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FIC: Strange Bedfellows
Here's a birthday present for Iwaki--written in haste, so I apologize in advance for any typos that might have slipped by me. ^_^
Title: Strange Bedfellows
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Haru wo Daiteita (Embracing Love)
Pairing: Iwaki/Katou, Kikuchi/Onozuka, hints of Yoshizumi/Asano (?!)
Characters: Iwaki, Katou, Kikuchi, Onozuka, Yoshizumi, Asano
Word count: ~2,870
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Sequel to: Realism (Hamlet Done Haru-style)
Prompt: Iwaki's birthday/Development
Summary: Katou and Kikuchi get into a drinking contest.
***
The very successful world tour of Hamlet concluded, and Ninagawa-kantoku invited the entire cast and crew over to his mansion for a celebration party. However, the party happened to fall on Iwaki's birthday, so Katou wanted to beg off.
"It would be an insult to the director for you not to at least show your face," Iwaki said sternly.
"But it's your birthday, Iwaki-san," Katou protested. "It would be wrong for me to take care of business on your special night!"
"Nonsense," Iwaki said with a smile. "Ninagawa-kantoku is a legendary director, and I'd love to meet him. I also hear that his mansion is very luxurious--I'm eager to take a look at it."
"Do you really want to go to the party?" Katou asked uncertainly. "You're not just saying that to make me feel better about going?"
"I really want to go," Iwaki said firmly. "The party sounds like fun. There will be good food and good company--several of our friends will be there, too. I want to celebrate with them and congratulate them on their performances. This is what I want for my birthday present, Katou--to go to Ninagawa-kantoku's party."
"All right, if that's what you really want," Katou agreed. So they went to the party, and he introduced Iwaki to the director. They had an animated conversation, and Ninagawa expressed an interest in casting Iwaki in his next play.
The food was more than good; it was excellent, and so was the alcohol, which flowed freely among the guests. Ninagawa was being very generous with his collection of fine wines, whiskeys, and sake. The actors and crew members were in a very happy, boisterous mood, and it was not long before most of them grew a little tipsy.
"A toast!" Kikuchi announced, a little more loudly than necessary, as he raised his glass in the air.
"To what, Kikuchi-san?" Onozuka asked patiently. He had been slowly nursing his drinks, and was not as inebriated as his lover--in fact, he looked perfectly sober, although he seemed to be having as good a time as anyone else.
"How about to the fact that we managed to get through the tour without Katou killing me?" Kikuchi suggested with a grin, and Onozuka laughed.
"I'll drink to that!"
"To Kikuchi-san not being killed!" Yoshizumi shouted cheerfully, and the other guests laughed and raised their glasses.
Katou raised his glass, too, giving Kikuchi a wolfish grin, but one that was more friendly than usual. "It was interesting working with you, old man," he conceded, a bit patronizingly.
"Same here...young puppy," Kikuchi replied, with an equally patronizing air.
"Who're you calling a puppy?" Katou demanded, taking a threatening step forward, but the effect was ruined when he caught his foot on the edge of a rug on the floor and stumbled.
Iwaki caught him by the arm and sighed. "I think you've had enough to drink for one night, Katou."
"Looks like the puppy can't handle his liquor," Kikuchi teased. "I think it's past your bedtime, Katou-kun--you'd better let your mommy take you home and tuck you into bed."
"Which one of them is the most childish?" Asano muttered wryly beneath his breath, but Yoshizumi overheard him.
"At this point, I'd say it's a toss-up, Asano-kun."
Meanwhile, Katou was belligerently retorting, "Oh yeah? I can drink you under the table anytime, old man!"
"Put your money where your mouth is, puppy," Kikuchi challenged him.
"Katou, don't rise to his bait," Iwaki was urging, but his efforts were futile.
Katou sat down at Kikuchi's table and slammed his glass down, shouting, "Bring it on, old timer!"
"Wait, you need a referee," Yoshizumi said, jumping up to volunteer himself in the role.
