Entry tags:
FIC: Fathers' Day, Part 3 (End)
Title: Fathers' Day, Part 3
Author: geri_chan
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: Snape/Lupin
Word count: 6,655
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Warning: AU; introduced several OCs and made a major departure from canon by the end of the Book 5 timeline. (And Snape is a pureblood, since the series was started pre-Book 6.)
Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, The Revenant, Ash's Story, Summer Vacation III, and Scars. (These stories are archived on my website and also on Moonshadow.)
Summary: This was written for Family Fest on
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lupin_snape. Next on the Father's Day agenda is a boat ride and picnic, but once again, things do not go according to plan.Author's notes: For those not familiar with the series, Snape and Lupin adopted two orphaned sons of Death Eaters after the war ended. Snape adopted Theodore Nott as his legal heir, and Dylan Rosier, son of Evan, is their foster son.
And much thanks to:
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red_day_dawning, bonfoi, jbfrancis2000, shipchan, and persevero for giving me some excellent plot bunnies to work with when I had writer's block!Part 1, Part 2
***
Well, at least they were in familiar territory this time, Snape told himself when they appeared on the shore of the lake. And as an added bonus, there were no mewling brats in sight.
"What are we doing here?" he asked cautiously.
"We thought it might be nice to go boating and have a picnic lunch," Dylan said with a smile, motioning towards the rowboat that was resting on the shore.
"What a lovely idea," Lupin said. "It's such a nice day for a picnic, too." It was a sunny day, with just a few puffy white clouds floating in the clear blue sky--it looked almost too good to be true, like a painting instead of a real sky.
Lupin would probably tell him that he was being too cynical, but it was difficult to retain a sense of idealism after spending two decades as a Death Eater. Then again, Snape had always been cynical, even as a child, while Lupin had never lost his idealism in spite of all the hardships he had experienced. Snape supposed that they balanced each other out somehow, and he smiled slightly.
"Yes, it is a nice day," he agreed, and the boys looked grateful and relieved. Snape and Lupin stepped into the boat and seated themselves, then the boys gave it a push to launch it into the water and hopped into the boat. Theodore landed a bit awkwardly, causing the boat to rock, while Dylan jumped in and seated himself in one smooth, fluid movement, as if he had practiced it a hundred times before.
"Show-off," Theodore grumbled good-naturedly.
Dylan just grinned and cast a charm on the oars, which began rowing at a slow, leisurely pace, and Lupin reached out and let his fingers trail through the water.
"Watch out for the giant squid," Snape cautioned his lover. "It might decide that a werewolf is a tasty treat."
"We'll stay away from the deep part of the lake," Dylan assured him. "We should be safe enough in the shallows."
"James, Sirius, Peter, and I went wading and swimming in the lake often enough when we were kids," Lupin said, looking unconcerned.
"That is more proof of your recklessness and good fortune than an indication that swimming in the lake is safe," Snape retorted, but he wasn't really worried about Lupin becoming squid-bait. Lupin probably sensed this, because he just laughed and let his hand remain in the water.
They drifted through the water for awhile, quietly enjoying each other's company and the warmth of the summer day, until the silence was broken by a rumbling sound from Lupin's stomach.
After a startled moment, they all laughed, Lupin included. "It's been awhile since that ice cream cone, and I guess I'm feeling a bit peckish," he said sheepishly. "Did you mention something about a picnic lunch earlier?"
"Yes, I have it right here," Dylan said, grinning, pulling a tiny, doll-sized picnic basket out of his pocket; a wave of his wand transformed it back to normal size. "Do you want to go back to shore to eat?"
"Oh, it's so nice out here, let's just eat in the boat," Lupin replied, so Dylan passed out sandwiches and bottles of butterbeer to everyone.
They had just started eating when Lupin noticed some fish swimming alongside their boat, and tore off the crusts from his bread and tossed them into the water.
"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Lupin," Snape said with a much-put-upon sigh. "Must you attract stray animals everywhere we go?"
"I'm just feeding the fish a few breadcrumbs, Severus," Lupin said patiently, throwing another crust into the water. "I wasn't planning to bring any of them home." Then he smiled, his eyes twinkling with a glint of mischief. "Although I think a fish tank would make a nice centerpiece for our quarters..."
"Absolutely not!" Snape protested.
"Calm down, Sev, I was only joking," Lupin said placatingly. "Well, mostly..."
