FIC: Scars, Part 5b

[geri_chan]

Title: Scars, Part 5b

Rating: NC-17 overall

Pairings: Snape/Lupin, Ash/Tsubasa; also a little Theodore/Blaise, Dylan/Hermione, and Aric/Takeshi

Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts; [] indicates song lyrics.

Disclaimer: Based on the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling; song lyrics are from "Scars" by Papa Roach. No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.

Warning: AU. This story contains a character from Half-Blood Prince, but does not follow the HBP storyline.

Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven, Phoenix Reborn, Phoenix Rising, Aftermaths, The Revenant, Ash's Story, and Summer Vacation III.

Summary: The staff and students speculate about Tsubasa's absence at dinner, while Tsubasa pays a visit to Ash.

Part 5a

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Tsubasa fell silent, his story apparently finished, and Ash raised his head from Tsubasa's shoulder and whispered, "Thank you." He understood the gift of trust implicit in Tsubasa's story, and he knew what must have motivated it. Feeling deeply touched, he said, "You didn't have to do that."

"But I wanted to," Tsubasa replied, and he was a little surprised to find that it was true. It felt good to share this secret with someone, as if he had been freed of a burden that he hadn't realized was weighing him down--which was strange, because the emotional wounds of his childhood had long ago healed, and he and his father and Reiko had been a close-knit and loving family for many years. Stranger still was the fact that it felt natural to share this secret with Ash, whom he had known for such a short time, when he had never told it to his cousins Ichiro and Takeshi, whom he had always loved like brothers.

"Your father..." Ash said hesitantly. "Was it hard for you to forgive him for what he did?"

Tsubasa shook his head. "I was very young at the time, and I wasn't thinking so much about what he had almost done to me. Mostly I was just afraid that I might lose my father--if not to suicide, then to the pneumonia--as well as my mother, and then I would be all alone. When I was older...I couldn't hate him for it; he wasn't in his right mind, and I understood why he did it. If we were human, perhaps it would be different, but the bond between mated cranes runs very deep. We always mate for life; mated couples never fall out of love or develop a desire for another. No one knows why this is so, although some of the human wizards think it might be a biological imperative, some sort of genetic trait. The crane folk do not ask why; they accept that it has always been so, since our race was first born, and they simply call it destiny. It is a great gift, to share such a complete and joyous union with another soul, but in a way, it is also a curse, because if one mate dies before the other, the surviving partner is overwhelmed by such grief that they often die of it. It is as if half of your soul was suddenly ripped away from you. Most often they slowly pine away, but sometimes they commit suicide. A parent will usually find the strength to go on for their child's sake. Some cannot bear the pain, but it is customary to place the child in the care of family members before committing suicide."

"You have rules for that?!" Ash exclaimed.

"We have rules for everything," Tsubasa replied, smiling wryly. "I am not very good at following most of them, which is why I do not live in the valley."

Ash shook his head in astonishment, then sighed. "The purebloods in Britain have a lot of rules, too, but I don't think they have any rules about suicide." He added bitterly, "They're too selfish to kill themselves, although they don't mind hurting other people. That's all I know about my real father, that he was a pureblood who thought he was too good to marry my mother. I don't even know his name." He laughed, a sound that came out sounding like a short, harsh bark. "I would have been content to be Madley's son, even though he wasn't a pureblood. All I cared about was that he was kind to me. I knew all along that he didn't really love me, that he was just trying to please Rosalind, but I didn't care; the pretense was enough for me. That's pretty pathetic, isn't it? And the irony of it all is that if Laura had been born just a few years earlier, then none of this would have happened. If he'd had a child of his own, then maybe he wouldn't have hated me so much. I wouldn't have run away, and I wouldn't have been turned into a werewolf, and we could have gone on pretending to be a happy family."

"But it would only have been a pretense," Tsubasa said gently. "And you would never have met Lukas and the rest of your pack, people who truly love you." He was still sitting close enough to Ash to feel the werewolf tremble slightly. "Blood ties are important, but sometimes family is something more than blood. Reiko is my mother in every way that matters, even though we share no ties of blood."

"I know that," Ash whispered, still trembling. "When I found my pack, I decided that they were the only family I needed. I never wanted to see my real...no, the pack IS my real family. I never wanted to see my biological family again. None of them ever wanted me, anyway. I never thought I would ever hear from them again. I don't know what to do. I don't want to see this girl. I just want to forget that the Madleys and the Parkers ever existed."

