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Entry tags:
Scars, Part 15b
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairings: Snape/Lupin, Ash/Tsubasa; also a little Theodore/Blaise, Dylan/Hermione, and Aric/Takeshi
Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts; [] indicates song lyrics.
Disclaimer: Based on the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; song lyrics are from "Scars" by Papa Roach. No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Warning: AU. This story contains a character from Half-Blood Prince, but does not follow the HBP storyline.
Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, The Revenant, Ash's Story, and Summer Vacation III.
Summary: Tsubasa receives a surprise visitor, which leads to a misunderstanding with Ash.
Part 15a
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Ash had not returned to Hogwarts since Tsubasa had told to him to leave and not come back, and he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed that the werewolf had obeyed him.
And his quarrel with Ash had strained his relationship with Lukas--an especially awkward situation, since they shared duties for the Physical Defense classes and were required to work closely with each other. Apparently Ash was miserable, moody, and drinking too much, and although he refused to say why, Lukas correctly guessed that Tsubasa was the reason behind it.
"This is between Ash and myself," Tsubasa politely but firmly told the werewolf leader. Lukas just growled in response, sounding angry and frustrated. Intellectually, he probably knew that Ash was partly to blame for whatever trouble lay between them, but his wolf instincts were telling him to protect the man that he regarded not only as a friend and a packmate, but as his "cub".
Tsubasa, of all people, could understand animal instinct, so he relented and said, "It's not that I don't care about Ash, Lukas. But I don't think that he's ready to be in a relationship right now. He can't make up his mind whether he wants me to be a friend, a casual lover, or a lifemate--and I'm not capable of being all three to him. He has to choose." Although Tsubasa didn't mention it to Lukas, "casual lover" was not going to be a viable option. He thought he could, with a great deal of effort, manage a platonic friendship, but he didn't think that he would be able to keep things "casual" if he continued sleeping with Ash.
Lukas sighed, the anger in his face draining away to be replaced by a look of concern. "Please be patient with him. He's had a very difficult life."
"I know," Tsubasa replied. "He told me about his childhood."
"It's a sign that he trusts you," Lukas said hopefully. "He's never spoken to an outsider about it before, and not even to any of the pack except for me."
"I understand what a great gift of trust it is," Tsubasa said quietly. "And I'm trying to be patient. It's just..." He sighed. "It's difficult." Especially when both parties had inconvenient animal instincts that overrode their common sense.
"If it's any comfort to you," Lukas said with a wry smile, "Narcissa and I nearly killed each other before we got together."
It wasn't much comfort, but their talk did ease the strain between them somewhat, although Lukas continued to worry about Ash. He was also nervous about the upcoming birth of his baby, and concerned about how the political fallout from the murders would affect the rest of his pack, so it wasn't really surprising that the werewolf leader was a bit short-tempered.
Actually, there was an air of tension hanging over the entire school, and Lukas wasn't the only one who was short-tempered these days. Everyone was worried about the murders, of course, and Professor Snape was being sued by a man who claimed to be the rightful Snape heir. The Potions Master was more snappish than usual with his fellow teachers, but it was the students who bore the brunt of his temper--he had given out a record number of detentions in the past few days, or so Dumbledore claimed.
Tsubasa felt a little sorry for Snape, and even sorrier for the students, but he didn't have much spare time or energy to worry about other people's problems, because he was afraid that another murder would occur on the next full moon, which was only a week away. That would fit the pattern, if the murderer was trying to rouse fear and suspicion of the werewolves in general or Ash in particular.
The tengu never went anywhere unarmed, and Tsubasa had gotten into the habit of doing the same. However, England was currently at peace, and in any case, the British wizards rarely carried any weapon other than a wand. So in order to fit in better in his new home, he had stopped wearing his swords after coming to Hogwarts, but now the whole situation had him so on edge that he had started wearing them again. It wasn't as if he was expecting to be attacked while at school, or even on his occasional trips to Hogsmeade and London, but somehow it made him feel better to be armed, even though his main problem--namely, his relationship with Ash--could not be solved with a sword.
All of this was why he felt restless and irritable on a Saturday morning, without any classes to keep him occupied. He graded papers for awhile, but had trouble concentrating, and gave it up after about an hour. Out of all his fellow teachers, he was friendliest with Lukas and Remus, but Lukas didn't live at the school and was currently at home, no doubt fussing over his pregnant wife; he was exceedingly proud and nervous about becoming a father.
Under normal circumstances, Tsubasa might have sought out Remus for a game of chess or a chat over tea, but he had gone with Snape to confer with their lawyer about the upcoming trial, and besides, he was probably too worried and distracted to be interested in such trivial pastimes right now.
He couldn't go to London and visit the werewolves because he might run into Ash, and he couldn't visit his aunt and uncle at the Sakura, because they would probably ask him about Ash. For the same reason, he couldn't visit Takeshi and Aric, although a sparring match with Aric would have worked off some of his irritability.
He heaved a sigh, feeling rather disgruntled and more than a little sorry for himself, and he vacillated, trying to decide whether to stay in his room and brood, or try to distract himself by going out for a solitary walk. Or perhaps he should go to the Muggle part of London and catch a movie instead...
A timid knock on the door, barely more than a tap, startled him out of his self-pity and he called out, "Come in," without bothering to ask who it was. At this point, any distraction would be welcome.
The door opened and a house-elf--easily recognizable by his clothing as Dobby--peered into the room and said, "Please excuse Dobby for interrupting, but the Headmaster wishes to see Professor Tsubasa in his office. The Headmaster's office, that is, not Professor Tsubasa's."
"Thank you, Dobby," Tsubasa said politely, and headed to Dumbledore's office, his curiosity piqued. For security reasons--or at least he assumed that was the reason--the Headmaster's office was not normally connected to the Floo Network, and required a password to enter. The staff members had all been given the current password, but Remus had told Tsubasa that the Headmaster had the power to change it at any time to lock out intruders, such as the time that the Ministry's lackey, Umbridge, had taken over the school.
"Peppermint Humbug," he said, feeling a little silly, and the gargoyle statue that guarded the entrance leapt aside, and the wall split open to reveal a spiral staircase. As soon as he stepped on it, the staircase began to move, carrying him up to the office like an escalator. It moved rather slowly, though, giving him time to wonder why the Headmaster wanted to see him.
The staircase deposited him in front of the office, and Tsubasa paused for a moment outside the door. He could hear the murmur of voices, but could not make out the actual words though the thick oak door, so he shrugged and rapped the brass Griffin-shaped knocker to announce his presence.
"Come in," Dumbledore said, so Tsubasa entered the office. Sitting in a chair in front of the Headmaster's desk was a Japanese woman clad in casual Muggle clothing: sweater, jeans, and leather jacket. From a distance, she could have passed for one of the students, or at least a recent graduate, but upon closer inspection, one could see that there were faint lines visible at the corners of her eyes and mouth, and a few strands of gray were threaded through her shoulder-length black hair. She lacked the supernatural grace and beauty of the crane folk, but Tsubasa thought that she was quite pretty, with a warm and ready smile. However, he was hardly a biased observer, because he had adored her ever since he was five years old.
"Hi, sweetie!" his stepmother exclaimed cheerfully as she jumped up from her seat to give him a hug and a kiss.
"M-Mom?" Tsubasa stuttered in shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Now is that any way to greet your mother?" Reiko asked, frowning at him with a look of mock-reproach. "I've come to visit my favorite son, of course."
"I'm your only son," Tsubasa reminded her. His father and stepmother had been unable to have children of their own, which was not really surprising. The crane folk were a long-lived race, and their birth rate was correspondingly low; pureblooded crane couples rarely had more than one child, although the part-human crossbreeds were a little more prolific. But Reiko had never complained or shown any sign of disappointment that Tsubasa could see, and she had never treated him as anything less than her own flesh and blood. "You are the only son I need," she had tenderly reassured him, when as a child he had asked if she was sad that she couldn't have a baby of her own, and it was one more reason why he loved her so much.
"All the more reason for you to be my favorite, then," Reiko replied blithely, and the Headmaster chuckled. An almost conspiratorial look seemed to pass between them, and Tsubasa suddenly began to worry about what they had been discussing before he had walked in--himself, no doubt, which worried him all the more.
