geri_chan | FIC: Curry, Part 1 of 2

Yet another re-post of my old Petshop fics.

Title: Curry, Part 1 of 2
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Leon/D
Word count: ~5,690
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Matsuri Akino; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.

Summary: Stand-alone fic, not part of the series that starts with "Revenge"--D and Leon are not a couple in this story. (Or you can picture it as a prequel, since I use the same OC wolf pet, Lupin.) A sort of crossover with Revolutionary Girl Utena; none of the characters from that story appear, but I did borrow the device of the body-switching curry powder from one of the anime episodes. Due to an accident involving the curry, D and Leon switch bodies.

Author's note: [Brackets] indicate the animals' speech, which Leon cannot understand.

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Leon marched into the Petshop. "D!" he shouted.

"And what heinous crime am I to be accused of today?" the Count sighed. He was dressed immaculately as always, in an elegant blue and white cheongsam. The front of the elaborate robe was decorated with strands of pearls, and at his throat, D wore a flower-shaped brooch made of what looked like a huge sapphire surrounded by petals made of tiny diamonds.

"I just wanted some info on one of the Chinatown gangs," replied Leon. "You haven't been involved in any murders recently." He eyed the Count suspiciously. "At least, not that I know of!"

"And why should I help you, when you treat me so rudely?" asked the Count in a slightly miffed tone, toying with one of the pearl strands.

Leon held up a pastry box. "Oh yeah, I brought you some strawberry tarts--" The detective frowned as he took in the sight of the expensive jewelry. "And just where did you get all that jewelry? Are those real pearls and diamonds? Are you dealing in stolen jewels now, too?!"

"Honestly, Detective!" snapped D indignantly. "They were merely a gift from...an admirer."

"An admirer?" Leon felt a sudden and irrational stab of jealousy. "Who?!"

D smiled coyly. "Oh...no one you need concern yourself with."

Leon growled. Damn it, wasn't it bad enough that he had to bribe D for information with gourmet pastries? Did he have to start buying him jewelry now, too?! Of course, Leon told himself, information was the only reason why he bought D gifts. No matter what Jill said, he didn't have any "feelings" for D--except maybe the desire to smack that stupid smug smile right off his face!

"Good afternoon, Count!" the postman said cheerfully as he walked into the shop. "Oh, hello, Detective." The postman gave D a knowing smile. "You certainly seem to be getting a lot of special attention from the police department these days, eh, Count?"

"Hey!" protested Leon. "It's not like that! I'm conducting an investigation here! The Count's a suspect in a large number of unsolved crimes...!"

D and the postman both ignored him. "Please sign here, Count--registered mail from Japan."

"There you go. Thank you very much! Please accept some of these almond cookies--I got them fresh from Mrs. Hong's bakery this morning."

"Why, thank you, Count! They look delicious! Take care, Detective." As he left, the postman waved to Leon, who was still rambling on about "special investigations".

Leon turned to D and snapped, "So what's in that package? Drugs? Stolen gems? Let me see!"

"You are being irrational, Mr. Detective. However, I will humor you and open the package now so you can see it contains nothing illegal," D said in a gentle but patronizing tone of voice, as if he were speaking to a not-very-bright child. "After all, I am only a humble pet shop owner..."

"Just get on with it!"

The Count used one of his long nails--painted a pearly white today--to slit open the brown paper wrapping. Leon noticed that the return address said "Ohtori Academy". Underneath the wrapping was a cardboard box containing a round metal canister labeled "Extra-Spicy Curry Powder".

"Curry powder?" Leon frowned suspiciously. "A likely story! Have you been smuggling drugs through the mail?"

The Count sighed and opened the canister. "See? Curry powder. I was going to ask you to stay and have some curry rice for dinner, but not if you are going to behave in such a--"

"Gimme that!" Leon snatched the canister away from D. He examined it carefully. To his disappointment, the substance inside really did seem to be curry powder--the container was filled with a yellowish-brown powder that had a familiar, spicy smell. Leon dipped a finger in the powder and touched it to his tongue.

"Mr. Detective, please be care--" began D.

"AAHH! Hot hot hot!" exclaimed Leon. It felt like the powder was burning a hole in his tongue! "Are you trying to poison me?!" He tried to fan cool air into his mouth with his hands, and in the process dropped the canister of curry powder...