Snape opened his mouth to tell Lupin that a rat and a dog were enough and they were absolutely not getting another pet when suddenly a tentacle emerged from the water and snatched up one of the fish that had been feeding on Lupin's bread crumbs.
"Please tell me that's not what I think it is," Theodore groaned.
"Head back to shore, quickly!" Snape ordered, and Dylan charmed the oars to row faster and set a course back to shore, but it was too late. Something--presumably a large tentacle--struck the bottom of the boat and flipped it over, tumbling all of them into the water.
The boys splashed and spluttered and floundered in the water--neither of them had much practice in swimming, although they had probably taken a few dips in the lake during warm weather, as most of the Hogwarts students did. Still, they managed to stay afloat, which meant that Snape didn't have to worry about them drowning--only about them being eaten by the giant squid, which was not really much of a comfort.
Actually, Snape was not much of a swimmer himself, but he had the presence of mind to cast a small levitation charm to keep himself afloat. Meanwhile, Lupin was casting a shield spell around the four of them, although Snape wasn't sure how long he could maintain it while treading water. A stunning spell probably wouldn't affect a creature this large, and attacking it would only make it angry and even more dangerous. He briefly wondered whether a Killing Curse would work on the squid, and whether he could successfully argue self-defense if the Aurors brought him up on charges.
Then an idea occurred to him, and he cast an illusion of a large school of fish--all swimming rapidly towards the other end of the lake. Praise Merlin, it worked, and the squid took off after the illusory fish, changing direction so rapidly that it kicked up a wave that swamped them and set them all to spluttering and splashing again.
Lupin managed to flip the boat back over with a spell, and they clambered back into it, and a pale, shaken Dylan managed to retrieve the oars with an Accio spell.
"I lost my stuffed animals," Lupin said mournfully.
"Forget the bloody stuffed animals!" Snape snapped, but Theodore pulled the soggy toys out of the water with another Accio. "Now can we get out of here?" Snape demanded, and Dylan sped the boat back to the shore.
"The giant squid only stays out in the deep part of the lake, huh?" Theodore muttered sarcastically as they climbed out of the boat, all of them soaking wet and dripping water.
"Oh, shut up," Dylan muttered back wearily.
"Now, now, you two," Lupin gently chided. "There's no harm done, see?" He quickly dried their robes, and even the stuffed animals, with a few spells. "Even the toys are as good as new!"
It was true; they were as cuddly and fluffy as they had been before their accidental soaking, although Snape privately wished that the stuffed snake had remained on the bottom of the lake. Still, he didn't think that it was a good idea to voice his opinion right now, with the two boys looking so glum.
"I'm sorry, Professor, Remus," Dylan apologized. "I've never heard of the squid coming so close to shore before."
"It's all Lupin's fault," Snape said in an attempt to cheer them up. "The squid was probably attracted by all the fish that were hanging around the boat hoping for a free handout."
"Yes, I take full responsibility," Lupin laughed. "And no doubt Severus is pleased to have been proven right when he told me to keep my hand out of the water and not to feed the fish."
"Exactly," Snape said smugly, and Lupin laughed again.
"Now you're going to be annoyingly insufferable for the next few days," Lupin jokingly complained, but he kissed Snape fondly on the cheek.
The boys began to cheer up, heartened by their parents' familiar affectionate bickering. "Our lunch got ruined, but we could buy some food in Hogsmeade," Theodore suggested. "Maybe at The Three Broomsticks?"
"That's a wonderful idea," Lupin agreed. "But let's have Rosmerta pack it to go, so that we can still have our picnic."
With everyone feeling much better, they went to The Three Broomsticks to buy their lunch, and returned back to the lake. They found a shady spot under a tree, and Lupin conjured up a blanket to sit on, and they spread out their food and began eating.
Snape had only taken a few bites of his sandwich when Theodore looked up and frowned. "Does the sky suddenly seem gray to you?" he asked.
Snape looked up and saw that the picturesque fluffy white clouds had increased and changed to a more threatening shade of gray. "Maybe we should pack up and head back to the inn," Lupin suggested as a low rumble of thunder ominously echoed through the air.
As if on cue, the clouds immediately let loose the rain they had been holding back, and the food was soaked before they had a chance pack it away. "I thought you had everything planned to the last detail!" Theodore shouted at Dylan as they all sprinted back towards Hogsmeade.