"It's a weekend, so why don't you take your mother out and show her the sights?" Dumbledore suggested. "Take a walk to Hogsmeade, perhaps, or if you like, you can borrow one of the school carriages and fly to London."
"Oh, let's take a walk," Reiko said. "I could use the exercise, and I would very much like to see Hogsmeade. From your letters, it sounds like quite an intriguing place." She smiled impishly. "I especially want to see Honeydukes and Zonko's."
"You're not going to buy any Dungbombs to throw at Lord Kazuhiko, are you?" Tsubasa asked wryly.
His stepmother giggled wickedly, in a way that boded ill for the stuffy crane elder, and then she smoothed her features into a look of cool dignity. "Why, of course not, dear," she replied indignantly. "That would be highly inappropriate and disrespectful."
"I cannot imagine Madam Reiko as being anything but respectful," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"That's because you never spoke with any of her teachers at Salem," Tsubasa muttered under his breath, but fell silent when his stepmother elbowed him in the side. Many of his teachers at Salem had been there long enough to remember Reiko as a bright but mischievous young student who had earned more than a few detentions for being involved with some prank, or for being a little too outspoken--in other words, disrespectful--with her teachers. If she had gone to Hogwarts, she would probably have been a Gryffindor, Tsubasa thought to himself with a little smile of amusement.
"Well, come along, dear," Reiko said briskly, taking him by the arm.
"Yes, Mom," Tsubasa replied meekly, and the Headmaster cheerily said, "Have a good time!" as they left the office.
It was a nice day for a walk; the air was cool but not too cold, and the sky was slightly overcast, but at least it wasn't raining, so they didn't have to slosh through muddy puddles.
"It's nice to wear Muggle clothing for a change," Reiko sighed happily as they walked arm-in-arm down the path to Hogsmeade. "Not that I don't love the kimonos that your father weaves for me, but there's just something comfortable about wearing jeans. You don't have to worry about walking daintily or getting the silk dirty."
"Speaking of Dad, did he come with you?" Tsubasa asked apprehensively.
"Oh no, he's in Tokyo attending a Wizards' Council meeting," Reiko replied casually. "So I thought I'd come visit you instead of sitting around at home being bored."
"I see," Tsubasa said, trying not to sound too relieved. He loved his father, of course, but dealing with one concerned parent was going to be hard enough, and he suspected that boredom wasn't the only reason why his stepmother had come to visit him.
But for the moment, Reiko seemed content to play tourist, allowing Tsubasa to point out the lake and the train station on their way to the village, and then browsing in the shops when they got to Hogsmeade.
"I can see why the students love this place," Reiko said, looking impressed as she gazed at the candy displays in Honeydukes, and then proceeded to buy enough candy to fill a large shopping bag.
Tsubasa groaned, pretending to have to strain to lift the bag as they left the shop. "You'll be as round as a tanuki if you eat all this, Mom," he teased.
"It's not all for me, silly," Reiko said, playfully swatting him on the arm. "I'm buying souvenirs to take back home. Although I do intend to save some of the fudge for myself."
She bought more "souvenirs" in Zonko's--no Dungbombs, but some Hiccup Sweets and Frog Spawn Soap. "For the children," she said sweetly.
"Of course," Tsubasa agreed, a bit skeptically, having visions of frogs hopping all over an outraged Kazuhiko's bathroom. He decided that he'd better keep her away from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes if they ever went to Diagon Alley, although the thought of Kazuhiko turning into a giant canary was extremely amusing.
"Ooh, look at that!" Reiko exclaimed, tugging on his arm as she hurried down the street. They paused in front of the display window of Gladrags Wizardwear, and Reiko sighed dreamily as she gazed at a woman's formal dress robe made of midnight-blue velvet, so dark that it was almost black, embroidered all over with hundreds of tiny clear crystals that shimmered in the light of the small lanterns that had been strategically placed in the window.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Reiko sighed.
"It is," Tsubasa replied honestly. The robe looked like it had been sewn out of a piece of the night sky, and both the cloth and the workmanship appeared to be of good quality. Two young women in the shop--apprentices by the look of them--looked towards them with hopeful smiles when they saw a potential customer gazing at the display.
"Why don't you try it on?" Tsubasa suggested. "If you like it, I'll buy it for you as a souvenir of your trip to Britain."
"Oh, that's all right, sweetie," his stepmother laughed. "It's lovely, but it looks hideously expensive, and there aren't many occasions where I'd have a chance to wear it. I'm expected to wear a kimono to formal clan gatherings, and all joking aside, I don't want to offend the elders too much."
"Are you sure?" Tsubasa asked. "It's all right to indulge in a frivolous luxury once in awhile."
"You're very sweet, but I think I can manage to live without a new robe," Reiko said, kissing him on the cheek. "Why don't you buy me a cup of tea instead? Is there someplace quiet where we could sit down and have a nice chat?"
This was the moment he'd been dreading, but there was no point in trying to escape it; his stepmother was a stubborn woman, and any attempts to put her off or evade her would only make her even more determined. "The Three Broomsticks is a little noisy," Tsubasa said, resigning himself to a mother-son chat about his personal life. "How about Madam Puddifoot's? It should be quiet around this time of morning." He had been told that the tea shop was a popular meeting spot for trysting couples, and that it was busiest during Hogsmeade days. The students were all in school right now, and while some romantically inclined young adults did frequent the shop, it was a little too early for most couples to be out on a lunch date.
"That sounds delightful," Reiko said cheerfully, and Tsubasa gave the disappointed apprentice girls an apologetic smile before turning away and leading his stepmother to Puddifoot's. He resolved to go back later and buy the robe for Reiko, even if it was expensive and impractical. Despite her protests, she'd been sighing over it like a starry-eyed schoolgirl, and surely she deserved a few luxuries, after everything she'd done for him and his father, and besides, Christmas was only a few months away. Maybe she could wear it to the Yule Ball, if the Headmaster decided to have one. If not, then he'd throw a party himself if necessary, just so she'd have someplace to wear the robe to.
As he'd predicted, the tea shop was empty. The decorations--all frills and bows--were a bit on the tacky side, but Tsubasa supposed that it must appeal to teenage girls. "It's very...quaint," Reiko said dubiously.
"Quaint, but quiet," Tsubasa said with a smile, and Madam Puddifoot herself appeared to take their order. He ordered a pot of tea and a plate of assorted pastries, which turned out to be surprisingly good--he had been afraid that they would taste the way that the decorations looked, all sickly saccharine-sweet.
They made small talk for a few minutes, sipping their tea and munching on their pastries, and finally Reiko asked, a little too casually, "And how is your wolf friend?"
"Ash is just fine, Mother dear," Tsubasa replied, careful to keep his tone of voice light and unconcerned.
He needn't have bothered. "Oh?" Reiko said, raising her eyebrows. "You have an odd definition of 'fine,' Tsubasa. Personally, I wouldn't call being the prime suspect in two murders 'fine'. Especially if one of the murder victims happened to be my friend's mother."
"Aunt Haruko told you about the murders," Tsubasa said accusingly. "Or was it Takeshi?"
"It was neither one," Reiko replied impatiently. "Did you know that there's a specialty bookstore in Tokyo where you can order a subscription to any wizarding newspaper in the world? When you took the job at Hogwarts, I bought a subscription to the Daily Prophet so that I could keep up with the British wizarding news." She gave her stepson a stern look. "When you very assiduously avoided any mention of the murders in your letters, I decided to come in person to see for myself what was wrong."
"Nothing's wrong, Mom!" Tsubasa protested. "I just didn't want to worry you and Dad. I'm sure that the Aurors will catch the killer soon."
"If you really believed that, you wouldn't be wearing your swords for a quick stroll to the tea shop," Reiko retorted, staring pointedly at his weapons.
"It's just habit, Mom," Tsubasa protested unconvincingly. "Like Kazuhiko always says, I've been living with the tengu too long."
"I don't believe that," Reiko said. "But I'm not here just because of the murders. The tone of your letters bothered me...your father didn't notice, but there was just a little too much forced cheer in them." She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a hard, implacable glare. "Just what is going on between you and this werewolf? And don't give me that 'we're just friends' line!"
