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Scars, Part 17a
Sorry, another long chapter split into two; I'll try to keep future chapters short enough to fit into one post.
Scars, Part 17a
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairings: Snape/Lupin, Ash/Tsubasa; also a little Theodore/Blaise, Dylan/Hermione, and Aric/Takeshi
Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts; [] indicates song lyrics.
Disclaimer: Based on the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; song lyrics are from "Scars" by Papa Roach and "Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace. No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Warning: AU. This story contains a character from Half-Blood Prince, but does not follow the HBP storyline.
Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, The Revenant, Ash's Story, and Summer Vacation III.
Summary: Ash disappears and Dawlish threatens to issue a warrant for his arrest, so Harry, Tonks, and Shacklebolt enlist the aid of Snape, Lupin, Lukas, and Tsubasa to find him. This chapter focuses mainly on Ash, although Snape and Lupin play a minor role in it.
Part 16
Scars, Part 17a
Rating: NC-17 overall
Pairings: Snape/Lupin, Ash/Tsubasa; also a little Theodore/Blaise, Dylan/Hermione, and Aric/Takeshi
Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts; [] indicates song lyrics.
Disclaimer: Based on the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; song lyrics are from "Scars" by Papa Roach and "Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace. No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Warning: AU. This story contains a character from Half-Blood Prince, but does not follow the HBP storyline.
Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, The Revenant, Ash's Story, and Summer Vacation III.
Summary: Ash disappears and Dawlish threatens to issue a warrant for his arrest, so Harry, Tonks, and Shacklebolt enlist the aid of Snape, Lupin, Lukas, and Tsubasa to find him. This chapter focuses mainly on Ash, although Snape and Lupin play a minor role in it.
Part 16
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
[I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
--"Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace]
Predictably, Dawlish was furious when Harry reluctantly broke the news that Ash had Apparated away to parts unknown.
"I told you not to let him out of your sight, Potter!" Dawlish shouted.
"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I didn't think that he'd just Disapparate like that. He didn't say anything...well, not in words, anyway. He...well...howled, and then he just vanished."
"Howled?!" Dawlish exclaimed. "That's all we need, a bloodthirsty werewolf running loose in the streets!"
"He wasn't howling in a bloodthirsty way!" Harry objected. "It sounded more like..." He paused to think of the right word. "It sounded mournful, like he was grieving for his father."
"I'm sure he's just distraught about his father's death, Richard," Tonks said impatiently. "He's probably just gone off to be alone for awhile."
"Grieving?" Dawlish scoffed. "He hates his stepfather; he told us so!"
"That doesn't mean that his grief isn't real," Takeshi said, giving Dawlish a disapproving look. "It's possible to love and hate someone at the same time."
"He's right," agreed Tonks. "I remember that my mum wept when we got the news that her mother had died, even though they'd been estranged for years."
"I don't care whether he's grieving or not!" Dawlish snapped. "All I care about is the fact that Potter let our prime suspect escape, and we have no idea where he is now!"
"Ash isn't the murderer," Takeshi said, giving Dawlish a contemptuous look.
"Can you prove that, Kimura?" Dawlish demanded.
"As a matter of fact, I can," Takeshi said in a cool voice. "I was afraid that another murder might take place on the full moon, so I spent the night at the Diggory mansion to give Ash--and the rest of the pack--an alibi. I can testify that he was there all night, and never left the mansion, so he cannot be guilty of these most recent murders."
"And are you an unbiased witness?" Dawlish asked skeptically. "You're a very close friend of Randolf's, aren't you? In fact, Williamson thought you two might be a little closer than friends..."
"Williamson's a liar!" Takeshi retorted, but he blushed slightly. "I wouldn't put too much faith in the word of a man who's residing in Azkaban for attempted murder!"
"Oh?" Dawlish asked with a suggestive sneer. "Aren't you and Randolf...close?"
"Ash isn't my mate!" Takeshi shouted. "Aric is!" Then a look of consternation spread across his face as he realized that he'd inadvertently given away more information than he'd intended.
Perhaps that had been Dawlish's intention all along, because he said triumphantly, "If you have a werewolf lover, then you're a biased witness! Your testimony isn't reliable, and I won't have you conducting any further autopsies on the victims!"
"You've gone too far, Dawlish!" Smethwyck said indignantly. "Mr. Kimura has always conducted himself in a professional manner! You might just as well accuse Ms. Tonks and Mr. Shacklebolt of bias because they are friendly with Mr. Randolf, or the Minister of Magic himself for passing the equal rights bill!"
"I do believe that they're biased!" Dawlish snapped. "I just don't have the authority to remove them from the case. But I do have the authority to issue a warrant for Randolf's arrest!"
"You can't do that, not without Arthur's permission!" Tonks protested.
"Aric is gay?" Harry asked incredulously, of no one in particular. Snape, Lupin, Theodore, Blaise, and now Aric--he wondered just how many of his former teachers and classmates were gay.
Everyone else ignored him. "I'm the lead Auror on this case!" Dawlish told Tonks. "And when a suspect runs off before we can question him, that's grounds for an arrest warrant!"
"But he has an alibi!"
"Given to him by someone who has reason to protect the werewolf pack!"
"Let's all calm down," Kingsley urged, stepping between Dawlish and Tonks. "I'm sure that it wasn't Randolf's intent to flee from justice. He was probably just upset about his father's death, as Tonks suggested. The sight of that body was unnerving even for me, and I'm not related to the victim."
"What upsets me is that two Aurors are dead--in case you've forgotten, Shacklebolt," Dawlish said darkly.
"I haven't forgotten, Richard," Kingsley said quietly. "I'm just saying that you don't need to issue an arrest warrant. Give us some time to find Randolf and have him come in voluntarily."
"I'll give you one hour to find him," Dawlish said curtly. "After that, I'm sending a squad of Hit Wizards after him--and I'm warning you that I don't particularly care whether they bring him back whole or in pieces."
