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FIC: Unmasked, Part 23 of 25
Title: Unmasked, Part 23 of 25
Rating: NC-17 overall
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Kikuchi/Onozuka, Iwaki/Katou
Characters: Kikuchi, Onozuka, Iwaki, Katou, Miyasaka
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Word count: ~9,150
Sequel to: Unexpected Opportunities, Comeback (Part 1 and Part 2), Forgiveness, Firsts, First Date (Part 1 and Part 2), Going Steady (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6), Audition (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Cookout (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Press Conference (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Sanctuary, The Prince vs. the Groupie (Part 1, Part 2), Family Visit: Tokyo (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), Gigolo (Part 1, Part 2), Yoshizumi's Night Out (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3), Family Visit: Okinawa (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), and Interlude. The series also includes two side-stories that are outside of the main timeline: Valentine's Day Surprise and Strictly Business.
Summary: Kikuchi and Onozuka face the press, but continue to struggle with their relationship in private.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22
***
"That lying little sack of shit!" screeched Motomi Ruriko, a young actress who had played Onozuka's love interest in the drama "Brothers."
Her roommate Ibuki Kotone winced as she glanced away from the TV and said, "Who, the Prince? When did he ever lie to you?"
"Isn't it obvious?" Ruriko demanded indignantly. "He used me as a cover to hide the fact that he was gay!"
"Oh, come on," Kotone said rolling her eyes. "You went out on a grand total of, what...two dates? And that happened ages ago, so it's not like he dumped you for Kikuchi. Besides, didn't he tell you from the start that he wasn't looking for a serious relationship?"
"Well, yes, but...he was still using me!" Ruriko pouted and glared at Kotone, obviously displeased with the lack of sympathy.
Kotone sighed wearily. She wasn't here by choice; they had both been recruited and assigned to each other by the talent agency, so she was stuck with Ruriko until she started making enough money to afford a place of her own. That gave her extra motive to work hard and build up her savings, at least.
As for Ruriko, Kotone had to grudgingly admit that she was a good actress, but she had a highly inflated sense of self-importance. She seemed to think that stardom was her just due, and was offended that it hadn't been bestowed upon her yet. Being cast as the Prince's love interest had been a great opportunity, but it had only been a small part since the main emphasis in the drama had been on the relationship between Onozuka's character and his brother, not the romance. Ruriko had hoped to gain more publicity by dating Onozuka, but after escorting her to a couple of official events, he had very kindly and diplomatically brushed her off, to Kotone's secret delight. Ruriko would've been absolutely insufferable if she'd actually won the Prince's heart.
"Anyway, you don't know that he lied to you," Kotone said reasonably.
"If he's sleeping with Kikuchi, then obviously he doesn't like women!" Ruriko snapped.
"Maybe he likes men and women," Kotone took pleasure in pointing out. "Or maybe he likes women, but he just happened to fall in love with Kikuchi."
"You don't really believe that, do you?" Ruriko demanded incredulously.
Actually, Kotone thought that Ruriko's theory was probably more likely, and it would certainly explain why Onozuka had never had a serious relationship with any woman. Or maybe Ruriko had turned him against the entire female race, Kotone thought to herself wryly. In any case, she took pleasure in needling her roommate, so she smiled sweetly and insisted, "Why not? It happened to Iwaki and Katou, didn't it? You can't choose whom you fall in love with, and sometimes there's no rhyme or reason to it."
"Oh, you're impossible!" Ruriko spluttered, stamping her foot in frustration.
"And you're making this all about you when it's not," Kotone replied with an indifferent shrug.
The phone rang, and Ruriko went to answer it, shooting one last glare at her roommate. "Hello? Yes, this is Ruriko." She listened quietly for a minute, then covered the mouthpiece and whispered excitedly. "It's someone from Entertainment News! They want to ask me some questions about Onozuka!"
"You're the one who will end up looking like the villain if you bad-mouth the Prince," Kotone cautioned.
But Ruriko was already back on the phone saying, "Yes, of course, I'd love to give you an interview."
***
Katou was now being allowed visitors, and Miyasaka came by to see him that afternoon, bringing some flowers and the news that Onozuka and Kikuchi would be holding a televised press conference.
"So those two schemers have finally been exposed, hmm?" Katou mused.
"It happened because Onozuka-kun was so worried about you," Iwaki chided. "You could be a little more sympathetic."
"I don't think that love is anything to be ashamed of," Katou proclaimed. "If you love someone, you shouldn't try to hide it as if it were a dirty secret."
"It's more complicated than that, and you know it," Iwaki said disapprovingly.
Katou pouted a moment before relenting. "Yes, I know," he sighed. "I don't like seeing anyone hounded by the media, but it's a situation partly of Onozuka's own making, and I'm not just talking about his relationship with Kikuchi. If he hadn't built up a false persona for the public, he wouldn't have to worry about it being exposed."
"Well, we all have our public and private faces in this business," Iwaki replied, frowning thoughtfully. "But it's true that there's a bigger gap between the two for Onozuka-kun than there is for us."
"It's starting!" Miyasaka exclaimed, and they all fell silent and focused on the television screen. Onozuka and Kikuchi walked out to face the crowd of reporters and cameras, and Onozuka looked pale and a little nervous, but in a shy and innocent way, like a rookie facing the paparazzi for the first time--which Katou knew was absolutely not true, and signaled to him that this was a calculated act.
Kikuchi reached over and took Onozuka's hand, squeezing it reassuringly, and Onozuka relaxed, smiling at him shyly. An eager ripple of interest ran through the crowd of reporters as they focused on the pair with the intensity of sharks picking up the scent of blood, but Kikuchi's gesture came off as sweet and touching. Katou might actually have been moved by it if he hadn't suspected that it had been deliberately staged for maximum effect. Anytime that Onozuka looked shy or sweet was a dead giveaway that he was acting a part, even if it was himself that he was playing instead of a scripted role.
