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FIC: Unmasked, Part 17 of 25
Title: Unmasked, Part 17 of 25
Rating: NC-17 overall
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Kikuchi/Onozuka, Iwaki/Katou
Characters: Kikuchi, Onozuka, Miyasaka, Iwaki, Katou
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Word count: ~8,700
Sequel to: Unexpected Opportunities, Comeback (Part 1 and Part 2), Forgiveness, Firsts, First Date (Part 1 and Part 2), Going Steady (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6), Audition (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Cookout (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Press Conference (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Sanctuary, The Prince vs. the Groupie (Part 1, Part 2), Family Visit: Tokyo (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), Gigolo (Part 1, Part 2), Yoshizumi's Night Out (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Family Visit: Okinawa (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), and Interlude. The series also includes two side-stories that are outside of the main timeline: Valentine's Day Surprise and Strictly Business.
Summary: Miyasaka makes a startling proposition to Onozuka, and Kikuchi seeks help from an unlikely source.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16
***
Although Onozuka was worried for Katou's sake (and perhaps even a little for Iwaki's), he was almost grateful for the InterPro scandal because it provided a distraction from his own problems.
And he really needed that distraction because Kikuchi was persistently trying to corner him alone--albeit with an oddly humble and contrite demeanor. Kikuchi kept saying that there was something he needed to say in private, and Onozuka wasn't quite sure whether it was a confession of love or just another apology. He'd already heard plenty of the latter, and he still hadn't decided what to do about the former, so he simply continued avoiding Kikuchi as much as possible.
Onozuka tried to keep up the pretense of playful flirtation in public, but their banter lacked its usual spark, and the crew had begun to take notice. No one said anything to his face, but the whispered gossip behind his back said that the odds on the running bet about himself and Kikuchi had recently shifted in favor of "not a couple."
The crew members weren't the only ones who had noticed. One day a knock sounded at his dressing room door, and expecting Kikuchi, Onozuka tensed up for a moment until he heard Asami's voice asking, "May I speak to you for a minute, Onozuka-kun?"
"Of course," Onozuka replied, hurrying to open the door for her like a gallant prince. "What can I do for you, Asami-chan?"
She walked into the dressing room, and Onozuka would have left the door open in order to guard her reputation, but she motioned for him to close it, so he obeyed. Onozuka just hoped that it wouldn't start any rumors that he'd dumped Kikuchi in favor of Asami.
"I realize it's a bit late to ask, but I was wondering if you had a date to the Academy Awards, Onozuka-kun?" Asami asked.
"No," Onozuka replied. "I've been too busy to think about it." Fujimoto could have found him a suitable escort, of course--any of the young up-and-coming actresses at the agency could have used the publicity--but Onozuka wasn't in the mood to play the role of an attentive date when he was still agonizing over what to do about Kikuchi. "I figured that I'd just go stag," he told Asami.
"Well then, would you like to go with me?" Asami suggested. "I don't have a date, either, so we could go together as friends."
Onozuka was so startled that he forgot to muster up his usual princely graciousness. "Uh...sure, that sounds like fun," he replied sincerely enough. He liked Asami, and since she didn't seem to be interested in him romantically, she wouldn't be hoping for their "date" to lead to something more, which meant that he could relax and enjoy the show. As much as he could with his semi-estranged lover present, anyway.
"But are you sure that Kitamura-kantoku won't mind?" he asked, recalling her apparent relationship with the director.
"I keep saying that Seiya-san and I are just friends," Asami protested. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"It's just that he's so protective of you," Onozuka laughed, although he also recalled the night at the inn when Kitamura had snuck out of his room in the middle of the night. However, Onozuka couldn't reveal that bit of information without revealing his own secret assignation that night, so he kept it to himself.
"As I've said before, that's just his big-brotherly instinct," Asami said dismissively.
"Of course," Onozuka said placatingly. "But even if the two of you are just friends, don't the two of you usually attend awards shows together? That's partly how the rumors got started."
Asami shrugged and replied, "It's just because neither of us was dating anyone, so it was convenient to go together, that's all. I promise that Seiya-san won't mind if you're my escort for the evening."
"Well, if you're sure that he won't be mad at me, then I'd be honored to accompany you, Asami-chan," Onozuka said gallantly.
"But are you sure that Kikuchi-san won't mind if you take someone else to the awards show?" Asami asked slyly, and Onozuka tried to muster up a carefree smile.
"Oh, we're just friends--like you and the director," he said sweetly. "Besides, it would cause a huge commotion, which I wouldn't really mind, but it would upset our managers."
But his acting skills were not up to par, it seemed, because Asami pursed her lips thoughtfully, then said in a more serious voice, "All joking aside, Onozuka-kun, it seems like there's some sort of trouble between you and Kikuchi-san."
"Oh, you're just worried about losing the bet!" Onozuka laughed, but Asami refused to be deterred. There was a spine of steel behind that bubbly, almost air-headed personality that she displayed in public--much like his own "Golden Prince" act, Onozuka suddenly mused, which was perhaps why she was able to see through it now.
"I don't care about the bet," Asami said quietly, giving him a sympathetic look. "I enjoy teasing you about it, of course, but it's all in fun. I consider both you and Kikuchi-san to be my friends, and it bothers me to see that my friends are unhappy. I know that it's none of my business, but Kikuchi-san seemed so miserable that I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't give me any details, but he said that the trouble between you two was all his fault."
Onozuka frowned slightly, trying to puzzle out the meaning behind Kikuchi's words, filtered through Asami's perception. It sounded like Kikuchi was trying to protect him by taking the blame for their quarrel--and it was all his fault, Onozuka thought petulantly. However, the tiny, niggling voice of conscience in the back of his mind reminded him that he'd been deliberately ignoring all the now obvious-in-hindsight signs that Kikuchi wanted to get serious for a very long time.
On the other hand, could Kikuchi have been trying to make himself look noble in Asami's eyes, hoping that she would plead his case with Onozuka?
"He didn't ask me to talk to you," Asami said, apparently picking up on his silent question. "In fact, he asked me not to, saying that it would probably only make things worse. So I apologize for interfering, and I hope that I'm not making things worse, but...whatever he did, Kikuchi-san does seem very sorry about it. Was it really so bad that you can't forgive him?"
Was it? Onozuka wondered, trying to consider the question objectively for the very first time. True, Kikuchi had been out of line to suggest that Miyasaka join them in bed (no matter that he claimed he hadn't meant it), and Onozuka had been furious about it--but part of the anger was at himself, over how much it had upset him when he thought that Kikuchi might seriously have wanted to have sex with someone other than him. And if he was going to be absolutely fair--which he didn't want to be, but if he was, then he would have to admit that he was partly to blame, too, because it had been his own plan to have Miyasaka discover them together, and part of his anger was due to the fact that Kikuchi had not only anticipated his move, but had co-opted it for his own purposes. Onozuka liked to think of himself as a devious schemer, and nothing angered him more than being outsmarted by someone else.
There was also the fact that Kikuchi had deceived him by secretly investigating his past, something that Onozuka had zealously hidden to protect his family. It was a betrayal of trust, and even the saintly Iwaki admitted that Onozuka had a right to be angry about it. For some people, that would be reason enough to break up, but if he was going to be honest with himself, the deceit by itself wasn't completely unforgivable for someone like Onozuka, who made a hobby out of manipulating others. Yes, he had been furious, but under normal circumstances, he would eventually have calmed down and been content to let Kikuchi grovel and pamper him for a week or two before forgiving him.
No, what Onozuka couldn't forgive was that Kikuchi had made Onozuka care about him, to the point where he couldn't think straight and it was even affecting his ability to act with Kikuchi. He prided himself on his ability to control his emotions--unlike Miyasaka--and he had never before allowed his personal feelings to interfere with his work. He could even manage to keep up the public charade that he considered Asano a friend, even though he despised that conniving little snake.
So...maybe the one he was really angry at was himself, for impulsively pursuing Kikuchi without considering the possible consequences, for allowing a casual relationship to become hopelessly complicated. He could have, should have put a stop to things when the first hints of seriousness started emerging, like when Kikuchi gave him a key to the apartment, and certainly after that surprise visit to Kikuchi's family. But he hadn't wanted to give up Kikuchi, so he had pretended not to notice, which meant that the person who'd really been deceiving him was...himself.
Trying to unravel his tangled thoughts and emotions was enough to give Onozuka a headache, and Asami was staring at him anxiously, still waiting for a reply.
"It's not just about what Kikuchi-san did," Onozuka sighed wearily. "I...have some things I need to figure out before I can resolve things with him." He spoke in a gentle voice to soften the sting of his next words: "I really appreciate your concern, Asami-chan, but this is something between him and me."
"I understand," Asami replied, looking disappointed but not offended. "I'm sorry for prying into your personal business."
"It's okay, you were just trying to help," Onozuka said, managing a small but sincere smile. Despite her usual teasing remarks and jokes, she seemed genuinely worried about him and Kikuchi, so he couldn't really resent her.
"Then we're still on for the Academy Awards?" Asami asked.
"Of course," Onozuka replied, recovering enough to give her a gallant, princely smile and bow. "I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
***
The next day, Onozuka got another message from Miyasaka. He had been ignoring his friend's voicemails and e-mails, but this one was a little difference. In a very quiet, serious voice, Miyasaka said, "Onozuka, please come home; we really need to talk. Just listen to what I have to say, and I promise that I'll respect whatever decision you make after that."
Onozuka automatically brought up the "delete" option on the menu, but his thumb hovered over the button on the phone uncertainly. He couldn't sleep on Yoshizumi's couch forever, after all. It sounded like Miyasaka was ready to think rationally, even if he hadn't quite given up hope yet, so maybe it was time to go home and patch things up with him.
He finally deleted the message, but he called Miyasaka immediately after that, and Miyasaka answered with an eager, breathless "Hello?" after two rings, as if he'd been waiting for Onozuka's call.
"Hi, Miya-chan, I got your message," Onozuka said, keeping his voice casual.
"Great," Miyasaka said, sounding very relieved. "Does that mean you're coming home?"
"Yes," Onozuka replied. "As long as you meant what you said about accepting my decision."
"I will," Miyasaka promised solemnly. "As long as you promise to hear me out first."
"Fair enough," Onozuka agreed reluctantly. It sounded like Miyasaka was going to make one last appeal for them to become lovers, so it wasn't something he was looking forward to, but if this was what he needed to do to make things right between them again, he could endure it. "I'll need to stop by Yoshizumi-san's place after work to pick up my stuff, but I'll come home after that."
"I'll pick up something for dinner," Miyasaka offered. "What would you like--sushi? Chinese?"
"I don't care, as long as it's takeout and you're not cooking," Onozuka retorted good-naturedly, and Miyasaka laughed. It felt...comfortable, as if the balance of their friendship had been restored, and Onozuka suddenly felt much more confident about returning home.
"You're so ungrateful," Miyasaka scolded him jokingly. "Fine, takeout it is, then."
"I'll see you tonight, Miya-chan," Onozuka laughed, and hung up with a grin on his face.
***
When Onozuka told Yoshizumi that he was going back home to work things out with Miyasaka, the other actor said, "Well, I'll be sorry to see you go," but there was such a blatant look of relief on his face that Onozuka burst into laughter.
"Yoshizumi-san, forgive my rudeness, but you are never going to win any acting awards with a performance like that!"
"Was I that obvious?" Yoshizumi asked sheepishly.
"Yes, but no offense taken," Onozuka replied, patting him on the shoulder. "You've been a very gracious host, but I'm sure you'd like your privacy back. Thank you very much for the loan of your couch; I really appreciate it."
