm so sorry, Kenzaki-kun."
He shoved open the sliding door and fled down the corridor, ignoring Kenzaki's cry of "Yoshizumi-san!" He nearly ran over the woman bringing the next course of their meal, and she just barely managed to keep from dropping the tray as she exclaimed in a startled voice, "Sir, is something wrong?!"
Yoshizumi kept running, leaving Kenzaki to deal with the poor waitress, which would hopefully slow him down and keep him from following, at least until Yoshizumi had the chance to make his escape. He ran for several blocks, barely paying any attention to his surroundings, until finally he had to stop and catch his breath, doubled over and clutching at his side with one hand, panting heavily as passers-by gave him odd looks and a wide berth.
Once he was able to breathe normally, he straightened up and looked around--Kenzaki was nowhere in sight. Either Yoshizumi had managed to lose him or Kenzaki hadn't bothered to follow him in the first place. Yoshizumi told himself that he felt relieved, although he felt a tiny hint of regret in the back of his mind which he firmly squashed before it could take proper shape. It was better this way, Yoshizumi told himself. Kenzaki would be hurt by his rejection, but Kenzaki would be hurt even more in the long run if Yoshizumi gave in to his pleas and started a romance that was doomed to failure because Yoshizumi could never return his feelings--it would be like the whole mess with Shinkawa all over again. No, it was better to nip this firmly in the bud before it even started.
Since going back to the restaurant wasn't an option, Yoshizumi took out his cell phone and called a cab, although he had to stop and look at the street signs to figure out where he was. During the ride home, he found himself nursing a sudden resentment towards Onozuka. Although he knew his feelings were completely irrational, he couldn't help feeling like he'd been infected with the Prince's romantic problems, as if they were contagious. Besides, everything had been fine between him and Kenzaki until he'd taken Onozuka to the host club.
By the time he got home, he'd managed to work up a sense of righteous indignation, and walked into the apartment intending to tell Onozuka that it was time to find another couch to sleep on. Ironically, Onozuka was sitting on said couch watching TV when Yoshizumi walked through the door, but before he could manage to get out a single word of the speech he had planned in the cab, Onozuka jumped up and shouted, "Yoshizumi-san, have you seen the news?!"
"No, I was at the museum all morning," Yoshizumi replied irritably. "Onozuka-kun, we really need to--"
"Then you have to watch this!" Onozuka interrupted, grabbing Yoshizumi's arm and pulling him down onto the couch.
Yoshizumi frowned at the television screen, which was currently playing a commercial for toothpaste being hawked by some generically pretty idol, who was babbling something about her teeth being sparkly white and her breath being minty fresh. "You think I need to brush my teeth?" he asked dubiously.
"No, not the commercial!" Onozuka said impatiently. "The news should be coming back on in just a minute."
"Onozuka-kun, I don't have time for--" Yoshizumi started to protest, but then the news show came back on.
"Getting back to our breaking story," the male newscaster said in a brisk voice, "Nojima Yoshihiko, the president of the InterProduction talent agency, was arrested last night for drug possession. InterProduction is best known for representing actor Iwaki Kyousuke, who is famed not only for his acting skills, which have earned him a Best Actor nomination for this year's Academy Awards, but also for his real life romance with co-star Katou Youji. It is rumored that Iwaki-san's contract with InterPro will expire soon and that he was planning to leave the agency, which is being cited by industry insiders as a possible reason for President Nojima's drug use. Neither InterPro nor Iwaki-san have issued a statement about the matter at this time."
Yoshizumi's anger at Onozuka suddenly seemed petty and insignificant, and was immediately replaced by concern for his friend. "Have you spoken to Iwaki-kun about this?" he asked.
Onozuka shook his head. "I tried calling him, but his phone went straight to voicemail, so I just left a message. I'm sure he's consulting with Shimizu-san and the other staff at InterPro--the entire office must be in an uproar. I couldn't get through to Katou, either, but he's supposed to be filming in a remote location in the Middle East, so that's not surprising. He probably hasn't even heard the news yet."
"I haven't spoken to Katou-kun and Iwaki-kun lately," Yoshizumi said. "Was he really planning to leave InterPro?"
"Yeah, his contract really does expire this year," Onozuka replied. "He was planning to go independent because he and Katou wanted to form their own production company. Katou is still under contract to Sunrise, of course, but he planned to join Iwaki-san when he gained his freedom. As he put it, 'I want to work alongside my beloved Iwaki-san, in order to support each other and control our own destiny.'"
"Ah, that very dramatic and poetic statement really does sound like Katou-kun!" Yoshizumi chuckled.