Tsubasa caved immediately; even a hardened warrior knew when to admit defeat. Noticing Madam Puddifoot gazing at them curiously from across the room, he switched from English to Japanese and told Reiko everything about himself and Ash and the complications that had resulted from Ash's chance meeting with Laura Madley, and his doubts that Ash wanted him for himself and not just because of his resemblance to Takeshi. He even told her about his recent encounter with Ash in the Physical Defense classroom, although he glossed over the more explicit details. But he confessed his overwhelming desire for the werewolf, and his confusion about whether it was lust or love.
"Only you can decide that, sweetie," Reiko said, reaching across the table to clasp his hand comfortingly. "But it sounds to me like you care a lot about Ash, if you've been worrying about him this much."
"I don't know if I can love him," Tsubasa said despairingly. "And even if I can, I don't know if he's capable of loving me. I'm not sure if he's capable of loving anyone."
"It sounds like your friend comes with a lot of baggage," Reiko said gently. "But everyone does, to some extent. When I graduated from Salem, I certainly didn't intend to fall in love with an older widower who already had a young son. There were times when I wasn't sure if Yokuto would ever be able to get over his grief for your mother enough to love someone else. But I have never regretted marrying him, not even for a moment."
"You have a generous spirit, Mom," Tsubasa said, managing a faint but genuine smile. "You're willing to share Dad with the memory of my mother. I'm a little more selfish. If Ash is going to be my mate, I don't want to share him with anyone."
"That's your crane blood speaking," his stepmother said, smiling at him fondly. "But seriously, Tsubasa, no one person ever belongs solely to another, in spite of all the romantic crane notions about lifemates and two souls becoming one. Yes, it's true that cranes mate for life, but a part of your father will always belong to the crane clan, for all that he rebels against them, just as a part of me will always belong to my family in America, no matter how much I love your father. If you are going to love Ash, you must accept that you will have to share him with his pack, and perhaps with the memory of Takeshi as his first love--if he did, in fact, love Takeshi, which I'm not so sure of as you are. I think it might be that relationship that was the infatuation, not this one. But regardless, no matter whom you choose as your mate, that person will come with ties of love and obligation to other people. If you love Ash, you must accept him as he is--which doesn't mean that you need to let him treat you like a doormat, or offer him sex with no strings attached."
Tsubasa felt his face turn bright red, and he was grateful that they were still speaking Japanese and that Puddifoot couldn't follow their conversation. But still, he couldn't believe that he was having a conversation about sex with his mother in the middle of a public tea shop!
"But it does mean that you have to decide whether you want to commit to him and help him work through his 'baggage,'" Reiko continued. "And it means that you have to run the risk of being hurt if things don't work out."
"But how do I know if I really love him or not?" Tsubasa demanded in frustration. "If he is the one who is meant to be my mate, shouldn't I know it by now?"
Reiko shook her head and sighed. "You cranes think that this mating for life business makes everything easy, as if true love will walk right up to you, hit you on the head, and say, 'Here I am!' And I'll admit, that's often the way it seems to work. But not always. Sometimes love sneaks up on you gradually, as it did for your father and me, and for Takeshi and Aric."
"I want him, I care for him, but..." Tsubasa shrugged helplessly. "I don't know if that's love."
"I don't think that someone else can tell you if you're in love, Tsubasa," Reiko said quietly. "I think that's something you have to decide for yourself. But if you're asking me to describe what love is, then I guess I would say that it's when the other person's absence causes an almost physical pain, when there's a sense of joy and completeness when you're together. It's when that person's happiness matters more to you than your own, when you feel as though you'd sacrifice anything to keep them safe."
Tsubasa missed Ash when he wasn't around, but sometimes being with him hurt just as much as being without him did. Did that count as love? How much would he sacrifice to make Ash happy? "I don't know," Tsubasa murmured. "I don't know if I feel that way about Ash."
"You don't have to rush into anything, dear," Reiko said, patting his hand gently. "You're probably right when you say that Ash isn't ready to be in a relationship just yet. I think that you and he both need some time to work out your feelings for each other."
Tsubasa nodded reluctantly. "I guess you're right. I feel as if he can't be with me until he resolves things with his family, and he won't be able to do that until the murders are solved."
"Then I hope you're right, and that the Aurors catch the killer quickly," Reiko said.
Tsubasa hoped so too, but he rather doubted it. Nothing had been resolved, and he still wasn't sure how he felt about Ash, but strangely, he felt better for having shared his problems, as if a burden had been lifted from him. "Talking about all this makes me feel a lot better," he admitted.
"Well, of course, sweetie," Reiko said matter-of-factly, and leaned across the table to give him a motherly hug. "That's what I'm here for."
"Thanks, Mom," Tsubasa laughed. "Um...by the way, you haven't shown those newspaper articles to Dad, have you?"
"Not yet," Reiko replied. "Your father would be tearing his hair out if he knew there was a killer loose in England. But still, I'm not sure that it's fair to keep it from him. You are his son, and he understood that you were choosing a life with a certain amount of risk in it when you chose to live with the tengu and become a warrior. He has a right to know if you're in danger."
"Ash may be in danger of being falsely arrested, but I'm not in any danger myself," Tsubasa argued.
"I'm not so sure of that," Reiko said gravely. "The Daily Prophet said that the second victim may have been targeted because her daughter works at the Sakura--a business with ties to the werewolf pack."
"Mom, you can't believe everything you read in the Daily Prophet!" Tsubasa protested.
"That's true, but it's still a logical assumption," Reiko replied. "And if the killer has a grudge against Ash or his pack, then you might well become a target if people know that you're Ash's lover."
"I'm not his lover!" Tsubasa shouted. "And anyway, nobody knows about us! Well, except for the pack." He paused for a moment, then added sheepishly, "And maybe Remus Lupin..."
"Sweetie, I've never even met Ash, and I suspected that he was your lover, or at least a potential lover," Reiko said impatiently. "I'm sure that anyone who has seen the two of you together can figure out that there's something going on between you." Tsubasa felt his face turn red again. "And anyway, even if you're just friends, that might still be motive enough for the killer to target you."
Tsubasa sighed and said, "I'll be careful. But don't tell Dad just yet. If the killer isn't caught within the next couple of weeks, I'll tell him myself, I promise. I just don't want him rushing over here in a panic to protect me when I'm quite capable of defending myself." He smiled wryly. "Actually, I'm more worried about him trying to play matchmaker than I am about him playing overprotective father."
Reiko giggled. "Oh yes, I can just see him playing go-between, speaking to Ash's pack leader about setting up a marriage meeting--a formal dinner, with family from both sides trying to decide whether their children are compatible, and then if that goes well, perhaps a betrothal ceremony..."
"Mom!" Tsubasa wailed. "You can't let him do that!"
Reiko burst into laughter at the look of horror on his face, causing Madam Puddifoot to stare at them with open curiosity. "All right, all right," she gasped between fits of laughter. "I'll keep your father under control. We wouldn't want to scare off your wolf, after all. Taming a wild beast is a delicate matter..."
"MOM!"
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Meanwhile, back at Gladrags Wizardwear, the two apprentices were giggling and gossiping about the new Professor--whom they had recognized from his previous visits to Hogsmeade--and his mysterious female companion.
"Megan, Parvati, stop gossiping for a moment," the shopkeeper said impatiently. "We have several rush orders to finish, so we'll have to work through our lunch hour. One of you order some food to be sent in."
"Yes, ma'am," Parvati said obediently. "What would you like?"
"It doesn't matter, as long as they deliver," the shopkeeper replied in a distracted manner, handing Parvati a handful of coins.
"That Japanese place in London delivers," Megan Jones suggested. Like Parvati, she was a recent Hogwarts graduate, and they had started their apprenticeships at the same time. They hadn't known each other well in school, as Megan was a Hufflepuff and Parvati was a Gryffindor, but they had discovered that they both shared a love of clothing and fashion, and quickly became fast friends. Megan was pretty, with fair hair and skin in contrast to Parvati's darker complexion, and much to their delight, people often told them that they made a striking pair.
"Yes, that's fine," the shopkeeper said.
"And they have a cute delivery boy," Parvati whispered, winking at Megan, who giggled.
"Damien will be jealous," Megan whispered back.