"Please don't encourage him, Yoshizumi-san," Iwaki groaned.
"Oh, let them be, Iwaki-kun," Ninagawa urged, smiling indulgently. "There was a lot of tension between those two during the tour, which played out wonderfully onstage, but now that it's over, they need to blow off some steam. At least this is less dangerous than having them go at each other with swords."
"Okay, we'll have you two start off equally," Yoshizumi said, filling each of the two actors' glasses with sake. "The first one to quit, pass out, or throw up loses."
"Hmm, I'd better have the maids move that rug," Ninagawa muttered to himself, and beckoned to a servant.
"Fine!" Katou snapped, and Kikuchi just nodded. Katou tossed back his drink in one gulp, and Kikuchi followed suit.
They were still at it, some time (and several bottles) later, though they were downing their drinks much more slowly and looking rather bleary-eyed. Iwaki sighed impatiently and glanced at his watch, while the cast and crew members cheered on either Katou or Kikuchi, whichever one they happened to favor.
"Go, Katou-san, you can do it!" one of the young actors cried.
"Kikuchi-san, don't let that puppy beat you!" Onozuka shouted.
"Hey, I thought you were supposed to be my friend!" Katou said, giving Onozuka an accusing look.
"Well, of course you are, but Kikuchi's the one sharing my bed," Onozuka pointed out practically. "If I cheer for you, I'm not getting laid tonight."
"Traitor," Katou muttered, then chugged down his drink--and promptly passed out face-down on the table.
"You did it!" Onozuka congratulated his lover, and Kikuchi grinned at him.
"That young pup was no match for me," Kikuchi bragged in a slurred voice, and then he passed out a moment later, slumping forward on the table across from Katou.
"A rather short victory," Yoshizumi observed.
"Ah well, it looks like neither of us is getting laid tonight," Onozuka told Iwaki with a rueful smile.
"That idiot," Iwaki said disgustedly, shaking his head. "Can someone help me load him into the car?"
"Why don't the two of you just stay over here?" Ninagawa suggested. "There's plenty of room, and I was planning to offer the same invitation to the other guests. I'd rather them sleep it off here than risk driving home drunk."
"Well, I'd be the one driving, but I'd rather not have to haul that idiot in and out of the car," Iwaki sighed. "So I will accept your generous offer, Ninagawa-kantoku."
A maid offered to show Iwaki to the guest rooms, and he hesitated, scowling at the snoring Katou.
"We'll take care of him, Iwaki-san," Asano offered helpfully. "Why don't you go get some rest?"
"Thank you, Asano-kun," Iwaki said gratefully. "I'm a little annoyed with Katou at the moment, and not in the mood to sleep next to someone who reeks of booze."
"Separate bedrooms, then," Asano told the maid, who nodded and escorted Iwaki out of the room.
"All right, what are you up to?" Onozuka asked Asano. "Iwaki might buy that sweet and innocent act, but I recognize you for what you are."
"And what might that be?" Asano inquired sweetly.
"A scheming, conniving snake," Onozuka replied, but with a hint of respect.
"Takes one to know one," Asano pointed out, and Onozuka laughed.
"So what are you up to?" Yoshizumi asked curiously.
"Nothing harmful," Asano said innocently. "I just thought it might be fun to pull a little prank on Katou..." He whispered to the other two men.
"Ooh, that's positively evil, Asano-kun!" Onozuka said gleefully.
"You're very naughty, Asano-kun," Yoshizumi scolded, wagging his finger at the younger actor in a playful manner. "All right, I'm in!"
"Great," Asano said, grabbing Katou by the shoulders. "Then can you help me carry this big lummox to his room?"
***
Kikuchi woke up the next morning with a raging hangover. "Damn it, I'm getting too old for these all-nighters," he mumbled to himself. But at least he'd managed to drink that upstart porn star under the table. That cheered him up, and so did the sight of a mop of tangled blond hair sticking out of the pile of blankets next to him. He nuzzled that hair and reached under the blankets to caress his lover.