"Maybe it's good that Iwaki-san is leaving InterPro," Onozuka said thoughtfully. "That way he won't be tied to a tainted name. On the other hand, it could hurt his reputation if he's seen as the cause for the company's downfall."
Trust Onozuka to be able to examine the situation so clinically, even when his own friend is involved, Yoshizumi thought, with a touch of both admiration and distaste for Onozuka's detachment. "Well, either way, Iwaki-kun needs our support right now," he said aloud.
Before Onozuka had a chance to reply, his cell phone rang and he quickly answered it. "Hello, Iwaki-san? I saw the news about President Nojima and I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Hang on, Yoshizumi-san is here, too; I'll put you on speaker phone." Onozuka pressed a button on his phone, and Iwaki's voice came through, a little tinny but still audible.
"Yoshizumi-san?" Iwaki said, sounding weary and worried. "I suppose you heard about what happened."
"Yes, I just saw it on the news," Yoshizumi replied. "How are you holding up?"
"It's difficult," Iwaki said. "Not only was I leaving InterPro, but Shimizu-san decided to come along with me. I know that there must be other reasons for the President's drug use, but I can't help worrying that the double loss might have pushed him over the edge."
"Every person is responsible for his or her own actions," Yoshizumi said firmly. "You are not to blame for the President doing something illegal, Iwaki-kun."
"Even so, I'm worried about what will happen to InterPro," Iwaki replied. "I'd feel disloyal abandoning the company in their time of need. Asano-kun asked me today if I really had to go independent now, and said that it was the worst possible time to do it."
"That little snake is just worried about his own ass," Onozuka muttered under his breath.
"I'm sorry, Onozuka-kun, did you say something?" Iwaki asked. "The connection must be bad; I didn't quite catch that."
"It's nothing," Onozuka replied. "Have you spoken to Katou yet?"
"No, and that's partly why I called," Iwaki said. "I've discussed it with Katou's agency and we've agreed not to tell Katou about this until he returns from the Middle East, so please don't say anything to him about it."
Onozuka frowned disapprovingly. "Katou is your lover; doesn't he have the right to know? I can understand why Sunrise wants to conceal this from him, but--"
"It's not just pressure from the agency," Iwaki interrupted. "I want to protect Katou, too. I want him to be able to concentrate on his work without worrying about me, and I don't want him to be distracted while he's in such a dangerous place."
"I still think it's wrong," Onozuka insisted. "You're treating him like a child, making decisions for him without his consent." He turned towards Yoshizumi with a fierce look that seemed to say, "Help me out here!"
"Well, I can understand why you want to protect him, Iwaki-kun," Yoshizumi said very carefully, earning a glare from Onozuka. "However, if your positions were reversed, wouldn't you want to know about something that affected Katou-kun so drastically? He might get a little angry when he finds out that you hid it from him."
"I'd probably want to know, but I'd understand that Katou wanted to protect me," Iwaki replied, and Onozuka rolled his eyes skeptically in response. "His safety is what's most important right now, and I'll accept his scolding later if he gets angry. In any case, it's my decision and I hope the two of you will respect that." In spite of the very polite phrasing of his words, there was steel in his voice and he clearly wasn't going to accept "no" for an answer.
Onozuka opened his mouth to argue further, but Yoshizumi shook his head, and the younger man fell silent, although he scowled at both Yoshizumi and the phone. "Regardless of whether we approve or not, that's something between you and Katou, and it's not our place to interfere," Yoshizumi said. "I understand that you didn't make the decision lightly, and that you have Katou's welfare in mind."
"Thank you, Yoshizumi-san," Iwaki said, sounding relieved. However, there was still a hint of steel in his voice when he asked sternly, "Onozuka-kun?"
"Oh, fine," Onozuka huffed, not very graciously. "I won't say anything, but don't blame me if the two of you get into a fight over it when he comes back."
"If he's alive and well to quarrel with me, I'll be grateful for it," Iwaki replied with complete sincerity. "Thank you for respecting my decision, and thank you both for your concern."
He hung up, and Onozuka turned off the phone, still scowling. "I admire your loyalty to Katou-kun," Yoshizumi said tactfully. "And you may be right about him deserving to know the truth, but in my experience, it's always a bad idea to interfere in a couple's relationship."
"You're right," Onozuka conceded grudgingly. "Even though Katou will probably be upset that Iwaki hid the truth, he would get even angrier at me for criticizing his precious Iwaki-san."