"Does this mean that the two of you are indeed a couple, Onozuka-san?" a reporter asked eagerly.
"Yes, it does," Onozuka replied. "But before we start answering questions about that, I would like to take a moment to apologize to Iwaki-san."
"Then it's true that you told Iwaki-san that it would be his fault if Katou-san died?" a second reporter demanded.
"Yes," Onozuka said quietly, flushing and hanging his head. "I was frightened and angry and frustrated, and terrified that Katou might die, and without thinking, I lashed out at Iwaki-san, who didn't deserve it. It was completely inexcusable and I'm so ashamed of myself." A tear slowly rolled down his cheek and he trembled slightly, and Kikuchi reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Iwaki-kun forgave him, both privately and publicly," Kikuchi told the reporters.
"Yes," Onozuka said, choking back a sob. "I immediately regretted what I'd said, and of course I apologized for my cruel words, and Iwaki-san was kind enough to forgive me even though I didn't deserve it. He even said there was nothing to forgive, that he knew I was upset because I was so worried about Katou." Tears began to spill openly down Onozuka's face now, and he continued in a voice choked with emotion, "We played brothers in that TV drama, and Iwaki-san has truly been like a big brother to me, watching over me and giving me advice, and sometimes scolding me when I needed it. And like a brother, he forgives me my faults, even when I did something to hurt him. Iwaki-san is such a kind person, always thinking of others before himself." Bowing deeply, he sobbed, "I am so sorry for what I said to Iwaki-san! I would beg for his forgiveness, but since he would just say that he doesn't need an apology, all I can do is to follow his example and try to become a better person. From now on, I resolve not to act so rashly, and to always treat others with kindness, as he does. I know that an apology is only words, and I promise that I will work hard to regain the public's trust by proving my sincerity with my actions."
Katou marveled at the way that Onozuka could turn his tears on and off like a faucet, then heard a sniffle from beside him and turned to see Iwaki brushing a tear from his eye.
"I'm so moved," Iwaki said. "Onozuka-kun likes to act cynical, but he really is a good person deep down. I remember when we first met that he didn't really like me, so it's very touching to know that he looks up to me now."
"What?!" Katou cried in horror. "Iwaki-san, don't fall for that act--he's totally faking it!"
"But I've never seen him cry like that before," Iwaki protested.
"He did for Ururun," Miyasaka reminded him cynically, referring to the popular travel show where celebrities were sent abroad to live with a foreign host family for a week. The main object of the show was supposedly for the viewers and the celebrity guest to learn more about the cultures of other countries, but the audience always looked forward to the end of each episode, when the celebrity would hug their host family, bidding them a tearful goodbye. Onozuka had appeared on the show once, and Iwaki had been impressed by his crocodile tears, although Onozuka had later confided in private to Katou and Miyasaka that the desert country he'd visited was "stinking, hot, and dirty," and that he'd never go there again.
"Those are fake tears," Katou told Iwaki. "Look at the way he's crying--it's obviously just for show! If he were crying for real, his nose would be running and his face would be all red and blotchy." Instead, his complexion was perfect and the tears artistically ran down his face like crystal droplets, and of course the Prince would never let snot run out of his nose on live TV.
"It's not fair to call him a liar just because his face doesn't turn red," Iwaki scolded Katou. "Some people are just more prone to that than others. He may be exaggerating a bit for the sake of the cameras, but his remorse seems genuine. Onozuka-kun is your friend, after all--you should show him a little more compassion."
Katou sighed and gave up, thinking sourly to himself that maybe Onozuka was the one who deserved an Academy Award for his acting. Meanwhile, on the screen, Kikuchi was gently patting Onozuka's back and offering him a handkerchief.
"Thank you, Kikuchi-san," Onozuka murmured, wiping the tears from his face.
The reporters waited for him to compose himself, then continued with the questions. Onozuka was wearing a black scarf wrapped around his neck, and a female reporter asked in an insinuating tone, "Onozuka-san, why are you wearing a scarf?"
Onozuka smiled innocently and replied, "Well, it is a bit chilly today," although it was probably hot enough to sweat under the glare of the lights in the TV studio. He coughed delicately and added, "I have a bit of a sore throat, and I wanted to take care of it so that it doesn't turn into a full-blown cold."
"Are you sure you aren't trying to hide something?" the reporter asked mischievously.
"Like what?" Onozuka asked with a blank, wide-eyed look that caused Katou to snort derisively, and even Iwaki smiled this time.
"Like a kiss mark!" someone else called out.
"Oh!" Onozuka exclaimed, turning scarlet with embarrassment, as if the idea had only just occurred to him. "No, it's nothing like that."
Kikuchi smiled and said, "It was a little cold in the hospital, and Onozuka-kun was so worried that he didn't get any rest at all last night." He slipped an arm around Onozuka's shoulders protectively for a moment, saying, "It's no wonder that he's a little under the weather. But I intend to look after him and make sure that he takes care of his health."
He smiled tenderly at Onozuka, and Onozuka blushed slightly, staring back at him with a look of sweet adoration as he whispered, "Thank you, Kikuchi-san."
"So the two of you are lovers?" a reporter called out impatiently.
"Yes, we are," Onozuka replied, quietly but firmly, still blushing.
"Did it happen on the set of 'Love Reborn'? I heard rumors that the two of you met before filming started."
"Yes to both questions," Onozuka said. "Kikuchi-san worked with my friend Miyasaka Keigo on the TV drama 'Yakuza Love Story,' and Miyasaka introduced Kikuchi-san to me after the series ended because he knew I was a big fan." Onozuka smiled sheepishly. "But I was so star-struck and excited to meet him that it never occurred to me to think about him in a romantic way until much later, after we got to know each other better while working on the movie."