"I did!" Dylan protested. "The weather report said it was supposed to be sunny today!"
"Well, never mind," Lupin laughed as they ran through the rain; the Hogsmeade villagers were also running for shelter, having been caught off-guard by the sudden rainstorm. "A little water never hurt anyone; we won't melt. And look on the bright side--at least there's no giant squid this time!" Dylan just groaned in response.
"Back again?" Rosmerta asked, when they turned up on the doorstep of the Three Broomsticks, looking wet and bedraggled. "I'm sorry that your picnic was ruined. It's so odd, how that storm turned up out of nowhere on such a nice day."
"That was the second lunch that got ruined today," Theodore muttered sullenly.
"Well, come on in and get dried off, dears," Rosmerta said kindly. "And I'll have another lunch ready for you in no time."
So for the second time that day, Lupin cast drying spells on their clothing (and the stuffed animals). And after enjoying a substantial hot meal, everyone was relaxed and in a much better mood.
"I'm sorry that our picnic didn't work out," Dylan apologized.
"That's all right," Lupin said, patting his hand sympathetically. "Even the best laid plans can go astray. And we've had a lot of fun today. Haven't we, Severus?"
"Yes, of course," Snape replied, since the boys were staring at him hopefully. And upon reflection, he realized that he really had enjoyed himself at the zoo, the whiny brat notwithstanding. Actually, hexing the brat's balloon had been rather satisfying, especially since the brat knew that he had done it, but no one else would ever believe it. "Yes, I've had a very good time today," he added with a wicked grin that caused Lupin to stare at him suspiciously for a moment, then smile in amusement.
"I'm glad," Dylan said, both he and Theodore looking very relieved.
"I think the rain's stopped," Theodore observed, and it was true. The sun had come back out, and the sudden rainstorm had vanished as abruptly as it had appeared.
"I know how I can make it up to you, Professor!" Dylan said, the expression on his face brightening further.
"You really don't have to make anything up to me," Snape replied, with more gentleness than he would normally use, because the boys seemed to be trying very hard to please him and Lupin, although they were going about it in a very unusual manner. He frowned, recalling his earlier suspicions about their motives...surely Dylan wasn't really planning to marry Miss Granger straight out of school. Unless...there was some reason why they had to get married right now? No, that was ridiculous! Neither Dylan nor Granger would ever be so careless...
"Um...Professor?" Dylan said nervously, interrupting Snape's thoughts. "Hagrid told me that he found a patch of moonwort while rounding up a baby Thestral that had strayed away from the herd."
"Moonwort?" Snape asked eagerly, forgetting about his worries. It was a plant with powerful magical properties--in fact, it was one of the ingredients in the Wolfsbane Potion, although it could also be used in other potions and spells. It wasn't exactly rare, but it was very difficult to find, because most of the plants remained buried beneath the soil, with only the occasional tiny leafed stalk rising above the surface where it could be spotted. "Did he show you where it was?"
"Not exactly, but he gave me directions and I think I can find it easily enough," Dylan replied. "We could go look for it now that the rain has let up."
"Yes, let's go," Snape said eagerly. "My supply has been running a little low."
"Are you sure about this?" he overheard Theodore hiss at Dylan as they paid their bill and got ready to leave. "Aren't there, well...things...in the forest? Nasty things. Isn't that why they call it the 'Forbidden Forest'?"
"The Professors are experts in the Dark Arts and defensive magic, and we're no slouches ourselves," Dylan replied. "What could--"
"Don't say it," Theodore said darkly. "You don't want to know how many things I think could possibly go wrong."
***
A little while later, they were making their way through the forest, casting Lumos spells with their wands to light their way as the trees grew increasingly denser and taller, their branches blocking out the sunlight overheard.
"How much farther is it?" Theodore asked nervously. "I've never been this deep into the forest before."
"There should be a lightning-split tree up ahead soon...ah, there it is!" Dylan pointed towards a large tree, its trunk scorched and split nearly in half. He crouched down at the base of the tree and began brushing away the cover of damp, fallen leaves, revealing a few thin, green stalks poking up out of the earth.
"Yes, it is moonwort," Snape confirmed with pleasure. "And there should be more growing beneath the surface. We'll just a take a few plants, so that the rest can replenish themselves, and we can return here when we need more. The tree makes a good marker, so it should be easy enough to find again."