Yoshizumi chuckled. It seemed that Onozuka felt comfortable enough with him to drop the princely facade, or maybe he was simply too distracted by his concern for Katou to keep it up. Either way, he rather liked the petulant but sincere Onozuka more than the smooth, gracious Prince.
Onozuka gave him a suspicious look, and Yoshizumi explained, "Sorry, I wasn't making fun of you, Onozuka-kun. I was just thinking to myself that both you and Iwaki-kun are being protective of Katou in your own ways."
Onozuka glared at him for a moment, then heaved a sigh of resignation. "I'll leave it to Iwaki-san to protect him, then. And to be fair, Katou can be just as stubborn about protecting Iwaki-san as Iwaki-san is about him."
"They're two fools in love," Yoshizumi said with a good-natured shrug. "What can you do?"
"Nothing," Onozuka sighed, throwing up his hands in disgust. "They're hopelessly besotted! Oh, by the way, Yoshizumi-san...was there something you wanted to tell me? It seemed like you were about to say something when you walked in, but we got distracted by the InterPro scandal."
"I don't remember," Yoshizumi lied, feeling a little ashamed about the way he'd blamed all of his problems on Onozuka. Besides, he didn't want to even think about his disastrous "date" with Kenzaki at the moment. "I'm sure it wasn't important. Say, have you had lunch yet?"
"Not yet," Onozuka replied. "You didn't eat with Kenzaki-san?"
"Ah...no," Yoshizumi said. "He had some, er, business to attend to and had to leave early. How about ordering some sushi?"
Onozuka gave him a shrewd, speculative look, but then shrugged and chose not to question Yoshizumi's statement--maybe because he had his own denial to deal with. "Sure, sushi sounds great," was all he said.
Part 17
***
Afterword: The information about Sharaku comes from his Wikipedia entry and from the book mentioned in the afterword for Part 13, The Sasaya Kuninori Version of the Ukiyo-e Ryuikō in Sharaku: The Enigmatic Ukiyo-e Master by Muneshige Narazaki. There really was a movie made called "Sharaku" starring real-life actor Sanada Hiroyuki (most recently seen in the US as Dogen in the TV show "Lost"--an underdeveloped role that wasted his talent, imho, but that's a rant for another day). I don't really know if the director had him in mind for the role or if auditions were held for it, but it seems logical that the director and producers would want a famous actor for the lead role rather than a supporting actor like Yoshizumi. (Although someday I would like to play around with the plot bunny about Mochimune making a Sharaku movie starring Yoshizumi.)
The kimono that Yoshizumi mentions giving to Kenzaki as a present of course comes from Bronze Ribbons' Present Understanding. (As far as I'm concerned, that story is part of "Comeback" canon now! ^_^)
I saw the Edo-Tokyo museum featured on a TV travel show, and it really looked like a cool place, especially for someone like me who loves historical dramas. The diorama is amazing, though you need to use binoculars to pick up on all the marvelous details. The interactive exhibits that Yoshizumi and Kenzaki try out are mentioned on the museum's website.
You can find more about kaiseki ryori here, where it's described as "artistic and gracious Japanese seasonal cuisine" which "uses the fresh ingredients of the season and are cooked in ways that enhance the original taste of the ingredients." Kaiseki restaurants tend to be rather expensive, as Yoshizumi observes.
It is mentioned in Book 7, during the auditions for "Winter Cicadas," that the name of Katou's agency is "Sunrise."
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anyway, the chapter was cool, even if unexpected ^^
i see you go back to canon with Iwaki's studio story.. any reason, or just random background ?
as usual, thx for the info part - i'll check some ^^
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And yes, there is reason for going back to canon with the Iwaki/InterPro thing, which should become obvious in the next chapter or two!
Thanks for reading! ^_^
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Hah, it has been a long time since I've been that worked up over a fic. *grins* Brilliantly written conversation between the two; it almost overshadowed Miyasaka's attempt at thinking logically - and almost succeed.
I loved this. I am looking so much forward to hear more about how Yoshizumi is going to handle the situation. As for Onozuka and Kikuchi... I wonder how Kikuchi is going to clean up the mess. I predict severe make-up smooching in the near future! :D
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I predict severe make-up smooching in the near future!
Maybe... *grins slyly*
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Also, think of prompts, because tomorrow is my 5y LJ anniversary, and no matter the hilarious busy-ness of me, I *will* write drabbles! :D
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This has turned into something of an epic; I wonder how many words it is so far and how many more chapters there will be.
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Thanks for reading! ^_^
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What a bunch of complete idiots! Wonderful, beautiful, sweet idiots but still- when Asano us the only one behaving well, SOMETHING is wrong!
*heartsick for all of them*
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