"No problem," Yoshizumi said, still looking a little sheepish. "You're right, I'll be happy to have my privacy once again, but it was fun having you over."
"Likewise," Onozuka said with a grin. "By the way, tell Kenzaki-san I said 'hello' the next time you see him. I don't know when I'll be able to go, but I'll keep my promise and stop by Rusty Nail again sometime. Maybe I'll bring Miya-chan with me!" Miyasaka was probably going to need some comforting after tonight, Onozuka mused, and maybe it would help him get over his obsession if he realized that he could be attracted to men other than Iwaki and Onozuka.
"Uh...sure," Yoshizumi replied, with a much more strained smile, immediately arousing Onozuka's suspicion and interest. He'd been acting oddly ever since he'd returned from his museum date with Kenzaki, and he suspected they'd had some kind of fight. Poor Kenzaki, Onozuka thought, assuming that the fault probably rested with Yoshizumi. Not out of malice, of course, since Yoshizumi didn't seem to have a malicious bone in his body, but he was completely clueless when it came to romance.
Then again, considering the current state of his own affairs, criticizing Yoshizumi was like the pot calling the kettle black. Onozuka sighed; he felt sorry for Kenzaki, but he needed to take care of his own problems before he could worry about anyone else's.
When he arrived home later that night, he found Miyasaka waiting for him in the living room, fidgeting nervously as he sat on the couch, and he immediately jumped to his feet when Onozuka walked through the door.
"Onozuka!" he exclaimed. "I was afraid you might not show up."
"Hey, I'm a man of my word," Onozuka said lightly, dropping his duffle bag on the floor.
"You're right," Miyasaka said apologetically, although Onozuka had only been joking. "You're a sneaky guy, but you keep your promises."
"Thanks...I think," Onozuka replied dryly. He sat down on the couch and said, "Okay, let's get this over with. I promised to listen to what you have to say, so...I'm listening."
He had expected Miyasaka to sit beside him, but instead his friend remained standing and made an obvious effort to gather his courage, looking like a kid about to give a speech to the entire school, or maybe a new salesman about to make his first sales pitch.
Miyasaka took a deep breath, then exhaled and said, "I've been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone, Onozuka. I thought I was in love with you because you're all I can think about--how much I want you and how much I've missed you." Onozuka opened his mouth to argue, but Miyasaka held up a hand to stop him, saying, "Please, just hear me out till the end, and then you can say whatever you want, but I don't think I have the nerve to make this speech twice."
Miyasaka looked so pleading and desperate that Onozuka bit back the retort that was on his tongue and remained silent, nodding at Miyasaka to continue. With a brief sigh of relief, Miyasaka said, "But when I told Iwaki-san that, he said that showed I was only thinking about myself, not you, and that if you love someone, you're always thinking about their happiness instead of your own."
Onozuka ought to be happy that Iwaki had managed to get Miyasaka to think with his head instead of his hormones, but he couldn't help feeling annoyed that Miyasaka was so quick to take Iwaki's advice when he'd ignored Onozuka's advice plenty of times in the past--including advice that could have kept him from nearly wrecking his friendship with Katou.
"And he was right," Miyasaka continued, not noticing Onozuka's frown because he was hanging his head in shame. "I was being selfish." He looked up and met Onozuka's eyes, saying earnestly, "But I don't want to be! Honestly, Onozuka, I really do care about you, and I want to make you happy." While Onozuka was trying to figure out whether that meant he was giving up or if this was the start of another proposition, Miyasaka took another deep breath, squaring his shoulders and straightening his spine, assuming a rigid stance like that of a soldier facing inspection.
Another proposition, Onozuka decided wearily, and readied himself to hear out Miyasaka's speech and then give him a gentle rejection.
"You said that we couldn't become a couple because I would be looking down on you by treating you like 'the woman.' So...so..." His voice faltered for a moment, then he swallowed hard and said determinedly, "I'll do it." Onozuka gave him a blank look, and Miyasaka blurted out impatiently, "I'll be 'the woman' for you--I'll let you do me!"
Onozuka's jaw dropped open as he gaped at Miyasaka in shock, and Miyasaka stared back at him, spine straight, hands tightly clenched into fists, and eyes filled with equal amounts of resolution and dread. He looked so ridiculously earnest that Onozuka couldn't help himself--he fell over on the couch laughing hysterically.
"Onozuka!" Miyasaka shouted indignantly. "Here I am pouring out my heart to you, telling you that I'll let you do the one thing that I'd never let anyone else do, not even Iwaki-san, and you're laughing at me, you bastard?!"
"I--I'm sorry," Onozuka gasped, and he was, but he couldn't stop laughing, so hard that tears ran down his face. Finally he noticed that Miyasaka's expression had changed from anger to hurt, and he managed to get himself under control. He sat up and brushed the tears from his face with the back of his hand and apologized, "I'm sorry, Miya-chan. I'm a jerk for laughing, but--man, you should have seen your face! You looked like someone facing his own execution, not a guy professing love or even just lust!"
"This isn't easy for me, you know!" Miyasaka snapped. "I never thought I'd even consider letting another guy do me, and to be frank, the idea scares the hell out of me, but I'm trying to show you how serious I am about you!"
"I'm sorry, Miya-chan," Onozuka repeated in a much more gentle voice. He held out his hand, and Miyasaka hesitated for a moment before he reached out and took it. Onozuka tugged gently on his hand and Miyasaka sat beside him on the couch, looking apprehensive.
"I'm very touched by the offer," Onozuka said, patting Miyasaka's hand affectionately before releasing it. "And I know how difficult it must have been for you, but I like my lovers to be willing." This was something of an exaggeration, since Kikuchi was the only real lover he'd had, although he'd had a few one night stands with a handful of women over the years--casual and indifferent sex, at least on Onozuka's part, but the women had been willing enough. "Do you honestly think that I could make love to you, knowing that you were forcing yourself? It would practically be like rape."
"But I don't know what else to do," Miyasaka said helplessly. "I'm not smart like you, and I'm not good with words like Iwaki-san or Katou. This is the only way I know how to prove to you that I really do love you, Onozuka. You and Iwaki-san and Katou all said it's not a shameful thing, to...to be taken. And all three of you seemed to enjoy it, so...maybe if I try it, then I will, too." Despite his words, he looked rather skeptical, but he still seemed determined to carry out his promise if Onozuka was willing to take him up on it.
For one of the few times in his life, Onozuka was at a complete loss for words. He had expected a love confession, and he had been prepared to let Miyasaka down as gently as possible--and more forcefully if necessary. What he hadn't expected was a gesture of this magnitude--almost a sacrifice, really. It was impulsive and impractical and far from subtle, which was typical of Miyasaka, but what was most important was that it seemed to prove Miyasaka's sincerity.
And now Onozuka wasn't quite sure what to do, because all of his calculations had been based on the assumption that Miyasaka was only infatuated with him and that a relationship between them could never work. He still wasn't sure that it could, even if Miyasaka really did love him, but now he was forced to at least consider the possibility.
And oh, Miyasaka's offer was tempting! He considered both Katou and Miyasaka to be his best friends, but Onozuka had known Miyasaka longer and they'd come up through the ranks together at the agency, so Miya-chan held a special place in his heart. After feeling a little neglected ever since they had met Iwaki, it was gratifying to see Miyasaka looking at him the way he had once looked at his precious Iwaki-san. And remembering their brief but passionate make-out session, he knew that sex with Miyasaka would be good if Miyasaka could relax enough to let Onozuka give him pleasure.
But taking a chance on Miyasaka would mean giving up on Kikuchi for good, and Onozuka found himself saying gently, "I'm sorry, Miya-chan, but I can't."
"Why?" Miyasaka demanded. "I want to put your happiness first, but I don't know what's the right thing to do. If you truly can't be happy with me, then I'll give up, but if you're just too scared to give us a chance, then I feel like I ought to keep trying." He laughed, but it was a mirthless and desperate sound. "You're always calling me an idiot, and I guess you're right--I just can't figure you out. So...I'm going to have to trust you, Onozuka, to be honest and tell me what you want. Tell me what I should do, and I'll do it."
Being honest was the last thing that Onozuka wanted to do, but with Miyasaka staring at him with his heart in his eyes, completely and utterly vulnerable, he knew that to lie would be a betrayal of their friendship. "Miya-chan," he said quietly, "I know that even if I turn you down, you'll still be my friend." It wasn't a question, but Miyasaka nodded reluctantly and Onozuka continued, "But if I break up with Kikuchi, he and I..." His voice cracked and faltered, and he had to pause before he was able to finish, "We won't be able to remain friends. I mean, we started off as lovers, so we were never really friends to begin with. Not like you and me."
Miyasaka sighed, looking unhappy but not really surprised. "So it has to be Kikuchi for you?" he asked sadly. "I think that's what Iwaki-san was trying to tell me, only it went over my head--or maybe I already knew, but I just didn't want to admit it."
"I don't know if I'm in love with him," Onozuka whispered. "But I can't seem to give him up."
"I thought we were going to be honest," Miyasaka said wryly, and Onozuka flushed miserably. Miyasaka gave him a more sympathetic look then, and laid his hand gently on the top of Onozuka's head. It was more the sort of thing that Onozuka usually did to Miyasaka than the other way around, but he found it comforting. "Well, never mind," Miyasaka said kindly. "I suppose that's as honest as you can be right now, and I did promise to accept your decision, whatever it was. We'll go back to being just friends and I won't ask you for anything more."
Onozuka, who prided himself on his cleverness and kept Miyasaka around partly because he enjoyed feeling superior to him, felt completely humbled and more than a little ashamed of himself. "Thank you, Keigo-chan," he said softly. "And...I'm sorry." Then he impulsively leaned forward and brushed his lips against Miyasaka's in a tender but chaste kiss.
At least, he hoped that Miyasaka understood the "chaste" part, and Onozuka worried that he might have given his friend false hope when he pulled back and saw Miyasaka blinking at him in surprise. But then Miyasaka smiled at him and said, "Hey, no need to apologize--I'm the one got carried away and started this whole mess."
"That's right," Onozuka said with relief, giving his friend a mock-glare. "It's all your fault!"
"Well, I think it was partly Kikuchi-san's fault, too," Miyasaka grumbled, and Onozuka felt another little surge of panic at the mention of his lover's name; he'd worked out things with Miyasaka, but he wasn't up to dealing with Kikuchi just yet. Miyasaka must have noticed, because he hastily changed the subject and said, "Hey, I bought Chinese for dinner--is that okay with you?"
"Sure," Onozuka replied.
"Oh, and by the way, this is for you," Miyasaka added. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, and handed it to Onozuka.
Onozuka smoothed it out and realized that it was an invoice. "What is this?" he asked.
"The bill to repair the dent in the wall where you threw the clock at Kikuchi-san," Miyasaka replied.
"What?!" Onozuka exclaimed in disbelief. "That barely made a mark, and you're telling me it cost this much to repair? Miyasaka, you totally got ripped off!"
"It was more than 'barely a mark,' and you weren't around to negotiate the bill with the repairman," Miyasaka retorted. "The money came out of my security deposit, and since you're the one who threw the clock, you had better pay me back!"
They both glared at each other for a moment, then suddenly burst out laughing. Their laughter was slightly forced and a little too hearty, but somehow Onozuka wasn't worried. Things would be a little awkward for awhile, but he had enough faith in their friendship to know that they would manage to get past this.