By now, Ash's body was shaking violently, and Tsubasa felt out of his depth; his friend clearly needed more comfort than a shoulder to rest on. He thought that Ash's pack, his true family, would be best equipped to help him, and he started to rise to his feet, asking, "Are you all right? Should I get someone...maybe Matilda, or Kyra...?"

Ash was suddenly filled with an irrational, frantic terror of being left alone, and he reached out and grabbed Tsubasa's arm, clutching at it so hard that the other man winced. Ash loosened his grip slightly and said, "No, please...don't leave." He didn't want to be alone, not even for the few minutes that it would take for Tsubasa to go downstairs and summon help. And then he realized that as much as he loved his pack brothers and sisters, he didn't really feel like explaining the long story of his childhood to them right now. No, it was more than that...he didn't want them at his side at this moment; he wanted Tsubasa.

"All right," Tsubasa said in a soft, soothing voice, dropping back down onto the bed. "It's all right, Ash; I'm here." He hesitated, silently debating with himself for a moment, then made his decision. He reached out to cup Ash's face in his free hand, and leaned forward and very slowly and deliberately kissed him.

It was the sweetest, most perfect kiss he had ever experienced, as easy and natural as breathing--or flying, perhaps, was a more apt comparison. He felt a sense of joy and exhilaration that was similar to soaring through the sky in his crane form, borne aloft on the wind currents. Ash was still for a few seconds, not so much unresponsive as stunned, as if he couldn't believe that this was happening, and then he returned the kiss, very hesitantly at first, then with growing hunger and intensity, until his tongue was pushing its way between Tsubasa's lips. Their tongues darted around each other, stroking and entwining as their mouths remained pressed together until they finally ran out of breath and had to pull apart, gasping and panting as they took in gulps of air.

"But...I thought...you said you wouldn't...not until I answered your question," Ash said breathlessly, and not quite coherently, although Tsubasa understood what he meant.

"Just this once, I will make an exception," Tsubasa replied, just as breathlessly. "Just for tonight, I will gaze at the stars with you. Let us share pleasure for this one night, with no obligations or demands placed on each other." A small part of him wondered whether he was really doing this to comfort Ash, or if it was just a convenient excuse to satisfy his own desires. Right at this moment, he wanted Ash so badly that it was difficult to think clearly.

He stroked Ash's hair, pushing it back from his face, then gently traced the long scar on Ash's left cheek with his fingers; the werewolf tensed, but did not object. Then Tsubasa tenderly kissed the scar, and Ash shivered--a shiver of pleasure, Tsubasa thought, although Ash's body was still tense, as if not entirely comfortable. He knew that Ash was self-conscious about the scar, and Tsubasa felt inordinately pleased that Ash permitted him to touch it, a privilege that he suspected the werewolf didn't grant to many people.

Ash moaned, shivering with mingled pleasure and shame as Tsubasa's tongue ran lightly down the length of his scar. He had always been secretly ashamed of his disfigurement, and he hated having attention drawn to his scar, but at the same time it felt amazingly good to feel Tsubasa's hands and mouth caressing it. He allowed Tsubasa to continue for a minute or two, then turned his head and claimed Tsubasa's mouth with his own, kissing him hard.

Tsubasa did not protest, and indeed, enthusiastically returned the kiss, moaning into Ash's mouth. And Ash did what he'd been wanting to do for weeks, ever since he'd first met Tsubasa, which was to reach up and loosen the cord that tied Tsubasa's hair back, letting it spill into his hands as he ran his fingers through the long, glossy black hair that spilled down to the swordsman's waist. It felt incredible, even better than Ash had imagined, like running his fingers through strands of pure, finely-spun silk.

He had thought that Tsubasa's clothes would be easy to remove--after all, they had no buttons or hooks or zippers, only straps of cloth to tie them in place. He had fantasized about it many times, but in this case, the reality was less satisfying. He cursed under his breath as he struggled with the ties of Tsubasa's hakama, which were wrapped around his waist in a more complicated arrangement than he had realized, crisscrossing over and under each other, not to mention that the knots were also tied more tightly than they'd been in his daydreams.

"Let me do it," Tsubasa laughed. He made a brief gesture with his hand, and the ties of his hakama unknotted and unwrapped themselves, and the garment slid down over his hips.

"Very impressive," Ash said with a grin. "Maybe you could teach me that spell."