"Can't you just get some from Professor Sprout?" Theodore asked nervously as they harvested the plants.
"Moonwort grown in the wild has more magical potency," Snape lectured. "You should know that, Theodore; I covered it in Advanced Potions."
"Yes, sir," Theodore replied morosely, then suddenly glanced around, looking a little frantic. "Did you hear that?"
"Hear what?" Dylan asked irritably. "Theo, you're jumping at shadows."
"Shh!" hissed Lupin. "I hear it, too." Everyone fell silent, and soon a distinct rustling noise became audible.
"Maybe it's just the wind blowing through the trees?" Dylan suggested, but he began to look nervous as well.
"I don't think so," Lupin said, raising his wand in a defensive stance. "I think we had better head back now."
As the noise grew louder, it sounded less like rustling and more like scuttling--the scuttling sound of many, many pairs of feet. They slowly backed away, wands raised, and many, many pairs of glowing, beady red eyes came into view--all in sets of eight. Eight eyes to go with eight legs, belonging to a horde of giant spiders, ranging in size from a large dog at the smallest, to a cart-horse at the largest.
"Oh, shit," Theodore whispered, standing transfixed in horror at the sight.
"Hagrid never said anything about giant spiders," Dylan said weakly.
"Run!" Snape ordered the boys. "Now!"
That broke them out of their trance, and Theodore and Dylan took off running, with Snape and Lupin close on their heels--and the spiders following close behind. Snape shot off a few stunning spells, but that didn't deter the spiders in the slightest; the horde simply ran right over their fallen comrades.
"'What could possibly go wrong?'" Theodore shouted mockingly at his brother.
"Oh, shut up!" Dylan shouted back. "You can say 'I told you so' after this is over!"
"If we live through this, you mean!"
"Both of you shut up and save your breath for running!" Snape snapped.
"Tarantallegra!" Lupin shouted, setting several of the spiders to dancing a jig.
"Oh, that's very effective, Lupin!" Snape said sarcastically, but actually it did slow the rest of the spiders down a bit when they stopped to stare in bewilderment at their dancing colleagues.
Meanwhile, some of the smaller spiders were racing above them in the trees, and one of them dropped down onto Theodore, knocking him to the ground. Theodore screamed as the spider bit into his shoulder with a pair of massive black pincers.
"Sectumsempra!" Snape cried, slicing the spider in half.
"We can't fight them all off," Lupin said, throwing up a shield spell to slow the spiders down. "But I have an idea." He whispered into Snape's ear, and Snape nodded.
"Be ready to run," he told the boys as Dylan helped Theodore back to his feet, and they nodded, still looking frightened but slightly reassured that he seemed to have a plan in mind.
"On three, then," Lupin said. "One...two...three!" He and Snape pooled their strength to throw up a massive illusion spell of a wall of fire, with complete sensory components, including heat and the smell of smoke. The spiders immediately scuttled back in fear.
An illusion this complex required a great deal of concentration, and Snape knew that they wouldn't be able to hold it for long. "Now!" Snape shouted at the boys, and they started running. He and Lupin held the illusion a bit longer to give them a head start, then turned and ran after them.
Snape didn't look back to see how long the illusion would hold; it would probably fizzle out in a couple of minutes without anyone to maintain it. He and Lupin and the boys ran as fast they could, heedless of the tree branches catching and tearing at their robes.
They finally stumbled out of the forest and into the sunlight, panting and gasping for breath. "Are they gone?" Theodore wheezed.
Lupin paused to listen for a moment, then said, "I don't hear anything. I don't think they've followed us out of the forest."
"Oh, thank Merlin!" Dylan groaned, collapsing to the ground as he clutched at his sides. "I don't think I could run another step!" Theodore collapsed beside him.
"Planned everything down to the last detail, huh?" Theodore said, but he was smiling weakly.
"Sorry," Dylan apologized, and then the two of them burst into hysterical laughter.
Lupin, Dylan, and Theodore were bleeding and bedraggled, with their arms and faces scratched and their robes torn, and in Theodore's case, his shoulder was swollen and bleeding. Snape was sure that he didn't look any better himself.
He knelt down on wobbly legs beside Theodore and said, "Let me take a look at your wound." It didn't seem too serious, but he reached into his pockets for the emergency healing supplies that he always carried, and gave his son a bezoar to neutralize any spider venom, and smeared some healing salve on the wound.