***
Meanwhile, Kikuchi was growing increasingly desperate as the close of filming drew near. Onozuka was still avoiding him, although he seemed more troubled than angry these days. Normally Kikuchi might hope that was a sign that Onozuka was softening towards him, but he suspected that the longer he waited to tell Onozuka that he'd met with Misa and Toshi, the angrier Onozuka was going to be when he finally found out. But Kikuchi couldn't tell Onozuka about it if Onozuka wouldn't talk to him, and it wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to communicate by e-mail.
To make things worse, Onozuka seemed to be growing closer to Yoshizumi, which caused Kikuchi to seethe with jealousy--which was perfectly ridiculous because Yoshizumi had said flat-out that he wasn't attracted to the Prince, and Kikuchi believed him.
Mostly, anyway. Rationally, he knew that it must be true because Yoshizumi wasn't the type to lie about such a thing--or about anything, really. But the less rational part of him found it hard to believe that a gay or bisexual man wouldn't be at least a little captivated by the Prince's golden beauty.
Which was a sign of his own obsession, and how completely he'd become ensnared in his own trap, Kikuchi concluded glumly. If only he could get Onozuka to sit down and listen to him, he thought that he could persuade Onozuka of his sincerity and convince him to give their relationship a chance. At least, Kikuchi hoped so--he was no longer confident of his own powers of persuasion, but it was the best shot he had. Things like flowers, wine, or home-cooked meals weren't going to be enough to charm his way back into his lover's good graces this time.
Maybe what he needed was a go-between, Kikuchi mused--someone who could persuade Onozuka to give him a chance, or at least to sit still long enough to hear him out. But who among Onozuka's friends had enough force of will to convince him to do something he didn't want to do? Not Misa and Toshi; they'd already made it clear that Onozuka wouldn't listen to them. Onozuka had a soft spot for Miyasaka, but Miyasaka was not about to do Kikuchi any favors at this point. Asami wanted to help, but she wasn't close enough to Onozuka to persuade him when his childhood friends couldn't. Yoshizumi had enough strength to stand up to the Prince, but he obviously had no intention of getting mixed up in a lovers' quarrel, and Kikuchi couldn't really blame him.
Which left him with two people that Onozuka was close enough to and respected enough to maybe, just maybe, be persuaded to meet with an estranged lover against his better judgment. Except that those two people had even less reason to do him a favor than Miyasaka did, not to mention that Onozuka would be furious if Kikuchi went to meet Iwaki and Katou behind his back.
"In for a penny, in for a pound," Kikuchi muttered to himself. If Onozuka was going to be angry at Kikuchi for meeting his friends behind his back anyway, then he might as well go all the way and seek Iwaki and Katou's help. As for how he'd get them to help him--well, he'd figure something out. Iwaki was an idealist, and if he could be convinced that it was in Onozuka's best interest to meet with Kikuchi, then Iwaki would help regardless of his own personal feelings towards Kikuchi. Besides, Iwaki didn't seem to carry a grudge about the past attack, although Katou did--but as Kikuchi had once observed, Iwaki seemed to be the dominant force in that marriage, and he would make Katou fall in line if necessary.
Kikuchi felt a faint flicker of hope as he recalled the news his manager had just shared with him about how Iwaki had ousted the new president of InterPro--who happened to be the old president's son. "It hasn't been made public yet, but since I've heard about it, I've no doubt that the press will pick up on it soon," Kojima had said. "The young president--well, ex-president now--is the proverbial bad seed. InterPro would have gone downhill fast under his management, but still...I never expected Iwaki to pull off such a coup. He isn't just a pretty face, it seems."
Kikuchi already knew that, but still, it was a surprisingly bold and ruthless thing for the idealistic Iwaki to do, and that gave Kikuchi hope that he was strong enough to overcome Onozuka's resistance. Onozuka didn't really like Iwaki, but he had a grudging respect for him, and there was an odd sort of bond between them due to their mutual connection with Katou. In any case, Kikuchi figured that Iwaki was his best bet. It was a desperate ploy, to be sure, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
So Kikuchi drove over to Iwaki and Katou's house that night, hoping that the paparazzi didn't have the place staked out. He cruised around the block once to scope things out, and pulled up in front of the house after determining that the coast was clear.
He rang the doorbell, and soon an outraged Katou was opening the front gate and snarling, "What the hell are you doing here?!"
"It's nice to see you, too, Katou-kun," Kikuchi said pleasantly. "May I come in?"
"No!" Katou replied emphatically. "I only just got back from the Middle East last night, and I need to spend some quality time with my husband."
"Katou, don't be rude," Iwaki's voice said patiently from somewhere behind him.
"But he's the one who's being rude!" Katou protested, turning to face Iwaki as he walked towards them. "He's the one who showed up out of the blue without even calling first!"
"You know," Kikuchi said in a conversational tone, "the longer we stand here arguing, the greater the chance that someone's going to notice and call the paparazzi. Do you really want the media camped out on your doorstep again?"
Katou snarled in frustration and stepped aside to let Kikuchi in, and Kikuchi did his best to smile graciously and hide the smug satisfaction he felt. This was precisely why he hadn't called ahead of time even though it meant risking that Iwaki and Katou might not be home when he showed up. It would be easy enough to put him off over the phone, but much harder to get rid of him once he was physically present.
Iwaki regarded them both with an air of resigned patience and weary amusement, but said politely, "Please come in, Kikuchi-san. Can I get you something to drink?"
"We don't need to offer drinks to an uninvited guest," Katou grumbled as they walked into the house.
"Katou," Iwaki said sternly, and Katou subsided, although he continued glowering fiercely at Kikuchi.
"Thank you, but I'm fine," Kikuchi said.
"Then what can we do for you, Kikuchi-san?" Iwaki asked, motioning for Kikuchi to take a seat on the couch, which he did. Iwaki and Katou joined him, although Kikuchi noted with amusement that Katou was careful to place himself between Kikuchi and Iwaki, as if guarding his lover.
"I'm not sure if Yuu has said anything to you, but--" Kikuchi started to say.
"Oh, we've heard all about your lovers' quarrel!" Katou interrupted.
"What exactly did he say?" Kikuchi asked cautiously.
Iwaki gave Katou a quelling look and said in a more neutral voice, "Well, we know that Miyasaka-kun accidentally walked in on you and Onozuka-kun while you were, ah, being intimate, and that caused Miyasaka-kun to realize that he was attracted to Onozuka-kun. And that the incident caused you to tell Onozuka-kun that you wanted a serious relationship with him, which took him by surprise and angered him because he felt that you'd been deceiving him."
Kikuchi frowned at the confirmation that Miyasaka had finally admitted his attraction to Onozuka, and worried about what might have happened between the two of them since then. Nothing much, Kikuchi hoped--if Onozuka had been crashing on first Katou's and then Yoshizumi's couch, it probably meant that he was avoiding Miyasaka, which in turn meant that he wasn't giving in to any advances that Miyasaka might be making. And it seemed like Onozuka hadn't mentioned anything about Kikuchi inviting Miyasaka into bed with them, which was good, because it would make him look even worse in Katou's eyes, and more importantly, in Iwaki's...
"Kikuchi-san?" Iwaki asked, breaking his train of thought.
"Sorry," Kikuchi said, feeling slightly flustered; he'd been off his game ever since this whole mess with Onozuka had begun. "Yes, that's pretty much what happened. He's right to be angry--I lied to him and I realize that was wrong, but I really do care about him. I've tried to apologize many times since then, but he won't speak to me except what's required for work, and this isn't something I can discuss in front of the cast and crew. I was hoping that you could convince him to meet with me in private."
"You son of a bitch!" Katou shouted, jumping to his feet and glaring down at Kikuchi.
"Katou!" Iwaki snapped.
"I'm sorry, Iwaki-san, but I can't hold my tongue any longer!" Katou exclaimed. He turned back to Kikuchi and said, "You have the gall to show up here uninvited, asking us for favors when you've never even apologized to Iwaki-san for what you did to him!"
"Katou," Iwaki tried to intervene, "I already said that I would let bygones be bygones for Onozuka-kun's sake."
"Yeah, but he and Onozuka aren't together anymore, are they?" Katou replied pointedly, and Kikuchi felt a sudden pang of fear and grief at hearing it phrased so bluntly. He'd been trying to think of his separation from Onozuka as a temporary setback, but Katou's words made it sound much more permanent, and filled him with fear that they might become true. Keeping his eyes fixed on Kikuchi's face, Katou continued, "Setting aside the fact that you assaulted my lover, you admit that you lied to my best friend. Why the hell would I want to help you get back together with him after that?"
Kikuchi knew that he'd treated Onozuka badly, but having it rubbed in his face by a professional and personal rival raised his hackles, and it galled him to have to justify himself to Katou and beg for a favor. "I just said that I was wrong," Kikuchi replied, fighting to keep his voice level and not growl at the other man. "All I'm asking for is the chance to apologize to Yuu."
"Do you really love him?" Katou demanded.
"Yes," Kikuchi replied, trying to will all his sincerity into his voice and his eyes.
"Then how would you feel if someone...say, a professional rival jealous of his success...tried to rape Onozuka, or maybe just groped and mauled him a little bit?" Katou asked.
"I'd kill--" Kikuchi started to snarl, then caught himself as he realized the obvious comparison implicit in Katou's words.
Katou smiled at him with a look of grim triumph in his eyes, and he said, "Then now you know how I felt, you bastard!"
Kikuchi knew that Katou had set him up, and yet he still couldn't stop that sense of protective rage at the thought of anyone daring to lay hands on Onozuka. It didn't matter that Onozuka was much more cynical than Iwaki and would never have put himself in such a vulnerable position to begin with, or that the Prince was more than capable of defending himself, not to mention exacting an extremely painful revenge on anyone who was stupid enough to try and assault his virtue. Kikuchi still felt sick with both anger and shame when he imagined Onozuka in Iwaki's place during the assault--lying on the floor with his clothes torn and disheveled, eyes filled with fear and betrayal.
He had felt a vague and grudging sense of guilt over what he'd done to Iwaki, but he still resented the media's cherished couple enough that he hadn't bothered to apologize, even if they had called a truce for Onozuka's sake. And now, for the first time, he admitted to himself that yes, he did owe Iwaki--and Katou, too, damn him--an apology.
Iwaki's eyes went with wide with shock as Kikuchi slid off the couch to kneel on the floor, while Katou stared down at him intently. He placed his palms down on the floor in front of him and bowed low enough that his forehead nearly touched the carpet. For a moment, he thought he would choke on his pride and anger, the unspoken words forming what felt like a physical lump in his throat. But he was already down on his hands and knees, so it was a little too late to back out now, and he finally managed to force out an "I'm sorry" through gritted teeth.
Realizing that he didn't sound very apologetic, Kikuchi took a deep breath and tried again. "I was wrong," he said, managing to keep his voice level and almost humble with a great deal of effort. "Wrong to take out my bitterness on the two of you, and wrong to attack you, Iwaki-kun, and...I'm sorry."
He glanced up to see Iwaki standing in front of him, bending down to rest his hand lightly on Kikuchi's shoulder. "Please get up, Kikuchi-san," Iwaki said, looking both touched and a little embarrassed. "Honestly, I had already forgiven you, but your apology means a lot to me, so thank you for that."
Kikuchi quickly rose to his feet, still feeling slightly humiliated, and yet at the same time, relieved, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Relieved enough not to be irked, even, as he normally would be by Iwaki's almost-too-good-to-be-true graciousness.
Katou rubbed his chin, looking thoughtful and a little surprised. "So...I guess you really do love Onozuka, if you're willing to humble yourself in front of your enemies for him," he said in a much calmer voice than before.