Tsubasa laughed again. "Unfortunately I can't, since it's part of the Weaving magic unique to my people. We can easily manipulate cloth and thread--I could, for example, magically mend a rip or tear." Ash was wearing one of his comfortable, shabby old robes, and Tsubasa ran his finger over an inexpertly darned patch, and the crude stitches vanished, the patch melting into the original garment seamlessly. Then he ran his hand down Ash's chest and said, "Or I could, if I wished, make your clothes fall apart at the seams. But I trust that won't be necessary?"

Ash answered him with another kiss. The sash on Tsubasa's kimono came off with much more ease, with no need for magic, and with nothing else holding it in place, the loose robe fell open and was easily pushed back over his shoulders, leaving him clad in only a very ordinary pair of underpants that looked incongruous in combination with his more exotic outer clothing. But that too, was easily removed and discarded, leaving Tsubasa completely nude, and Ash's breath caught in his throat as he just stared at Tsubasa for a moment, spellbound.

"Now it's your turn, my handsome wolf," Tsubasa whispered huskily, and his hands reached up to undo the buttons on Ash's robe. But Ash remembered all the other scars that lay beneath his clothing, and was suddenly self-conscious again. He grabbed Tsubasa's wrists, halting his progress.

"What's wrong?" Tsubasa asked softly.

"Let's turn out the lights," Ash mumbled, looking down and not meeting his gaze.

"But you've seen me," Tsubasa pointed out in a playful voice. "I want to see you."

"It's just..." Ash flushed, his eyes still downcast. "...I have a lot more scars than this one." He touched the scar on his face. "And I...I don't want you to see..."

"That's nothing to be ashamed of," Tsubasa said gently. "I have scars, too, see?" He took Ash's hand and placed it on his side, just below a long, thin white scar across his ribs, just barely visible against the white of his skin. "I got that in sword practice. And here..." He moved Ash's hand lower, down onto his thigh where there was an uneven, blotch-shaped scar about the size of a Galleon in diameter. "This was from a spell blast from a Dark Wizard. That was careless of me; I should have been able to avoid it." In response to Ash's startled look, Tsubasa said, "Oh yes, we do have Dark Wizards in Japan, too. Some of the humans believe that the tengu have hidden stores of magical treasures, and a few of them are foolish enough to attempt raids on the tengu villages from time to time. A strong enough healing spell or potion would have healed these wounds without a scar, but the tengu consider their battle scars to be badges of honor, so they keep their scars and wear them with pride." He kissed Ash lightly on the mouth. "So wear your scars with pride, too, Ash."

"But they aren't battle scars," Ash protested in a subdued voice.

"But in a sense, they are," Tsubasa replied. "They're proof that you were able to survive your childhood. A weaker person might have died, or might have lived, but with their spirit broken. You were strong enough not to let the past break you, Ash, and I admire you for that. I would never scorn you for scars. So let me see you, Ash--let me see all of you."

Still blushing self-consciously, Ash finished undressing, then found himself trembling as Tsubasa very tenderly and methodically began kissing each of his scars. Tsubasa pressed his lips to an old burn mark just below Ash's nipple, then flicked his tongue across the nipple, and Ash had the fleeting, traitorous thought that Takeshi had done the exact same thing the time that they had made love. But then Tsubasa kissed him, and Ash wrapped his arms around the crane man and pulled him closer, and all his attention focused once more on the man currently sharing his bed. He ran his hands along Tsubasa's body, stroking his back and thighs, marveling at how smooth his skin was. Ash almost felt as if he shouldn't be touching something so fine and smooth and perfect with his work-roughened hands. During the long years that they had lived in poverty, Ash and some of the other werewolves had often taken odd jobs in the Muggle world when there had been no work for them in the wizarding world, heavy manual labor that had left Ash's fingers slightly calloused--rather like the pads of a dog's paws, ironically enough.

But when his hands stopped moving, hovering uncertainly above his lover's body, Tsubasa moaned, "Don't stop!" Reassured, Ash resumed his caresses, his hands growing bolder as Tsubasa moaned again and kissed him hungrily. Ash stroked the scar across Tsubasa's ribs, then let his hands move across Tsubasa's chest, his thumbs lightly rubbing and circling Tsubasa's nipples. Tsubasa gasped, breaking off their kiss, and Ash lowered his head to lick and nibble and suck at Tsubasa's nipples, as he had fantasized about doing earlier today after their fencing lesson.