"Really?" a reporter asked skeptically. "You didn't get the role of Eisuke because you were Kikuchi-san's lover, or at least someone that Kikuchi-san was interested in?"
"He won the role on his own merits," Kikuchi answered firmly, then flashed a devilishly charming smile at the crowd. "Although of course I was instantly smitten with the Golden Prince." The reporters laughed, and the tense atmosphere eased slightly. "However, Onozuka-kun was oblivious to my interest at the time, thinking of me only as a respected older actor." Kikuchi sighed regretfully as Onozuka blushed and the reporters laughed again. "If you ask Kitamura-kantoku, he'll tell you that he was the first one to say that Onozuka-kun would be perfect for the role--I didn't have to lobby for Onozuka-kun at all."
Some of the reporters still looked a little skeptical, but let the issue drop and moved on to the next question. "Then at what point did the two of you become a couple?"
"Well, it happened very gradually," Onozuka replied earnestly. "I liked Kikuchi-san a lot, and we got along very well, but it took some time for me to realize that I was feeling more than hero worship or even friendship for him."
"But the two of you flirted blatantly for the press conferences and interviews," a reporter pointed out.
"Well, yes, but I thought Kikuchi-san was just joking around and playing up to the cameras," Onozuka said sheepishly. "We were supposed to be playing lovers, after all, so I thought it was just part of getting into character."
"He was so oblivious that I despaired of ever getting him to notice how I felt about him," Kikuchi groaned good-naturedly, and Onozuka blushed yet again. In a more serious voice, Kikuchi said, "And of course I didn't want to pressure him or make him feel uncomfortable. I wanted him as a lover, of course, but if he didn't return my feelings, I didn't want to lose his friendship." He gave Onozuka a tender look. "He had become someone very important to me, and I wanted to be with him in whatever way I could."
"I thought Kikuchi-san was just being kind to me," Onozuka said, still looking sheepish.
"Can you really be that naive?" one of the reporters scoffed. Onozuka flushed, looking mortified, and Kikuchi glared at the man.
"Well, I guess I was a bit dense," Onozuka laughed self-deprecatingly. "But I was just a young up-and-coming actor and he was a big star, someone I had looked up to ever since I was a kid."
"Ah, that makes me feel old!" Kikuchi groaned, causing a few of the reporters to chuckle.
"Oh no, that's not what I meant!" Onozuka hastily protested. "It's just...Kikuchi-san seemed so far above me as an actor that it didn't occur to me that he might think of me as someone who could walk by his side as an equal." He smiled shyly at Kikuchi. "But gradually, I began to notice that I felt happy whenever I was with Kikuchi-san, and that I missed him when he wasn't around. And..." He blushed, glancing bashfully down at his feet. "...there were quite a few young men who would show up at the studio or when we were shooting on location, hoping to get autographs from Kikuchi-san, and sometimes even propositioning him. It's only natural, of course, for fans to seek out the stars they admire, but it started to annoy me, and I realized that I was feeling jealous." He looked up to smile at Kikuchi tenderly. "And very relieved when Kikuchi-san always turned down their invitations."
"Of course," Kikuchi said, gazing intently into Onozuka's eyes, as if no one else existed. He lifted Onozuka's hand to his mouth, kissing it gently. "There is no one that I want other than you, Onozuka-kun."
Onozuka flushed and smiled at him adoringly. "There is no one else that I want, either," he said softly.
"Well, you certainly are a loving couple!" one of the reporters exclaimed, and Kikuchi and Onozuka turned back to face the crowd, Onozuka smiling shyly while Kikuchi's look was more possessive.
"So can you tell us how long you've been a couple? When did you finally admit your feelings for each other?"
"It was in Okinawa," Onozuka said, giving Kikuchi another love-struck look. "I guess that doing all those romantic scenes on the beach finally made me realize that I wanted Kikuchi-san to kiss me for real, and not just for the movie."
Kikuchi grinned and said, "I kept hoping that the director would ask for another take when we were doing the kiss scene, and I was so disappointed when he called, 'Cut!'"
"Why did you hide your relationship?" a reporter asked. "You kept insisting that it was purely professional. Did you consider it something to be ashamed of?"
Onozuka opened his mouth to reply, but Kikuchi jumped in to defend him. "First of all, we never actually denied it. All Onozuka-kun said was that we must be doing our job as actors if people think that we're in love for real."
"But didn't that imply that you weren't really in love?" the reporter countered.
"If there's any blame to be laid here, it's on me," Kikuchi said firmly. "I insisted on keeping things quiet because I couldn't forget how I was driven out of the country ten years ago. Onozuka-kun said that things have changed since then, but I didn't want to take the risk. My reputation was already ruined, so it doesn't matter for me, but I didn't want to see Onozuka-kun suffer the way that I had. I couldn't bear it if his career was ruined because of me."
"It wasn't only Kikuchi-san's decision," Onozuka said quietly, reaching out to take Kikuchi's hand. "I didn't want to deceive my fans, and I wasn't really worried about a public backlash. I think that people today are more open-minded, and even if some of my fans disapprove of us, I was willing to take that risk. But I've already caused a lot of trouble to my family, and I knew that the media would start hounding them again if our relationship became public. Once again, I have to apologize for causing them such an inconvenience." He bowed deeply then straightened up, staring into the cameras with an earnest and pleading look on his face. "I beg of all of you, please respect my family's privacy and leave them alone. I will make myself available to give interviews, so please...direct all your questions to me, and leave my family in peace." He bowed again and said, "I thank you in advance for your cooperation."
"Direct your questions to us," Kikuchi corrected, squeezing Onozuka's hand, and Onozuka smiled at him gratefully.
"And what was your family's reaction to the news, Onozuka-san?" a reporter asked.