Tonks opened her mouth to protest, but Kingsley took her by the arm and hustled her out of the morgue; Harry followed after them. "He's too upset about Proudfoot and Savage to be reasonable right now," Kingsley said. "The more time we waste arguing with Dawlish, the less we have to find Randolf."
"Where do we start looking?" Harry asked.
"We should start at Hogwarts," Tonks replied. "I don't think he'd go there, but Lukas and Remus are there, and they might have an idea of where he would go."
They took the Floo over to Hogwarts, and Dumbledore called both Master Diggory and Professor Lupin to his office to consult with them. Though not specifically invited, Snape turned up with Lupin.
The werewolf leader checked with his wife at Diggory Manor, and with the werewolves at the London townhouse, but Ash was not at either residence. "If he didn't go home, I don't know where he could have gone," Diggory said, looking troubled. "I suppose he might have gone to a bar in Knockturn Alley to get drunk, but generally when he's upset, he prefers to drink alone in his room. I would say that he might have gone to see Takeshi, but you said that Takeshi was at the Ministry..."
"Perhaps he might contact Tsubasa?" Lupin suggested, so Dumbledore called Professor Tsubasa to his office as well.
"Tell me exactly what happened," Tsubasa ordered, and listened intently while Harry explained about the murder and Ash's reaction to seeing the body. When Harry finished speaking, the Professor frowned thoughtfully for a few moments, then said slowly, "Ash was much closer to his stepfather than he was to his mother..."
"Really?" Tonks asked curiously. "I would've thought it would be the other way around, since Rosalind was the biological parent."
Tsubasa shook his head. "His mother treated him with resentment and hostility for most of his childhood, or at best, indifference. But his stepfather...well...actively courted him, in a manner of speaking. Not sexually, but he worked hard to befriend Ash and win his affection, in the mistaken belief that doing so would impress Rosalind. Ash truly loved Madley like a real father, so his stepfather's death would be more traumatic for him than his mother's."
"But Ash said that he hated his parents," Harry said, a little doubtfully.
Tsubasa smiled sadly. "It is a hatred borne of love, Mr. Potter. A betrayal by someone close to us always hurts more than a betrayal by a stranger, or even an enemy."
Harry thought about it, and realized that maybe Tsubasa was right. Snape had often treated him unfairly during his years at Hogwarts, and he had resented and sometimes even hated the Potions Master because of that. But none of Snape's insults and snide remarks had hurt as much as seeing the memory of James Potter behaving like a bully in the Pensieve. In a way, it had felt like a betrayal to see the father that he had idolized behaving no better than Dudley or Draco. He hadn't hated James for that, but he had been devastated by that brief scene, and it had taken him a long time to come to terms with it.
"I agree with you, Tsubasa," Diggory growled impatiently. "But I don't see how this helps us find Ash."
"Forgive me," Tsubasa said apologetically. "I wouldn't betray Ash's confidences lightly, and there is a point to all this. At the moment, Ash isn't a Ministry official or a smuggler or even a member of the werewolf pack; he is a son who's lost his father. There is a cave where he used to hide to escape his stepfather's rages when he was a child. I believe that he might have instinctively returned to that childhood sanctuary."
"You may be right!" Diggory said excitedly, his irritation vanishing. "He mentioned that cave to me, too; that's the place where he was turned."
"If that was where he was turned, wouldn't it hold bad memories for him?" Snape asked skeptically.
"Yes, but I still think that's where he's gone," Tsubasa insisted. "It was the one place he felt safe as a child, despite the werewolf attack. He continued to hide there after he was turned, fearing that his stepfather and the townspeople would turn him over to the Ministry to be imprisoned or executed as a werewolf."
"We had might as well try it, since no one else seems to have any better suggestions," Diggory said. "The only problem is that I don't know exactly where the cave is. Do you?"
"Not exactly," Tsubasa replied, a bit sheepishly. "I just know that it's located in the woods near the Madleys' home. But I thought maybe you could, well..." He gestured vaguely. "Track him down with your werewolf senses or something."
"I don't think that my sense of smell in human form is good enough to track him by scent like a bloodhound," Diggory said dryly, "but I'll try my best. If worse comes to worst, one of you can attack me, and I'll try to take wolf form to pick up his trail."
"Let's try more mundane methods first," Kingsley urged. "Dawlish will have a fit if he hears that you're running around in wolf form when the moon isn't full."
"I'd rather not try to provoke a forced transformation, either," Diggory retorted. "It's difficult, dangerous, and extremely painful. But we have a limited amount of time in which to find Ash."
"Then let's get started," Tsubasa urged. "Ash used to be close to some of the workers on Madley's farm, and maybe they can help us narrow down the search. Even if they don't know where the cave is, they might be familiar with the areas where he used to play as a child."
They traveled by Floo to the farm, where they found the workers in a state of confusion and fear. Some of them were afraid that the werewolf might attack the farm next, while others were more worried about what would happen to their jobs now that their employer was dead. Kingsley singled out a man named John Zeller, who seemed to be in charge and was slightly calmer than the other workers, and explained that they needed to find Ash.
"Do you really think that young Master Ethan killed his parents?" another man asked anxiously.
"Nonsense!" Zeller snapped. "Ethan was a bit of a scamp, but there was never any meanness in him."
"But that was before he became a werewolf," the other man argued. "He could have changed over the years. And Merlin knows he had reason enough to hate Mr. Madley, God rest his soul."
"If he wanted revenge on his parents, he could have killed them on the first full moon after he was turned," Zeller retorted. "Instead, it seems he ran away to London and left them in peace. According to that article in the Daily Prophet, he's a war hero and a friend of the Minister of Magic, but he never tried to use his influence to hurt Mr. Madley's business. Ethan was a good lad, and I can't believe he's changed that much, even if he is a werewolf now. He isn't a killer."