BOOM!!! A huge explosion echoed through the shop. The pets came running into the lobby to see what happened, and found Count D and Leon sprawled unconscious on the floor. A cloud of yellowish smoke hung in the air, and an empty metal canister lay next to a large scorch mark on the carpet next to the detective.

[Count!] shouted Tet-chan. [Are you all right?! Count!] He frantically examined his master for injuries, and to his relief, saw none. The Count's eyelids fluttered, blinking once, twice, then slowly opening to reveal yellow and purple eyes that looked a little glazed. Tet-chan smiled and stroked the Count's cheek...

"AAARGH!" shouted the Count, violently pushing Tet-chan away from him. "Get this goddamned sheep offa me!"

[Count?] bleated Tet-chan, bewildered.

Ten-chan snickered. [Sheep-boy!]

[It's not funny, Ten-chan,] said Pon-chan. [Something's wrong!]

The kitsune scratched his head. [Maybe the explosion addled his wits?]

Leon groaned, and sat up. "I told you to be careful, Mr. Detective," he said.

[HUH?!] exclaimed the pets, looking from Leon to D and back again. The tall blond detective's voice sounded strange; it was unmistakably Leon's but Leon never spoke in such a soft, almost gentle tone of voice. And there was a faint hint of an Asian accent in his voice...

[Could it be...?] mused Ten-chan.

[No way!] screamed Tet-chan, eyes wide with horror.

[What're you talking about?] asked Lupin. The young wolf-spirit bounded over to the Count's side and began licking his face. [Are you all right, Pack-Leader?]

Leon woke up to find himself lying flat on the floor. He opened his eyes, and for a moment he thought he saw a demonic figure--a young man with horns and glowing orange eyes. Then he blinked and saw only Tet-chan--the Count's vicious sheep-like "pet"--pawing at his chest and face. He shouted in anger and surprise and shoved the animal off him. Oddly enough, Tet-chan didn't try to attack him again, but just sat on the floor looking stunned and making a strange, almost pitiful, bleating noise. The other animals in the shop were gathered in the doorway making a loud commotion. They must be worried about D, he thought. He started to get up to check on the Count when suddenly a large gray puppy appeared at his side and started slobbering all over his face. The puppy barked and whined anxiously between swipes of his (very wet) tongue.

"Oof!" exclaimed Leon. "That's enough, boy, I'm fine!"

The puppy stopped and cocked his head to one side, a quizzical expression on his face. "Wuff?" he barked.

"Good boy," said Leon, absentmindedly reaching out to scratch the puppy's ears. Then he caught sight of his hand...pale white fingers tipped with long, manicured nails painted a pearly white... "What the--?!" Leon exclaimed. He slowly raised both hands to his face--slender, white, almost girlish hands tipped with long nails. He ran his hands down his chest and felt smooth, cool silk instead of a cotton t-shirt. He looked across the room and saw himself sitting up and staring back at him. It was like looking into an off-kilter mirror: it was his face, yet not his face; this other Leon tilted his head and widened his eyes in a way that real-Leon never would. The other-Leon's eyes seemed wider and bluer somehow, with a rather childlike expression of puzzlement on his face.

"Oh my," said the other-Leon, lifting his hand to his face in a graceful, almost effeminate manner. "De...Detective...?"

"HOLY SHIT!" exclaimed D-who-was-Leon.

[OH NOOOO!!!] wailed Tet-chan.

Ten-chan's ears pricked up, and his nine tails began to twitch. [Oh...my. This is certainly going to be...interesting!]

Lupin looked from D to Leon, then from Leon to D, back and forth, several times. [My head hurts!] he whined, flopping down on the floor and covering his head with his paws.

"This is all your fault!" Leon screamed at D. "Just look at me! How did this happen?!" D stared back at Leon haughtily. Leon had never imagined that his own face could hold such a snotty expression. He felt an urge to smack D, but he would only be hurting his own body. "ARRRGH!" he shouted, pulling at his hair.

"Stop that," said D coolly. "That is my hair you are damaging. And in any case, this is your fault, not mine. You were the one who dropped the curry powder and caused the explosion. I told you to be careful, but did you listen to me...?"