"They were pretty shocked," Onozuka replied solemnly. "I don't think they know quite what to make of it, but my father told me that he wouldn't criticize me or stop me from living my life as I choose. I'm grateful that he showed such understanding, given the circumstances."
"What about you, Kikuchi-san?" another reporter asked. "Have you spoken to your family yet?"
"As a matter of fact, they already knew," Kikuchi replied with a smile. "I had introduced Onozuka-kun to them previously, and they liked him very much. In fact, he quite charmed my mother, and now I'm afraid she will never forgive me if I break up with him!" Onozuka laughed, as did the reporters, and Kikuchi continued, "So it's fortunate that I intend to stay by Onozuka-kun's side always."
"Will you introduce Kikuchi-san to your family?" a reporter asked Onozuka.
Onozuka smiled nervously and replied, "Well...it's a bit early for that now. I think I need to give them some time to get over the shock first."
"Of course it would be rude to barge in on them right away," Kikuchi said smoothly. "But someday I would like to meet them and win their approval. I know they must have many reservations about their son dating a man, and a much older man at that--"
"Not that much older," Onozuka protested loyally.
"You're too kind, Onozuka-kun," Kikuchi said with a grin. "Seriously, I know that it probably won't be easy to win their acceptance, but I hope to show them how much I care about Onozuka-kun, and that I'm sincere in my intentions towards him."
"Onozuka-san, you've dated women in the past," a reporter said. "Is Kikuchi-san the first man you've been in a relationship with?"
"Yes," Onozuka replied.
"An actress that you've dated in the past, Motomi Ruriko, has accused you of using her and the other women you've dated to conceal the fact that you're gay. Do you have any response to those charges?"
"I had no idea that Ruriko-san felt that way," Onozuka said, looking very distressed. "I certainly never meant to deceive her, but I can understand why she might think that way." He bowed and said, "I would like to apologize for any pain that I have caused her." He straightened up and continued, "However, my intentions were always sincere. I've made it clear, both to the press and to the women I've dated, that I was devoting myself to my career and not looking for a serious relationship. Ruriko-san is a very nice girl and a talented actress, but there was never anything serious between us. I escorted her to an awards show and to a party related to the TV show we were both working on, and I had thought we'd parted on good terms after the show was over."
"So it was more of professional relationship and you were never really dating?"
"That's correct," Onozuka replied. "But I feel terrible if I accidentally misled her somehow. I truly never meant to hurt her feelings." He paused, looking a little wistful. "In fact, although I really wasn't looking for a serious relationship, I did envy the deep love that Katou and Iwaki-san have for each other, and hoped that someday I would find someone who would mean that much to me. I had never met a woman who made me feel that way, but I always assumed that I just hadn't met the right person yet. I think that was partly why it took me so long to recognize my true feelings for Kikuchi-san. Maybe it was narrow-minded of me and I should have known better, considering that I'm friends with Katou and Iwaki-san, but I didn't realize that I loved him because I never expected to fall in love with a man!"
"Well, I'm just happy that you finally did realize it!" Kikuchi laughed.
Onozuka smiled lovingly at him and said, "In hindsight, it was silly of me to say things like, 'I won't have a serious relationship until my career is established'--you can't control when you'll fall in love or whom you'll fall in love with. It's something that took me completely by surprise, but I've never been happier than I am right now."
"Me, too," Kikuchi said, reaching out to take Onozuka's hand and lift it to his lips again as Onozuka blushed.
They gazed into each other's eyes adoringly, and Katou muttered, "Yoshizumi-san would be throwing up by this point if he were here."
"Shh!" Iwaki hissed.
"How does Katou-san feel about your relationship?" a reporter asked. "Wasn't there a feud between the two of you, Kikuchi-san?"
Kikuchi reluctantly tore his gaze away from Onozuka and turned to face the reporter. "As I've said before, there's no feud. We've had our little differences in the past, but we set them aside for Onozuka-kun's sake."
Onozuka smiled warmly and said, "Katou is a good friend--he told me that if Kikuchi-san makes me happy, then he will accept Kikuchi-san for my sake. I was very moved."
Kikuchi grinned and said, "Katou and I agreed to get along for Onozuka-kun's sake, but he also told me that he'd kick my ass all the way back to America if I broke Onozuka-kun's heart!"
The reporters burst into laughter, and Onozuka laughed helplessly and shook his head, saying, "Oh dear! I wasn't aware of that, but I'm sure it won't be necessary."
"It's good incentive to treat you well," Kikuchi chuckled.
"Did you really say that, Katou?" Miyasaka asked.
"He really did," Iwaki confirmed, patting Katou's head affectionately.
"That's probably the only honest thing they've said the entire time," Katou grumbled.
"So what happens next?" a reporter asked. "Are the two of you planning to move in together?"
"We haven't really planned that far ahead," Onozuka replied. "We were trying to keep our relationship low-key for the reasons we explained earlier, and obviously it would have become very public if we had moved in together."
"We were taken by surprise by all this, almost as much as you were," Kikuchi told the reporters. "We'll have to take some time to sit down and talk things over, and decide what to do next. I don't think there's any need to rush; my feelings for Onozuka-kun won't change, regardless of whether we're living together or apart."
"But it's the next logical step in a relationship, right?" another reporter said. "As is marriage--do you see yourselves getting married someday?"
"Hey, one thing at a time!" Kikuchi laughed. "Even if we did, it would only be symbolic since same-sex marriage isn't legal in Japan." He smiled at Onozuka and said, "But if that would make Onozuka-kun happy, then I wouldn't mind having a ceremony. Again, it's something that we would have to talk seriously about."
