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My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness
Another manga review for today's post: My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi. I read it around the same time that I read My Brother's Husband, and while both deal with gay characters, it was a completely different experience. While My Brother's Husband dealt with some serious issues, it was also heartwarming and had its share of humor. My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness was a compelling story, but it was also difficult (emotionally, that is) to read because it describes such a raw, personal, and painful experience. And given that it's an autobiographical story, you have the weird, almost guilty sensation of feeling like you're reading someone's diary. (Or maybe that's just me?)
Nagata describes her struggles with depression, which caused to her to drop out of college and left her unable to hold down a job for any length of time. And the more she feels like a loser, the more she gets depressed, which turns into a destructive spiral. On top of that, she's also struggling with a desperate desire to please her disapproving mother, and with her sexual identity. After reading and doing research on depression, she makes gradual steps towards recovery, though it's a very slow process of the "take one step forward and two steps back" type.
She goes on a series of failed job interviews, but they do lead to one good thing. One interviewer mentions that she seemed passionate when talking about her hobby of drawing manga, and tells her that she should do something that she's passionate about, which leads to her becoming a manga artist, although that's a difficult process as well.
Then, tired of being a virgin and ready to accept that she's attracted to women, Nagata makes an appointment with a female escort service to lose her virginity. She's so nervous and embarrassed that the experience isn't really pleasurable in the sexual sense, but there's some pleasure in having close physical contact with another human being, and a sense of relief in being able to say (if only to herself) that she isn't a virgin anymore. She ends up writing a manga about her experience that becomes popular (and eventually turns into this book), and she makes another appointment with a different escort from the same company, which is still awkward but goes a little better.
I was struck by how non-sexy the sex scenes are, which does seem realistic for an awkward, introverted person having sex with as stranger for the first time. And also by the escorts themselves: they were pretty, but didn't act sexy or seductive as I was sort of expecting, but they're very cheerful and matter-of-fact, almost like they were a friend-with-benefits. They also managed to make the experience not seem sleazy, but were obviously doing their best to put Nagata at ease and make her feel comfortable. I never thought I'd say this, but it was almost kind of sweet, particularly the second "date" where Nagata was slightly less nervous, and the escort scenes were the most intriguing parts of the manga for me.
The manga ends with her still dealing with a lot of issues, but in a better place, and I did enjoy reading it even though it was hard to get through the most painful parts. It looks like Seven Seas will be publishing the sequel next year, and I look forward to reading it and seeing how her story continues.
Nagata describes her struggles with depression, which caused to her to drop out of college and left her unable to hold down a job for any length of time. And the more she feels like a loser, the more she gets depressed, which turns into a destructive spiral. On top of that, she's also struggling with a desperate desire to please her disapproving mother, and with her sexual identity. After reading and doing research on depression, she makes gradual steps towards recovery, though it's a very slow process of the "take one step forward and two steps back" type.
She goes on a series of failed job interviews, but they do lead to one good thing. One interviewer mentions that she seemed passionate when talking about her hobby of drawing manga, and tells her that she should do something that she's passionate about, which leads to her becoming a manga artist, although that's a difficult process as well.
Then, tired of being a virgin and ready to accept that she's attracted to women, Nagata makes an appointment with a female escort service to lose her virginity. She's so nervous and embarrassed that the experience isn't really pleasurable in the sexual sense, but there's some pleasure in having close physical contact with another human being, and a sense of relief in being able to say (if only to herself) that she isn't a virgin anymore. She ends up writing a manga about her experience that becomes popular (and eventually turns into this book), and she makes another appointment with a different escort from the same company, which is still awkward but goes a little better.
I was struck by how non-sexy the sex scenes are, which does seem realistic for an awkward, introverted person having sex with as stranger for the first time. And also by the escorts themselves: they were pretty, but didn't act sexy or seductive as I was sort of expecting, but they're very cheerful and matter-of-fact, almost like they were a friend-with-benefits. They also managed to make the experience not seem sleazy, but were obviously doing their best to put Nagata at ease and make her feel comfortable. I never thought I'd say this, but it was almost kind of sweet, particularly the second "date" where Nagata was slightly less nervous, and the escort scenes were the most intriguing parts of the manga for me.
The manga ends with her still dealing with a lot of issues, but in a better place, and I did enjoy reading it even though it was hard to get through the most painful parts. It looks like Seven Seas will be publishing the sequel next year, and I look forward to reading it and seeing how her story continues.