"You said it was just curry powder! Curry doesn't explode!"

[No, but short-tempered detectives do!] snickered Ten-chan.

"That dog is laughing at me!" shouted Leon, a little hysterically.

[It's really weird seeing the Count act like Leon,] said Pon-chan.

"Do not be paranoid, Mr. Detective," said D. "And besides, he is a kitsune, not a dog."

"I don't care what it is! And stop calling me 'Detective'! It's too weird hearing my own voice call me 'Detective'! And do you have to move in such a sissy way?! It's so weird watching my body act like you!"

"It is equally offensive to me to watch and listen to my body behaving like an uncouth American," retorted D.

Leon reached out and grabbed D by the front of his shirt. Only he suddenly realized he probably didn't look so intimidating now that he was D, and several inches shorter than D, who was now Leon. Nevertheless, Leon yanked on his--D's--t-shirt and pulled him down to eye-level. "What are you going to do about this?!" he demanded.

[Let him go!] snarled Tet-chan, about to jump up and sink his fangs into Leon's arm, when Ten-chan grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

[What the hell are you doing?!] the kitsune cried out. [That's still the Count's body!]

Tet-chan looked helplessly at the two men. Leon was threatening his master, but he couldn't do anything to the detective, since he was in the Count's body. And the sight of Leon always filled him with rage, but he couldn't do anything to the detective's body, since the Count was in it! He moaned and held his head between his hands. [Leon is the Count but the Count is Leon...Oh God, my head hurts!]

[Mine, too!] agreed Lupin cheerfully, wagging his tail.

There was absolutely nothing the Tou-Tet could do to Leon in either form, since either way he would also be hurting the Count. He screamed in frustration and ran out of the room, shouting that he need some aspirin...or better yet, hard liquor!

"So what do we do now?" Leon asked, sounding more frantic than angry. "This isn't permanent, is it? It can't be!"

D rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and made a mental note that the detective's face needed a shave. "Possibly it might wear off with time..." he mused.

"Possibly?!" shrieked Leon.

D frowned. "I must remember not to become hysterical when I am back in my own body," he said. "I did not know how unbecoming it makes me look."

Leon's--or rather, the Count's--pale cheeks flushed red and his mismatched eyes bulged out in anger. "Never mind that now!" he screamed, still hanging onto D's--or rather, Leon's--shirt. "I don't want to wait, I want you to do something to fix this NOW!!!" He grabbed the taller man by the shoulders and shook him vigorously to make his point. Then suddenly he stopped, anger forgotten for a moment. "Wow," he muttered to himself. "D is a lot stronger than he looks."

D used Leon's momentary bemusement to pull himself out of the other man's grasp. "We could attempt to re-create the explosion that caused this effect in the first place," he said calmly. "Theoretically, that should put us back in our rightful bodies. However...I believe all the curry powder was consumed in the explosion." He bent down to pick up the empty canister, then saw the scorch mark on his carpet. "KYAAAAH!" he screeched.

Leon nearly jumped right out of the Count's silk dress. "Jesus!" he said, rubbing his ears. "I didn't know my voice could go that high! What's the matter?"

"Just...just look at my carpet!" D screamed. "It is a priceless antique--and now you've ruined it!"

"Jesus, D," complained Leon, crossing his arms and slouching sulkily. "It's only a carpet."

"Only...a...carpet...!" D huffed and spluttered, face turning red. "And don't slouch like that!" he snapped.

Leon smirked. "Don't get so hysterical, D," he said. "I find it very unbecoming."

D snarled and was reaching his arm out to slap Leon, when Ten-chan said, [Don't do it!] The kitsune gulped as D's steely blue-eyed gaze turned towards him. The detective was certainly a lot scarier with the Count inhabiting his body! [Uh...I mean, you don't wanna hurt your own body, do you, Boss?] he asked meekly. [Uh, like, you do want it back, right? You don't wanna get it back with a bruised cheek or a broken jaw.]

D slowly lowered his arm. "You are right, Ten-chan," he sighed.

"Who the hell are you talking to?!" growled Leon.

"Never mind. As I was saying, we can attempt to re-create the explosion. However, since all the curry powder is gone, I will have to contact my friends and have them send more."