"I don't consider Kikuchi-san to be an enemy," Iwaki protested, but Kikuchi ignored him because another realization had just dawned on him.
"You...you were testing me, you sneaky little son of a bitch?!" Kikuchi asked incredulously.
"Yes," Katou replied matter-of-factly. "Onozuka is like a brother to me--an exasperating, bratty brother at times, but a brother all the same. If I was going to help you, I needed to be convinced of your sincerity first."
Kikuchi couldn't believe that he'd been outsmarted by a puppy like Katou, and he glared at the other man ferociously for a moment. And then the whole situation suddenly seemed absurd to him, and Kikuchi found himself bursting into laughter as Katou stared at him suspiciously.
"All right, I know when I've been bested," Kikuchi laughed. "I can't believe that you've managed to get the better of me twice now, when you normally have all the subtlety of a bull elephant in rut!" Katou scowled at him, while Iwaki regarded them both with bemusement, and Kikuchi said with a grin, "Although actually, it was your paparazzi friend who saved your skin the first time, otherwise you might have ended up being fired instead of me."
"Is that any way to ask a favor, you ungrateful bastard?" Katou demanded indignantly.
"Never mind, Katou," Iwaki said soothingly, stepping in to play the peacemaker as usual. "He did apologize, and it seems that we're both convinced of his sincerity, at least regarding his feelings for Onozuka-kun." He turned to Kikuchi and added, "Although Katou isn't usually very subtle in real life--"
"Hey, whose side are you on?!" Katou protested.
"--he is an excellent actor with a wide range, quite capable of subtle nuances," Iwaki continued, ignoring the interruption. "As you would know if you had seen 'Winter Cicadas,' so I presume that you haven't seen it yet."
"Like I'm going to shell out my hard earned cash to watch my rivals?" Kikuchi retorted good-naturedly, and although Katou scowled, Iwaki smiled with satisfaction.
"So then you admit that he's worthy of being your rival?" Iwaki asked pleasantly.
And Kikuchi could do nothing but laugh ruefully, acknowledging that he'd been bested yet again--either he was getting old, or love was softening his wits! Most likely the latter, since the current situation with Onozuka had him running in circles, too frantic to think straight.
"Popularity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with talent," Kikuchi retorted, but the "Cicadas" movie aside, he'd seen enough of Katou's earlier work to conclude that he probably was deserving of the Best Actor nomination that had been bestowed upon him. Not that he had any desire to admit that to Katou, and in any case, his feelings of rivalry with Katou right now were more personal. He still considered Katou a rival for Onozuka's affections, even though Katou probably didn't see it that way. It didn't matter that Katou would never see Onozuka as anything but a platonic friend, or that if Onozuka did feel an attraction to Katou, he would never act on it. There was still a bond between the two men--even if it was "only" friendship--and Kikuchi suspected that it was deeper than the one between himself and Onozuka, and that was why the jealousy kept gnawing at him, as persistently as a dog with a bone. And the sneaking suspicion that he might be Onozuka's second or even third choice (because he didn't want to jeopardize his friendships with Katou and Miyasaka) didn't sit well with Kikuchi, either.
However, Katou was beginning to look impatient, and Kikuchi didn't want to negate whatever goodwill he'd earned from his apology. And besides, he had no intention of exposing any more of his personal weaknesses to his rival than he absolutely had to. So he said with a conciliatory laugh, "But yes, I'll consider Katou-kun an acting rival, and you too, Iwaki-kun."
"I'm so flattered I can hardly stand it," Katou said sarcastically.
Iwaki gave Katou a stern look, although there was a little glint of amusement in his eyes, and Katou subsided. "Let's all sit down and discussion the situation," Iwaki suggested, and the three of them returned to the couch.
"You understand that even if we wanted to, it's not our place to tell Onozuka that he should resume his relationship with you," Iwaki told Kikuchi. "That's his decision to make."
"Not to mention that I'd like to meet the person who could force Onozuka to do something against his will," Katou added, rolling his eyes.
"I understand," Kikuchi told Iwaki. "I'm not expecting you to plead my case for me." In fact, that might even make things worse, since Onozuka resented people telling him what to do. "All I want is the opportunity to meet with him long enough for him to hear me out."
"Even that might be difficult," Katou said, frowning--but more like he was trying to puzzle out the problem of setting up the proposed meeting than because he was angry at Kikuchi.
"So you'll help me?" Kikuchi asked hopefully.
Katou's frown was directed at him this time. "Yes, but for Onozuka's sake, not yours," Katou growled. "I've never seen him this messed up before, so I guess he must care about you, even if he does have appalling taste."
"Katou," Iwaki warned, in a weary yet amused voice.
Katou leaned forward to glare at Kikuchi, saying, "And let me just make something clear. I'm going to help you out this once because I think that Onozuka will be happier with you than without you, but if you betray my trust...if you ever do anything to hurt him, I will kick your ass all the way back to America. Is that clear?"
"Katou," Iwaki sighed again.
"Yes," Kikuchi replied firmly, more amused than offended by Katou's fierce guard-dog attitude, although once again he envied the strength of the bond between Onozuka and Katou. "If I mess up my second chance and hurt him again, then I deserve whatever I get."
"Good," Katou said, looking mollified, and went back to contemplating strategy. "Hmm...Onozuka's not just going to sit down meekly for a little chat with you."
"Well, there's the party," Iwaki suggested hesitantly, then explained to Kikuchi, "We've invited Onozuka-kun, Miyasaka-kun, and Yoshizumi-san over to the house for dinner the day after the Academy Awards."
"You must be confident if you're already planning a celebration party," Kikuchi said with a wry smile.
He was mostly joking, but Iwaki looked embarrassed and a little flustered that Kikuchi thought he was that arrogant, and hastily protested, "Oh no, it's just a rare opportunity for all of us to get together, that's all!"
"Though of course we're hoping to celebrate a victory for one of us," Katou said, looking much less humble. "I don't particularly want you at our victory celebration," he added, scowling at Kikuchi. "Unfortunately, it's the best opportunity I can think of to get you and Onozuka in the same room together."
"I'm not sure it's a good idea to blindside Onozuka with Kikuchi-san's presence, though," Iwaki said uneasily.
Katou shrugged and replied, "Well, he's probably not going to show up if we tell him about it ahead of time. Besides, that bastard blindsided me with that scheme he cooked up about you and Miyasaka."
Iwaki flushed and replied, "Well, to be fair, I was blindsiding you as well. And really, we only did it to reconcile you and Miyasaka."
"I don't blame you, Iwaki-san," Katou reassured him. "I know that it was Onozuka's idea, and that manipulative little bastard can be convincing when he puts his mind to it. And yes, his intentions were mostly noble, but still, I owe him a bit of payback." He smiled, a bit smugly, at the thought of getting revenge on his friend.
"All right," Iwaki gave in reluctantly. "You can come to the party," he said to Kikuchi. "We told everyone to stop by at about six that evening..."
"But you need privacy, so it might be better if you come over a little early," Katou interjected. Now that he'd made up his mind to help Kikuchi, whether to help Onozuka or take revenge on him, he seemed determined to carry out the plan to the best of his ability. "Say, maybe five-thirty, and I'll invent some excuse for Onozuka to come by early, too--I'll tell him we need some help setting up or something."
"We'll provide an opportunity for the two of you to talk," Iwaki said. "And I'll encourage Onozuka to do so--I think that he needs to work things out with you, one way or the other. But ultimately, it will be his decision whether or not to talk to you, and whether or not he wants to reconcile with you."
"Or we could just throw them together in a room and lock the door until they either settle things or kill each other," Katou added, sounding like he wasn't completely joking.
"That might not be a bad idea," Kikuchi purred, thinking of all the things that he'd like to do with Onozuka in a locked room. (He wasn't really worried about Onozuka killing him, or at least, he considered it an acceptable risk.) The fact that Katou would be outraged by the idea of them having sex under his roof only made the potential scenario even more titillating.
"On the other hand, scratch that idea," Katou muttered after seeing Kikuchi's grin.
Iwaki sighed, shaking his head, with the air of a parent watching a couple of unruly children, which Kikuchi found pretty funny, considering that he was several years older than Iwaki. Katou looked less amused, and Kikuchi decided that since he'd gotten what he'd come here for, it was probably time to make a gracious exit.
"Thank you for your help," Kikuchi told the pair politely as he rose to his feet.
"You're welcome," Iwaki replied. "I'm not sure how much help we'll be in the long run, but I do hope things work out for you and Onozuka-kun."
"Yeah, yeah, just get out of here before I change my mind," Katou said gruffly.
"Katou!" Iwaki scolded, and Katou scowled at Kikuchi with a "this is all your fault" look on his face. Kikuchi smiled and bowed, with as much irony as courtesy, and left the house before Katou really did change his mind.
Part 18
***
Afterword: I recall getting into a discussion about Kikuchi on the Youka Nitta LJ comm, and the other person said that while they sympathized with what he'd gone through (having his career ruined because he was gay), it was hard to forgive what he did to Iwaki, especially since he never even apologized. And as much as I love Kikuchi, I thought that was a good point. But still, while I could picture him feeling guilty about what he'd done, it was tough to imagine him apologizing--I think he has too much pride for that. But still, I kept that thought in the back of my mind, and finally an opportunity arose when I had a bunny about him asking Iwaki and Katou for help, and Katou naturally feeling less than generous towards him. It finally felt "right" to have him apologize--partly because he was doing it for Onozuka's sake, and partly because he could finally grasp the magnitude of what he'd done when Katou phrased it in terms of Onozuka being the victim.
Although Onozuka was worried for Katou's sake (and perhaps even a little for Iwaki's), he was almost grateful for the InterPro scandal because it provided a distraction from his own problems.
And he really needed that distraction because Kikuchi was persistently trying to corner him alone--albeit with an oddly humble and contrite demeanor. Kikuchi kept saying that there was something he needed to say in private, and Onozuka wasn't quite sure whether it was a confession of love or just another apology. He'd already heard plenty of the latter, and he still hadn't decided what to do about the former, so he simply continued avoiding Kikuchi as much as possible.
Onozuka tried to keep up the pretense of playful flirtation in public, but their banter lacked its usual spark, and the crew had begun to take notice. No one said anything to his face, but the whispered gossip behind his back said that the odds on the running bet about himself and Kikuchi had recently shifted in favor of "not a couple."
The crew members weren't the only ones who had noticed. One day a knock sounded at his dressing room door, and expecting Kikuchi, Onozuka tensed up for a moment until he heard Asami's voice asking, "May I speak to you for a minute, Onozuka-kun?"
"Of course," Onozuka replied, hurrying to open the door for her like a gallant prince. "What can I do for you, Asami-chan?"
She walked into the dressing room, and Onozuka would have left the door open in order to guard her reputation, but she motioned for him to close it, so he obeyed. Onozuka just hoped that it wouldn't start any rumors that he'd dumped Kikuchi in favor of Asami.
"I realize it's a bit late to ask, but I was wondering if you had a date to the Academy Awards, Onozuka-kun?" Asami asked.
"No," Onozuka replied. "I've been too busy to think about it." Fujimoto could have found him a suitable escort, of course--any of the young up-and-coming actresses at the agency could have used the publicity--but Onozuka wasn't in the mood to play the role of an attentive date when he was still agonizing over what to do about Kikuchi. "I figured that I'd just go stag," he told Asami.
"Well then, would you like to go with me?" Asami suggested. "I don't have a date, either, so we could go together as friends."