"Hey, Onozuka-kun," he crooned. "How about a morning quickie before breakfast?" Then he frowned as his hands encountered a body that seemed to be more broad-shouldered than the slender Onozuka...
***
Katou woke up to the sensation of hands caressing his body and lips brushing against his hair, and he smiled, as Iwaki's touch eased the pain of his throbbing head. "Ooh, Iwaki-san, that feels so good," he sighed, as another part of his body began to throb pleasantly. He turned around to smile at his lover, and then recoiled in horror...
***
Iwaki woke to the sound of two male voices screaming, "GYAAAAAH!" in chorus, a wordless expression of horror and fear and disgust. He jumped out of bed, still clad in his borrowed pajamas, and rushed down the hall to where Asano, Yoshizumi, and Onozuka were peering into a doorway and giggling. A bright flash of light stung Iwaki's eyes, still sensitive from having just woken, and he realized that Onozuka was holding a small digital camera and taking a photograph.
"What's going on?" he demanded, pushing them aside to see Katou and Kikuchi lying together in bed and staring at each other with a look of horror on their faces.
"Katou?" Iwaki asked in an icy voice.
"Iwaki-san!" Katou shouted frantically. "This isn't what it looks like!"
"It looks very bad," Onozuka said disapprovingly. "Downright scandalous, in fact." Then he sighed dramatically, "I can't believe that you would sleep with my lover, Katou--I thought we were friends!"
"No, that's not what happened!" Katou protested.
"And you, Kikuchi-san," Onozuka said, shaking his head. "Sleeping with my best friend! I warned you what would happen if you cheated on me..."
However, Kikuchi had caught sight of the camera in Onozuka's hands, as well as Yoshizumi and Asano standing behind him, barely suppressing their laughter. "Somehow, I think that I've been framed," he said dryly.
"Onozuka-kun," Iwaki said sternly, and Onozuka just smiled impishly. "I would expect that of you, but Yoshizumi-san and Asano-kun? You two were in on this prank as well?"
"Heh heh, well, you have to admit that it is kind of funny," Yoshizumi chuckled unrepentantly.
"Hey, it was his idea," Onozuka defended himself, pointing to Asano.
Asano smiled earnestly at Iwaki. "I apologize if our little prank offended you, Iwaki-san. But I felt that Katou-san deserved some punishment for foolishly ignoring you and passing out on your birthday."
"Birthday?!" Yoshizumi exclaimed, as Katou looked even more horrified. "Iwaki-san, why didn't you say anything?"
"Oh, I didn't want to make a big fuss," Iwaki replied sheepishly. "This was the Hamlet cast and crew's party; I didn't want to steal your glory. I was happy to spend my birthday sharing in the celebration of my friends." He glared at Katou. "Although I was planning to end the evening alone with Katou afterwards, but our plans went a little astray."
"I'm so sorry, Iwaki-san!" Katou wailed. He scrambled off the bed and went down on his hands and knees, bowing his head right down to the floor. "Please forgive me, Iwaki-san!"
"The rest of you--out!" Iwaki said sternly, gesturing for them to leave.
"Ooh, Iwaki-san can be domineering when he wants to be!" Onozuka exclaimed, sounding impressed. "Do you suppose they ever play at S and M?"
"Out!" Iwaki repeated.
"It was good for me, too, darling," Kikuchi said wryly, as he climbed out of bed and stepped over Katou on his way out.
"Why, you dirty old man!" Katou snarled, but the sound of Iwaki's voice, cracking out like a whip, froze him in place.
"Katou!"
"Iwaki's definitely the dominant one," Yoshizumi observed.
Onozuka looked at his camera and mused, "I wonder what the tabloids would pay for a photo of Katou and Kikuchi-san in bed together?"
"You wouldn't dare," Kikuchi said threateningly, stalking towards his lover.
"Bad move," Asano said to Yoshizumi, who nodded in agreement.
"He might as well have dared him to do it."
"Oh, wouldn't I?" Onozuka sang out, waving the camera enticingly at Kikuchi.