"Well, how long will that take?" demanded Leon impatiently.

"Well, if they send it by express airmail from Japan...perhaps a week?"

"A WEEK???!!!" screamed Leon.

"Give or take a couple of days," added D helpfully.

Leon moaned, holding his head between his hands. "Does it have to come from Japan?" he whined. "Can't we just go to the grocery store and buy some?"

"This is very special curry powder, Mr. Detective," said D. "It was imported from India...hopefully, they still have some left...or we will have to get it directly from India--and that could take weeks, maybe even months."

"MONTHS???!!!" wailed Leon. "Nooo!!! How will I go to work?! I can't show up at the office like this!"

D pouted, thrusting out his lower lip. "I find the prospect of spending months in your body equally unappealing," he pointed out.

"Don't pout like that! I--you--look totally ridiculous!"

[Maybe they could switch places,] Ten-chan said. [Can you imagine the Count working at the police station, and Leon working here at the Petshop? What a hoot!]

[Bite your tongue!] snapped one of the cat-girls, a white persian with a jeweled collar. [Can you imagine what a mess that dolt would make of things here at the shop?]

Another cat-girl--actually, a spotted ocelot--purred and lashed her tail back and forth. [Oh, I don't know,] she said with a lascivious grin. [It might be rather...interesting...]

Meanwhile, D was on the phone in his office, speaking in Japanese, while Leon waited, tapping his--the Count's--slippered foot impatiently on the floor. He started to drum his fingers on the desk, but found the sight of the long, polished nails both annoying and disconcerting. Finally D hung up the phone and said, "My friends will ship another batch of curry powder to me. It should arrive soon."

"Soon?" Leon asked hopefully.

"As I said, in about a week. Perhaps sooner, if we are lucky."

"A week!" moaned Leon. "A whole week, trapped in this body!"

"There is nothing wrong with that body, Detective!" snapped D. "What about me, trapped in THIS body--"

"A perfectly fine body, if I do say so myself," interrupted Leon.

"--which has been poisoned by the junk food you eat--"

"Oh yeah, like you're Mr. Healthy--chocolate and sugar and whipped cream have soooo much nutritional value!"

"Well, while you are in my body," D said haughtily, ignoring Leon's last comment, "you shall take good care of it, and refrain from ingesting from things like those awful bacon double-cheeseburgers. Do you know how much cholesterol they contain? Not to mention--where are you going?"

"I'm outa here!" shouted Leon. "Call me when the curry comes in!" He stomped out of the office, slamming the door. He returned a few minutes later, red-faced and sullen.

"Yes, Mr. Detective?" D asked coolly.

Leon growled, "I need my keys." He had gotten to his car and realized that his car keys--as well as his wallet, gun, and handcuffs--were on his real body.

D smiled with Leon's lips--a gentle but smug smile that infuriated the detective. He reached into Leon's jacket pocket and silently handed Leon his key ring.

"I need my wallet, too--oh, just give me the whole damn jacket. And my gun."

D awkwardly shrugged his arms out of the jacket. The detective's gun and holster were strapped to his chest with some kind of harness. D plucked at the straps ineffectually, till Leon snarled, "Oh here, lemme do that!" and helped him take it off.

"That is really most uncomfortable, Mr. Detective," D complained. "How can you stand wearing that all day?"

"Stop calling me that! And being uncomfortable's a whole lot better than being dead! Christ, D, how do you do anything with these nails?!" Leon finally got the harness off, but D's long fingernails made the whole process a lot more difficult than usual.

"You had better not break any of my nails," warned D.

"You just worry about taking care of my body," retorted Leon. "Are you sure the pets won't attack you now that you're me? Though it would serve you right to have that mutant sheep taking a bite out of your ass for a change!"

D smiled, blue eyes lighting up with amusement. "Animals are more perceptive than humans, Mr. Detec--Leon. They know who I am no matter what form I wear."

Leon was taken aback for a moment by how charming his face looked when D smiled. Damn, but I'm good-looking! he thought. Then he shook his head, as if to clear it. "Yeah, right," he said dubiously. "Just make sure my body is still in one piece when I get back!"
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Leon walked into his apartment, slamming the door behind him. First of order of business, he thought, is to get out of this stupid dress! He awkwardly fumbled with the frog closures, D's long fingernails getting in the way. How do women manage to get dressed? he wondered. Then he had to figure out how to unhook the strings of pearls attached to the front of the robe. As he did so, one of the strings broke, and the pearls fell to the floor with a clatter.