"But just to be on the safe side, we should go to St. Mungo's and have them take a look at it," Snape said.
"Yes, Father," Theodore said glumly. "I'm sorry that I spoiled your special day."
"No, it's my fault," Dylan said guiltily. "I planned the whole day out so carefully, but everything went wrong!"
Snape crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his sons sternly. "All right, you two--I want to know what is going on. It's not my birthday or Lupin's or yours, so I want to know what is so bloody special about today." He gave them a suspicious look. "Are you trying to put me in a good mood because you have some bad news to break? You didn't get anyone pregnant, did you?"
"That would be a little hard for me, considering that Blaise is a guy," Theodore said with a grin.
"When I was a student, I heard rumors about some kind of potion or spell that could enable men to carry a child," Lupin said.
"That's just the sort of poppycock an idiot Gryffindor would fall for!" Snape scoffed. "There's no such thing as a male pregnancy potion!"
"Well then, Theodore can't have gotten anyone pregnant," Lupin pointed out reasonably, and Snape turned his gaze on his other son.
"Dylan?" he demanded.
"Of course I haven't gotten anyone pregnant!" Dylan said indignantly. "Hermione doesn't want to get married or start a family until we're both established in our careers!"
"I knew she was a sensible girl," Snape sighed in relief, then frowned again. "Then why all the special plans for today?"
"It's Father's Day!" the boys chorused.
"Father's Day?" Snape asked, puzzled. "What on earth does that mean?"
"Hermione told us about it," Dylan explained. "It's a Muggle holiday where children express their appreciation for their fathers, and they spend the day together as a family, doing special things together."
"Granger told us about all the things that Muggles do on Father's Day, like going to the zoo, or going boating and having a picnic," Theodore chimed in. "We just wanted to celebrate Father's Day together with you and Remus." Then he sighed and added gloomily, "But everything went wrong."
"I had a wonderful time today, Theo," Lupin said, gently placing a hand on Theodore's good shoulder. Theodore raised his eyebrows skeptically, and Lupin laughed, "Well, except maybe for the almost being eaten by giant spiders part. But I loved the zoo and the boat ride and the picnic, even if we did get a little wet."
"But I had everything planned so perfectly," Dylan said mournfully. "I still don't understand how everything went so wrong. Well, the moonwort thing was sort of spur of the moment. In hindsight, maybe taking advice from Hagrid wasn't such a good idea."
"You think?" Theodore asked sarcastically.
"It's not my fault he didn't mention the giant spiders!"
"He probably thinks of them as harmless pets," Snape said dryly. "Listen to me, both of you. From what you've explained to me about Father's Day, I'd say that the most important part of it isn't a perfectly planned outing; it's about spending time together as a family."
"And we certainly did that!" Lupin said with a grin.
"We certainly did," Snape agreed with a faint smile. Then he added solemnly, "I'm very touched, and I'm sure Remus is as well, that the two of you went to such lengths to make this a special day for us. At the risk of sounding like a mawkish greeting card, it's the thought that counts."
Dylan and Theodore looked immensely more cheerful. "Really?" they chorused.
"Really," Lupin said firmly, sweeping them both into a fierce hug, before reaching out and pulling Snape into the embrace, too.
"However," Snape continued once they had separated, "I don't understand why you didn't explain to us about Father's Day from the start."
The boys grinned at each other sheepishly. "We wanted to surprise you," Dylan said.
"Well, you certainly did!" Lupin laughed. "Come on, let's get Theo to St. Mungo's. I think the rest of us could do with a bit of healing, too."
***
As it happened, Takeshi Kimura, one of Snape's former Potions students, was on duty in the "Dangerous" Dai Llewellyn Ward for Serious Bites. "He'll be fine," the mediwizard assured them, after cleaning the wound and treating it with a few minor healing spells and a little more salve. He had also treated the minor cuts and scratches the rest of them had received. "The venom was very mild, considering the size of the spider. I suppose that it's large enough to overwhelm most of its prey by sheer strength, so it doesn't really need to paralyze its prey with poison." He frowned slightly. "Although I wonder what a spider of that size normally eats."
"There's plenty of game in the forest," Lupin said with a shrug. "Rabbits, birds, maybe deer..."
"People," Theodore added darkly.