Ash growled, his inner wolf stirring, and he pressed one of his legs between Tsubasa's as he continued licking and nibbling. The wolf's excitement caused Ash to nip a little harder at one nipple than he'd intended, and Tsubasa let out a yelp of pain. Ash started to pull away guiltily, but then he felt something hard pressing against his thigh, and he realized that the bite had aroused his lover.

"Did you like that?" he asked, grinning wolfishly, and Tsubasa's face turned bright red, but he nodded. Ash nipped playfully at Tsubasa's chest, provoking another yelp and a slight twitch against his thigh. Growling deep in his throat, Ash continued planting little love-bites all over Tsubasa's chest, gently at first and then with more force as Tsubasa moaned and writhed beneath him, rubbing against his thigh with increasing urgency. The sight of bruises forming on Tsubasa's pale skin and marring his perfect beauty appalled Ash, but at the same time it excited him further, and he growled, baring his teeth as he pushed Tsubasa's legs apart...

As a teenager, Tsubasa had "played at love" with some of his clanmates (the crane euphemism for the casual experimentation of the young before they settled on a lifemate), and as an adult, he had taken several casual lovers among the tengu. The tengu had a rather bawdy, down-to-earth approach to sex, regarding it as a physical activity to be enjoyed to the fullest, much the same way that they approached eating, drinking, dancing, and fighting. But while lovemaking with his tengu partners had been quite athletic and even exhausting at times, it had never been violent--the tengu saved that for the battlefield. And while the occasional hickey or playful little nip was fine, Tsubasa had never found pleasure in pain before. But each time that Ash's teeth bit into his flesh, Tsubasa felt a sharp flare of pain that somehow turned into pleasure as it raced towards his groin, as if his nerve endings had misfired or gotten scrambled somehow.

Ash raised his head and growled, baring his sharp teeth, his eyes glittering ferally, looking more animal than human. Tsubasa found it a little alarming and yet strangely erotic, and he didn't protest as Ash pushed his legs open and began planting sharp little bites up and down the insides of his thighs. Tsubasa moaned wildly, his fingers reaching down to tangle themselves in Ash's hair, urging him on, each bite sending another surge of pleasure/pain through his body. The more Tsubasa moaned, the harder Ash bit, and the pleasure seemed to increase exponentially with the pain, until Tsubasa was nearly frenzied with desire, his fingers pulling at Ash's hair so tightly that it must have hurt, but the werewolf didn't seem to notice. Or perhaps the pain felt good to him, too.

Ash seemed to be deliberately concentrating on Tsubasa's thighs, ignoring his aching erection although his hair brushed against it, lightly and teasingly, when Ash's love-bites moved higher up his thigh, closer to his crotch. "Please," Tsubasa groaned, wondering if this was payback for the way he had teased Ash after the lesson--it really was a bad idea to tease a werewolf!

Ash's inner wolf regarded the bruises on Tsubasa's thighs with a kind of possessive satisfaction, while the human part of him was a little frightened by how hard he was biting Tsubasa and the fact that he couldn't seem to stop himself. It just felt so good to sink his teeth into that soft flesh, to hear Tsubasa moan, to watch the white skin begin to turn red and purple with the imprint of his teeth. At least he wasn't biting hard enough to draw blood, and Tsubasa certainly didn't seem to mind; his fingers wound themselves into Ash's hair, pressing down on his head, pulling him closer, not trying to push him away.

Overwhelmed by the wolf's instincts and his own pleasure, Ash was only dimly aware of the sound of Tsubasa's voice pleading with him. And then the shapeshifter suddenly spread his legs apart even wider and raised his hips, his eyes silently imploring Ash to enter him.

Ash found himself lunging for the nightstand drawer so fast that he nearly fell off the bed. But he managed to grab the headboard and keep his balance, and fumbled in the drawer for a tube of lubricant with his free hand.

For some reason, Tsubasa felt slightly annoyed that Ash had the tube so ready at hand. Had he been planning, or at least hoping, that Tsubasa would be sharing this bed with him in the near future, or had it been there for the benefit of his previous lovers? The younger werewolves, who loved to gossip, had informed him that Ash had been something of a playboy in the past. Tsubasa realized with a start that he was jealous of those past lovers, even his beloved cousin Takeshi, and was seized with the brief desire to slap his young cousin for being so dense that he didn't even know that he had broken Ash's heart. Not that Ash had said so, precisely, but he instinctively sensed that Ash's feelings had run deeper than he was willing to admit.