"There's no harm in looking, as long as I'm not actually going out with someone else," Parvati replied with a casual shrug. "I know that he still notices pretty girls, although he's a little more discreet about it than he used to be. Besides, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Her boyfriend Damien Pierce was a year younger than her, which meant that he was still attending Hogwarts, and therefore unlikely to know whether or not she was admiring a handsome delivery boy--or a handsome Professor on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade, for that matter.
About half an hour later, the handsome blond werewolf Kai arrived with their order from the Sakura restaurant, while Parvati and Megan were still gossiping about Professor Tsubasa as they worked.
"Here's your order, ladies," Kai said cheerfully, unloading their food from the magical carrying case that kept the food hot and the dishes from tipping over and spilling in transit.
"Thank you," Megan said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.
Parvati automatically gave the werewolf a flirtatious smile as she paid him for the food, but her mind was still on the Professor and his companion. "Do you think he'll be back?" she wondered out loud.
"Will who be back?" a puzzled Kai asked.
"Oh, honestly, girls!" the shopkeeper said in exasperation. "Are you going to gossip about that Professor all day?"
"But he might come back and buy that robe his girlfriend was admiring," Parvati pointed out. "So you see, it's work related, ma'am."
"Professor?" Kai asked.
"Professor Tsubasa, the new teacher from Japan," Parvati explained.
"The pretty one, with the beautiful hair," Megan giggled. "He's got hair any girl would envy!"
"Ah yes, I know him," Kai said. "He's the nephew of the owners of the Sakura. But did you say something about a girlfriend? I think you must be mistaken, because I know he doesn't have one."
"Well, I don't know for sure," Parvati said coyly, "but he certainly seemed very cozy with this woman. A very pretty Japanese woman." She giggled and added, "But not as pretty as he is!"
"She was hanging on his arm," Megan chimed in, "and calling him 'sweetie'. So we assumed she must be his girlfriend. And I heard them say that they were going to Madam Puddifoot's--and the only people who ever go there are couples in love!"
"Maybe she's an old flame of his from Japan," Parvati said thoughtfully. "She was admiring that robe in the window, and he offered to buy it for her as a souvenir of her trip to Britain." Then she noticed that Kai had turned pale, and she asked in concern, "Is something wrong? Are you feeling all right?"
"Ah, no," Kai said hastily. "I mean, I'm fine, thank you. Please enjoy the food, ladies, and call on us again in the future." Then he bowed and quickly left the shop.
"Oh my," Megan said. "What was that all about?"
"Maybe he has a crush on Professor Tsubasa," Parvati giggled. It wasn't a thought that would have occurred to her before Professors Lupin and Snape publicly became a couple, but now it didn't seem so unusual that a man might be attracted to another man.
"Girls!" their employer called impatiently, and they sighed and went back to work, forgetting about the Professor and his girlfriend for the moment.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kai rushed into the London townhouse, where he found Ash in the living room playing video games with the children, but without his usual enthusiasm--he was punching the buttons on the controller dispiritedly, and moreover, five-year-old Max was winning.
"Ash!" Kai shouted.
"What are you doing here?" Ash asked listlessly, without looking up from the television screen. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"
"I'm between deliveries, but never mind that!" Kai said impatiently. "I just made a delivery to Gladrags in Hogsmeade, and the girls there saw Tsubasa out on a date with a woman!"
"What?!" Ash exclaimed, finally turning to look at Kai.
Kyra, who had walked into the living room when she heard all the commotion, said skeptically, "I thought he was gay."
"They said he was walking arm-in-arm with a pretty woman who was calling him 'sweetie,'" Kai insisted. "And they went to Puddifoot's."
Kyra made a face. "I can't see how anyone over the age of fourteen can stand that place. I would have thought the peacock would have better taste than that."
"It seemed like she might have been visiting from Japan," Kai continued, ignoring the interruption. "Does he have an old girlfriend back home, Ash?"
"How would I know?" Ash snapped. "He never mentioned one before, but we didn't sit around discussing all our ex-lovers. Anyway, it's none of my business."
"None of your business?!" Kai asked incredulously. "I thought that you and he had a thing going on! Are you going to let him two-time you?"
"He isn't two-timing me," Ash replied, with what seemed to Kai to be amazing calm, under the circumstances. "There is no 'thing' between us. He doesn't owe me anything. He can date whoever he likes."
"But you like him, don't you?" Kai demanded. "Are you going to let this girl just steal him away from you? Aren't you going to fight for him?"
"Mind your own business," Ash snarled, throwing down the game controller. He started to leave the room, but then paused and turned back for a moment. "And I don't want you going after Tsubasa and asking him about this woman," he warned. "This is between him and me, and I don't need you meddling in my lovelife, so just stay out of it!" Then he ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door shut.
Kai stared after him worriedly, and Max asked, sounding confused and a little hurt, "What's wrong with Uncle Ash?"
"Uncle Ash is having boyfriend problems," Kyra said with a wry smile, picking up the abandoned game controller. "But don't worry, Auntie Kyra will play with you."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Ash lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling blankly, his anger quickly draining away. He had no right to be angry, anyway. He was the one who had blown his chances with Tsubasa.
He didn't really question Kai's statement that Tsubasa might have a girlfriend, even though Aric had given him the impression that Tsubasa was exclusively gay. Aric had only known Tsubasa for a short time and he might be mistaken, and after all, Ash himself had taken both male and female lovers in the past. And he wasn't really surprised that Tsubasa was seeking out a new love interest after that disaster during their last fencing lesson.
He wondered who the mysterious woman was, though...an old flame, perhaps, or a childhood sweetheart rekindling an old romance. Maybe he should feel hurt that Tsubasa had replaced him so quickly, but instead, he felt numb and empty inside, unable to feel either anger or sorrow. He couldn't even summon up enough energy to reach for the bottle of Firewhiskey that was hidden under his bed.
"I want your whole heart," Tsubasa had told him, but Ash's heart had not been whole since...Ash wasn't quite sure when. Since the first time his stepfather had struck him, certainly, or maybe even before that, going back to the time when he had been growing up unloved and unwanted in his Great-Aunt Ernestine's house. Whatever the reason, his heart was as scarred and damaged as the rest of his body, and he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to love Tsubasa the way that he deserved to be loved.
Tsubasa was probably better off with his new girlfriend. Ash didn't know who this woman was, but if she was someone Tsubasa knew from Japan, she was probably a crane maiden, graceful and elegant--or maybe a fierce and beautiful tengu woman who was his equal on the battlefield. Although Ash had a hard time picturing a warrior woman calling her lover "sweetie". But either way, Tsubasa deserved someone worthy of him, someone who was able to love him wholeheartedly.
Someone who did not turn into a dangerous monster every month. Someone who would not put him in danger by losing control to the monster within even when the moon was not full.
"Aren't you going to fight for him?" Kai had asked. But Ash was tired of fighting, and besides, Tsubasa was better off without him...wasn't he?
Ash tried very hard to convince himself of that as he continued to stare at the ceiling for the next several hours.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Tsubasa still felt restless after Reiko went back home and he returned to Hogwarts, and he found himself wandering aimlessly around the castle. When the crane folk chose a mate, it was customary for them to weave some sort of garment for their beloved, usually a robe or a cloak made from their own feathers. Ash wasn't his mate, and in any case, Tsubasa was a poor weaver, but he couldn't get the idea out of his mind.
He sighed to himself and shrugged. Well, maybe weaving would at least distract him and take his mind off his worries. Chizuru had taught Weaving magic during her semester as a guest teacher at Hogwarts, so there must be a loom somewhere in the school.
He could have asked the Headmaster where it was, but then Dumbledore might ask him inconvenient questions about why he was looking for it. Or he might keep his silence, but smile with that knowing little twinkle in his eyes. Instead, Tsubasa tracked down Dobby, who directed him to the Room of Requirement.
He opened the door and found a large loom in the center of the room, along with skeins of thread for weaving, needles and thread for sewing and embroidering, dyes, and anything else that he might conceivably need to weave and sew cloth.
"What on earth am I doing here?" Tsubasa muttered to himself. His late mother and his father were both skilled weavers, but he was as inept at it as Takeshi was, unable to weave more than a few inches of cloth at a time without the thread snarling and knotting, and he didn't even have his cousin's excuse of being part-human. And even if he did somehow manage to weave an entire bolt of cloth, his sewing and embroidery were almost as bad as his weaving.