"You defend him so eloquently now," Tsubasa said coldly. "But where were you--all of you--when he needed your protection fifteen years ago? If someone had defended him from his father then, he might not have gone into the woods that night, and he would not have been attacked by the werewolf that turned him."
The workers looked away, avoiding his gaze, and Diggory growled at Tsubasa, "We don't have time for this now!" Then he glared at the farmhands and added, "Although later, I might want a word with you lot. But right now, we need to find Ash, and we're running out of time."
Zeller hung his head for a moment, then looked up and said quietly, "Yes, we failed Ethan when he was a child, even though we were all fond of him. We had families to support and were afraid of losing our jobs, so we protected ourselves at his expense. I know that nothing I do will ever make up for that, but if I can help him now, I'll do whatever I can."
Tonks explained that they didn't believe that Ash was a murderer, either, but that his sudden disappearance made him look guilty in the eyes of the Ministry, and that they had to find him quickly before Dawlish issued an arrest warrant.
"I believe he's gone to his old hiding place in the woods," Tsubasa said. "There's a small cave shielded by brush where he used to go to hide from his stepfather."
"Yes, I know that he used to run off into the woods," Zeller replied. "But I don't know exactly where his hiding place is. He knew those woods better than any of us, and no one could ever find him when he didn't want to be found, not even when we feared for his life after we heard the werewolf howling on the night of the full moon."
"The search party actually passed near the cave," Tsubasa said. "He was going to call out for help when he heard someone say that the Ministry should put down the werewolf, and then he became afraid that he would be killed too, once they found out that he'd been turned."
"So our careless words prevented him from getting the help that he needed, poor child," Zeller said, looking dismayed. "Although maybe he was right to fear...no one would have executed a child, of course, but the townsfolk wouldn't have wanted a werewolf living in the village, especially after that attack..." He quickly shook his head. "But I'm rambling, and you said we're short on time. Come, I'll take you to the woods and try to retrace the search party's steps, although it's been fifteen years, so I'm not sure how well I remember it. But I'll do my best."
They had just entered the woods when they heard what sounded like the mournful howl of a wolf, and Snape said dryly, "Well, it seems that we won't have any problems tracking him down, after all."
The wolf--or Ash--continued to howl, and they hurried towards the sound, Lupin and Diggory pausing once or twice to get their bearings and determine which direction it was coming from. They made their way deeper into the woods, and the howling grew increasingly louder until it was obvious that it was coming from behind some bushes that were growing up against the side of a small hill.
"Yes, I remember we passed by here when we were searching for Ethan!" Zeller said. "We never suspected there might be a cave behind those bushes."
"Ash?" Diggory called. "Ash, it's us; please come out!" The howling stopped, and they heard a low growl, but Ash did not emerge from the cave.
"Ash!" Tonks shouted anxiously. "I know you're upset, but you have to come back to the Ministry with us! Dawlish thinks you ran away because you're guilty, and he's going to have you arrested if you don't return for questioning!"
When Ash still didn't emerge, Diggory shouted, "He's going to send out a squad of Hit Wizards to bring you back dead or alive, so get your arse out here right now, Ash!"
There was no response other than another growl and a whine, and Diggory frowned uneasily, muttering, "He's sounding awfully wolfish..."
"When a werewolf is upset, it's natural for its animal instincts to take over," Lupin replied, also frowning. "But it's unusual for a wolf to defy the pack leader's orders."
"We don't have time to coax him out," Snape said impatiently, then drew his wand and pointed it at the bushes.
"Er, Severus, I'm not sure if that's--" Lupin started to say, but Snape had already cast his spell and the bushes exploded into a shower of twigs and leaves, exposing the cave entrance, which was just barely large enough for an adult man to fit through if he got down on his hands and knees. "--really a good idea," Lupin finished with a sigh.
"The Yule Balls were good practice for this," Snape said, smiling smugly.
There was a startled yelp from within the cave, and Harry thought he caught a glimpse of a bushy tail retreating further into the cave. "What the...!" he gasped, then turned to the others. "Did you see that?!"
"Ash!" Tsubasa cried, diving towards the cave entrance, moving more quickly and gracefully than Harry would have thought possible.
"Stop, you fool!" Diggory cried, reaching out to grab at the other man, but it was too late; his fingers closed around empty air as Tsubasa vanished into the cave. The werewolf leader cursed out loud and crouched down to enter the cave himself, but Snape grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Use your brain instead of your instincts!" Snape snapped when Diggory snarled at him. "If you go charging in there, you might alarm the wolf, and he might attack Tsubasa, and you would have provoked what you were trying to prevent! Besides, I'm not sure that cave is big enough to hold all three of you, anyway."
They could hear a low growl from within the cave, and Tsubasa's voice, calling out Ash's name in soothing tones. "Damn it, what are we supposed to do, then?" Diggory asked, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "What if he bites, or even kills that stupid peacock? Then Dawlish would be able to arrest Ash for murder, after all!"
"Tsubasa is a shapeshifter," Lupin said uncertainly. "It's possible that a werewolf's bite might not affect him. My Animagus friends were safe with me when they were in their animal forms."
"A werewolf's bite has no effect on animals," Snape said dubiously. "But I don't know what effect it would have on Tsubasa's human form, and I certainly wouldn't care to put it to the test."
"Maybe we could try casting a sleep or stunning spell through the cave entrance?" Tonks suggested. "It might knock both of them unconscious, but Professor Tsubasa won't take any harm from it, and we could pull Ash out of there without anyone getting hurt."
"It's too dangerous," Snape objected. "We don't have a clear view of the target, and if you don't succeed in stunning Randolf, the wolf might perceive the spell as an attack, and then he'll lash out at whoever is closest to him--and then Hogwarts would be short one Professor."
"Oh," Tonks said, looking disappointed. "It sounded like a good idea in theory, but I guess you're right."