Onozuka was so startled that he forgot to muster up his usual princely graciousness. "Uh...sure, that sounds like fun," he replied sincerely enough. He liked Asami, and since she didn't seem to be interested in him romantically, she wouldn't be hoping for their "date" to lead to something more, which meant that he could relax and enjoy the show. As much as he could with his semi-estranged lover present, anyway.
"But are you sure that Kitamura-kantoku won't mind?" he asked, recalling her apparent relationship with the director.
"I keep saying that Seiya-san and I are just friends," Asami protested. "Why doesn't anyone believe me?"
"It's just that he's so protective of you," Onozuka laughed, although he also recalled the night at the inn when Kitamura had snuck out of his room in the middle of the night. However, Onozuka couldn't reveal that bit of information without revealing his own secret assignation that night, so he kept it to himself.
"As I've said before, that's just his big-brotherly instinct," Asami said dismissively.
"Of course," Onozuka said placatingly. "But even if the two of you are just friends, don't the two of you usually attend awards shows together? That's partly how the rumors got started."
Asami shrugged and replied, "It's just because neither of us was dating anyone, so it was convenient to go together, that's all. I promise that Seiya-san won't mind if you're my escort for the evening."
"Well, if you're sure that he won't be mad at me, then I'd be honored to accompany you, Asami-chan," Onozuka said gallantly.
"But are you sure that Kikuchi-san won't mind if you take someone else to the awards show?" Asami asked slyly, and Onozuka tried to muster up a carefree smile.
"Oh, we're just friends--like you and the director," he said sweetly. "Besides, it would cause a huge commotion, which I wouldn't really mind, but it would upset our managers."
But his acting skills were not up to par, it seemed, because Asami pursed her lips thoughtfully, then said in a more serious voice, "All joking aside, Onozuka-kun, it seems like there's some sort of trouble between you and Kikuchi-san."
"Oh, you're just worried about losing the bet!" Onozuka laughed, but Asami refused to be deterred. There was a spine of steel behind that bubbly, almost air-headed personality that she displayed in public--much like his own "Golden Prince" act, Onozuka suddenly mused, which was perhaps why she was able to see through it now.
"I don't care about the bet," Asami said quietly, giving him a sympathetic look. "I enjoy teasing you about it, of course, but it's all in fun. I consider both you and Kikuchi-san to be my friends, and it bothers me to see that my friends are unhappy. I know that it's none of my business, but Kikuchi-san seemed so miserable that I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't give me any details, but he said that the trouble between you two was all his fault."
Onozuka frowned slightly, trying to puzzle out the meaning behind Kikuchi's words, filtered through Asami's perception. It sounded like Kikuchi was trying to protect him by taking the blame for their quarrel--and it was all his fault, Onozuka thought petulantly. However, the tiny, niggling voice of conscience in the back of his mind reminded him that he'd been deliberately ignoring all the now obvious-in-hindsight signs that Kikuchi wanted to get serious for a very long time.
On the other hand, could Kikuchi have been trying to make himself look noble in Asami's eyes, hoping that she would plead his case with Onozuka?
"He didn't ask me to talk to you," Asami said, apparently picking up on his silent question. "In fact, he asked me not to, saying that it would probably only make things worse. So I apologize for interfering, and I hope that I'm not making things worse, but...whatever he did, Kikuchi-san does seem very sorry about it. Was it really so bad that you can't forgive him?"
Was it? Onozuka wondered, trying to consider the question objectively for the very first time. True, Kikuchi had been out of line to suggest that Miyasaka join them in bed (no matter that he claimed he hadn't meant it), and Onozuka had been furious about it--but part of the anger was at himself, over how much it had upset him when he thought that Kikuchi might seriously have wanted to have sex with someone other than him. And if he was going to be absolutely fair--which he didn't want to be, but if he was, then he would have to admit that he was partly to blame, too, because it had been his own plan to have Miyasaka discover them together, and part of his anger was due to the fact that Kikuchi had not only anticipated his move, but had co-opted it for his own purposes. Onozuka liked to think of himself as a devious schemer, and nothing angered him more than being outsmarted by someone else.
There was also the fact that Kikuchi had deceived him by secretly investigating his past, something that Onozuka had zealously hidden to protect his family. It was a betrayal of trust, and even the saintly Iwaki admitted that Onozuka had a right to be angry about it. For some people, that would be reason enough to break up, but if he was going to be honest with himself, the deceit by itself wasn't completely unforgivable for someone like Onozuka, who made a hobby out of manipulating others. Yes, he had been furious, but under normal circumstances, he would eventually have calmed down and been content to let Kikuchi grovel and pamper him for a week or two before forgiving him.
No, what Onozuka couldn't forgive was that Kikuchi had made Onozuka care about him, to the point where he couldn't think straight and it was even affecting his ability to act with Kikuchi. He prided himself on his ability to control his emotions--unlike Miyasaka--and he had never before allowed his personal feelings to interfere with his work. He could even manage to keep up the public charade that he considered Asano a friend, even though he despised that conniving little snake.
So...maybe the one he was really angry at was himself, for impulsively pursuing Kikuchi without considering the possible consequences, for allowing a casual relationship to become hopelessly complicated. He could have, should have put a stop to things when the first hints of seriousness started emerging, like when Kikuchi gave him a key to the apartment, and certainly after that surprise visit to Kikuchi's family. But he hadn't wanted to give up Kikuchi, so he had pretended not to notice, which meant that the person who'd really been deceiving him was...himself.
Trying to unravel his tangled thoughts and emotions was enough to give Onozuka a headache, and Asami was staring at him anxiously, still waiting for a reply.
"It's not just about what Kikuchi-san did," Onozuka sighed wearily. "I...have some things I need to figure out before I can resolve things with him." He spoke in a gentle voice to soften the sting of his next words: "I really appreciate your concern, Asami-chan, but this is something between him and me."
"I understand," Asami replied, looking disappointed but not offended. "I'm sorry for prying into your personal business."
"It's okay, you were just trying to help," Onozuka said, managing a small but sincere smile. Despite her usual teasing remarks and jokes, she seemed genuinely worried about him and Kikuchi, so he couldn't really resent her.
"Then we're still on for the Academy Awards?" Asami asked.
"Of course," Onozuka replied, recovering enough to give her a gallant, princely smile and bow. "I wouldn't miss it for the world!"
***
The next day, Onozuka got another message from Miyasaka. He had been ignoring his friend's voicemails and e-mails, but this one was a little difference. In a very quiet, serious voice, Miyasaka said, "Onozuka, please come home; we really need to talk. Just listen to what I have to say, and I promise that I'll respect whatever decision you make after that."
Onozuka automatically brought up the "delete" option on the menu, but his thumb hovered over the button on the phone uncertainly. He couldn't sleep on Yoshizumi's couch forever, after all. It sounded like Miyasaka was ready to think rationally, even if he hadn't quite given up hope yet, so maybe it was time to go home and patch things up with him.
He finally deleted the message, but he called Miyasaka immediately after that, and Miyasaka answered with an eager, breathless "Hello?" after two rings, as if he'd been waiting for Onozuka's call.
"Hi, Miya-chan, I got your message," Onozuka said, keeping his voice casual.
"Great," Miyasaka said, sounding very relieved. "Does that mean you're coming home?"
"Yes," Onozuka replied. "As long as you meant what you said about accepting my decision."
"I will," Miyasaka promised solemnly. "As long as you promise to hear me out first."
"Fair enough," Onozuka agreed reluctantly. It sounded like Miyasaka was going to make one last appeal for them to become lovers, so it wasn't something he was looking forward to, but if this was what he needed to do to make things right between them again, he could endure it. "I'll need to stop by Yoshizumi-san's place after work to pick up my stuff, but I'll come home after that."
"I'll pick up something for dinner," Miyasaka offered. "What would you like--sushi? Chinese?"
"I don't care, as long as it's takeout and you're not cooking," Onozuka retorted good-naturedly, and Miyasaka laughed. It felt...comfortable, as if the balance of their friendship had been restored, and Onozuka suddenly felt much more confident about returning home.
"You're so ungrateful," Miyasaka scolded him jokingly. "Fine, takeout it is, then."
"I'll see you tonight, Miya-chan," Onozuka laughed, and hung up with a grin on his face.
***
When Onozuka told Yoshizumi that he was going back home to work things out with Miyasaka, the other actor said, "Well, I'll be sorry to see you go," but there was such a blatant look of relief on his face that Onozuka burst into laughter.
"Yoshizumi-san, forgive my rudeness, but you are never going to win any acting awards with a performance like that!"
"Was I that obvious?" Yoshizumi asked sheepishly.
"Yes, but no offense taken," Onozuka replied, patting him on the shoulder. "You've been a very gracious host, but I'm sure you'd like your privacy back. Thank you very much for the loan of your couch; I really appreciate it."
"No problem," Yoshizumi said, still looking a little sheepish. "You're right, I'll be happy to have my privacy once again, but it was fun having you over."
"Likewise," Onozuka said with a grin. "By the way, tell Kenzaki-san I said 'hello' the next time you see him. I don't know when I'll be able to go, but I'll keep my promise and stop by Rusty Nail again sometime. Maybe I'll bring Miya-chan with me!" Miyasaka was probably going to need some comforting after tonight, Onozuka mused, and maybe it would help him get over his obsession if he realized that he could be attracted to men other than Iwaki and Onozuka.
"Uh...sure," Yoshizumi replied, with a much more strained smile, immediately arousing Onozuka's suspicion and interest. He'd been acting oddly ever since he'd returned from his museum date with Kenzaki, and he suspected they'd had some kind of fight. Poor Kenzaki, Onozuka thought, assuming that the fault probably rested with Yoshizumi. Not out of malice, of course, since Yoshizumi didn't seem to have a malicious bone in his body, but he was completely clueless when it came to romance.
Then again, considering the current state of his own affairs, criticizing Yoshizumi was like the pot calling the kettle black. Onozuka sighed; he felt sorry for Kenzaki, but he needed to take care of his own problems before he could worry about anyone else's.
When he arrived home later that night, he found Miyasaka waiting for him in the living room, fidgeting nervously as he sat on the couch, and he immediately jumped to his feet when Onozuka walked through the door.
"Onozuka!" he exclaimed. "I was afraid you might not show up."
"Hey, I'm a man of my word," Onozuka said lightly, dropping his duffle bag on the floor.
"You're right," Miyasaka said apologetically, although Onozuka had only been joking. "You're a sneaky guy, but you keep your promises."
"Thanks...I think," Onozuka replied dryly. He sat down on the couch and said, "Okay, let's get this over with. I promised to listen to what you have to say, so...I'm listening."
He had expected Miyasaka to sit beside him, but instead his friend remained standing and made an obvious effort to gather his courage, looking like a kid about to give a speech to the entire school, or maybe a new salesman about to make his first sales pitch.
Miyasaka took a deep breath, then exhaled and said, "I've been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone, Onozuka. I thought I was in love with you because you're all I can think about--how much I want you and how much I've missed you." Onozuka opened his mouth to argue, but Miyasaka held up a hand to stop him, saying, "Please, just hear me out till the end, and then you can say whatever you want, but I don't think I have the nerve to make this speech twice."
Miyasaka looked so pleading and desperate that Onozuka bit back the retort that was on his tongue and remained silent, nodding at Miyasaka to continue. With a brief sigh of relief, Miyasaka said, "But when I told Iwaki-san that, he said that showed I was only thinking about myself, not you, and that if you love someone, you're always thinking about their happiness instead of your own."