"Give me that or I promise that I'll make you regret it," Kikuchi growled.
"Ooh, so you can be domineering, too!" Onozuka exclaimed. "You're kind of turning me on, Kikuchi-san!" He held up the camera again. "Well if you want it, come and get it," he taunted, and took off running down the hall. Kikuchi ran after him, but seemed to be getting off to a sluggish start due to his hangover.
Iwaki stepped into the bedroom and closed the door. Asano and Yoshizumi looked at each other, then shrugged and went to follow Onozuka and Kikuchi.
"Two thousand yen says that Onozuka-kun will let Kikuchi-san catch him--eventually," Yoshizumi wagered.
"I'm not taking you up on that one, Yoshizumi-san."
"How about betting on how fast Iwaki-kun forgives Katou-kun?"
Meanwhile, Katou was still kneeling on the floor and pleading, "You know that I'd never sleep with anyone but you, don't you, Iwaki-san? It was Onozuka's stupid prank; I can't believe he'd put his own lover into bed with another man. Well, actually, on the other hand, maybe I can..."
"I'm not angry about that," Iwaki interrupted coldly. "I know that you wouldn't cheat on me, and it's obvious that those three played a joke on you and Kikuchi-san."
"And I'm sorry that I got so drunk that I passed out and wasn't able to celebrate Iwaki-san's birthday properly!" Katou wailed tearfully.
"I'm not angry about that," Iwaki started to say, then corrected himself and admitted, "Well, to be honest, I am a little angry about that. But mostly what I'm upset about is that you let yourself be baited into the drinking contest with Kikuchi-san in the first place."
"I know it was stupid," Katou admitted, giving his lover a contrite, wide-eyed puppy-dog look.
"Yes, it was," Iwaki said sternly. "I thought that you had developed some maturity, Katou. I was impressed that you were able to set aside your old grudge and work with Kikuchi-san on the play, but now it seems that you're as childish as ever."
"Yes, Iwaki-san," Katou mumbled dejectedly. "I'm sorry." His shoulders slumped in defeat, and his head hung down in shame, his blond hair spilling across his face. All his usual bouncy energy was gone, and he reminded Iwaki of a limp balloon with all the air deflated out of it.
Iwaki couldn't stand to see him looking so dejected, so he sighed and relented. "I guess it's lucky for me that I find your childish side endearing--most of the time."
Katou looked up hopefully and asked in a quiet, humble voice, "Iwaki-san? Am I...forgiven?"
"Not just yet," Iwaki replied sternly, but this time there was an obvious hint of a smile tugging at his lips. "But I fully expect you to make it up to me tonight."
"Iwaki-san, I love you!" Katou cried exuberantly, jumping up to throw his arms around Iwaki. He tried to kiss Iwaki, but Iwaki turned his head to the side so that the kiss landed on his cheek instead of his mouth.
"Katou, you have morning breath and you reek of booze!" Iwaki laughed. "Let's go home and have you take a shower and brush your teeth, and then you can give me a late birthday kiss."
"Okay, let's go!" Katou said. "I promise I'll make up for last night and give you the best post-birthday celebration ever!"
Watching from one of the upstairs windows, Yoshizumi and Asano watched Iwaki and Katou leave Ninagawa's mansion, holding hands and smiling like newlyweds. Yoshizumi held out his hand and said, "Pay up."
Asano scowled disgustedly down at the happy couple, then pulled out his wallet and slapped two thousand-yen bills into Yoshizumi's hand. "I figured that Iwaki would be soft-hearted enough to forgive that idiot, but I never thought he'd cave in just five minutes!"
"You underestimate Katou-kun's cuteness," Yoshizumi chuckled. "Well, I guess it's just you and me now, Asano-kun. The others have all gone off to play without us." From behind one of the closed doors in the hall, the sounds of passionate moans could be heard--Onozuka had, as Yoshizumi predicted, let Kikuchi catch him, and they didn't seem to be concerned with the camera anymore.