Besides, he and Ash weren't even on speaking terms, so why was he even thinking of weaving a lover's token for the werewolf? But still, he transformed into his crane form with a sigh, and began plucking feathers from his breast.
Part 16
Ash had not returned to Hogwarts since Tsubasa had told to him to leave and not come back, and he wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or disappointed that the werewolf had obeyed him.
And his quarrel with Ash had strained his relationship with Lukas--an especially awkward situation, since they shared duties for the Physical Defense classes and were required to work closely with each other. Apparently Ash was miserable, moody, and drinking too much, and although he refused to say why, Lukas correctly guessed that Tsubasa was the reason behind it.
"This is between Ash and myself," Tsubasa politely but firmly told the werewolf leader. Lukas just growled in response, sounding angry and frustrated. Intellectually, he probably knew that Ash was partly to blame for whatever trouble lay between them, but his wolf instincts were telling him to protect the man that he regarded not only as a friend and a packmate, but as his "cub".
Tsubasa, of all people, could understand animal instinct, so he relented and said, "It's not that I don't care about Ash, Lukas. But I don't think that he's ready to be in a relationship right now. He can't make up his mind whether he wants me to be a friend, a casual lover, or a lifemate--and I'm not capable of being all three to him. He has to choose." Although Tsubasa didn't mention it to Lukas, "casual lover" was not going to be a viable option. He thought he could, with a great deal of effort, manage a platonic friendship, but he didn't think that he would be able to keep things "casual" if he continued sleeping with Ash.
Lukas sighed, the anger in his face draining away to be replaced by a look of concern. "Please be patient with him. He's had a very difficult life."
"I know," Tsubasa replied. "He told me about his childhood."
"It's a sign that he trusts you," Lukas said hopefully. "He's never spoken to an outsider about it before, and not even to any of the pack except for me."
"I understand what a great gift of trust it is," Tsubasa said quietly. "And I'm trying to be patient. It's just..." He sighed. "It's difficult." Especially when both parties had inconvenient animal instincts that overrode their common sense.
"If it's any comfort to you," Lukas said with a wry smile, "Narcissa and I nearly killed each other before we got together."
It wasn't much comfort, but their talk did ease the strain between them somewhat, although Lukas continued to worry about Ash. He was also nervous about the upcoming birth of his baby, and concerned about how the political fallout from the murders would affect the rest of his pack, so it wasn't really surprising that the werewolf leader was a bit short-tempered.
Actually, there was an air of tension hanging over the entire school, and Lukas wasn't the only one who was short-tempered these days. Everyone was worried about the murders, of course, and Professor Snape was being sued by a man who claimed to be the rightful Snape heir. The Potions Master was more snappish than usual with his fellow teachers, but it was the students who bore the brunt of his temper--he had given out a record number of detentions in the past few days, or so Dumbledore claimed.
Tsubasa felt a little sorry for Snape, and even sorrier for the students, but he didn't have much spare time or energy to worry about other people's problems, because he was afraid that another murder would occur on the next full moon, which was only a week away. That would fit the pattern, if the murderer was trying to rouse fear and suspicion of the werewolves in general or Ash in particular.
The tengu never went anywhere unarmed, and Tsubasa had gotten into the habit of doing the same. However, England was currently at peace, and in any case, the British wizards rarely carried any weapon other than a wand. So in order to fit in better in his new home, he had stopped wearing his swords after coming to Hogwarts, but now the whole situation had him so on edge that he had started wearing them again. It wasn't as if he was expecting to be attacked while at school, or even on his occasional trips to Hogsmeade and London, but somehow it made him feel better to be armed, even though his main problem--namely, his relationship with Ash--could not be solved with a sword.
All of this was why he felt restless and irritable on a Saturday morning, without any classes to keep him occupied. He graded papers for awhile, but had trouble concentrating, and gave it up after about an hour. Out of all his fellow teachers, he was friendliest with Lukas and Remus, but Lukas didn't live at the school and was currently at home, no doubt fussing over his pregnant wife; he was exceedingly proud and nervous about becoming a father.
Under normal circumstances, Tsubasa might have sought out Remus for a game of chess or a chat over tea, but he had gone with Snape to confer with their lawyer about the upcoming trial, and besides, he was probably too worried and distracted to be interested in such trivial pastimes right now.
He couldn't go to London and visit the werewolves because he might run into Ash, and he couldn't visit his aunt and uncle at the Sakura, because they would probably ask him about Ash. For the same reason, he couldn't visit Takeshi and Aric, although a sparring match with Aric would have worked off some of his irritability.
He heaved a sigh, feeling rather disgruntled and more than a little sorry for himself, and he vacillated, trying to decide whether to stay in his room and brood, or try to distract himself by going out for a solitary walk. Or perhaps he should go to the Muggle part of London and catch a movie instead...
A timid knock on the door, barely more than a tap, startled him out of his self-pity and he called out, "Come in," without bothering to ask who it was. At this point, any distraction would be welcome.
The door opened and a house-elf--easily recognizable by his clothing as Dobby--peered into the room and said, "Please excuse Dobby for interrupting, but the Headmaster wishes to see Professor Tsubasa in his office. The Headmaster's office, that is, not Professor Tsubasa's."
"Thank you, Dobby," Tsubasa said politely, and headed to Dumbledore's office, his curiosity piqued. For security reasons--or at least he assumed that was the reason--the Headmaster's office was not normally connected to the Floo Network, and required a password to enter. The staff members had all been given the current password, but Remus had told Tsubasa that the Headmaster had the power to change it at any time to lock out intruders, such as the time that the Ministry's lackey, Umbridge, had taken over the school.
"Peppermint Humbug," he said, feeling a little silly, and the gargoyle statue that guarded the entrance leapt aside, and the wall split open to reveal a spiral staircase. As soon as he stepped on it, the staircase began to move, carrying him up to the office like an escalator. It moved rather slowly, though, giving him time to wonder why the Headmaster wanted to see him.
The staircase deposited him in front of the office, and Tsubasa paused for a moment outside the door. He could hear the murmur of voices, but could not make out the actual words though the thick oak door, so he shrugged and rapped the brass Griffin-shaped knocker to announce his presence.
"Come in," Dumbledore said, so Tsubasa entered the office. Sitting in a chair in front of the Headmaster's desk was a Japanese woman clad in casual Muggle clothing: sweater, jeans, and leather jacket. From a distance, she could have passed for one of the students, or at least a recent graduate, but upon closer inspection, one could see that there were faint lines visible at the corners of her eyes and mouth, and a few strands of gray were threaded through her shoulder-length black hair. She lacked the supernatural grace and beauty of the crane folk, but Tsubasa thought that she was quite pretty, with a warm and ready smile. However, he was hardly a biased observer, because he had adored her ever since he was five years old.
"Hi, sweetie!" his stepmother exclaimed cheerfully as she jumped up from her seat to give him a hug and a kiss.
"M-Mom?" Tsubasa stuttered in shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Now is that any way to greet your mother?" Reiko asked, frowning at him with a look of mock-reproach. "I've come to visit my favorite son, of course."
"I'm your only son," Tsubasa reminded her. His father and stepmother had been unable to have children of their own, which was not really surprising. The crane folk were a long-lived race, and their birth rate was correspondingly low; pureblooded crane couples rarely had more than one child, although the part-human crossbreeds were a little more prolific. But Reiko had never complained or shown any sign of disappointment that Tsubasa could see, and she had never treated him as anything less than her own flesh and blood. "You are the only son I need," she had tenderly reassured him, when as a child he had asked if she was sad that she couldn't have a baby of her own, and it was one more reason why he loved her so much.
"All the more reason for you to be my favorite, then," Reiko replied blithely, and the Headmaster chuckled. An almost conspiratorial look seemed to pass between them, and Tsubasa suddenly began to worry about what they had been discussing before he had walked in--himself, no doubt, which worried him all the more.
"It's a weekend, so why don't you take your mother out and show her the sights?" Dumbledore suggested. "Take a walk to Hogsmeade, perhaps, or if you like, you can borrow one of the school carriages and fly to London."
"Oh, let's take a walk," Reiko said. "I could use the exercise, and I would very much like to see Hogsmeade. From your letters, it sounds like quite an intriguing place." She smiled impishly. "I especially want to see Honeydukes and Zonko's."