"Shit!" exclaimed Leon. He threw the robe across his bed (he was rather relieved to find that D wore a pair of lightweight silk trousers under the robe) and crawled on the floor gathering up the little white beads. He dumped them in an empty and mostly-clean ashtray on his dresser. "I hope I got them all," he grumbled. An ex-girlfriend had once broken a bracelet in his apartment (they had been getting a little "frisky" at the time), and he'd found himself stepping on stray beads for weeks afterwards. He stopped and stared at his--D's--reflection in the mirror. Although the Count was slender and almost androgynously beautiful, now that he was actually in D's body, he discovered that the Count was a lot stronger and more fit than he looked. He ran his hands down his arms and chest--there was actually muscle beneath that sleek-looking surface; not a bodybuilder's brute strength, but the lithe, agile strength of a dancer or martial artist...D's milky-white skin was deceptively smooth and baby-soft...like a layer of velvet over steel...Leon stood there, almost in a trance, caressing his own skin until, to his horror, he suddenly realized..."Shit! I'm getting turned on by my own--by his--body!" He frantically dashed to the bathroom to take a cold shower.
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The first thing D wanted to do was get out of the detective's awful clothes. He marched into his bedroom and began undressing. He peeled off Leon's Iron Maiden t-shirt. D eyed the garment distastefully and wondered why anyone would want to wear a shirt printed with a picture of a rotting corpse. He also awkwardly removed Leon's jeans (torn at the knee, and none-too-clean) and smiley-face boxer shorts. The Count shook his head; the man had absolutely no fashion sense at all! Not trusting Leon's sense of hygiene any more than he trusted his sense of fashion, D decided to go take a shower.

After a shower and a shave (D in his normal form did not need to shave, but some of his pets had rather unusual grooming needs, so fortunately he had a razor on hand), the Count felt much better. As he examined his new body, D mused that despite Leon's atrocious eating habits, he really was quite fit. The detective's body was lean and well-muscled, with not a spare ounce of fat. It was marred by several scars, though...a bullet wound on the chest; a long, thin scar--probably from a knife--on the abdomen; and...("Oh my!" exclaimed D with a startled laugh)...a ring of tooth-marks on his buttocks! "I really must scold Tet-chan about that," D said. He caught sight of his face in the mirror, and thought to himself that the detective was really quite handsome when he wasn't scowling, which unfortunately, was most of the time.

"He would look so handsome," said D, smiling into the mirror, "if only he would dress properly and do something with his hair. Well, we can take care of that!" Wrapping a flowered bathrobe around himself, D went back to his room to look through his closet. Of course, all of his outfits were much too small for Leon's body, but this was no ordinary shop...and despite what he told the detective, D was no ordinary shopkeeper. The Count closed his eyes and concentrated very hard...thinking to himself that there must be something in the back of the closet that he had overlooked... After a few minutes, he opened his eyes, and began rummaging through his wardrobe again. At the very back of the closet, tucked out of sight, he found a cheongsam just the right size for his new body--it was a deep blue the exact color of Leon's eyes, decorated with a pattern of delicate white blossoms and butterflies with iridescent wings. Along with it, he found matching blue trousers and slippers. He happily donned his new outfit, not at all surprised to find that it fit perfectly. He sat at his vanity table and began combing out Leon's hair, brushing it till it was shiny and smooth as silk. The detective really had very nice hair, the pale golden shade of his hair nicely complementing his fair skin and blue eyes. But it would not do to tie it back in a simple ponytail like Leon did! The Count carefully put most of Leon's hair up in a bun at the back of his head, holding it in place with a pair of sapphire-studded hairpins, while letting a long, golden lock of hair fall loose on each side of his face. The stray locks of hair curled becomingly next to his cheeks in a seemingly artless, but actually very deliberate manner, softening the severe style of the bun. For a finishing touch, D plucked a white orchid from a nearby vase and tucked it behind his ear, beaming at himself in the mirror. "There! Doesn't that look nice?" he asked his reflection.