"Ah well, it was fun while it lasted," Asano sighed.
Yoshizumi smiled at him. "You're usually so serious, Asano-kun. It's nice to see that you have a sense of humor, after all."
Asano stared at Yoshizumi speculatively, as if seeing him for the first time. "Hey...would you like to go out and get some breakfast or something?" he asked hesitantly.
"Sure," Yoshizumi replied, and they left the mansion together.
Unbeknownst to them, Ninagawa had watched both pairs leave, and he murmured to himself, "Hmm...I think my next production will be a romantic comedy. I wonder how 'Much Ado About Nothing' would work with an all-male cast...?"
THE END.
Next story in the series: Much Ado About...Something?
***
ETA 1/28/09: Corrected a few typos and bumped the rating up a notch, since I belatedly realized that references to throbbing body parts were maybe not quite PG fare. ^_^ Though it probably doesn't matter since I'm pretty sure that everyone reading this is over 18.
Afterword: This idea was sparked by a passage in Going Steady, Part 1, where Kikuchi and Onozuka make fun of Iwaki and Katou by imitating them. Onozuka's imitation is so good that Kikuchi jokes that he'll have nightmares about waking up to find Katou in his bed instead of Onozuka--instant plot bunny! However, in that universe, Katou isn't yet aware that Onozuka and Kikuchi are a couple, so I transplanted the bunny into the Hamlet-Haru storyline, and since we're celebrating Iwaki's birthday, I worked that into the fic, too.
Although there is a real Ninagawa-kantoku, I have no idea if he has a mansion, so my version is completely fictional.
Katou's hair seems to be closer to light-brown than blond, judging by the manga covers, but I employed a bit of artistic license for the sake of the fic. Maybe he dyed it because Ninagawa wanted a blond Hamlet, or Kikuchi's too hungover to be able to tell light-brown from blond. ^_^
Interesting cultural note: while doing my fan translations of the Petshop of Horrors manga, I noticed that feminine screams are rendered as "kyaaa!" while the masculine version is "gyaaa!" Although now that I think about it, it would be funny to have Katou and Kikuchi scream like little girls!
Two thousand yen equals approximately twenty US dollars, depending on the yen-to-dollar rate. It's probably a little less, but it's easier to round it off to 100 yen = 1 dollar.
Much Ado About Nothing is one of my favorite Shakespeare comedies, and I have a special fondness for it since The Goblet once wrote a Snupin version of it, which is why a possible Haru version also came to mind.
I have no idea where the Yoshizumi/Asano thing came from. They were leftover after the other men paired off, and I started wondering what it might be like if they got together...and they do have a kind of bond between them via the Aizawa role in Fuyu no Semi. It would be interesting to see what kind of couple they'd be, and how Yoshizumi would handle Asano's dark side, and whether Asano could get over his Iwaki fixation. Argh, the plot bunnies are breeding again!
Well, they'll have to wait for another day, since I've already taken time out from finishing "Going Steady" to work on this. But I couldn't let Iwaki's birthday pass without a gift! ^_^
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Onozuka is evil enugh to do like this but thanks for Asano(and you, geri-chan!) to have the briliant idea! <333
ivy
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I need another plot bunny like I need a hole in the head, but now I'm picturing Iwaki as Miranda, Katou as Ferdinand, Kikuchi as Prospero, Onozuka as Ariel, and Miyasaka as the lecherous Caliban!
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Onozuka really is devious, isn't he?
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so bad this wasn't in pictures or drama - K&K's faces/voices would have been gorgeous!
i don't really know if there's a fic pairing Yoshizumi/Asano, else than a morning coffee in a diner, but i'd love to see this coming ^^
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As far as I know, I'm the only one who's written (hints of) Yoshizumi/Asano, but I keep hoping that one of my fellow Haru writers will. And maybe I will actually let them get together someday.
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I loved this story! I can so see this happening!
*counts money for Y/A bribe*
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It will have to wait until I finish "Unmasked," but I definitely want to work on it afterward!
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