"Well, it might be necessary as a last resort," Snape conceded grudgingly. "But I think we should hold off, unless it seems like the wolf really is going to attack Tsubasa." He paused to listen, and the others fell silent as well. They could hear Ash growling and whining, and Tsubasa speaking to him coaxingly; the Professor sounded a little nervous, but he didn't sound as though he were under attack.
"I swear, if Ash doesn't kill him, then I will, for being such an idiot!" Diggory growled.
"Come now," Kingsley said, laughing nervously. "We know you don't really mean it, but that's the kind of talk that makes people like Dawlish think that werewolves are dangerous."
"We are dangerous," Diggory said with a mirthless smile, his yellow-green eyes glittering coldly. "And I will kill anyone who tries to harm my pack--or at least make them wish they were dead."
Kingsley sighed heavily, and Tonks said comfortingly, "Well, at least Dawlish isn't here."
"I wouldn't worry too much," Lupin told Diggory in a more confident voice. "A wolf won't hurt its mate, so I don't think that Ash will harm Tsubasa."
"Mate?!" Harry exclaimed. "Ash...and the new Professor?"
"Well, I had my suspicions," Kingsley said with an amused smile, and Tonks giggled.
Harry felt rather stupid, and it didn't help when Snape muttered disparagingly, "Oblivious as always, Potter." It seemed unfair; he had never met Professor Tsubasa before, so how was he supposed to guess that there was something going on between him and Ash? And then he remembered that Ash had been very keen on taking fencing lessons from the Professor, and not so keen about sharing those lessons, when Sirius had suggested that perhaps Tsubasa might be willing to teach Harry, too.
Zeller, at least, looked as startled as Harry, although he made no comment and only raised his eyebrows slightly. Master Diggory did not look at all amused, and he growled at Lupin, "I don't know if their relationship has progressed far enough that the wolf will recognize Tsubasa as its mate. The two of them seem to spend more time fighting than they do courting."
"Oh, fighting can be a form of courtship," Lupin said with a knowing grin. "Think of me and Severus, or yourself and Narcissa." Snape glared at his lover, but Lupin blithely ignored him and continued, "They might be in a bit of denial right now, but with the way that Tsubasa instantly jumped into that cave without stopping to think about the dangers of confronting a transformed werewolf, I'd say that they're probably mated. Even if their human sides won't admit it, their animal instincts won't be able to deny it."
"I hope you're right, Remus," Diggory said, gazing at the cave with a worried look.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
When he caught a glimpse of Ash's wolf form in the cave, Tsubasa knew that something was very, very wrong. A werewolf should not be able to transform when the full moon had passed unless it was in extreme danger; emotional trauma would not normally cause such a change. Without thinking, he plunged through the entrance of the cave and came face-to-face with a huge brown wolf that growled at him, opening its jaws to bare its very long and sharp teeth, and Tsubasa realized that he had probably just done something very foolish.
He instantly froze in place, trying to avoid any movements that the wolf might find threatening, and said in a low, soothing voice, "It's all right, Ash. It's me, Tsubasa; I'm not going to hurt you." Which was probably a stupid thing to say, since he was in more danger from the wolf than the wolf was from him, but he doubted that Ash could really understand his exact words right now, anyway. What mattered more was his tone of voice, and he kept up a stream of soothing patter, repeating both his and Ash's names frequently in the hopes that it might jog some recognition in Ash's mind.
The wolf continued to growl, but it hadn't attacked him yet, which was an encouraging sign. The wolf's nose twitched slightly as it sniffed at the air, and Tsubasa thought--or at least hoped--that Ash recognized his scent on some subconscious level, and perhaps that was keeping the wolf from attacking him.
As Tsubasa's eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw indications that this was indeed the cave that had been Ash's childhood sanctuary: shreds of cloth that might once have been a robe or a blanket, probably torn apart by some animal to make a nest, or perhaps just rotted away due to age and weather; a couple of books in equally bad condition, torn and chewed on; a battered plastic toy Quidditch player; and a few empty tin cans.
He and Ash stared at each other for a moment, the wolf's hazel eyes looking yellowish and feral in the dim light, and then Tsubasa very slowly and carefully extended his hand, palm up, as if he were trying to befriend a strange dog. The wolf cautiously took a step forward, and Tsubasa relaxed slightly when the wolf did not immediately bite his hand off, but instead sniffed at it curiously, its wet nose brushing against his palm.
Then suddenly the wolf lunged at him, its front paws hitting his chest and knocking him over onto his back, and Tsubasa fought back a scream, afraid that the wizards--particularly the Aurors--outside the cave might be alarmed and try to attack the werewolf, and he couldn't bear to let any harm come to Ash, not even to protect himself. Besides, the cave was so cramped that any spells fired were just as likely to hit him as they were to hit Ash.
But despite his good intentions, he felt his heart pounding with fear as the wolf loomed over him, snarling and giving him a much closer view of its teeth than he would have liked, and he repressed an hysterical giggle as he suddenly remembered a line from a fairy tale that his stepmother had read to him when he was a child: "My, what big teeth you have." He had once arrogantly told Ash, "You could not lay a hand on me if I did not permit it," but he was helpless right now. With the weight of the wolf's body pinning him down, he couldn't reach his wand or his swords. The wolf wore no clothing, so he couldn't use Weaving magic to restrain it. He could try to use the scattered shreds of cloth to conjure a rope, but he didn't think that there were enough of them to form a binding strong enough to hold the wolf. There were a few other wandless spells that he could cast, but none that were strong enough to disable a werewolf. Maybe he could Apparate out before the wolf could bite or scratch him, but that was a bit iffy, and besides, they were in such close physical contact that there was a good chance that he would Apparate Ash along with him, even if he didn't intend to.
He could transform into a crane, but he doubted that would do much good, since he would be unable to fly, or even fully spread his wings in the confines of this small cave, even if he hadn't been trapped under the wolf's body. A werewolf's bite would not infect an animal, but its strong jaws could easily snap a crane's slender neck.