But those thoughts suddenly slipped out of his mind when he felt two of Ash's fingers pushing into him, a bit more roughly than he would normally like, but he was so eager to have Ash inside him, and his body still so afire with those mingled pleasure/pain sensations, that he didn't care. He moaned, raising his hips to meet those questing fingers, enjoying the sensation of them stroking and thrusting inside him. Ash's mouth crushed against his in a bruising kiss, and then his teeth nipped at Tsubasa's lower lip, evoking another exquisite little flare of pain that caused an echoing throb of heat in his loins. Ash's fingers scissored apart, stretching Tsubasa open wider, and he cried out, his body arching up off the bed with a jerk as he felt a third finger join the first two.

Tsubasa felt Ash's palm against his belly, gently but firmly pushing him back down onto the bed. "Are you ready?" Ash growled, his hazel eyes practically glowing with a feral, wolfish hunger.

"Yes," Tsubasa moaned. He had never been readier in his life. In the past, sex had merely been a pleasurable physical sensation to be enjoyed; he had never before experienced this kind of frantic, overpowering need, as if he would die if Ash didn't enter him. He would have been frightened out of his wits, except that his need and lust left no room in his head for rational thought at the moment.

Ash's favorite position, as he had once jokingly told Takeshi, was doggy-style, but with Tsubasa lying beneath him, his legs splayed apart wantonly and his eyes frantic with lust, Ash knew that he wanted to make love to Tsubasa face-to-face. He wanted to see the pleasure in Tsubasa's face, the need in his eyes, the flush in his cheeks, and his lips parting to form an eager moan. He wanted to see how much Tsubasa wanted him. Kneeling between Tsubasa's legs, he positioned himself and entered his lover with a swift, hard thrust.

Tsubasa cried out as Ash thrust into him; there was a little pain, but mostly pleasure, and in any case, he could no longer really distinguish the difference between the two. What happened between them was not so much lovemaking as it was the primal coupling of two animals in heat. Ash thrust down into him, and Tsubasa arched up eagerly to meet him, but their coupling was awkward at first, with both of them so frantic with need that it took a couple of minutes for their bodies to fall into sync. And then it was good, so good, to feel Ash moving in and out of his body at a steady rhythm, but it still wasn't enough. Tsubasa moaned, and without thinking, raked his nails down Ash's back.

Ash gasped, his back arching, and his eyes went wide with surprise and then lit up with a fierce, feral hunger. He snarled eagerly and then began pounding into Tsubasa even harder and faster, as Tsubasa sobbed with pleasure, wrapping his legs tightly around Ash's waist and clawing at his back, digging his nails hard into Ash's skin to drive him on.

Sharp lines of pain raced down Ash's back where Tsubasa's nails clawed at him, but it only served to further stoke the heat of his lust as drove into Tsubasa at a frenzied pace. Merlin, it felt so good to feel Tsubasa's legs locked around his waist, to finally feel himself buried deep inside his lover's body, even better than he'd imagined it would be--and he had imagined it many times since he had met Tsubasa. He had spent more than one night alone in his bed, thrusting into his own hand as he pictured Tsubasa beneath him, and the orgasms resulting from his fantasies had somehow been more intense than the ones he'd had during his casual affairs with his werewolf friends. But the fantasies turned out to be a mere shadow compared to the reality of actually making love to Tsubasa.

Part of it was that Tsubasa's pleasure enhanced his own; it excited Ash to no end to know that it was him who was making Tsubasa moan and claw at his back, to know that he was the one who had put that look of desire in Tsubasa's eyes. The way that Tsubasa's hips eagerly pushed up to meet each thrust, the hardness rubbing against his belly as he leaned down to kiss Tsubasa and press their bodies closer together--it was all proof that Tsubasa wanted him as much as he wanted Tsubasa. And that was just as satisfying as the actual physical pleasure.

Tsubasa bit at Ash's lip as the werewolf kissed him, and heard Ash growl in response--not an angry or threatening growl, but a growl of pleasure. Tsubasa was not quite sure how he knew the difference, but he did, and the sound sent a shiver of excitement running down his spine. He gasped and panted, sounding not unlike a wolf himself as his hips rocked against Ash's. He was close, so close to coming...and yet climax remained tantalizingly, infuriatingly just a hairsbreadth out of reach. He threw back his head, moaning in frustration, and then he saw Ash's eyes gleam, and without warning, the werewolf snarled and sank his teeth into Tsubasa's throat.