Onozuka ought to be happy that Iwaki had managed to get Miyasaka to think with his head instead of his hormones, but he couldn't help feeling annoyed that Miyasaka was so quick to take Iwaki's advice when he'd ignored Onozuka's advice plenty of times in the past--including advice that could have kept him from nearly wrecking his friendship with Katou.
"And he was right," Miyasaka continued, not noticing Onozuka's frown because he was hanging his head in shame. "I was being selfish." He looked up and met Onozuka's eyes, saying earnestly, "But I don't want to be! Honestly, Onozuka, I really do care about you, and I want to make you happy." While Onozuka was trying to figure out whether that meant he was giving up or if this was the start of another proposition, Miyasaka took another deep breath, squaring his shoulders and straightening his spine, assuming a rigid stance like that of a soldier facing inspection.
Another proposition, Onozuka decided wearily, and readied himself to hear out Miyasaka's speech and then give him a gentle rejection.
"You said that we couldn't become a couple because I would be looking down on you by treating you like 'the woman.' So...so..." His voice faltered for a moment, then he swallowed hard and said determinedly, "I'll do it." Onozuka gave him a blank look, and Miyasaka blurted out impatiently, "I'll be 'the woman' for you--I'll let you do me!"
Onozuka's jaw dropped open as he gaped at Miyasaka in shock, and Miyasaka stared back at him, spine straight, hands tightly clenched into fists, and eyes filled with equal amounts of resolution and dread. He looked so ridiculously earnest that Onozuka couldn't help himself--he fell over on the couch laughing hysterically.
"Onozuka!" Miyasaka shouted indignantly. "Here I am pouring out my heart to you, telling you that I'll let you do the one thing that I'd never let anyone else do, not even Iwaki-san, and you're laughing at me, you bastard?!"
"I--I'm sorry," Onozuka gasped, and he was, but he couldn't stop laughing, so hard that tears ran down his face. Finally he noticed that Miyasaka's expression had changed from anger to hurt, and he managed to get himself under control. He sat up and brushed the tears from his face with the back of his hand and apologized, "I'm sorry, Miya-chan. I'm a jerk for laughing, but--man, you should have seen your face! You looked like someone facing his own execution, not a guy professing love or even just lust!"
"This isn't easy for me, you know!" Miyasaka snapped. "I never thought I'd even consider letting another guy do me, and to be frank, the idea scares the hell out of me, but I'm trying to show you how serious I am about you!"
"I'm sorry, Miya-chan," Onozuka repeated in a much more gentle voice. He held out his hand, and Miyasaka hesitated for a moment before he reached out and took it. Onozuka tugged gently on his hand and Miyasaka sat beside him on the couch, looking apprehensive.
"I'm very touched by the offer," Onozuka said, patting Miyasaka's hand affectionately before releasing it. "And I know how difficult it must have been for you, but I like my lovers to be willing." This was something of an exaggeration, since Kikuchi was the only real lover he'd had, although he'd had a few one night stands with a handful of women over the years--casual and indifferent sex, at least on Onozuka's part, but the women had been willing enough. "Do you honestly think that I could make love to you, knowing that you were forcing yourself? It would practically be like rape."
"But I don't know what else to do," Miyasaka said helplessly. "I'm not smart like you, and I'm not good with words like Iwaki-san or Katou. This is the only way I know how to prove to you that I really do love you, Onozuka. You and Iwaki-san and Katou all said it's not a shameful thing, to...to be taken. And all three of you seemed to enjoy it, so...maybe if I try it, then I will, too." Despite his words, he looked rather skeptical, but he still seemed determined to carry out his promise if Onozuka was willing to take him up on it.
For one of the few times in his life, Onozuka was at a complete loss for words. He had expected a love confession, and he had been prepared to let Miyasaka down as gently as possible--and more forcefully if necessary. What he hadn't expected was a gesture of this magnitude--almost a sacrifice, really. It was impulsive and impractical and far from subtle, which was typical of Miyasaka, but what was most important was that it seemed to prove Miyasaka's sincerity.
And now Onozuka wasn't quite sure what to do, because all of his calculations had been based on the assumption that Miyasaka was only infatuated with him and that a relationship between them could never work. He still wasn't sure that it could, even if Miyasaka really did love him, but now he was forced to at least consider the possibility.
And oh, Miyasaka's offer was tempting! He considered both Katou and Miyasaka to be his best friends, but Onozuka had known Miyasaka longer and they'd come up through the ranks together at the agency, so Miya-chan held a special place in his heart. After feeling a little neglected ever since they had met Iwaki, it was gratifying to see Miyasaka looking at him the way he had once looked at his precious Iwaki-san. And remembering their brief but passionate make-out session, he knew that sex with Miyasaka would be good if Miyasaka could relax enough to let Onozuka give him pleasure.
But taking a chance on Miyasaka would mean giving up on Kikuchi for good, and Onozuka found himself saying gently, "I'm sorry, Miya-chan, but I can't."
"Why?" Miyasaka demanded. "I want to put your happiness first, but I don't know what's the right thing to do. If you truly can't be happy with me, then I'll give up, but if you're just too scared to give us a chance, then I feel like I ought to keep trying." He laughed, but it was a mirthless and desperate sound. "You're always calling me an idiot, and I guess you're right--I just can't figure you out. So...I'm going to have to trust you, Onozuka, to be honest and tell me what you want. Tell me what I should do, and I'll do it."
Being honest was the last thing that Onozuka wanted to do, but with Miyasaka staring at him with his heart in his eyes, completely and utterly vulnerable, he knew that to lie would be a betrayal of their friendship. "Miya-chan," he said quietly, "I know that even if I turn you down, you'll still be my friend." It wasn't a question, but Miyasaka nodded reluctantly and Onozuka continued, "But if I break up with Kikuchi, he and I..." His voice cracked and faltered, and he had to pause before he was able to finish, "We won't be able to remain friends. I mean, we started off as lovers, so we were never really friends to begin with. Not like you and me."
Miyasaka sighed, looking unhappy but not really surprised. "So it has to be Kikuchi for you?" he asked sadly. "I think that's what Iwaki-san was trying to tell me, only it went over my head--or maybe I already knew, but I just didn't want to admit it."
"I don't know if I'm in love with him," Onozuka whispered. "But I can't seem to give him up."
"I thought we were going to be honest," Miyasaka said wryly, and Onozuka flushed miserably. Miyasaka gave him a more sympathetic look then, and laid his hand gently on the top of Onozuka's head. It was more the sort of thing that Onozuka usually did to Miyasaka than the other way around, but he found it comforting. "Well, never mind," Miyasaka said kindly. "I suppose that's as honest as you can be right now, and I did promise to accept your decision, whatever it was. We'll go back to being just friends and I won't ask you for anything more."
Onozuka, who prided himself on his cleverness and kept Miyasaka around partly because he enjoyed feeling superior to him, felt completely humbled and more than a little ashamed of himself. "Thank you, Keigo-chan," he said softly. "And...I'm sorry." Then he impulsively leaned forward and brushed his lips against Miyasaka's in a tender but chaste kiss.
At least, he hoped that Miyasaka understood the "chaste" part, and Onozuka worried that he might have given his friend false hope when he pulled back and saw Miyasaka blinking at him in surprise. But then Miyasaka smiled at him and said, "Hey, no need to apologize--I'm the one got carried away and started this whole mess."
"That's right," Onozuka said with relief, giving his friend a mock-glare. "It's all your fault!"
"Well, I think it was partly Kikuchi-san's fault, too," Miyasaka grumbled, and Onozuka felt another little surge of panic at the mention of his lover's name; he'd worked out things with Miyasaka, but he wasn't up to dealing with Kikuchi just yet. Miyasaka must have noticed, because he hastily changed the subject and said, "Hey, I bought Chinese for dinner--is that okay with you?"
"Sure," Onozuka replied.
"Oh, and by the way, this is for you," Miyasaka added. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, and handed it to Onozuka.
Onozuka smoothed it out and realized that it was an invoice. "What is this?" he asked.
"The bill to repair the dent in the wall where you threw the clock at Kikuchi-san," Miyasaka replied.
"What?!" Onozuka exclaimed in disbelief. "That barely made a mark, and you're telling me it cost this much to repair? Miyasaka, you totally got ripped off!"
"It was more than 'barely a mark,' and you weren't around to negotiate the bill with the repairman," Miyasaka retorted. "The money came out of my security deposit, and since you're the one who threw the clock, you had better pay me back!"
They both glared at each other for a moment, then suddenly burst out laughing. Their laughter was slightly forced and a little too hearty, but somehow Onozuka wasn't worried. Things would be a little awkward for awhile, but he had enough faith in their friendship to know that they would manage to get past this.
***
Meanwhile, Kikuchi was growing increasingly desperate as the close of filming drew near. Onozuka was still avoiding him, although he seemed more troubled than angry these days. Normally Kikuchi might hope that was a sign that Onozuka was softening towards him, but he suspected that the longer he waited to tell Onozuka that he'd met with Misa and Toshi, the angrier Onozuka was going to be when he finally found out. But Kikuchi couldn't tell Onozuka about it if Onozuka wouldn't talk to him, and it wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to communicate by e-mail.
To make things worse, Onozuka seemed to be growing closer to Yoshizumi, which caused Kikuchi to seethe with jealousy--which was perfectly ridiculous because Yoshizumi had said flat-out that he wasn't attracted to the Prince, and Kikuchi believed him.
Mostly, anyway. Rationally, he knew that it must be true because Yoshizumi wasn't the type to lie about such a thing--or about anything, really. But the less rational part of him found it hard to believe that a gay or bisexual man wouldn't be at least a little captivated by the Prince's golden beauty.
Which was a sign of his own obsession, and how completely he'd become ensnared in his own trap, Kikuchi concluded glumly. If only he could get Onozuka to sit down and listen to him, he thought that he could persuade Onozuka of his sincerity and convince him to give their relationship a chance. At least, Kikuchi hoped so--he was no longer confident of his own powers of persuasion, but it was the best shot he had. Things like flowers, wine, or home-cooked meals weren't going to be enough to charm his way back into his lover's good graces this time.
Maybe what he needed was a go-between, Kikuchi mused--someone who could persuade Onozuka to give him a chance, or at least to sit still long enough to hear him out. But who among Onozuka's friends had enough force of will to convince him to do something he didn't want to do? Not Misa and Toshi; they'd already made it clear that Onozuka wouldn't listen to them. Onozuka had a soft spot for Miyasaka, but Miyasaka was not about to do Kikuchi any favors at this point. Asami wanted to help, but she wasn't close enough to Onozuka to persuade him when his childhood friends couldn't. Yoshizumi had enough strength to stand up to the Prince, but he obviously had no intention of getting mixed up in a lovers' quarrel, and Kikuchi couldn't really blame him.
Which left him with two people that Onozuka was close enough to and respected enough to maybe, just maybe, be persuaded to meet with an estranged lover against his better judgment. Except that those two people had even less reason to do him a favor than Miyasaka did, not to mention that Onozuka would be furious if Kikuchi went to meet Iwaki and Katou behind his back.
"In for a penny, in for a pound," Kikuchi muttered to himself. If Onozuka was going to be angry at Kikuchi for meeting his friends behind his back anyway, then he might as well go all the way and seek Iwaki and Katou's help. As for how he'd get them to help him--well, he'd figure something out. Iwaki was an idealist, and if he could be convinced that it was in Onozuka's best interest to meet with Kikuchi, then Iwaki would help regardless of his own personal feelings towards Kikuchi. Besides, Iwaki didn't seem to carry a grudge about the past attack, although Katou did--but as Kikuchi had once observed, Iwaki seemed to be the dominant force in that marriage, and he would make Katou fall in line if necessary.