"I know that a marriage ceremony was something that was important to Iwaki-san and Katou," Onozuka said, blushing slightly. "But I'm confident in my feelings for Kikuchi-san and his for me, without needing a ceremony to confirm it. I'm not saying that it will never happen, but it's not something that I want to rush into lightly."
"It's true that gay marriage per se isn't legal," the reporter said. "But I've heard that many gay men get 'married' by adopting their partner so that they can legally be considered family. Do you think that you might consider that form of marriage, perhaps not now, but some time in the future?"
Onozuka looked genuinely startled by the question; it seemed to be the first one that he hadn't anticipated in advance. Kikuchi stepped in to answer, saying, "Well, once again, it's something that we haven't thought about. I guess since I'm older, I would be the one adopting Onozuka-kun." He chuckled and added, "I'm sure my mother would be happy to welcome him into the family! But personally, it would feel strange to adopt my lover as my son. Even if it's just a legal formality, it would feel a bit too much like incest--just for me personally, I want to clarify. I'm certainly not condemning any gay couples who choose to get married in that fashion, because I can understand why they'd want to ensure that they have legal rights as family members. Technically, a gay partner could be denied inheritance rights, or turned away from his or her lover's bedside if they fell ill, because they aren't legally considered spouses."
"While I would be honored if Kikuchi-san wanted to make me part of his family, I don't think that's something I could do," Onozuka said slowly, and Katou got the impression that his words were sincere this time. "While I haven't always seen eye to eye with my own family, it would make me sad to be stricken off the family register and to give up the Nakata name completely." He bowed his head for a moment and Kikuchi hesitantly reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder. Then Onozuka looked up and said with a mischievous smile, "I suppose that I could adopt Kikuchi-san, but that would feel odd, too! Besides, I know how much he loves his family, and I wouldn't want him to have to give up the Kikuchi name, either."
The reporters chuckled, and Kikuchi said, "You have to understand, this relationship is still fairly new to us, and we're still trying to figure out the best way to make it work. I'm not sure exactly what path it will take, but I'm confident that as long as we continue to love and respect each other, that everything will work out in the end."
At that point, Fujimoto stepped forward and said, "I think that about covers everything. Thank you for your time, ladies and gentlemen." A few of the reporters started to protest, and Fujimoto said firmly, "Onozuka-san and Kikuchi-san were up all last night at the hospital and have barely gotten any sleep in the last twenty-four hours. They'll make themselves available for interviews in the days ahead, but for now, please let them get some rest."
"Thank you," Onozuka said politely, bowing to the reporters. "I appreciate the opportunity to clear up the various rumors, and I'm grateful that I had the chance to apologize to Iwaki-san again. And although I'm sorry to have caused so much trouble for family and for my agency..." He winked at Fujimoto. "...in a way, I'm relieved to have everything out in the open. I'm grateful that I don't have to hide my feelings for Kikuchi-san anymore." He smiled shyly at Kikuchi and continued, "And I'm also grateful that I don't have to mislead my fans any longer. If they're disappointed in me, I will understand, but I hope that they'll accept my feelings for Kikuchi-san." He bowed one more time, saying, "I thank them for all of their support."
"I thank them and ask for their support as well," Kikuchi said. "And if they are angry or disappointed about our relationship, I ask that they direct those feelings towards me, and not hold it against Onozuka-kun." He bowed deeply and Onozuka smiled at him tenderly.
"Thank you once again," Fujimoto said, ushering Onozuka and Kikuchi out of the studio, and the press conference came to an end.
"Well, that was interesting," Katou murmured, feeling slightly disturbed by what he had just seen.
"What's wrong, Katou?" Iwaki asked, picking up on his discomfort.
"Well, to begin with, nearly everything they said was a lie," Miyasaka pointed out.
"Yes, but I expected Onozuka to put on a performance," Katou said, still frowning at the television screen while a news reporter provided commentary and a recap. "He's always playing a role as the Golden Prince. What bothers me is that when they said they loved each other and gazed into each other's eyes soulfully...it felt both real and fake at the same time."
"What do you mean?" Miyasaka asked, his brow creasing in confusion as he frowned. "Are you saying that Onozuka doesn't really love Kikuchi?"
"No...it's hard to explain," Katou replied. He took a moment to organize his thoughts, then said, "I think that he does love Kikuchi, but the way he said it to the reporters felt like a lie. Kikuchi was a bit more sincere...but it felt more like they were acting the part of lovers than actually being in love. And did you notice the way they were calling each other 'Onozuka-kun' and 'Kikuchi-san' when they always say 'Yuu' and 'Katsuya' in private?"
"I think maybe they were putting up a bit of a front because they didn't want to fully expose their private lives to the press," Iwaki replied thoughtfully. "Onozuka-kun in particular is a very private person, and I don't think that he wants to share all his inner feelings with the public. I can understand that. What you and I share is very special to me, Katou, and it feels like an intrusion when the media camps on our doorstep and asks us questions about our families and our love life, or when the paparazzi spy on us, trying to take photos of us in intimate situations. I know that it comes along with the job, but I feel like they're trying to take that special thing away from us. I don't blame Onozuka for wanting to deflect them by putting on an act and telling a few white lies. That's not necessarily how I would want to handle things, but I can understand the impulse."
"I guess you're right," Katou said, but he continued to worry because he wasn't sure that his friend wasn't lying a little bit to himself as well as to the reporters.
***
Onozuka slouched down in the back seat of Fujimoto's car, feeling completely drained and exhausted. It was hard to convincingly declare professions of love to the reporters when he was still trying to sort out his real feelings for Kikuchi in private. He had managed to pull it off somehow, but doing so had drained every last ounce of energy from him, leaving him feeling tired and cranky. Kikuchi reached out to rub his shoulders, and that should have felt comforting, but instead Onozuka had to fight the impulse to slap his hand away.