Tsubasa had only a fraction of a second to register fear and surprise, and then the intense pain in his throat sent him over the edge, and he cried out as his body convulsed in the most incredible orgasm he'd ever had. All the thoughts in his mind--already vague and half-formed due to that overwhelming lust--shattered completely, breaking into a million little pieces that scattered and blew away like a handful of dust, leaving him conscious of nothing but the intense wave of pleasure wracking his body.

Ash felt Tsubasa come, semen spilling across his stomach and chest as Tsubasa's inner muscles clenched around him in little spasms that milked his own climax from him, and he threw back his head and the wolf howled in triumph.

Ash was not really sure how long it took for the wolf to retreat and for full consciousness to return to him, but eventually he became aware that he was lying next to a trembling Tsubasa; it took him another moment to realize that he was trembling also. He began to shake even harder when he saw the bruise on Tsubasa's throat and the full implications of what he had done began to hit him.

"I'm sorry," Ash whispered, reaching up with trembling fingers to very lightly touch Tsubasa's throat. "I've never done that before, not to anyone." The other bruises he had left on the beautiful shapeshifter's body disturbed him also, but the one on his throat most of all, because that was the way that a werewolf claimed its mate. But that should make him happy, because he wanted Tsubasa to be his mate...didn't he? He nervously brushed off that thought, telling himself that he was worried that he had hurt Tsubasa.

But Tsubasa smiled at him and said, "I'm all right," although he looked a little shaken, too. "It just took me by surprise because I wasn't expecting it, but it was very...ah...intense." When Ash still looked anxious, he added, "In a good way."

"I'm glad," Ash said, kissing his throat in apology. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I just got...um...a little carried away."

"I'm fine," Tsubasa said, kissing him lightly; Ash was vaguely aware that his lip still stung slightly where Tsubasa had bitten him. "I've received far worse bruises in my training with the tengu." Ash felt a sudden surge of jealously and suspicion that must have shown on his face, because Tsubasa smiled and said, "Not quite the same sorts of bruises, of course, nor in quite the same places."

"Ah...of course," Ash said, blushing. He wrapped an arm around Tsubasa, and his lover moved closer, resting his head on Ash's chest. {What the hell is wrong with me?} Ash wondered as he lay there, torn between the conflicting desires to cradle Tsubasa in his arms, and alternately, to jump out of bed and run as far and fast as he could. Kyra had once sarcastically told him that he was allergic to commitment, and he had laughed it off at the time, but maybe she had been right.

Tsubasa felt Ash tense, and asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," the werewolf replied, then sighed. "Everything. I don't know what to do about this girl."

"Well, if you are asking my advice..." Tsubasa raised an eyebrow in inquiry, and Ash hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "I think that you should meet her." Ash frowned, looking as though he wanted to protest, and Tsubasa continued, "I'm not saying that you should forgive your parents, but Laura has never done anything to hurt you. She is your sister, after all, and she seems like a kind person." He recalled that she was the only one who had voiced concern about the house-elves in his class when Owen had mocked Hermione Granger's efforts to help them. "Perhaps it might be possible to have a relationship with her even if you don't wish to have one with your mother and stepfather?"

"I don't want a relationship with her!" Ash snapped, sitting up in bed and pulling away from Tsubasa. "I have nothing against the girl--"

"Laura," Tsubasa reminded him.

"Nothing against Laura," Ash said sullenly, because he didn't want to be reminded of her name. He didn't want to have to think of her as a real person instead of just another faceless member of the Madley family. "But I have no desire to meet her. I don't want to think about my family. I don't want any reminders of them in my life."

"The bonds of blood are not so easy to break," Tsubasa said quietly.

"My family and the families of my packmates found them quite easy to break, I assure you," Ash said acidly. "What kind of relationship am I supposed to have with this girl, anyway? She clearly has an idealized view of her family. Do you really think she'll take kindly to being told that her dear Mummy is a shallow, social-climbing bitch who got knocked up by the first pureblood boy who would have her, or that Daddy is a controlling, abusive brute? I don't think she even realizes that I'm not her father's biological child, which means that either she doesn't know what year her parents got married, or she's too stupid to count, since it should be obvious that I was born more than five years before the wedding."