He knew that when canines fought, the weaker animal signaled defeat and submission by lying on its back and exposing its throat. So, hoping that Ash's wolf instincts would recognize the gesture, Tsubasa tilted his head back, offering up his throat to the wolf, even though his own instincts were screaming at him not to. The part of him that was crane was silently shrieking in panic, telling him to flee, or if that was impossible, to fight for his life--anything but passively offer up his throat to be torn out.
He broke out in a cold sweat, his muscles tensing with fear, half-expecting the wolf's razor-sharp teeth to rip open his throat. But instead, the wolf lowered its head to snuffle at him, tentatively lapping the sweat off his skin with its tongue, and it growled and whined, sounding confused.
Tsubasa sighed, releasing a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding until now. "Ash," he whispered, hoping that the wolf's hesitation meant that his friend recognized him.
Part 17b
[I can't escape this hell
So many times I've tried
But I'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one would ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal
--"Animal I Have Become" by Three Days Grace]
Predictably, Dawlish was furious when Harry reluctantly broke the news that Ash had Apparated away to parts unknown.
"I told you not to let him out of your sight, Potter!" Dawlish shouted.
"I'm sorry," Harry said. "I didn't think that he'd just Disapparate like that. He didn't say anything...well, not in words, anyway. He...well...howled, and then he just vanished."
"Howled?!" Dawlish exclaimed. "That's all we need, a bloodthirsty werewolf running loose in the streets!"
"He wasn't howling in a bloodthirsty way!" Harry objected. "It sounded more like..." He paused to think of the right word. "It sounded mournful, like he was grieving for his father."
"I'm sure he's just distraught about his father's death, Richard," Tonks said impatiently. "He's probably just gone off to be alone for awhile."
"Grieving?" Dawlish scoffed. "He hates his stepfather; he told us so!"
"That doesn't mean that his grief isn't real," Takeshi said, giving Dawlish a disapproving look. "It's possible to love and hate someone at the same time."
"He's right," agreed Tonks. "I remember that my mum wept when we got the news that her mother had died, even though they'd been estranged for years."
"I don't care whether he's grieving or not!" Dawlish snapped. "All I care about is the fact that Potter let our prime suspect escape, and we have no idea where he is now!"
"Ash isn't the murderer," Takeshi said, giving Dawlish a contemptuous look.
"Can you prove that, Kimura?" Dawlish demanded.
"As a matter of fact, I can," Takeshi said in a cool voice. "I was afraid that another murder might take place on the full moon, so I spent the night at the Diggory mansion to give Ash--and the rest of the pack--an alibi. I can testify that he was there all night, and never left the mansion, so he cannot be guilty of these most recent murders."
"And are you an unbiased witness?" Dawlish asked skeptically. "You're a very close friend of Randolf's, aren't you? In fact, Williamson thought you two might be a little closer than friends..."
"Williamson's a liar!" Takeshi retorted, but he blushed slightly. "I wouldn't put too much faith in the word of a man who's residing in Azkaban for attempted murder!"
"Oh?" Dawlish asked with a suggestive sneer. "Aren't you and Randolf...close?"
"Ash isn't my mate!" Takeshi shouted. "Aric is!" Then a look of consternation spread across his face as he realized that he'd inadvertently given away more information than he'd intended.
Perhaps that had been Dawlish's intention all along, because he said triumphantly, "If you have a werewolf lover, then you're a biased witness! Your testimony isn't reliable, and I won't have you conducting any further autopsies on the victims!"
"You've gone too far, Dawlish!" Smethwyck said indignantly. "Mr. Kimura has always conducted himself in a professional manner! You might just as well accuse Ms. Tonks and Mr. Shacklebolt of bias because they are friendly with Mr. Randolf, or the Minister of Magic himself for passing the equal rights bill!"
"I do believe that they're biased!" Dawlish snapped. "I just don't have the authority to remove them from the case. But I do have the authority to issue a warrant for Randolf's arrest!"
"You can't do that, not without Arthur's permission!" Tonks protested.
"Aric is gay?" Harry asked incredulously, of no one in particular. Snape, Lupin, Theodore, Blaise, and now Aric--he wondered just how many of his former teachers and classmates were gay.
Everyone else ignored him. "I'm the lead Auror on this case!" Dawlish told Tonks. "And when a suspect runs off before we can question him, that's grounds for an arrest warrant!"
"But he has an alibi!"
"Given to him by someone who has reason to protect the werewolf pack!"
"Let's all calm down," Kingsley urged, stepping between Dawlish and Tonks. "I'm sure that it wasn't Randolf's intent to flee from justice. He was probably just upset about his father's death, as Tonks suggested. The sight of that body was unnerving even for me, and I'm not related to the victim."
"What upsets me is that two Aurors are dead--in case you've forgotten, Shacklebolt," Dawlish said darkly.
"I haven't forgotten, Richard," Kingsley said quietly. "I'm just saying that you don't need to issue an arrest warrant. Give us some time to find Randolf and have him come in voluntarily."
"I'll give you one hour to find him," Dawlish said curtly. "After that, I'm sending a squad of Hit Wizards after him--and I'm warning you that I don't particularly care whether they bring him back whole or in pieces."
Tonks opened her mouth to protest, but Kingsley took her by the arm and hustled her out of the morgue; Harry followed after them. "He's too upset about Proudfoot and Savage to be reasonable right now," Kingsley said. "The more time we waste arguing with Dawlish, the less we have to find Randolf."
"Where do we start looking?" Harry asked.
"We should start at Hogwarts," Tonks replied. "I don't think he'd go there, but Lukas and Remus are there, and they might have an idea of where he would go."
They took the Floo over to Hogwarts, and Dumbledore called both Master Diggory and Professor Lupin to his office to consult with them. Though not specifically invited, Snape turned up with Lupin.