At that very moment, Ten-chan and Q-chan entered the room. The batbunny had missed all the excitement while he was down in the kitchen pigging out on a basket of strawberries. The kitsune had found him and brought him up to date, so Q-chan had hurriedly fluttered to find D and see for himself what had happened.

D looked up and saw his pet. He smiled cheerfully and said, "Hello, Q-chan! Shall we go have some tea?"

"Kyuuuuu....!" THUNK! The tubby little bat took one look at his master and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
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Leon rummaged through his closet; all of his clothes were much too big for D's slender body. He found an old Motley Crue t-shirt (from the Dr. Feelgood tour) tucked away in the back of his closet. It was faded and had shrunk from too many washings, but Leon had kept it for sentimental reasons--he had managed to get front row tickets to the concert, had caught a drumstick Tommy Lee had thrown into the audience, and even managed to touch Nikki Sixx's sweaty palm when the bass player came down to the edge of the stage at the end of the show to slap hands with his fans! There had been a bevy of lovely, scantily-clad girls at the show; alas, they were all more interested in meeting the band than in going home with a mere fan. Still, it had been a great night! Leon had often thought that if he had not decided to become a detective, he would have liked to have become a rock musician. The only thing standing in his way had been the fact that he couldn't sing in tune or play an instrument. Leon sighed regretfully. Ah well, rock and roll's loss was the Police Department's gain! In any case, while the shirt was too small for his real body, it was only slightly too large for D's body. He put on his tightest pair of jeans--which had faded till it was nearly white, and was ripped at both knees--but still had to put on a belt and cinch it tightly to keep it from sliding down his hips. He also had to roll up the cuffs to keep from tripping over them. He stared at the result in the mirror: he looked strange, but not too ridiculous; many of the teenagers these days wore baggy t-shirts and pants in imitation of hip-hop groups. Leon didn't care for the style or the music, but at least he could go out in public without attracting too much attention. He put on a baseball cap (facing backwards) to complete the look. Not bad! D's face was still too pretty, but he supposed there was nothing he could do about that. The weird-colored eyes were a dead giveaway, but he could hide them with dark glasses. He scowled at his reflection.

"How did I get into this mess?" he asked himself. He pointed an accusing finger at the mirror. "This is all your fault, D! How can I go to work like this?!" Then he stopped to think that maybe he could at least make a virtue out of necessity. This was the ultimate undercover disguise! No one in Chinatown would recognize him as Leon Orcot! He could try and get information on the Chinese gangs, maybe even dig up some dirt on D himself! But he would need some help...at the very least, he needed to cover up a one-week absence at work...
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"Hello, Homicide Department," said Jill, picking up the phone.

"Jill?"

Jill frowned. The voice sounded familiar, but she couldn't quite place it... "Who is this?" she asked.

"It's Leon!" came the reply. The irritated, impatient tone sounded like Leon, but the voice did not.

"Leon?" asked Jill dubiously. "Is that really you? You sound strange...do you have a cold or something?"

"Or something!" The voice on the phone spat out several blistering curse words. Now Jill began to believe it really was Leon!

"So what's up, Leon?" she asked. "I thought today was your day off." Then she smiled. "Did you have a fight with the Count?" She held the phone away from her ear, as the voice on the other line continued cursing. When he had finally stopped shouting, Jill put the phone back to ear.

"...so the Count has really got me in trouble this time!" Leon was saying. "I...uh...I..." His voice dropped to a nearly inaudible level and said something that sounded like "(mumble)...help...(mumble)".

"What was that again, Leon?" Jill asked sweetly. "I couldn't quite hear you the first time."

"I need your help, okay?" Leon grumbled. "Please?" He hated having to ask anyone for help; he knew he could count on Jill, but she would make him pay for it later. Owing her favors hadn't been so bad before he had met D, and Jill got this insane idea about getting the two of them together. He used to pay her back by buying her dinner; now she'd probably want him to take D to dinner!

"Sure, Leon," said Jill. She liked to tease Leon, but she really was fond of him; he was sort of like the younger brother she'd never had. He was a good detective and a basically nice guy, but really dense when it came to matters of the heart! He wasn't fooling anyone but himself with all his talk about D being a suspect; after all, how many other suspects did he visit every day with a box of Godiva chocolates or expensive pastries? And it was so cute how he got jealous whenever another man seemed interested in the Count! If only Leon would wake up and realize what a great couple he and D would make! She sighed. "What can I do for you?" Jill asked aloud.