"No, of course I don't think that it will be news she wants to hear," Tsubasa sighed. "And I don't think that Miss Madley is stupid; she seems to be a clever student. Perhaps your parents lied to her about the date of their marriage. You asked for my advice, Ash, and my advice to you is to see her, if only to tell her that you don't want any further contact with her or her family. It's your decision, of course, and if you don't want to meet her, I'll tell her so, but I don't think she will accept it unless she hears it from you personally. She is, as you've noticed, rather idealistic, and I think that she'll continue to pursue you until she finds out why you don't want to see her. I've noticed that Hufflepuffs are sometimes mocked by the other Houses, but they can be quite tenacious when they put their minds to something, like the badger that is their House emblem."

Ash groaned, and Tsubasa smiled at him sympathetically and put his arms around the werewolf comfortingly. He started to kiss Ash, but broke it off when Ash tensed up again, his body going rigid and unresponsive.

"What's wrong, Ash?" he asked quietly. "Besides Laura, I mean. This seems to be something to do more with you and me."

"I'm sorry," Ash said miserably. "I just...I don't think I can do this right now. You and me. Everything happened so fast, and this thing with that girl...with my sister...it's just too much to handle right now."

"I see," Tsubasa said, wondering why he felt so hurt. Wasn't he the one who had told Ash that this was just a single night of pleasure with no obligations binding them? Hadn't he told himself that he was merely comforting Ash? He was a little angry at Ash for pushing him away, but mostly he was angry at himself, because he was the one who had lied to himself. He'd known that he shouldn't sleep with Ash until he was certain that the werewolf was ready to be in a relationship, but he'd convinced himself that he could keep it casual, when he should have known from the intensity of his attraction to Ash that he couldn't.

"I understand," he said, carefully keeping his voice level and neutral. "You don't need to apologize. We agreed that it would be only one night with no strings attached." He climbed out of bed and began to get dressed.

Still looking guilty and anxious, Ash said hastily, "It's not that I don't want to be with you, Tsubasa. I just need to work out this thing with my sister before I can figure out anything else. Please..." His voice trailed off, as if he wasn't really sure what he was asking for, but his eyes stared at Tsubasa pleadingly.

He looked so unhappy and vulnerable that Tsubasa relented inwardly, his resentment dissipating. After the miserable childhood he'd had, it was little wonder that the werewolf should have trouble forming attachments to people. {Who am I to judge, anyway?} Tsubasa thought with a bit of bitter humor. {I've never had a serious relationship in my life, either. I can't even get along with my own clan, outside of a few family members.}

"I understand, Ash," Tsubasa said, in a more sincere voice this time. "It's all right. What do you want to do about Laura?"

"I don't know," Ash replied in a subdued voice. "I need some time to think it over."

"All right," Tsubasa said. "You can send me a message at Hogwarts when you make your decision. Or..." He hesitated. "You can just tell me at our next lesson."

The sudden look of hope in Ash's eyes gave Tsubasa a little hope, too. "You...still want to teach me?" Ash asked in a small voice, looking more like a puppy than a wolf at the moment--like a stray puppy in an alleyway staring hopefully at passersby, but without any real expectations that someone would pick him up and take him home.

That look was almost impossible to resist. "Yes, of course," Tsubasa replied gently, and he leaned down to kiss Ash. He wanted to kiss him on the mouth, but knew that he wouldn't be able to keep such a kiss brief and chaste, so he settled for brushing his lips against Ash's cheek, and even then, he let his lips linger a little longer than he had meant to.

Ash inhaled, drawing in a ragged breath, then released it with a sigh and said, "Thank you."

"I should get back to Hogwarts," Tsubasa said. "If you want to...well, I guess that's a bad choice of words. If you decide to meet with Laura, let me know, and I'll arrange it."

Ash thanked him again, still sounding subdued, and Tsubasa left the room and headed downstairs. The werewolves sitting around the dinner table all grinned at him knowingly, and Tsubasa felt his face turn red as he belatedly remembered that they had never bothered to put a silence spell up on the bedroom.

"It's lucky that the children are all at the mansion," Matilda said mildly as the other werewolves snickered, and Tsubasa felt his face turning even redder.

"I'm sorry," Tsubasa mumbled, feeling like a chastised schoolboy caught doing something very naughty. He resolved to have more sympathy for his students from now on.

"Well, it's nice to see our Ash so taken with someone," Matilda replied, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "Will the two of you be joining us for dinner?"

The werewolves looked around, taking note of the fact that Ash was nowhere in sight. "Worn him out, have you?" Kyra asked with a grin and a wink.

"I...ah...have to return to Hogwarts," Tsubasa stammered. "I...I'm sure that Ash will...um...be down for dinner soon. Goodnight!"