Kikuchi felt a faint flicker of hope as he recalled the news his manager had just shared with him about how Iwaki had ousted the new president of InterPro--who happened to be the old president's son. "It hasn't been made public yet, but since I've heard about it, I've no doubt that the press will pick up on it soon," Kojima had said. "The young president--well, ex-president now--is the proverbial bad seed. InterPro would have gone downhill fast under his management, but still...I never expected Iwaki to pull off such a coup. He isn't just a pretty face, it seems."
Kikuchi already knew that, but still, it was a surprisingly bold and ruthless thing for the idealistic Iwaki to do, and that gave Kikuchi hope that he was strong enough to overcome Onozuka's resistance. Onozuka didn't really like Iwaki, but he had a grudging respect for him, and there was an odd sort of bond between them due to their mutual connection with Katou. In any case, Kikuchi figured that Iwaki was his best bet. It was a desperate ploy, to be sure, but desperate times called for desperate measures.
So Kikuchi drove over to Iwaki and Katou's house that night, hoping that the paparazzi didn't have the place staked out. He cruised around the block once to scope things out, and pulled up in front of the house after determining that the coast was clear.
He rang the doorbell, and soon an outraged Katou was opening the front gate and snarling, "What the hell are you doing here?!"
"It's nice to see you, too, Katou-kun," Kikuchi said pleasantly. "May I come in?"
"No!" Katou replied emphatically. "I only just got back from the Middle East last night, and I need to spend some quality time with my husband."
"Katou, don't be rude," Iwaki's voice said patiently from somewhere behind him.
"But he's the one who's being rude!" Katou protested, turning to face Iwaki as he walked towards them. "He's the one who showed up out of the blue without even calling first!"
"You know," Kikuchi said in a conversational tone, "the longer we stand here arguing, the greater the chance that someone's going to notice and call the paparazzi. Do you really want the media camped out on your doorstep again?"
Katou snarled in frustration and stepped aside to let Kikuchi in, and Kikuchi did his best to smile graciously and hide the smug satisfaction he felt. This was precisely why he hadn't called ahead of time even though it meant risking that Iwaki and Katou might not be home when he showed up. It would be easy enough to put him off over the phone, but much harder to get rid of him once he was physically present.
Iwaki regarded them both with an air of resigned patience and weary amusement, but said politely, "Please come in, Kikuchi-san. Can I get you something to drink?"
"We don't need to offer drinks to an uninvited guest," Katou grumbled as they walked into the house.
"Katou," Iwaki said sternly, and Katou subsided, although he continued glowering fiercely at Kikuchi.
"Thank you, but I'm fine," Kikuchi said.
"Then what can we do for you, Kikuchi-san?" Iwaki asked, motioning for Kikuchi to take a seat on the couch, which he did. Iwaki and Katou joined him, although Kikuchi noted with amusement that Katou was careful to place himself between Kikuchi and Iwaki, as if guarding his lover.
"I'm not sure if Yuu has said anything to you, but--" Kikuchi started to say.
"Oh, we've heard all about your lovers' quarrel!" Katou interrupted.
"What exactly did he say?" Kikuchi asked cautiously.
Iwaki gave Katou a quelling look and said in a more neutral voice, "Well, we know that Miyasaka-kun accidentally walked in on you and Onozuka-kun while you were, ah, being intimate, and that caused Miyasaka-kun to realize that he was attracted to Onozuka-kun. And that the incident caused you to tell Onozuka-kun that you wanted a serious relationship with him, which took him by surprise and angered him because he felt that you'd been deceiving him."
Kikuchi frowned at the confirmation that Miyasaka had finally admitted his attraction to Onozuka, and worried about what might have happened between the two of them since then. Nothing much, Kikuchi hoped--if Onozuka had been crashing on first Katou's and then Yoshizumi's couch, it probably meant that he was avoiding Miyasaka, which in turn meant that he wasn't giving in to any advances that Miyasaka might be making. And it seemed like Onozuka hadn't mentioned anything about Kikuchi inviting Miyasaka into bed with them, which was good, because it would make him look even worse in Katou's eyes, and more importantly, in Iwaki's...
"Kikuchi-san?" Iwaki asked, breaking his train of thought.
"Sorry," Kikuchi said, feeling slightly flustered; he'd been off his game ever since this whole mess with Onozuka had begun. "Yes, that's pretty much what happened. He's right to be angry--I lied to him and I realize that was wrong, but I really do care about him. I've tried to apologize many times since then, but he won't speak to me except what's required for work, and this isn't something I can discuss in front of the cast and crew. I was hoping that you could convince him to meet with me in private."
"You son of a bitch!" Katou shouted, jumping to his feet and glaring down at Kikuchi.
"Katou!" Iwaki snapped.
"I'm sorry, Iwaki-san, but I can't hold my tongue any longer!" Katou exclaimed. He turned back to Kikuchi and said, "You have the gall to show up here uninvited, asking us for favors when you've never even apologized to Iwaki-san for what you did to him!"
"Katou," Iwaki tried to intervene, "I already said that I would let bygones be bygones for Onozuka-kun's sake."
"Yeah, but he and Onozuka aren't together anymore, are they?" Katou replied pointedly, and Kikuchi felt a sudden pang of fear and grief at hearing it phrased so bluntly. He'd been trying to think of his separation from Onozuka as a temporary setback, but Katou's words made it sound much more permanent, and filled him with fear that they might become true. Keeping his eyes fixed on Kikuchi's face, Katou continued, "Setting aside the fact that you assaulted my lover, you admit that you lied to my best friend. Why the hell would I want to help you get back together with him after that?"
Kikuchi knew that he'd treated Onozuka badly, but having it rubbed in his face by a professional and personal rival raised his hackles, and it galled him to have to justify himself to Katou and beg for a favor. "I just said that I was wrong," Kikuchi replied, fighting to keep his voice level and not growl at the other man. "All I'm asking for is the chance to apologize to Yuu."
"Do you really love him?" Katou demanded.
"Yes," Kikuchi replied, trying to will all his sincerity into his voice and his eyes.
"Then how would you feel if someone...say, a professional rival jealous of his success...tried to rape Onozuka, or maybe just groped and mauled him a little bit?" Katou asked.
"I'd kill--" Kikuchi started to snarl, then caught himself as he realized the obvious comparison implicit in Katou's words.
Katou smiled at him with a look of grim triumph in his eyes, and he said, "Then now you know how I felt, you bastard!"
Kikuchi knew that Katou had set him up, and yet he still couldn't stop that sense of protective rage at the thought of anyone daring to lay hands on Onozuka. It didn't matter that Onozuka was much more cynical than Iwaki and would never have put himself in such a vulnerable position to begin with, or that the Prince was more than capable of defending himself, not to mention exacting an extremely painful revenge on anyone who was stupid enough to try and assault his virtue. Kikuchi still felt sick with both anger and shame when he imagined Onozuka in Iwaki's place during the assault--lying on the floor with his clothes torn and disheveled, eyes filled with fear and betrayal.
He had felt a vague and grudging sense of guilt over what he'd done to Iwaki, but he still resented the media's cherished couple enough that he hadn't bothered to apologize, even if they had called a truce for Onozuka's sake. And now, for the first time, he admitted to himself that yes, he did owe Iwaki--and Katou, too, damn him--an apology.
Iwaki's eyes went with wide with shock as Kikuchi slid off the couch to kneel on the floor, while Katou stared down at him intently. He placed his palms down on the floor in front of him and bowed low enough that his forehead nearly touched the carpet. For a moment, he thought he would choke on his pride and anger, the unspoken words forming what felt like a physical lump in his throat. But he was already down on his hands and knees, so it was a little too late to back out now, and he finally managed to force out an "I'm sorry" through gritted teeth.
Realizing that he didn't sound very apologetic, Kikuchi took a deep breath and tried again. "I was wrong," he said, managing to keep his voice level and almost humble with a great deal of effort. "Wrong to take out my bitterness on the two of you, and wrong to attack you, Iwaki-kun, and...I'm sorry."
He glanced up to see Iwaki standing in front of him, bending down to rest his hand lightly on Kikuchi's shoulder. "Please get up, Kikuchi-san," Iwaki said, looking both touched and a little embarrassed. "Honestly, I had already forgiven you, but your apology means a lot to me, so thank you for that."
Kikuchi quickly rose to his feet, still feeling slightly humiliated, and yet at the same time, relieved, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders. Relieved enough not to be irked, even, as he normally would be by Iwaki's almost-too-good-to-be-true graciousness.
Katou rubbed his chin, looking thoughtful and a little surprised. "So...I guess you really do love Onozuka, if you're willing to humble yourself in front of your enemies for him," he said in a much calmer voice than before.
"I don't consider Kikuchi-san to be an enemy," Iwaki protested, but Kikuchi ignored him because another realization had just dawned on him.
"You...you were testing me, you sneaky little son of a bitch?!" Kikuchi asked incredulously.
"Yes," Katou replied matter-of-factly. "Onozuka is like a brother to me--an exasperating, bratty brother at times, but a brother all the same. If I was going to help you, I needed to be convinced of your sincerity first."
Kikuchi couldn't believe that he'd been outsmarted by a puppy like Katou, and he glared at the other man ferociously for a moment. And then the whole situation suddenly seemed absurd to him, and Kikuchi found himself bursting into laughter as Katou stared at him suspiciously.
"All right, I know when I've been bested," Kikuchi laughed. "I can't believe that you've managed to get the better of me twice now, when you normally have all the subtlety of a bull elephant in rut!" Katou scowled at him, while Iwaki regarded them both with bemusement, and Kikuchi said with a grin, "Although actually, it was your paparazzi friend who saved your skin the first time, otherwise you might have ended up being fired instead of me."
"Is that any way to ask a favor, you ungrateful bastard?" Katou demanded indignantly.
"Never mind, Katou," Iwaki said soothingly, stepping in to play the peacemaker as usual. "He did apologize, and it seems that we're both convinced of his sincerity, at least regarding his feelings for Onozuka-kun." He turned to Kikuchi and added, "Although Katou isn't usually very subtle in real life--"
"Hey, whose side are you on?!" Katou protested.
"--he is an excellent actor with a wide range, quite capable of subtle nuances," Iwaki continued, ignoring the interruption. "As you would know if you had seen 'Winter Cicadas,' so I presume that you haven't seen it yet."
"Like I'm going to shell out my hard earned cash to watch my rivals?" Kikuchi retorted good-naturedly, and although Katou scowled, Iwaki smiled with satisfaction.
"So then you admit that he's worthy of being your rival?" Iwaki asked pleasantly.
And Kikuchi could do nothing but laugh ruefully, acknowledging that he'd been bested yet again--either he was getting old, or love was softening his wits! Most likely the latter, since the current situation with Onozuka had him running in circles, too frantic to think straight.
"Popularity doesn't necessarily have anything to do with talent," Kikuchi retorted, but the "Cicadas" movie aside, he'd seen enough of Katou's earlier work to conclude that he probably was deserving of the Best Actor nomination that had been bestowed upon him. Not that he had any desire to admit that to Katou, and in any case, his feelings of rivalry with Katou right now were more personal. He still considered Katou a rival for Onozuka's affections, even though Katou probably didn't see it that way. It didn't matter that Katou would never see Onozuka as anything but a platonic friend, or that if Onozuka did feel an attraction to Katou, he would never act on it. There was still a bond between the two men--even if it was "only" friendship--and Kikuchi suspected that it was deeper than the one between himself and Onozuka, and that was why the jealousy kept gnawing at him, as persistently as a dog with a bone. And the sneaking suspicion that he might be Onozuka's second or even third choice (because he didn't want to jeopardize his friendships with Katou and Miyasaka) didn't sit well with Kikuchi, either.