"You're not going to buy any Dungbombs to throw at Lord Kazuhiko, are you?" Tsubasa asked wryly.
His stepmother giggled wickedly, in a way that boded ill for the stuffy crane elder, and then she smoothed her features into a look of cool dignity. "Why, of course not, dear," she replied indignantly. "That would be highly inappropriate and disrespectful."
"I cannot imagine Madam Reiko as being anything but respectful," Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eyes.
"That's because you never spoke with any of her teachers at Salem," Tsubasa muttered under his breath, but fell silent when his stepmother elbowed him in the side. Many of his teachers at Salem had been there long enough to remember Reiko as a bright but mischievous young student who had earned more than a few detentions for being involved with some prank, or for being a little too outspoken--in other words, disrespectful--with her teachers. If she had gone to Hogwarts, she would probably have been a Gryffindor, Tsubasa thought to himself with a little smile of amusement.
"Well, come along, dear," Reiko said briskly, taking him by the arm.
"Yes, Mom," Tsubasa replied meekly, and the Headmaster cheerily said, "Have a good time!" as they left the office.
It was a nice day for a walk; the air was cool but not too cold, and the sky was slightly overcast, but at least it wasn't raining, so they didn't have to slosh through muddy puddles.
"It's nice to wear Muggle clothing for a change," Reiko sighed happily as they walked arm-in-arm down the path to Hogsmeade. "Not that I don't love the kimonos that your father weaves for me, but there's just something comfortable about wearing jeans. You don't have to worry about walking daintily or getting the silk dirty."
"Speaking of Dad, did he come with you?" Tsubasa asked apprehensively.
"Oh no, he's in Tokyo attending a Wizards' Council meeting," Reiko replied casually. "So I thought I'd come visit you instead of sitting around at home being bored."
"I see," Tsubasa said, trying not to sound too relieved. He loved his father, of course, but dealing with one concerned parent was going to be hard enough, and he suspected that boredom wasn't the only reason why his stepmother had come to visit him.
But for the moment, Reiko seemed content to play tourist, allowing Tsubasa to point out the lake and the train station on their way to the village, and then browsing in the shops when they got to Hogsmeade.
"I can see why the students love this place," Reiko said, looking impressed as she gazed at the candy displays in Honeydukes, and then proceeded to buy enough candy to fill a large shopping bag.
Tsubasa groaned, pretending to have to strain to lift the bag as they left the shop. "You'll be as round as a tanuki if you eat all this, Mom," he teased.
"It's not all for me, silly," Reiko said, playfully swatting him on the arm. "I'm buying souvenirs to take back home. Although I do intend to save some of the fudge for myself."
She bought more "souvenirs" in Zonko's--no Dungbombs, but some Hiccup Sweets and Frog Spawn Soap. "For the children," she said sweetly.
"Of course," Tsubasa agreed, a bit skeptically, having visions of frogs hopping all over an outraged Kazuhiko's bathroom. He decided that he'd better keep her away from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes if they ever went to Diagon Alley, although the thought of Kazuhiko turning into a giant canary was extremely amusing.
"Ooh, look at that!" Reiko exclaimed, tugging on his arm as she hurried down the street. They paused in front of the display window of Gladrags Wizardwear, and Reiko sighed dreamily as she gazed at a woman's formal dress robe made of midnight-blue velvet, so dark that it was almost black, embroidered all over with hundreds of tiny clear crystals that shimmered in the light of the small lanterns that had been strategically placed in the window.
"Isn't it beautiful?" Reiko sighed.
"It is," Tsubasa replied honestly. The robe looked like it had been sewn out of a piece of the night sky, and both the cloth and the workmanship appeared to be of good quality. Two young women in the shop--apprentices by the look of them--looked towards them with hopeful smiles when they saw a potential customer gazing at the display.
"Why don't you try it on?" Tsubasa suggested. "If you like it, I'll buy it for you as a souvenir of your trip to Britain."
"Oh, that's all right, sweetie," his stepmother laughed. "It's lovely, but it looks hideously expensive, and there aren't many occasions where I'd have a chance to wear it. I'm expected to wear a kimono to formal clan gatherings, and all joking aside, I don't want to offend the elders too much."
"Are you sure?" Tsubasa asked. "It's all right to indulge in a frivolous luxury once in awhile."
"You're very sweet, but I think I can manage to live without a new robe," Reiko said, kissing him on the cheek. "Why don't you buy me a cup of tea instead? Is there someplace quiet where we could sit down and have a nice chat?"
This was the moment he'd been dreading, but there was no point in trying to escape it; his stepmother was a stubborn woman, and any attempts to put her off or evade her would only make her even more determined. "The Three Broomsticks is a little noisy," Tsubasa said, resigning himself to a mother-son chat about his personal life. "How about Madam Puddifoot's? It should be quiet around this time of morning." He had been told that the tea shop was a popular meeting spot for trysting couples, and that it was busiest during Hogsmeade days. The students were all in school right now, and while some romantically inclined young adults did frequent the shop, it was a little too early for most couples to be out on a lunch date.
"That sounds delightful," Reiko said cheerfully, and Tsubasa gave the disappointed apprentice girls an apologetic smile before turning away and leading his stepmother to Puddifoot's. He resolved to go back later and buy the robe for Reiko, even if it was expensive and impractical. Despite her protests, she'd been sighing over it like a starry-eyed schoolgirl, and surely she deserved a few luxuries, after everything she'd done for him and his father, and besides, Christmas was only a few months away. Maybe she could wear it to the Yule Ball, if the Headmaster decided to have one. If not, then he'd throw a party himself if necessary, just so she'd have someplace to wear the robe to.
As he'd predicted, the tea shop was empty. The decorations--all frills and bows--were a bit on the tacky side, but Tsubasa supposed that it must appeal to teenage girls. "It's very...quaint," Reiko said dubiously.
"Quaint, but quiet," Tsubasa said with a smile, and Madam Puddifoot herself appeared to take their order. He ordered a pot of tea and a plate of assorted pastries, which turned out to be surprisingly good--he had been afraid that they would taste the way that the decorations looked, all sickly saccharine-sweet.
They made small talk for a few minutes, sipping their tea and munching on their pastries, and finally Reiko asked, a little too casually, "And how is your wolf friend?"
"Ash is just fine, Mother dear," Tsubasa replied, careful to keep his tone of voice light and unconcerned.
He needn't have bothered. "Oh?" Reiko said, raising her eyebrows. "You have an odd definition of 'fine,' Tsubasa. Personally, I wouldn't call being the prime suspect in two murders 'fine'. Especially if one of the murder victims happened to be my friend's mother."
"Aunt Haruko told you about the murders," Tsubasa said accusingly. "Or was it Takeshi?"
"It was neither one," Reiko replied impatiently. "Did you know that there's a specialty bookstore in Tokyo where you can order a subscription to any wizarding newspaper in the world? When you took the job at Hogwarts, I bought a subscription to the Daily Prophet so that I could keep up with the British wizarding news." She gave her stepson a stern look. "When you very assiduously avoided any mention of the murders in your letters, I decided to come in person to see for myself what was wrong."
"Nothing's wrong, Mom!" Tsubasa protested. "I just didn't want to worry you and Dad. I'm sure that the Aurors will catch the killer soon."
"If you really believed that, you wouldn't be wearing your swords for a quick stroll to the tea shop," Reiko retorted, staring pointedly at his weapons.
"It's just habit, Mom," Tsubasa protested unconvincingly. "Like Kazuhiko always says, I've been living with the tengu too long."
"I don't believe that," Reiko said. "But I'm not here just because of the murders. The tone of your letters bothered me...your father didn't notice, but there was just a little too much forced cheer in them." She crossed her arms over her chest and gave him a hard, implacable glare. "Just what is going on between you and this werewolf? And don't give me that 'we're just friends' line!"
Tsubasa caved immediately; even a hardened warrior knew when to admit defeat. Noticing Madam Puddifoot gazing at them curiously from across the room, he switched from English to Japanese and told Reiko everything about himself and Ash and the complications that had resulted from Ash's chance meeting with Laura Madley, and his doubts that Ash wanted him for himself and not just because of his resemblance to Takeshi. He even told her about his recent encounter with Ash in the Physical Defense classroom, although he glossed over the more explicit details. But he confessed his overwhelming desire for the werewolf, and his confusion about whether it was lust or love.