"You did very well," Fujimoto grudgingly acknowledged as he drove away from the TV studio. "I think you made a good impression, but we'll have to wait and see what the public reaction will be."
Kojima was balancing a notebook computer on her lap in the front seat of the car while listening to a radio through headphones. She pulled one earpiece out so that she could carry on a conversation and said, "The initial reaction is good so far, although it will take some time before we can get the full overall picture. There had been anger over Onozuka-kun's insult to Iwaki, but that softened when Iwaki made his public statement of support, and now it seems like your apology was moving enough that the fans have forgiven you." She scrolled through a fan forum that had new messages coming in as she spoke. "And that Motomi girl is being called a troublemaker and a publicity hound--her manager will have some damage control to do!" Kojima sounded almost gleeful, perhaps because Ruriko worked for a rival agency. "As for your relationship with Kikuchi-san...most of your fans seem to be taking it pretty well. It helps that many of them are Iwaki and Katou fans, too."
"The reaction can't be completely positive," Fujimoto said skeptically.
"Of course there are a few negative comments, too," Kojima replied. "Some people don't like the idea of their idol being gay, and others don't like Kikuchi-san. One message says, 'I don't trust Kikuchi. Katou wouldn't have had him fired for no reason.'"
"I wasn't fired, I quit," Kikuchi grumbled.
"You were forced to quit, which basically amounts to being fired," Kojima said dryly. "This next message says, 'Ewww, I can't stand the thought of the Prince being with that dirty old man--he's old enough to be my dad! If Onozuka-san has to be with a man, at least let it be someone young and hot, like Katou.'"
Onozuka's mood lightened enough for him to snicker, and Kikuchi glared at both him and Kojima. "Gee, thanks," Kikuchi told his manager sarcastically.
"Cheer up, Kikuchi-san," Kojima said. "Someone else replied, 'I think Kikuchi-san and Onozuka-san make a nice couple. I really liked the way that Kikuchi-san protected the Prince, both at today's press conference and at the Academy Awards.' The next person says, 'Yes, I agree. What could be more romantic than the way Kikuchi-san shielded the Prince with his own body, just like Katou-san did with Iwaki-san?' And here, this one says, 'I think it's very romantic how they fell in love while filming a love story, and I think it's sweet that Kikuchi-san introduced Onozuka-san to his family.' You played your role well, Kikuchi-san--most of the fans like your protectiveness towards Onozuka-kun."
"It's not just a role," Kikuchi said quietly.
"Real or fake, I don't care as long as the fans are happy," Fujimoto said. "And by the way, where am I going? Are you both going to Kikuchi-san's place, or am I taking Onozuka-kun home?"
"I just want to go home and get some sleep," Onozuka groaned.
"I think that you and Kikuchi-san should go home together," Kojima told him. "It will look odd if the two of you go home separately after giving that moving speech about how much you love each other." Onozuka frowned, and Kojima said, "What's the big deal? You can sleep as easily at his place as you can at your own. Besides, aren't you glad that you don't have to sneak around anymore?"
"Well...yes," Onozuka replied, and it was true, but at the same time, he felt like he was being caught up in something beyond his control. After acting out what Yoshizumi probably would have called a nauseating display of togetherness, Onozuka would have liked a little quiet time alone.
"In fact, I think it would be a good idea for the two of you to move in together," Kojima said.
"What?!" Onozuka and Fujimoto chorused, while Kikuchi remained silent. He kept his face expressionless, but his eyes looked troubled when they glanced over at Onozuka.
"You aren't hiding the relationship any longer," Kojima reminded them. "I realize this is a complete turnabout, but now your popularity depends on selling the image of true love to the public. It was fine that Onozuka-kun was living with Miyasaka-kun while everyone thought he was straight, but now that he's in a relationship with a man, people might start to wonder if he has something going on with Miyasaka-kun."
Kikuchi frowned jealously, and Onozuka protested, "Of course there's nothing going on! Miyasaka is my best friend!"
"It's doesn't matter if there's nothing going on!" Kojima said impatiently. "What matters is if the public thinks there's something going on, and believe me, rumors will come up. You could move out into your own apartment, but then people will question why you're not moving in with Kikuchi-san. They'll say things like, 'Is the relationship in trouble?' I think it would just be best all around if the two of you moved in together."
"It's a bit extreme, but I think Kojima has a point," Fujimoto agreed reluctantly.
Onozuka felt panicked and resentful. He was just getting used to the idea of being in a committed relationship and he wasn't ready to move in with Kikuchi just yet. It was something that he might want to do in the nebulous future, but he resented being forced into it, and he felt sort of like a beginning swimmer being thrown into the deep end of the pool during his first lesson.
Kikuchi seemed to sense his mood and smiled at Onozuka apologetically. He started to reach out to touch Onozuka, then changed his mind and let his hand fall back into his lap. "We can take some time to think about it, can't we?" he asked in a reasonable voice. "It is a major step, as we said at the press conference."
"Don't take too long," Kojima warned him. "The reaction so far is positive, but the public is fickle and it won't take much to turn them against you." She gave him a shrewd look and said, "You want to protect Onozuka-kun's career, don't you?"
"Yes, of course," Kikuchi sighed in resignation. Onozuka glanced at him, not quite sure whether Kikuchi was also unenthused by the idea or if he was just unhappy that Onozuka was upset about it.
There were several paparazzi lurking near Kikuchi's apartment building--although far enough away to avoid being arrested by the police--and they snapped pictures of Kikuchi and Onozuka entering the building together. "I suppose Kojima was right, at least about going home together tonight," Onozuka admitted grudgingly.
"You know I'm always happy to have you over, your Highness," Kikuchi said with a smile, attempting to lighten the mood, but Onozuka still felt rather sulky and had to resist the urge to pick a fight for no reason.