However, Katou was beginning to look impatient, and Kikuchi didn't want to negate whatever goodwill he'd earned from his apology. And besides, he had no intention of exposing any more of his personal weaknesses to his rival than he absolutely had to. So he said with a conciliatory laugh, "But yes, I'll consider Katou-kun an acting rival, and you too, Iwaki-kun."
"I'm so flattered I can hardly stand it," Katou said sarcastically.
Iwaki gave Katou a stern look, although there was a little glint of amusement in his eyes, and Katou subsided. "Let's all sit down and discussion the situation," Iwaki suggested, and the three of them returned to the couch.
"You understand that even if we wanted to, it's not our place to tell Onozuka that he should resume his relationship with you," Iwaki told Kikuchi. "That's his decision to make."
"Not to mention that I'd like to meet the person who could force Onozuka to do something against his will," Katou added, rolling his eyes.
"I understand," Kikuchi told Iwaki. "I'm not expecting you to plead my case for me." In fact, that might even make things worse, since Onozuka resented people telling him what to do. "All I want is the opportunity to meet with him long enough for him to hear me out."
"Even that might be difficult," Katou said, frowning--but more like he was trying to puzzle out the problem of setting up the proposed meeting than because he was angry at Kikuchi.
"So you'll help me?" Kikuchi asked hopefully.
Katou's frown was directed at him this time. "Yes, but for Onozuka's sake, not yours," Katou growled. "I've never seen him this messed up before, so I guess he must care about you, even if he does have appalling taste."
"Katou," Iwaki warned, in a weary yet amused voice.
Katou leaned forward to glare at Kikuchi, saying, "And let me just make something clear. I'm going to help you out this once because I think that Onozuka will be happier with you than without you, but if you betray my trust...if you ever do anything to hurt him, I will kick your ass all the way back to America. Is that clear?"
"Katou," Iwaki sighed again.
"Yes," Kikuchi replied firmly, more amused than offended by Katou's fierce guard-dog attitude, although once again he envied the strength of the bond between Onozuka and Katou. "If I mess up my second chance and hurt him again, then I deserve whatever I get."
"Good," Katou said, looking mollified, and went back to contemplating strategy. "Hmm...Onozuka's not just going to sit down meekly for a little chat with you."
"Well, there's the party," Iwaki suggested hesitantly, then explained to Kikuchi, "We've invited Onozuka-kun, Miyasaka-kun, and Yoshizumi-san over to the house for dinner the day after the Academy Awards."
"You must be confident if you're already planning a celebration party," Kikuchi said with a wry smile.
He was mostly joking, but Iwaki looked embarrassed and a little flustered that Kikuchi thought he was that arrogant, and hastily protested, "Oh no, it's just a rare opportunity for all of us to get together, that's all!"
"Though of course we're hoping to celebrate a victory for one of us," Katou said, looking much less humble. "I don't particularly want you at our victory celebration," he added, scowling at Kikuchi. "Unfortunately, it's the best opportunity I can think of to get you and Onozuka in the same room together."
"I'm not sure it's a good idea to blindside Onozuka with Kikuchi-san's presence, though," Iwaki said uneasily.
Katou shrugged and replied, "Well, he's probably not going to show up if we tell him about it ahead of time. Besides, that bastard blindsided me with that scheme he cooked up about you and Miyasaka."
Iwaki flushed and replied, "Well, to be fair, I was blindsiding you as well. And really, we only did it to reconcile you and Miyasaka."
"I don't blame you, Iwaki-san," Katou reassured him. "I know that it was Onozuka's idea, and that manipulative little bastard can be convincing when he puts his mind to it. And yes, his intentions were mostly noble, but still, I owe him a bit of payback." He smiled, a bit smugly, at the thought of getting revenge on his friend.
"All right," Iwaki gave in reluctantly. "You can come to the party," he said to Kikuchi. "We told everyone to stop by at about six that evening..."
"But you need privacy, so it might be better if you come over a little early," Katou interjected. Now that he'd made up his mind to help Kikuchi, whether to help Onozuka or take revenge on him, he seemed determined to carry out the plan to the best of his ability. "Say, maybe five-thirty, and I'll invent some excuse for Onozuka to come by early, too--I'll tell him we need some help setting up or something."
"We'll provide an opportunity for the two of you to talk," Iwaki said. "And I'll encourage Onozuka to do so--I think that he needs to work things out with you, one way or the other. But ultimately, it will be his decision whether or not to talk to you, and whether or not he wants to reconcile with you."
"Or we could just throw them together in a room and lock the door until they either settle things or kill each other," Katou added, sounding like he wasn't completely joking.
"That might not be a bad idea," Kikuchi purred, thinking of all the things that he'd like to do with Onozuka in a locked room. (He wasn't really worried about Onozuka killing him, or at least, he considered it an acceptable risk.) The fact that Katou would be outraged by the idea of them having sex under his roof only made the potential scenario even more titillating.
"On the other hand, scratch that idea," Katou muttered after seeing Kikuchi's grin.
Iwaki sighed, shaking his head, with the air of a parent watching a couple of unruly children, which Kikuchi found pretty funny, considering that he was several years older than Iwaki. Katou looked less amused, and Kikuchi decided that since he'd gotten what he'd come here for, it was probably time to make a gracious exit.
"Thank you for your help," Kikuchi told the pair politely as he rose to his feet.
"You're welcome," Iwaki replied. "I'm not sure how much help we'll be in the long run, but I do hope things work out for you and Onozuka-kun."
"Yeah, yeah, just get out of here before I change my mind," Katou said gruffly.
"Katou!" Iwaki scolded, and Katou scowled at Kikuchi with a "this is all your fault" look on his face. Kikuchi smiled and bowed, with as much irony as courtesy, and left the house before Katou really did change his mind.
Part 18
***
Afterword: I recall getting into a discussion about Kikuchi on the Youka Nitta LJ comm, and the other person said that while they sympathized with what he'd gone through (having his career ruined because he was gay), it was hard to forgive what he did to Iwaki, especially since he never even apologized. And as much as I love Kikuchi, I thought that was a good point. But still, while I could picture him feeling guilty about what he'd done, it was tough to imagine him apologizing--I think he has too much pride for that. But still, I kept that thought in the back of my mind, and finally an opportunity arose when I had a bunny about him asking Iwaki and Katou for help, and Katou naturally feeling less than generous towards him. It finally felt "right" to have him apologize--partly because he was doing it for Onozuka's sake, and partly because he could finally grasp the magnitude of what he'd done when Katou phrased it in terms of Onozuka being the victim.
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What you have built between Kikuchi and Onozuka has been wonderful to follow!! The way each of them has grown, in themselves and along with the relationship, it's like this monster that they allowed to be cultivated, feeding it with their passion and their enthusiasm but ignoring how big it's getting; but they each have to face it cos the monster is also what they have been trying to avoid confrontation with (their own expectations of being in a relationship?) Okie, so, i dunno anymore what i'm saying, but i just had to say something cos i really hope you will continue with the next part soon!! And that there'll be a few chapters more before the eventual wrap-up (although i also don't want this to ever end, sigh.)
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And you definitely hit the nail on the head with Kikuchi and Onozuka--I love the description of their relationship as a monster that's gotten out of control, because that's exactly what it is.
I've already started working on the next chapter, and I think there will have to be a few more before things wrap up. But don't worry about it ending, because I already have a sequel in mind! ~_^
Thank you again for reading--I'm really glad that you're enjoying it so much!
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I write fic partly because I wish there was more of the manga, so I write the kinds of stories that I'd like to read. ^_^
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the idea of Kikuchi finally apologizing to Iwaki was good, and it was important that prior to this he'd understand and feel inside him why his actions were hurtful, not only have this vague guilt of having done wrong.
oww i can't think about Onuzuka surprisingly meeting Kikuchi at the party.. the air will be loaded like thunder clouds when he first sees his "lover" and then realizes his hosts have helped scheme this! *shudder*
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I'm glad the apology scene worked. I thought it was pretty important for him to not only apologize but actually mean it, if he's going to continue to associate with Iwaki and Katou for Onozuka's sake.
Btw, Snapelike wrote an awesome fic about Miyasaka bottoming for the first time. The pairings are actually Kikuchi/Onozuka and Mochimune/Miyasaka, but Miyasaka agrees to bottom to Onozuka to fulfill a bet they made with their lovers. See my rec post for a summary, warnings, and links: http://geri-chan.livejournal.com/63172.html
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I too would be intrigued by Miyasaka bottoming, but I understand that it wouldn't have worked in the context of this story. I'll have to take a look at Snapelike's; I've read most of her Haru fics, but this doesn't really ring a bell.
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Actually, I think you did leave a comment on Snapelike's fic ("How to Tame a Lover in Three Easy Steps"), but it's definitely worth reading again if you've forgotten. (Or it may be because I was a little off with the summary--the bet was actually between Kikuchi and Mochimune, with O&M each supposedly helping their lovers out while scheming to their own advantage. I needed a refresher too, but it was fun to read again!)
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I was wondering if there is a continuation to the story about Yoshizumi, and of course about Miyasaka and his project with Mochimune. Do you plan to continue that or are there other fics around related to this? (sorry that I haven't read all your notes since I kind of raced through the chapters)
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There isn't a continuation yet, but I plan to continue writing about Yoshizumi and Kenzaki--they'll appear again in a later chapter for this fic (yet to be written, but I have the basic outline planned out). After I finally manage to complete this "Unmasked" story arc, the sequel will focus on Mochimune's project with Miyasaka (Iwaki and Katou, and Kikuchi and Onozuka will be involved, too).
If you enjoyed reading my fics, you might try reading fics by Bronze Ribbons, who writes a lot of Yoshizumi ficlets, and wrote a pair of Yoshizumi/Kenzaki fics set loosely in my fanfic universe. And Snapelike is the one who got me interested in the Mochimune/Miyasaka pairing with her fics--the three of us tend to influence each other and bounce ideas off each other. If you're interested, you can find their stories through the links above at IJ, and they're also posted at Archive of Our Own (along with a few other Haru authors).
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*hangs head in embarrassment*
I think O&K are my two least favourite characters and if I feel this passionately about them, what does that say about everyone else?!
BTW, I don't think I've ever said this, but your writing does very much feel like an extension of the mangas. No, not so much in the language and vocabularly, but you have captured the personalities and the tone so well, I forget this is fanfiction!
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As for O&M being your least favorites--I couldn't stand Kikuchi myself the first time I read Book 2. I remember thinking, "How dare he try to break up Iwaki and Katou?!" ~_^ It was only later, after re-reading it a few times that I started to wonder what it was like for him to be driven out of Japan and start over in a new country, and I began to feel a bit of sympathy for him and see him as more than a villain.
And Onozuka--I love writing about him, but I don't think that I'd want him for a friend in real life. I'd always be wondering about what sneaky prank or scheme he'd be trying to pull on me!
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And I'd never date or want a frind like Onozuka in RL. He'd drive me nuts! Give my Yoshi, Asano or Miya anyday. At least you know where you stand with them, and I'm about as subtle as a sledgehammer.
Of course, I'd rather you gave me I or K, but that ain't never going to happen :)