"Only you can decide that, sweetie," Reiko said, reaching across the table to clasp his hand comfortingly. "But it sounds to me like you care a lot about Ash, if you've been worrying about him this much."
"I don't know if I can love him," Tsubasa said despairingly. "And even if I can, I don't know if he's capable of loving me. I'm not sure if he's capable of loving anyone."
"It sounds like your friend comes with a lot of baggage," Reiko said gently. "But everyone does, to some extent. When I graduated from Salem, I certainly didn't intend to fall in love with an older widower who already had a young son. There were times when I wasn't sure if Yokuto would ever be able to get over his grief for your mother enough to love someone else. But I have never regretted marrying him, not even for a moment."
"You have a generous spirit, Mom," Tsubasa said, managing a faint but genuine smile. "You're willing to share Dad with the memory of my mother. I'm a little more selfish. If Ash is going to be my mate, I don't want to share him with anyone."
"That's your crane blood speaking," his stepmother said, smiling at him fondly. "But seriously, Tsubasa, no one person ever belongs solely to another, in spite of all the romantic crane notions about lifemates and two souls becoming one. Yes, it's true that cranes mate for life, but a part of your father will always belong to the crane clan, for all that he rebels against them, just as a part of me will always belong to my family in America, no matter how much I love your father. If you are going to love Ash, you must accept that you will have to share him with his pack, and perhaps with the memory of Takeshi as his first love--if he did, in fact, love Takeshi, which I'm not so sure of as you are. I think it might be that relationship that was the infatuation, not this one. But regardless, no matter whom you choose as your mate, that person will come with ties of love and obligation to other people. If you love Ash, you must accept him as he is--which doesn't mean that you need to let him treat you like a doormat, or offer him sex with no strings attached."
Tsubasa felt his face turn bright red, and he was grateful that they were still speaking Japanese and that Puddifoot couldn't follow their conversation. But still, he couldn't believe that he was having a conversation about sex with his mother in the middle of a public tea shop!
"But it does mean that you have to decide whether you want to commit to him and help him work through his 'baggage,'" Reiko continued. "And it means that you have to run the risk of being hurt if things don't work out."
"But how do I know if I really love him or not?" Tsubasa demanded in frustration. "If he is the one who is meant to be my mate, shouldn't I know it by now?"
Reiko shook her head and sighed. "You cranes think that this mating for life business makes everything easy, as if true love will walk right up to you, hit you on the head, and say, 'Here I am!' And I'll admit, that's often the way it seems to work. But not always. Sometimes love sneaks up on you gradually, as it did for your father and me, and for Takeshi and Aric."
"I want him, I care for him, but..." Tsubasa shrugged helplessly. "I don't know if that's love."
"I don't think that someone else can tell you if you're in love, Tsubasa," Reiko said quietly. "I think that's something you have to decide for yourself. But if you're asking me to describe what love is, then I guess I would say that it's when the other person's absence causes an almost physical pain, when there's a sense of joy and completeness when you're together. It's when that person's happiness matters more to you than your own, when you feel as though you'd sacrifice anything to keep them safe."
Tsubasa missed Ash when he wasn't around, but sometimes being with him hurt just as much as being without him did. Did that count as love? How much would he sacrifice to make Ash happy? "I don't know," Tsubasa murmured. "I don't know if I feel that way about Ash."
"You don't have to rush into anything, dear," Reiko said, patting his hand gently. "You're probably right when you say that Ash isn't ready to be in a relationship just yet. I think that you and he both need some time to work out your feelings for each other."
Tsubasa nodded reluctantly. "I guess you're right. I feel as if he can't be with me until he resolves things with his family, and he won't be able to do that until the murders are solved."
"Then I hope you're right, and that the Aurors catch the killer quickly," Reiko said.
Tsubasa hoped so too, but he rather doubted it. Nothing had been resolved, and he still wasn't sure how he felt about Ash, but strangely, he felt better for having shared his problems, as if a burden had been lifted from him. "Talking about all this makes me feel a lot better," he admitted.
"Well, of course, sweetie," Reiko said matter-of-factly, and leaned across the table to give him a motherly hug. "That's what I'm here for."
"Thanks, Mom," Tsubasa laughed. "Um...by the way, you haven't shown those newspaper articles to Dad, have you?"
"Not yet," Reiko replied. "Your father would be tearing his hair out if he knew there was a killer loose in England. But still, I'm not sure that it's fair to keep it from him. You are his son, and he understood that you were choosing a life with a certain amount of risk in it when you chose to live with the tengu and become a warrior. He has a right to know if you're in danger."
"Ash may be in danger of being falsely arrested, but I'm not in any danger myself," Tsubasa argued.
"I'm not so sure of that," Reiko said gravely. "The Daily Prophet said that the second victim may have been targeted because her daughter works at the Sakura--a business with ties to the werewolf pack."
"Mom, you can't believe everything you read in the Daily Prophet!" Tsubasa protested.
"That's true, but it's still a logical assumption," Reiko replied. "And if the killer has a grudge against Ash or his pack, then you might well become a target if people know that you're Ash's lover."
"I'm not his lover!" Tsubasa shouted. "And anyway, nobody knows about us! Well, except for the pack." He paused for a moment, then added sheepishly, "And maybe Remus Lupin..."
"Sweetie, I've never even met Ash, and I suspected that he was your lover, or at least a potential lover," Reiko said impatiently. "I'm sure that anyone who has seen the two of you together can figure out that there's something going on between you." Tsubasa felt his face turn red again. "And anyway, even if you're just friends, that might still be motive enough for the killer to target you."
Tsubasa sighed and said, "I'll be careful. But don't tell Dad just yet. If the killer isn't caught within the next couple of weeks, I'll tell him myself, I promise. I just don't want him rushing over here in a panic to protect me when I'm quite capable of defending myself." He smiled wryly. "Actually, I'm more worried about him trying to play matchmaker than I am about him playing overprotective father."
Reiko giggled. "Oh yes, I can just see him playing go-between, speaking to Ash's pack leader about setting up a marriage meeting--a formal dinner, with family from both sides trying to decide whether their children are compatible, and then if that goes well, perhaps a betrothal ceremony..."
"Mom!" Tsubasa wailed. "You can't let him do that!"
Reiko burst into laughter at the look of horror on his face, causing Madam Puddifoot to stare at them with open curiosity. "All right, all right," she gasped between fits of laughter. "I'll keep your father under control. We wouldn't want to scare off your wolf, after all. Taming a wild beast is a delicate matter..."
"MOM!"
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Meanwhile, back at Gladrags Wizardwear, the two apprentices were giggling and gossiping about the new Professor--whom they had recognized from his previous visits to Hogsmeade--and his mysterious female companion.
"Megan, Parvati, stop gossiping for a moment," the shopkeeper said impatiently. "We have several rush orders to finish, so we'll have to work through our lunch hour. One of you order some food to be sent in."
"Yes, ma'am," Parvati said obediently. "What would you like?"
"It doesn't matter, as long as they deliver," the shopkeeper replied in a distracted manner, handing Parvati a handful of coins.
"That Japanese place in London delivers," Megan Jones suggested. Like Parvati, she was a recent Hogwarts graduate, and they had started their apprenticeships at the same time. They hadn't known each other well in school, as Megan was a Hufflepuff and Parvati was a Gryffindor, but they had discovered that they both shared a love of clothing and fashion, and quickly became fast friends. Megan was pretty, with fair hair and skin in contrast to Parvati's darker complexion, and much to their delight, people often told them that they made a striking pair.
"Yes, that's fine," the shopkeeper said.
"And they have a cute delivery boy," Parvati whispered, winking at Megan, who giggled.
"Damien will be jealous," Megan whispered back.
"There's no harm in looking, as long as I'm not actually going out with someone else," Parvati replied with a casual shrug. "I know that he still notices pretty girls, although he's a little more discreet about it than he used to be. Besides, what he doesn't know won't hurt him." Her boyfriend Damien Pierce was a year younger than her, which meant that he was still attending Hogwarts, and therefore unlikely to know whether or not she was admiring a handsome delivery boy--or a handsome Professor on a weekend trip to Hogsmeade, for that matter.