The werewolf leader checked with his wife at Diggory Manor, and with the werewolves at the London townhouse, but Ash was not at either residence. "If he didn't go home, I don't know where he could have gone," Diggory said, looking troubled. "I suppose he might have gone to a bar in Knockturn Alley to get drunk, but generally when he's upset, he prefers to drink alone in his room. I would say that he might have gone to see Takeshi, but you said that Takeshi was at the Ministry..."
"Perhaps he might contact Tsubasa?" Lupin suggested, so Dumbledore called Professor Tsubasa to his office as well.
"Tell me exactly what happened," Tsubasa ordered, and listened intently while Harry explained about the murder and Ash's reaction to seeing the body. When Harry finished speaking, the Professor frowned thoughtfully for a few moments, then said slowly, "Ash was much closer to his stepfather than he was to his mother..."
"Really?" Tonks asked curiously. "I would've thought it would be the other way around, since Rosalind was the biological parent."
Tsubasa shook his head. "His mother treated him with resentment and hostility for most of his childhood, or at best, indifference. But his stepfather...well...actively courted him, in a manner of speaking. Not sexually, but he worked hard to befriend Ash and win his affection, in the mistaken belief that doing so would impress Rosalind. Ash truly loved Madley like a real father, so his stepfather's death would be more traumatic for him than his mother's."
"But Ash said that he hated his parents," Harry said, a little doubtfully.
Tsubasa smiled sadly. "It is a hatred borne of love, Mr. Potter. A betrayal by someone close to us always hurts more than a betrayal by a stranger, or even an enemy."
Harry thought about it, and realized that maybe Tsubasa was right. Snape had often treated him unfairly during his years at Hogwarts, and he had resented and sometimes even hated the Potions Master because of that. But none of Snape's insults and snide remarks had hurt as much as seeing the memory of James Potter behaving like a bully in the Pensieve. In a way, it had felt like a betrayal to see the father that he had idolized behaving no better than Dudley or Draco. He hadn't hated James for that, but he had been devastated by that brief scene, and it had taken him a long time to come to terms with it.
"I agree with you, Tsubasa," Diggory growled impatiently. "But I don't see how this helps us find Ash."
"Forgive me," Tsubasa said apologetically. "I wouldn't betray Ash's confidences lightly, and there is a point to all this. At the moment, Ash isn't a Ministry official or a smuggler or even a member of the werewolf pack; he is a son who's lost his father. There is a cave where he used to hide to escape his stepfather's rages when he was a child. I believe that he might have instinctively returned to that childhood sanctuary."
"You may be right!" Diggory said excitedly, his irritation vanishing. "He mentioned that cave to me, too; that's the place where he was turned."
"If that was where he was turned, wouldn't it hold bad memories for him?" Snape asked skeptically.
"Yes, but I still think that's where he's gone," Tsubasa insisted. "It was the one place he felt safe as a child, despite the werewolf attack. He continued to hide there after he was turned, fearing that his stepfather and the townspeople would turn him over to the Ministry to be imprisoned or executed as a werewolf."
"We had might as well try it, since no one else seems to have any better suggestions," Diggory said. "The only problem is that I don't know exactly where the cave is. Do you?"
"Not exactly," Tsubasa replied, a bit sheepishly. "I just know that it's located in the woods near the Madleys' home. But I thought maybe you could, well..." He gestured vaguely. "Track him down with your werewolf senses or something."
"I don't think that my sense of smell in human form is good enough to track him by scent like a bloodhound," Diggory said dryly, "but I'll try my best. If worse comes to worst, one of you can attack me, and I'll try to take wolf form to pick up his trail."
"Let's try more mundane methods first," Kingsley urged. "Dawlish will have a fit if he hears that you're running around in wolf form when the moon isn't full."
"I'd rather not try to provoke a forced transformation, either," Diggory retorted. "It's difficult, dangerous, and extremely painful. But we have a limited amount of time in which to find Ash."
"Then let's get started," Tsubasa urged. "Ash used to be close to some of the workers on Madley's farm, and maybe they can help us narrow down the search. Even if they don't know where the cave is, they might be familiar with the areas where he used to play as a child."
They traveled by Floo to the farm, where they found the workers in a state of confusion and fear. Some of them were afraid that the werewolf might attack the farm next, while others were more worried about what would happen to their jobs now that their employer was dead. Kingsley singled out a man named John Zeller, who seemed to be in charge and was slightly calmer than the other workers, and explained that they needed to find Ash.
"Do you really think that young Master Ethan killed his parents?" another man asked anxiously.
"Nonsense!" Zeller snapped. "Ethan was a bit of a scamp, but there was never any meanness in him."
"But that was before he became a werewolf," the other man argued. "He could have changed over the years. And Merlin knows he had reason enough to hate Mr. Madley, God rest his soul."
"If he wanted revenge on his parents, he could have killed them on the first full moon after he was turned," Zeller retorted. "Instead, it seems he ran away to London and left them in peace. According to that article in the Daily Prophet, he's a war hero and a friend of the Minister of Magic, but he never tried to use his influence to hurt Mr. Madley's business. Ethan was a good lad, and I can't believe he's changed that much, even if he is a werewolf now. He isn't a killer."
"You defend him so eloquently now," Tsubasa said coldly. "But where were you--all of you--when he needed your protection fifteen years ago? If someone had defended him from his father then, he might not have gone into the woods that night, and he would not have been attacked by the werewolf that turned him."
The workers looked away, avoiding his gaze, and Diggory growled at Tsubasa, "We don't have time for this now!" Then he glared at the farmhands and added, "Although later, I might want a word with you lot. But right now, we need to find Ash, and we're running out of time."
Zeller hung his head for a moment, then looked up and said quietly, "Yes, we failed Ethan when he was a child, even though we were all fond of him. We had families to support and were afraid of losing our jobs, so we protected ourselves at his expense. I know that nothing I do will ever make up for that, but if I can help him now, I'll do whatever I can."
Tonks explained that they didn't believe that Ash was a murderer, either, but that his sudden disappearance made him look guilty in the eyes of the Ministry, and that they had to find him quickly before Dawlish issued an arrest warrant.