"Well, that's a good reason to stay out of the forest from now on," Takeshi chuckled. "Keep applying salve to the wound--three times a day should be sufficient. I can give you a jar, but I'm sure that the Professor's stock is better than anything I could make."
Snape nodded, accepting the compliment as his due. "I have a sufficient supply on hand at home."
"Well then, we're all done here," Takeshi said cheerfully. "The wound should heal without a scar within a few days, but if it doesn't seem to be getting better, come back and I'll have Healer Smethwyck take a look at it. But it looks like it's already healing fine."
"Thank you, Takeshi," Lupin said gratefully. "Let's go home, boys; I think we've had enough adventure for one day."
"Did you give them their surprise yet?" Takeshi whispered to Dylan, winking at him conspiratorially.
"What surprise?" Snape asked suspiciously.
"Oh, I almost forgot!" Dylan exclaimed, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small piece of parchment. It was trimmed with a fancy border of gold leaf, and in elegant Japanese calligraphy, it read, "This entitles the bearer to one full night at the Paradise Hotel."
"It's a gift certificate," Theodore explained, when Snape and Lupin just stared at it in confusion. "You see, Granger also told us that people are supposed to give gifts to their fathers on Father's Day, but we didn't think you'd really want a necktie or a clay ashtray. So we thought you might enjoy a romantic getaway."
"And we know that you like visiting Japan, so we asked Takeshi for advice, and he explained to us about love hotels," Dylan said innocently.
A little too innocently. "Mr. Kimura," Snape said sternly to the young mediwizard, who was trying to quietly sneak out of the room. "Would you care to elaborate?"
"Well, actually, my first suggestion was a weekend at an onsen, an inn with hot springs baths," Takeshi said, blushing. "But they told me that you had an appointment tomorrow in London, Professor."
"Yes, that's right," Snape confirmed. "A Potions Master from France is here on business, and we're supposed to meet for lunch and discuss some research."
"So since you really only have a few hours available to spend in Japan, I...ah...thought perhaps a love hotel might be more practical," Takeshi continued, his blush deepening.
"And what exactly is a 'love hotel'?" Snape demanded, using his best professorial glare on his former student, the one that caused young Gryffindors to cower in fear.
The mediwizard's face changed from red to white, and he stuttered, "Um...well...you see...Japan is an island nation, which means that there is a large population contained within a limited amount of space..."
"Thank you for the geography lesson, Mr. Kimura," Snape said coldly. "But what does this have to do with the 'love hotel'?"
"I'm getting there, sir," Takeshi said, cringing slightly. "With so many people living in a limited amount of space, privacy is very limited as well. Young couples need a place where they can, ah, get some...privacy. So love hotels came into existence, as a place where couples can go to, ah..."
"Have sex," Snape finished bluntly.
"I was going to say 'be alone,' but yes, that's correct," Takeshi replied, blushing furiously once more.
"I suppose they're also useful for people having extramarital affairs," Snape mused, just to make the boy squirm a little more.
"Yes, sir," Takeshi mumbled, looking even more embarrassed. "Although of course that wouldn't apply to you and Remus."
"Of course not," Lupin agreed pleasantly, them smiled at Snape in a very sensual and possessive manner. "Wolves mate for life, and my wolf wants only Severus." His smile grew wider, exposing his pointed canine teeth, and he said, "I think a visit to a love hotel sounds like a splendid idea. Thank you very much, Takeshi."
"You're welcome, but you should actually thank Dylan and Theodore, since they paid for the certificate," Takeshi mumbled, then fled the room; this time Snape allowed him to leave.
The boys were blushing a little, but they also looked slyly pleased with themselves. "This Portkey will take you directly to the hotel," Dylan said, handing them a small bag of brocaded silk. "It's located in the magical section of Tokyo, so you don't have to worry about wearing Muggle clothing or using an illusion."
"Speaking of clothing, we should probably get cleaned up a bit first," Lupin said, indicating their torn robes. "We look rather disreputable right now."
So they returned home and changed their clothes, and Lupin asked, "Ready, Severus?"
Severus thought it was a little silly to travel to another country just to have sex with Lupin, when they could just as well do the same here at home. But still, there was no point in wasting the boys' gift, and besides, perhaps a change in setting would add a little spice to their lovemaking.
"I'm ready," he replied.
Lupin opened the bag, revealing a shiny gold key within it. "So the Portkey is literally a key," he laughed. "How whimsical. Shall we, Severus?"