"It's almost time for dinner," Kikuchi said as they walked into the apartment. "I'll make something; what would you like? Pasta? Omuraisu?"
"I'm not hungry," Onozuka said sullenly, unwinding the scarf from around his neck and tossing it aside. "This thing is itchy," he complained, scratching at his neck as he flopped down on the couch.
"I'm sorry," Kikuchi said contritely, bending down to kiss the mark on Onozuka's neck. "I didn't know we'd have to give a press conference today. You really should eat something. I know you're tired, but you barely ate anything at lunch today."
"I guess you must be happy," Onozuka said petulantly, although he knew he wasn't being fair.
"What are you talking about?" Kikuchi asked, frowning.
"This is what you wanted, right?" Onozuka asked, making a vague, sweeping motion. "For us to get serious and play house together. Well, you got your wish. Now I have to move in with you and we can't break up unless I want to ruin my career."
"This is not what I wanted!" Kikuchi retorted. "I wanted you to choose to be with me, not to be bullied into it by Kojima and Fujimoto. Do you really think it makes me happy if you're only here by force?"
"Sorry," Onozuka mumbled, not very graciously.
Kikuchi sighed and said, "Well, it has been a very stressful day. Maybe skipping dinner isn't such a bad idea, after all." He placed a hand on Onozuka's shoulder and murmured, "Shall we just turn in and go to bed early?"
"I'm not in the mood right now," Onozuka snapped, pushing Kikuchi's hand away.
"I meant to sleep, not fuck!" Kikuchi retorted in an exasperated voice. "I know that you think I'm a horndog, but I do have a little sensitivity. Besides, do you really think I want to have sex with you when you're acting like a brat?"
Onozuka slouched further down on the couch, muttering sulkily, "Well, excuse me for being a brat." He knew that he was behaving badly, but he felt tired, trapped, and cranky, and what he really wanted was to have some time alone to sort out his thoughts. Barring that, he wanted to take out his bad mood on someone, and Kikuchi was the only person available at the moment.
Kikuchi sighed again and went to get a pillow from the bedroom and a spare blanket from the closet, then came over and dropped them on the couch. Onozuka figured that he was being booted out of the bedroom tonight, and he supposed he couldn't really blame Kikuchi.
But Kikuchi surprised him by saying, "I'll be a gentleman and take the couch tonight; you can have the bed. But if this turns into an ongoing thing, we're going to have to take turns, your Highness." He turned and headed to the kitchen, saying, "You can go to bed--to sleep--but I'm going to fix something for myself. I'll leave a plate in the fridge in case you get hungry later."
Kikuchi's kindness suddenly made Onozuka feel very ashamed of himself, and he jumped up to fling his arms around a very startled Kikuchi from behind. "I'm sorry for being such a jerk," he whispered, resting his head on Kikuchi's shoulder. "It's not that I don't want to be with you, and I know it's not your fault, but I just hate being forced into anything...even if it's something that I normally wouldn't mind doing."
"You're so contrary, your Highness," Kikuchi chuckled affectionately, and he turned in Onozuka's embrace so that they were facing each other. "I know that we really needed more time to work things out between us," he said in a gentler voice. "And I'm sorry that you're being forced into this before you're ready. But even if we have to play the role of the devoted couple in public, we can take things slow and move at our own pace in private. I'll try to give you your space when you need it, and we can look into moving into a two-bedroom unit if that would help."
"Kojima-san might say that the tabloids will gossip," Onozuka said with a wry smile.
"So what?" Kikuchi replied with a cocky grin. "We can say we're converting the second room into a study--we can even invite a reporter in to take photos if you're really worried about it. I actually could use a separate room to hold my bookcase and all the crap I've collected from movie sets over the years. We can leave enough space to throw a futon down on the floor and nobody but us will know that the study can also double as a second bedroom."
"You really are devious, Katsuya!" Onozuka laughed. "That's a very kind offer, but I don't think we need to rush out and look for another place right away. Let's just see how things go, and if we start to get on each other's nerves, then maybe we can consider it later. Oh, and of course I'll split the rent with you." He glanced around the apartment with an appraising eye. "This place is probably way more expensive than Miyasaka's, but if I'm only paying half, it should still be manageable."
"You're making a good salary on the film," Kikuchi reminded him, looking amused.
"Sure, but in this business you never know when you'll get another job," Onozuka pointed out. "I'm not a miser, and I treat myself to luxuries from time to time, but I try to keep enough in my savings to tide me over through a dry spell."
"Very practical, your Highness," Kikuchi said approvingly, planting a light kiss on Onozuka's mouth. "Did you still want to take a nap?"
"Yes, but you don't have to sleep on the couch," Onozuka replied with an apologetic smile.
"It might still be a good idea," Kikuchi said ruefully.
"I really am sorry," Onozuka said anxiously.
"I know; I'm not angry," Kikuchi assured him. "It's just...you made it clear that you just want to sleep, and I'm not sure that I trust myself to be in the same bed with you and not do anything."
Onozuka grinned, pressing his body against Kikuchi's. "Are you saying that you find me irresistible?"
"Yes, your Highness," Kikuchi said huskily.
"Well, on second thought, since we're being forced to live together, we might as well reap the benefits of the situation as well as the disadvantages, don't you think?" Onozuka asked seductively.
"I think that sounds like a very good idea," Kikuchi replied, covering Onozuka's mouth with his own.
They headed to the bedroom and undressed, with much less haste than the night before, taking the time to tease each other with playful caresses. Once they were finally naked and lying on the bed in each other's arms, Kikuchi nibbled on Onozuka's earlobe and whispered, "So tell me what would please you most tonight, your Highness--your wish is my command."
"Mmm, I like the sound of that," Onozuka purred, pausing to consider all the delightful possibilities. "Fuck me," he finally commanded.