"I believe he's gone to his old hiding place in the woods," Tsubasa said. "There's a small cave shielded by brush where he used to go to hide from his stepfather."
"Yes, I know that he used to run off into the woods," Zeller replied. "But I don't know exactly where his hiding place is. He knew those woods better than any of us, and no one could ever find him when he didn't want to be found, not even when we feared for his life after we heard the werewolf howling on the night of the full moon."
"The search party actually passed near the cave," Tsubasa said. "He was going to call out for help when he heard someone say that the Ministry should put down the werewolf, and then he became afraid that he would be killed too, once they found out that he'd been turned."
"So our careless words prevented him from getting the help that he needed, poor child," Zeller said, looking dismayed. "Although maybe he was right to fear...no one would have executed a child, of course, but the townsfolk wouldn't have wanted a werewolf living in the village, especially after that attack..." He quickly shook his head. "But I'm rambling, and you said we're short on time. Come, I'll take you to the woods and try to retrace the search party's steps, although it's been fifteen years, so I'm not sure how well I remember it. But I'll do my best."
They had just entered the woods when they heard what sounded like the mournful howl of a wolf, and Snape said dryly, "Well, it seems that we won't have any problems tracking him down, after all."
The wolf--or Ash--continued to howl, and they hurried towards the sound, Lupin and Diggory pausing once or twice to get their bearings and determine which direction it was coming from. They made their way deeper into the woods, and the howling grew increasingly louder until it was obvious that it was coming from behind some bushes that were growing up against the side of a small hill.
"Yes, I remember we passed by here when we were searching for Ethan!" Zeller said. "We never suspected there might be a cave behind those bushes."
"Ash?" Diggory called. "Ash, it's us; please come out!" The howling stopped, and they heard a low growl, but Ash did not emerge from the cave.
"Ash!" Tonks shouted anxiously. "I know you're upset, but you have to come back to the Ministry with us! Dawlish thinks you ran away because you're guilty, and he's going to have you arrested if you don't return for questioning!"
When Ash still didn't emerge, Diggory shouted, "He's going to send out a squad of Hit Wizards to bring you back dead or alive, so get your arse out here right now, Ash!"
There was no response other than another growl and a whine, and Diggory frowned uneasily, muttering, "He's sounding awfully wolfish..."
"When a werewolf is upset, it's natural for its animal instincts to take over," Lupin replied, also frowning. "But it's unusual for a wolf to defy the pack leader's orders."
"We don't have time to coax him out," Snape said impatiently, then drew his wand and pointed it at the bushes.
"Er, Severus, I'm not sure if that's--" Lupin started to say, but Snape had already cast his spell and the bushes exploded into a shower of twigs and leaves, exposing the cave entrance, which was just barely large enough for an adult man to fit through if he got down on his hands and knees. "--really a good idea," Lupin finished with a sigh.
"The Yule Balls were good practice for this," Snape said, smiling smugly.
There was a startled yelp from within the cave, and Harry thought he caught a glimpse of a bushy tail retreating further into the cave. "What the...!" he gasped, then turned to the others. "Did you see that?!"
"Ash!" Tsubasa cried, diving towards the cave entrance, moving more quickly and gracefully than Harry would have thought possible.
"Stop, you fool!" Diggory cried, reaching out to grab at the other man, but it was too late; his fingers closed around empty air as Tsubasa vanished into the cave. The werewolf leader cursed out loud and crouched down to enter the cave himself, but Snape grabbed his arm to stop him.
"Use your brain instead of your instincts!" Snape snapped when Diggory snarled at him. "If you go charging in there, you might alarm the wolf, and he might attack Tsubasa, and you would have provoked what you were trying to prevent! Besides, I'm not sure that cave is big enough to hold all three of you, anyway."
They could hear a low growl from within the cave, and Tsubasa's voice, calling out Ash's name in soothing tones. "Damn it, what are we supposed to do, then?" Diggory asked, running his hand through his hair in frustration. "What if he bites, or even kills that stupid peacock? Then Dawlish would be able to arrest Ash for murder, after all!"
"Tsubasa is a shapeshifter," Lupin said uncertainly. "It's possible that a werewolf's bite might not affect him. My Animagus friends were safe with me when they were in their animal forms."
"A werewolf's bite has no effect on animals," Snape said dubiously. "But I don't know what effect it would have on Tsubasa's human form, and I certainly wouldn't care to put it to the test."
"Maybe we could try casting a sleep or stunning spell through the cave entrance?" Tonks suggested. "It might knock both of them unconscious, but Professor Tsubasa won't take any harm from it, and we could pull Ash out of there without anyone getting hurt."
"It's too dangerous," Snape objected. "We don't have a clear view of the target, and if you don't succeed in stunning Randolf, the wolf might perceive the spell as an attack, and then he'll lash out at whoever is closest to him--and then Hogwarts would be short one Professor."
"Oh," Tonks said, looking disappointed. "It sounded like a good idea in theory, but I guess you're right."
"Well, it might be necessary as a last resort," Snape conceded grudgingly. "But I think we should hold off, unless it seems like the wolf really is going to attack Tsubasa." He paused to listen, and the others fell silent as well. They could hear Ash growling and whining, and Tsubasa speaking to him coaxingly; the Professor sounded a little nervous, but he didn't sound as though he were under attack.
"I swear, if Ash doesn't kill him, then I will, for being such an idiot!" Diggory growled.
"Come now," Kingsley said, laughing nervously. "We know you don't really mean it, but that's the kind of talk that makes people like Dawlish think that werewolves are dangerous."
"We are dangerous," Diggory said with a mirthless smile, his yellow-green eyes glittering coldly. "And I will kill anyone who tries to harm my pack--or at least make them wish they were dead."
Kingsley sighed heavily, and Tonks said comfortingly, "Well, at least Dawlish isn't here."