Snape nodded, and they simultaneously laid their fingers over the key. As they vanished, he heard Dylan call out cheerfully, "Have a good time!"
***
They appeared in the lobby of the hotel, but there was no one at the registration desk. Snape was about to ring the bell for service, when a pretty girl clad in a silk kimono glided out and bowed deeply. "Welcome to the Paradise Hotel," she said in a sweet, musical voice.
"Oh!" Lupin exclaimed in surprise. "You speak English."
The girl smiled at them charmingly. "The hotel staff is alerted when a Portkey is used to enter the premises, and we were told to expect two gentlemen from England for this particular key. Do you have your gift certificate with you, sir?" Lupin presented her with certificate, and she bowed again as she accepted it. "Thank you, sir. Please allow me to show you to your room."
There was something odd about the girl, and Snape stared at her closely as she led them up a flight of stairs and down a corridor. "Severus?" Lupin whispered. "You're going to make me jealous if you stare at the lovely young lady so intently."
Lupin's tone of voice was joking, but Snape whispered back, "Don't be an idiot, Lupin. I'm not ogling the girl; I was trying to figure out who...or perhaps I should say 'what' she is."
"What are you talking about, Severus?" Lupin asked, looking confused.
The girl turned to face them, still smiling serenely. "No doubt the honored guest has noticed that I am not human. It is very perceptive of you, sir."
She bowed her head, not so much as a servant would towards a customer, but more as a gesture of respect for his abilities--or so it seemed to Snape. He bowed in return and said, "You radiate a most peculiar magical aura, Miss. I have been trained to notice such things because of my...er...research." His experiments with the Dark Arts in Voldemort's service had helped him become more attuned to magical auras and signatures, but there was also the fact that she gave off absolutely no hint of any stray emotions. He couldn't be sure without casting an actual Legilimens spell, which could be considered an assault, but he could usually detect at least faint hints of emotion from most normal untrained humans. Which meant that she was either a highly skilled Occlumens--in which case, it was unlikely that she would be working as a mere maid in a hotel--or she was not human.
"I am indeed a magical construct," the girl said. "I am a type of ofuda, or spell scroll, that has been given human form."
"Ah, yes, it's a form of Japanese magic," Lupin said. "I remember Aric told me once about how Takeshi made a paper doll come to life. But why does the hotel use ofuda as employees? Is it to save on labor costs?" He added hastily, "Please forgive me if I'm being rude; I was just curious."
The apology was probably unnecessary, since an animated paper doll was unlikely to be offended, but the girl smiled and said politely, "Not at all, sir; I would be happy to explain the reason. As you can imagine, many of our customers count on our discretion. This way, the customers can be assured that no human will ever lay eyes on them during their stay here."
"That's very clever," Lupin said, and Snape nodded, although privately he thought that the doll could easily report to her master about the customers' identities. Still, if they were indiscreet, word would get around and the hotel would lose business, so it was in their interest to honor their customers' confidentiality.
"Here is your room, sirs," the girl said, opening a door at the end of the hall to reveal a lushly furnished, and very sleek and modern-looking room. They stepped inside, and a thick, plush carpet cushioned their steps. A large bed was the centerpiece of the room, but to the side was a leather-upholstered couch and a television with one of those recording box things, and a stereo. On the opposite side was a shower and bath behind clear glass walls that gave not even the illusion of privacy...but privacy was hardly needed, Snape supposed, since the room was specifically designed for romantic trysts.
The girl glided up to a counter built along one wall, and opened a small cupboard beneath it, which turned out to be a small, Muggle-style refrigerator. "This is the mini-bar," she explained. "You may help yourself to the snacks and drinks within. Of course, anything you consume will be charged to your account." Lupin hesitated, obviously wondering about the expense Theodore and Dylan would be incurring, and the girl hastily assured them, "Please do not worry. The gentlemen who purchased your certificate left a generous deposit that should cover any such expenses. Also, please feel free to make use of the videos and music discs that are available, and there are..." She demurely lowered her eyes. "...personal supplies in the nightstand drawers, should you require such. And you may adjust the lighting with the remote control on the nightstand." She paused to let the information sink in, then said, "Is there anything else you require?"
"Uh, no, I think that covers it," Lupin replied, looking a little awed by the room.