"No," Kikuchi said, startling Onozuka before he continued, "but I will make love to you."
"It's the same thing," a puzzled Onozuka said.
"No, it's not," Kikuchi replied with a strange look in his eyes--tender, but mixed with that familiar feral, wolfish gleam that always excited Onozuka so much. "I'll show you the difference."
He began to slowly kiss and caress Onozuka, but this time it didn't feel playful or teasing. Although the touch of Kikuchi's hands and mouth was gentle on his body, there was an intensity to it, a feeling of deep passion being carefully controlled and just barely held in check that made Onozuka's skin tingle.
Onozuka gasped as Kikuchi pressed a kiss to his throat and continued to caress him with that odd tender intensity...with reverence, Onozuka suddenly realized. Kikuchi's hands were stroking his body the way that a master musician might play a Stradivarius, as if he were something incredibly rare and precious, and the thought brought tears to Onozuka's eyes.
Onozuka felt his body responding with a new level of desire that matched the intensity of Kikuchi's caresses, and he couldn't stop the eager little moans and whimpers that were pouring out of his mouth. Embarrassed by how needy he sounded, he clamped a hand over his mouth to stifle the noises, but Kikuchi gently pulled his hand away.
"I want to hear you," Kikuchi whispered, his eyes still glittering with that fiercely tender look.
"Katsuya, please," Onozuka moaned, then cried out loudly as Kikuchi entered him, sliding into his body slowly and smoothly. It was good, so good, and Onozuka couldn't stop moaning as Kikuchi moved inside him in slow, rhythmic thrusts. Kikuchi was right--this was different from mere fucking. It wasn't just the gentleness; Kikuchi had been gentle with him before, although their lovemaking was usually more aggressive. It was the tenderness and the reverence, and it was the way that Kikuchi was staring at him right now, as if Onozuka was the only person in the world who mattered to him. It was the way that his eyes seemed to say I love you even though he hadn't spoken the words aloud. It was all so intense that Onozuka squeezed his eyes shut, unable to take any more, afraid of drowning and losing himself in the depths of Kikuchi's gaze.
Kikuchi pressed light kisses against his eyelids and continued making love to Onozuka, and even with his eyes closed, he could still feel the intensity of Kikuchi's emotions in each kiss and touch and thrust. Love and lust mingled and blurred together until he couldn't tell them apart, his desire spiraling out of control, and he heard himself calling out Kikuchi's name as he came.
He lay there on the bed trembling, only vaguely aware of Kikuchi coming inside him and groaning, "Yuu," in a low voice. Onozuka felt something warm and wet trickling down his face, and realized that he was crying when Kikuchi asked in a concerned voice, "Are you all right, Yuu?"
He opened his eyes, getting a blurry view of Kikuchi's face through his tears. "Damn you," he whispered as Kikuchi's fingers gently brushed the tears away. He blinked and his vision cleared enough to see that Kikuchi was beginning to look alarmed.
"What's wrong?" Kikuchi asked anxiously.
"You don't play fair," Onozuka said, giving him a wry half-smile as he wound his arms around Kikuchi's neck. "You said that we could take things slow, and then you go and do something like that."
"God, you scared me!" Kikuchi said, a look of relief spreading across his face. "I thought I did something to make you mad at me again."
"Well, you scare the hell out of me," Onozuka said, trying to make it sound like a joke, but the way his voice shook gave him away. "It scares me sometimes, how much I want you," he said softly.
"I won't apologize for how I feel," Kikuchi said in a quiet and gentle voice, the way that one might when coaxing a wild or stray animal to come closer--or maybe just to keep it from fleeing. "But I've never wanted to do anything to hurt you or scare you." He reached out, very carefully, to caress Onozuka's face, and Onozuka trembled at his touch. "All I want is to be with you."
"I want that, too, but..." Onozuka whispered, his voice trailing off as he wondered why things had to be so complicated--at least for him. Kikuchi seemed to be quite sure and single-minded about what he wanted, and Onozuka envied his lover's certainty.
"What is it that really scares you?" Kikuchi asked quietly, staring at Onozuka intently. "The fact that I love you, or the possibility that it might not last and that I might leave you someday?"
"Neither," Onozuka lied, but Kikuchi's compassionate but unrelenting gaze forced him to admit, "Both," a moment later. His body began to tremble and Kikuchi's arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly as if he sensed Onozuka's automatic urge to flee.
"Don't," Kikuchi pleaded. "Don't run away from me. I know there's no way I can prove it to you except with time, but I won't leave you--please, give me the chance to show you that I'm telling the truth." With more determination, he said, "But if you do run, I will chase after you. I swear that I won't ever give up on you, Yuu."
"You sound like a stalker," Onozuka joked weakly, but he had never in all his life wanted so badly both to flee and to stay. Torn with indecision, he finally allowed Kikuchi's gaze--anxious but determined, and stubborn but loving--to sway him, and he relaxed slightly in Kikuchi's embrace. "I'll try," he said softly. "I'll stay here with you, and I'll try not to run."
It sounded pathetically inadequate compared to Kikuchi's more straightforward declarations of love, but Kikuchi seemed to understand how much that promise had cost him. "Thank you," he said, looking both touched and relieved. He kissed Onozuka tenderly and whispered, "I'll do my best to keep you here."
For the first time, Onozuka found that prospect more reassuring than terrifying, and he allowed himself to believe that things really would work out as he fell asleep in Kikuchi's arms.
Part 24
***
Afterword: I wrote up some story notes that got a little long-winded and went over the LJ post limit, so I've made a separate post for it here, if you're interested in my usual cultural notes and meta ramblings.
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And poor Katou, it must drive him up the wall to see Iwaki get taken in by Onozuka! (And Asano, and Kikuchi...) That Book 11 afterthoughts comic totally cracked me up!