"I wouldn't worry too much," Lupin told Diggory in a more confident voice. "A wolf won't hurt its mate, so I don't think that Ash will harm Tsubasa."
"Mate?!" Harry exclaimed. "Ash...and the new Professor?"
"Well, I had my suspicions," Kingsley said with an amused smile, and Tonks giggled.
Harry felt rather stupid, and it didn't help when Snape muttered disparagingly, "Oblivious as always, Potter." It seemed unfair; he had never met Professor Tsubasa before, so how was he supposed to guess that there was something going on between him and Ash? And then he remembered that Ash had been very keen on taking fencing lessons from the Professor, and not so keen about sharing those lessons, when Sirius had suggested that perhaps Tsubasa might be willing to teach Harry, too.
Zeller, at least, looked as startled as Harry, although he made no comment and only raised his eyebrows slightly. Master Diggory did not look at all amused, and he growled at Lupin, "I don't know if their relationship has progressed far enough that the wolf will recognize Tsubasa as its mate. The two of them seem to spend more time fighting than they do courting."
"Oh, fighting can be a form of courtship," Lupin said with a knowing grin. "Think of me and Severus, or yourself and Narcissa." Snape glared at his lover, but Lupin blithely ignored him and continued, "They might be in a bit of denial right now, but with the way that Tsubasa instantly jumped into that cave without stopping to think about the dangers of confronting a transformed werewolf, I'd say that they're probably mated. Even if their human sides won't admit it, their animal instincts won't be able to deny it."
"I hope you're right, Remus," Diggory said, gazing at the cave with a worried look.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
When he caught a glimpse of Ash's wolf form in the cave, Tsubasa knew that something was very, very wrong. A werewolf should not be able to transform when the full moon had passed unless it was in extreme danger; emotional trauma would not normally cause such a change. Without thinking, he plunged through the entrance of the cave and came face-to-face with a huge brown wolf that growled at him, opening its jaws to bare its very long and sharp teeth, and Tsubasa realized that he had probably just done something very foolish.
He instantly froze in place, trying to avoid any movements that the wolf might find threatening, and said in a low, soothing voice, "It's all right, Ash. It's me, Tsubasa; I'm not going to hurt you." Which was probably a stupid thing to say, since he was in more danger from the wolf than the wolf was from him, but he doubted that Ash could really understand his exact words right now, anyway. What mattered more was his tone of voice, and he kept up a stream of soothing patter, repeating both his and Ash's names frequently in the hopes that it might jog some recognition in Ash's mind.
The wolf continued to growl, but it hadn't attacked him yet, which was an encouraging sign. The wolf's nose twitched slightly as it sniffed at the air, and Tsubasa thought--or at least hoped--that Ash recognized his scent on some subconscious level, and perhaps that was keeping the wolf from attacking him.
As Tsubasa's eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw indications that this was indeed the cave that had been Ash's childhood sanctuary: shreds of cloth that might once have been a robe or a blanket, probably torn apart by some animal to make a nest, or perhaps just rotted away due to age and weather; a couple of books in equally bad condition, torn and chewed on; a battered plastic toy Quidditch player; and a few empty tin cans.
He and Ash stared at each other for a moment, the wolf's hazel eyes looking yellowish and feral in the dim light, and then Tsubasa very slowly and carefully extended his hand, palm up, as if he were trying to befriend a strange dog. The wolf cautiously took a step forward, and Tsubasa relaxed slightly when the wolf did not immediately bite his hand off, but instead sniffed at it curiously, its wet nose brushing against his palm.
Then suddenly the wolf lunged at him, its front paws hitting his chest and knocking him over onto his back, and Tsubasa fought back a scream, afraid that the wizards--particularly the Aurors--outside the cave might be alarmed and try to attack the werewolf, and he couldn't bear to let any harm come to Ash, not even to protect himself. Besides, the cave was so cramped that any spells fired were just as likely to hit him as they were to hit Ash.
But despite his good intentions, he felt his heart pounding with fear as the wolf loomed over him, snarling and giving him a much closer view of its teeth than he would have liked, and he repressed an hysterical giggle as he suddenly remembered a line from a fairy tale that his stepmother had read to him when he was a child: "My, what big teeth you have." He had once arrogantly told Ash, "You could not lay a hand on me if I did not permit it," but he was helpless right now. With the weight of the wolf's body pinning him down, he couldn't reach his wand or his swords. The wolf wore no clothing, so he couldn't use Weaving magic to restrain it. He could try to use the scattered shreds of cloth to conjure a rope, but he didn't think that there were enough of them to form a binding strong enough to hold the wolf. There were a few other wandless spells that he could cast, but none that were strong enough to disable a werewolf. Maybe he could Apparate out before the wolf could bite or scratch him, but that was a bit iffy, and besides, they were in such close physical contact that there was a good chance that he would Apparate Ash along with him, even if he didn't intend to.
He could transform into a crane, but he doubted that would do much good, since he would be unable to fly, or even fully spread his wings in the confines of this small cave, even if he hadn't been trapped under the wolf's body. A werewolf's bite would not infect an animal, but its strong jaws could easily snap a crane's slender neck.
He knew that when canines fought, the weaker animal signaled defeat and submission by lying on its back and exposing its throat. So, hoping that Ash's wolf instincts would recognize the gesture, Tsubasa tilted his head back, offering up his throat to the wolf, even though his own instincts were screaming at him not to. The part of him that was crane was silently shrieking in panic, telling him to flee, or if that was impossible, to fight for his life--anything but passively offer up his throat to be torn out.
He broke out in a cold sweat, his muscles tensing with fear, half-expecting the wolf's razor-sharp teeth to rip open his throat. But instead, the wolf lowered its head to snuffle at him, tentatively lapping the sweat off his skin with its tongue, and it growled and whined, sounding confused.
Tsubasa sighed, releasing a breath that he hadn't realized he'd been holding until now. "Ash," he whispered, hoping that the wolf's hesitation meant that his friend recognized him.
Part 17b