"Very well," the girl said. "If you should require anything, please ring the bell, and a servant shall be summoned to tend to your needs." She pointed at a delicately wrought silver bell sitting on the nightstand. "When your stay is over and you are ready to leave, touching the Portkey a second time will return you home. The Portkey holds only two magical charges, enough for a round trip, but should you wish to arrange a future visit, it can be recharged. Thank you for your business, and please enjoy your stay at the Paradise Hotel." The girl bowed deeply and exited the room, closing the door behind her.
"Wow, this is amazing," Lupin said eagerly, and rushed over to examine the television and stereo.
"It's all so very...Muggle," Snape said disdainfully. "I was expecting something a little more traditionally Japanese."
"Well, I like it," Lupin said happily as he looked through the...Snape struggled to recall the term...compact discs, and put one in the stereo, and romantic music began playing. Then Lupin giggled, sounding like a child doing something naughty as he examined the videos. "They have a nice selection of pornography here," he said. "Featuring both heterosexual and homosexual couples, and a few threesomes."
"The idea of watching strangers having sex does not appeal to me, Lupin," Snape said. It wasn't just the fact that the idea was distasteful to him, although it was. He also didn't like the idea of Lupin becoming aroused by the image of another man (or men), even if it was only on a television screen.
"Me neither," Lupin agreed, much to Snape's relief. He wrapped his arms around Snape and said in a low, husky growl, "The only person I want to see having sex is you, with me."
"I'm glad that we're agreed on that," Snape said, and kissed Lupin. They made their way to the bed, discarding their clothes along the way, until they tumbled down onto the mattress together.
"Hmm, nicely springy," Lupin said with a grin as they bounced slightly. He reached over for the remote, and found that he could dim the lights to a more romantic level, approaching candlelight, with the flick of a switch. Another flick, and a panel on the ceiling slid back to reveal a mirrored surface. "Ooh, the ofuda girl didn't tell us about that!" he laughed, his cheeks taking on a warm glow in the dim light as he blushed.
Snape reached over and hit the switch to conceal the mirrors again. "It would feel too much like having an audience," he said, suspecting that his own face was turning red.
"I think I'd feel a little self-conscious, too," Lupin agreed, although he did cast a speculative look up at the ceiling, as if he were considering the idea. Then he opened the top drawer of the nightstand, which contained condoms, tissues, and lubricant. The one beneath it contained a variety of sex toys that caused Lupin to blush again. "You know, I'm a little embarrassed to admit that I'm not exactly sure what some of these things are for."
"I have an idea, although not from personal experience," Snape said, trying to sound blase about it. "Lucius and some of the others used to brag about their...ah...conquests and experiments when we were in school."
"That's why there were all those rumors about Slytherin orgies when we were students," Lupin teased. "Did you want to try out some of these toys?"
"Perhaps later, if you're feeling adventurous," Snape replied. "It might be old-fashioned of me, but all I really want is you, without any unnecessary accessories or accouterments."
"Why Severus," Lupin said, smiling tenderly as he reached out to pull Snape into his arms. "That may be the most romantic thing you've ever said to me."
"Well, don't tell anyone," Snape murmured as he brushed his lips against Lupin's neck. "You'll ruin my reputation."
Lupin laughed and leaned back against the headboard, and they heard the sound of a soft "click" and suddenly the bed started vibrating.
"Oh!" Lupin exclaimed, turning to examine the switches on the headboard. "It seems that our hostess also neglected to mention these. Perhaps she wanted to leave us a few surprises to discover on our own."
"Will you just turn the bloody thing off?!" Snape shouted.
"Ah, let's see...is it this one?" The bed began vibrating faster. "No...ah, here it is!" And blessedly, the bed stopped moving. The two of them stared at each other for a moment, then burst into laughter.
"Happy Father's Day, Severus," Lupin chuckled as he lay back on the bed, pulling Snape down on top of him.
"Happy Father's Day, Remus," Snape said, sealing Lupin's mouth with a kiss.
THE END.
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But the Love Hotel - a perfect gift for their amorous parents! Lovely.
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I loved this fic!
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squid, spiders (realy, hasn;t anyone leanred by not *not* to follow hagrid's advice?) and, to top it off...THE BOFFING B&B!
Truely funny. Loved the boat scean and the bedroom exploration. I was hoping they would put in a vid, could have had lots of nice jokes in that, but the vibrating bed was funny too!
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*snicker*
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