"I...uh...I need you to explain to the Captain that I need to take some personal days," replied Leon. "Maybe a week?"

"What?!" Jill exclaimed. "You haven't taken a vacation in two years!" Leon was a notorious workaholic; Jill suspected that he used work as an excuse to avoid seeing his family. He always volunteered to work holidays, saying it was more important for the detectives with spouses and kids to take the day off. "What's going on, Leon?" she asked suspiciously.

"Um...it's kinda hard to explain over the phone," replied Leon uneasily.

"Then I'll come over and you can explain it to me in person," said Jill firmly.

"That's not necessary, Jill! Really! Jill, wait--!"

*Click!* Jill had already hung up and was heading out the door.
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Jill pounded on the door of Leon's apartment. "Come on, Leon, open up! I know you're in there!"

The door slowly opened and Jill walked in. Her jaw dropped open when she saw Count D standing behind the door clad in a baggy t-shirt and jeans, and a baseball cap. He scowled at her sullenly.

"Co...Count D?" she stammered. "Wh...what are you doing here? Where's Leon?"

"I am Leon!" snarled the Count.

Jill rubbed her temples and wondered if she was dreaming. She pinched herself hard on the arm. "Ouch! I guess this is real," she muttered to herself. To D, she said hesitantly, "Is this some kind of practical joke that Leon talked you into?" But D didn't seem like type to play jokes, and she would've bet a month's pay that D could not be forced into "normal" clothing even under threat of death.

"It's me! Leon!" shouted the Count. When Jill stared back at him doubtfully, he said, "I can prove it!"

"Tell me something only Leon would know," said Jill.

"Um...you were the one who told me D has a sweet tooth," said D/Leon. "You know, this is all your fault! You're the one who keeps pushing me to bring sweets to the Count--"

"Well, you certainly sound like Leon," said Jill. But she still looked dubious.

"I had a poster of Miss January from Playboy posted above my desk till you made me take it down--threatened to charge me with sexual harassment!" D/Leon huffed sulkily. "But I notice you still have that poster of Tom Cruise up by your desk!"

Jill smiled. "Tom's not naked in that picture," she replied. "What else?"

"You like Japanese animation and Hong Kong action movies--especially the ones starring that guy, what's his name, sounds like 'chow fun'?"

"Chow Yun-Fat!" replied Jill indignantly.

"Yeah, right. Have to admit, his movies are pretty good. I hate reading subtitles, though."

"Leon...? Is it really you?" Jill asked.

"Of course it's me!" screamed Leon.

Jill was pretty much convinced, although she still couldn't figure out what had happened. But she decided to string him along a little further. "Tell me something else; something only you and I would know."

Leon thought for a moment. "You gave me smiley-face boxer shorts for my birthday."

Jill smiled slyly. "But if you're D, you would know that if you and Leon, were, well, getting intimate..."

The Count's...Leon's...pale face turned bright red. "WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" he screamed. "You think I'd do something like that with him?! Pervert! You're sick, Jill, really sick!"

Jill was doubled over with laughter. "Ha ha ha! Oh my God, you are Leon! Ha ha ha ha!"

"Oh shit!" Leon exclaimed.

Jill wiped tears from her eyes. "What?"

"I just remembered! I was wearing the shorts today! Only now D's wearing them--he's bound to see them when he changes clothes! How humiliating!"

"D is in your shorts?" Jill asked incredulously. "Wow, Leon, I'm really happy for you two, but I didn't think things had gotten that far yet--"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!!!" Leon shrieked.

"What happened? Why do you look like D?"

"It's a long story..." groaned Leon.
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Afterword: Minor trivia point--the outfit that D is wearing at the beginning of the story is modeled after the one on the cover of Book 6 of the first series. I just really love those strings of pearls--now that I take a closer look at it, it's probably a necklace, but I liked the idea of them actually being sewn onto the robe, thereby creating more complications for poor Leon. ^_^

Part 2

FIC: Curry, Part 1 of 2

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