About half an hour later, the handsome blond werewolf Kai arrived with their order from the Sakura restaurant, while Parvati and Megan were still gossiping about Professor Tsubasa as they worked.
"Here's your order, ladies," Kai said cheerfully, unloading their food from the magical carrying case that kept the food hot and the dishes from tipping over and spilling in transit.
"Thank you," Megan said, fluttering her eyelashes at him.
Parvati automatically gave the werewolf a flirtatious smile as she paid him for the food, but her mind was still on the Professor and his companion. "Do you think he'll be back?" she wondered out loud.
"Will who be back?" a puzzled Kai asked.
"Oh, honestly, girls!" the shopkeeper said in exasperation. "Are you going to gossip about that Professor all day?"
"But he might come back and buy that robe his girlfriend was admiring," Parvati pointed out. "So you see, it's work related, ma'am."
"Professor?" Kai asked.
"Professor Tsubasa, the new teacher from Japan," Parvati explained.
"The pretty one, with the beautiful hair," Megan giggled. "He's got hair any girl would envy!"
"Ah yes, I know him," Kai said. "He's the nephew of the owners of the Sakura. But did you say something about a girlfriend? I think you must be mistaken, because I know he doesn't have one."
"Well, I don't know for sure," Parvati said coyly, "but he certainly seemed very cozy with this woman. A very pretty Japanese woman." She giggled and added, "But not as pretty as he is!"
"She was hanging on his arm," Megan chimed in, "and calling him 'sweetie'. So we assumed she must be his girlfriend. And I heard them say that they were going to Madam Puddifoot's--and the only people who ever go there are couples in love!"
"Maybe she's an old flame of his from Japan," Parvati said thoughtfully. "She was admiring that robe in the window, and he offered to buy it for her as a souvenir of her trip to Britain." Then she noticed that Kai had turned pale, and she asked in concern, "Is something wrong? Are you feeling all right?"
"Ah, no," Kai said hastily. "I mean, I'm fine, thank you. Please enjoy the food, ladies, and call on us again in the future." Then he bowed and quickly left the shop.
"Oh my," Megan said. "What was that all about?"
"Maybe he has a crush on Professor Tsubasa," Parvati giggled. It wasn't a thought that would have occurred to her before Professors Lupin and Snape publicly became a couple, but now it didn't seem so unusual that a man might be attracted to another man.
"Girls!" their employer called impatiently, and they sighed and went back to work, forgetting about the Professor and his girlfriend for the moment.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Kai rushed into the London townhouse, where he found Ash in the living room playing video games with the children, but without his usual enthusiasm--he was punching the buttons on the controller dispiritedly, and moreover, five-year-old Max was winning.
"Ash!" Kai shouted.
"What are you doing here?" Ash asked listlessly, without looking up from the television screen. "Aren't you supposed to be working?"
"I'm between deliveries, but never mind that!" Kai said impatiently. "I just made a delivery to Gladrags in Hogsmeade, and the girls there saw Tsubasa out on a date with a woman!"
"What?!" Ash exclaimed, finally turning to look at Kai.
Kyra, who had walked into the living room when she heard all the commotion, said skeptically, "I thought he was gay."
"They said he was walking arm-in-arm with a pretty woman who was calling him 'sweetie,'" Kai insisted. "And they went to Puddifoot's."
Kyra made a face. "I can't see how anyone over the age of fourteen can stand that place. I would have thought the peacock would have better taste than that."
"It seemed like she might have been visiting from Japan," Kai continued, ignoring the interruption. "Does he have an old girlfriend back home, Ash?"
"How would I know?" Ash snapped. "He never mentioned one before, but we didn't sit around discussing all our ex-lovers. Anyway, it's none of my business."
"None of your business?!" Kai asked incredulously. "I thought that you and he had a thing going on! Are you going to let him two-time you?"
"He isn't two-timing me," Ash replied, with what seemed to Kai to be amazing calm, under the circumstances. "There is no 'thing' between us. He doesn't owe me anything. He can date whoever he likes."
"But you like him, don't you?" Kai demanded. "Are you going to let this girl just steal him away from you? Aren't you going to fight for him?"
"Mind your own business," Ash snarled, throwing down the game controller. He started to leave the room, but then paused and turned back for a moment. "And I don't want you going after Tsubasa and asking him about this woman," he warned. "This is between him and me, and I don't need you meddling in my lovelife, so just stay out of it!" Then he ran upstairs to his room and slammed the door shut.
Kai stared after him worriedly, and Max asked, sounding confused and a little hurt, "What's wrong with Uncle Ash?"
"Uncle Ash is having boyfriend problems," Kyra said with a wry smile, picking up the abandoned game controller. "But don't worry, Auntie Kyra will play with you."
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Ash lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling blankly, his anger quickly draining away. He had no right to be angry, anyway. He was the one who had blown his chances with Tsubasa.
He didn't really question Kai's statement that Tsubasa might have a girlfriend, even though Aric had given him the impression that Tsubasa was exclusively gay. Aric had only known Tsubasa for a short time and he might be mistaken, and after all, Ash himself had taken both male and female lovers in the past. And he wasn't really surprised that Tsubasa was seeking out a new love interest after that disaster during their last fencing lesson.
He wondered who the mysterious woman was, though...an old flame, perhaps, or a childhood sweetheart rekindling an old romance. Maybe he should feel hurt that Tsubasa had replaced him so quickly, but instead, he felt numb and empty inside, unable to feel either anger or sorrow. He couldn't even summon up enough energy to reach for the bottle of Firewhiskey that was hidden under his bed.
"I want your whole heart," Tsubasa had told him, but Ash's heart had not been whole since...Ash wasn't quite sure when. Since the first time his stepfather had struck him, certainly, or maybe even before that, going back to the time when he had been growing up unloved and unwanted in his Great-Aunt Ernestine's house. Whatever the reason, his heart was as scarred and damaged as the rest of his body, and he wasn't sure if he would ever be able to love Tsubasa the way that he deserved to be loved.
Tsubasa was probably better off with his new girlfriend. Ash didn't know who this woman was, but if she was someone Tsubasa knew from Japan, she was probably a crane maiden, graceful and elegant--or maybe a fierce and beautiful tengu woman who was his equal on the battlefield. Although Ash had a hard time picturing a warrior woman calling her lover "sweetie". But either way, Tsubasa deserved someone worthy of him, someone who was able to love him wholeheartedly.
Someone who did not turn into a dangerous monster every month. Someone who would not put him in danger by losing control to the monster within even when the moon was not full.
"Aren't you going to fight for him?" Kai had asked. But Ash was tired of fighting, and besides, Tsubasa was better off without him...wasn't he?
Ash tried very hard to convince himself of that as he continued to stare at the ceiling for the next several hours.
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Tsubasa still felt restless after Reiko went back home and he returned to Hogwarts, and he found himself wandering aimlessly around the castle. When the crane folk chose a mate, it was customary for them to weave some sort of garment for their beloved, usually a robe or a cloak made from their own feathers. Ash wasn't his mate, and in any case, Tsubasa was a poor weaver, but he couldn't get the idea out of his mind.
He sighed to himself and shrugged. Well, maybe weaving would at least distract him and take his mind off his worries. Chizuru had taught Weaving magic during her semester as a guest teacher at Hogwarts, so there must be a loom somewhere in the school.
He could have asked the Headmaster where it was, but then Dumbledore might ask him inconvenient questions about why he was looking for it. Or he might keep his silence, but smile with that knowing little twinkle in his eyes. Instead, Tsubasa tracked down Dobby, who directed him to the Room of Requirement.
He opened the door and found a large loom in the center of the room, along with skeins of thread for weaving, needles and thread for sewing and embroidering, dyes, and anything else that he might conceivably need to weave and sew cloth.
"What on earth am I doing here?" Tsubasa muttered to himself. His late mother and his father were both skilled weavers, but he was as inept at it as Takeshi was, unable to weave more than a few inches of cloth at a time without the thread snarling and knotting, and he didn't even have his cousin's excuse of being part-human. And even if he did somehow manage to weave an entire bolt of cloth, his sewing and embroidery were almost as bad as his weaving.
Besides, he and Ash weren't even on speaking terms, so why was he even thinking of weaving a lover's token for the werewolf? But still, he transformed into his crane form with a sigh, and began plucking feathers from his breast.
Part 16