"Come back anytime, dear," Matilda called after him as Tsubasa made his escape and fled through the Floo.
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Meanwhile, up in his room, Ash groaned out loud, "I am so stupid!" After weeks of chasing Tsubasa, he had finally managed to get the crane man into his bed, and had then practically thrown him out of it. Tsubasa had said that he wasn't upset, but Ash was depressingly certain that he had screwed things up beyond mending.

What was wrong with him, anyway? He'd gotten a second chance with Tsubasa after being turned down the first time, and the sex had been great...and Ash finally realized what was bothering him so much. The sex had been great, all right--it had been TOO great. He had never felt the desire to bite his partner in that claiming manner until he had met Takeshi, but even then, he had been able to control and stop himself, because he had known that Takeshi wasn't meant to be his mate. But with Tsubasa...Ash had never before experienced such a complete loss of control, had never been so completely overwhelmed by the wolf except during his transformations before he'd started taking the Wolfsbane Potion. And that terrified him. Accepting that the wolf was a part of him was one thing, but it was another thing to surrender himself to it entirely, to give in to mindless rage--or lust. He wanted Tsubasa, could maybe even fall in love with him, but he didn't think that he could bear to lose himself so completely in another person if it was going to be like this every time they made love.

And yet...the thought of losing Tsubasa was equally unbearable, and he had been relieved when Tsubasa had offered to continue their lessons as if nothing had happened. Ash fervently wished that he could go back in time and start over again, take things more slowly this time. Maybe things would have turned out differently.

He had used it as an excuse, but maybe this fear he felt really was due to the letter from his sister. The thought of having to deal with his family made him feel like a wolf with its leg caught in a steel trap, so frantic and desperate that it would gnaw through its own leg to escape.

Actually, what he really wanted to do was crawl into a deep, dark cave and hide there until all his problems went away. So he settled for crawling under the covers, and refused to come out even when his packmates called him down to dinner.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Back at Hogwarts, Tsubasa stepped through the fireplace into his quarters. He was tired, sweaty, sticky, and his body ached, although there was an underlying feeling of pleasant satiation. He decided to shower and soak in a hot bath to soothe his aches, and perhaps ease his mental turmoil as well. He stripped off his clothes and headed for the bathroom, then paused when he caught sight of his reflection in the mirror--no wonder the other werewolves had grinned at him so knowingly! They hadn't needed to hear his moans or Ash's howl to know that the two of them had been having sex. The mirror reflected his blush of mortification, as well as disheveled hair, a swollen lower lip, a large bruise spreading across his throat, and rings of mottled red-and-purple bite marks all over his chest and inner thighs. He looked like he'd been mauled by a wild animal, and he thought to himself with a smile of embarrassed amusement, that in a sense, he had been.

He was probably going to have to wear one of Ichiro's high-necked British-style robes tomorrow; a kimono would expose his bruised throat, and he could just imagine the students' reactions if their teacher showed up with a huge hickey on his neck. Humiliation aside, the Headmaster would not be amused--no, on the other hand, he might well be amused, but Deputy Headmistress McGonagall definitely would not.

He had a little mild bruise salve on hand, but he didn't think that it would completely erase the mark on his throat by tomorrow morning. He could ask Professor Snape or Madam Pomfrey for something stronger, of course, but he didn't really want to explain to them why he needed it. For the same reason, he didn't want to ask Takeshi, either; he didn't want to see his cousin grin knowingly the way the werewolves had, and he was in such a bad mood that he might actually give in to the temptation to slap his cousin, which he would no doubt regret later. And it would probably make Ash mad at him, too. Whether or not Ash was actually still in love with Takeshi, he was obviously very protective of him, which annoyed Tsubasa even more.

He supposed that he ought to apply the salve that he had on hand and just hope for the best, but as he stared at his reflection, he realized that he didn't really want to heal the marks Ash had left on him. He wanted to keep them as proof of...what, he wasn't exactly sure. The memory of their night together, perhaps, because it didn't look like he was going to get a chance to repeat the experience anytime soon. And although he ought to be too sated and exhausted to even contemplate the idea of a repetition right now, he found himself beginning to get aroused by the sight of his own bruises, his body shuddering with an echo of pleasure at the memory of how those bruises had been made...

Tsubasa swore under his breath as he marched into the bathroom. It looked like he would have to trade that hot bath for another cold shower.

Part 6a