FIC: Always, Part 5 of 6

[geri_chan]

Title: Always, Part 5 of 6
Rating: NC-17 overall, but mostly PG-13
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Word count: ~8,700
Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling and lyrics belong to the band Saliva; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part. (All songs are from the album "Back into Your System.")
Warning: Very AU (was written pre-Book 5)--Snape is a pureblood; also, in my universe, Lupin's condition is a hereditary disease or curse. It seemed more logical than the huge coincidence of someone whose name means "wolf" being bitten by a werewolf. It doesn't really come up in this story except for a brief mention, but plays a more important role in the sequels to this story.
Summary: Lupin and Snape share a pleasant Christmas together, but tension builds when they quarrell over Harry, and Sirius Black returns.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

***

The next few weeks passed quickly and pleasantly for both Lupin and Snape. To Snape's relief, Lupin's desire for him did not wane with the full moon, although it did seem to intensify as the moon begin to wax once more as the holidays approached. {A pleasant, if unexpected, side effect,} thought Snape with a grin, wondering if there was a way for him to pass that information on to Professor Kamiyama without revealing his and Lupin's identities. He snickered to himself as he imagined writing a report that said, "The Wolfsbane Potion is much more palatable and effective when accompanied by a week's worth of intense sexual activity..." Then he sobered, realizing that the discovery that the transformation could be eased by giving in to the beast to a certain degree was indeed a significant one. That information had no direct bearing on the Wolfsbane Potion, but perhaps in time, they could find a way to make it more effective... Snape picked up a quill pen and began composing a carefully worded letter to his Japanese colleague.

As Christmas drew nearer, Snape found himself in an almost jolly mood, although he doubted that anyone other than Lupin was aware of it since the only visible manifestation of his good cheer was that he "terrorized his students" (as Lupin put it) with renewed vigor. The Ravenclaws tiptoed carefully around him, the Gryffindors stared at him with sheer hatred in their eyes, the Hufflepuffs quaked in their boots as he swept around the classroom, his black robes billowing around him, and even his own Slytherins pouted sullenly at the amount of homework he gleefully heaped upon them.

As for the teachers, none of them seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary either, although Professor Flitwick hesitantly ventured to say that perhaps he was being a "bit harsh" on the students, but didn't pursue the matter after Snape snarled at him to mind his own business. Professor Trelawney made dire if vague predictions about his impending demise, but that was nothing new. And when Snape started glaring at her blackly while rubbing the place on his arm where the Dark Mark was branded, she quickly found more important matters to attend to; his status as a former Death Eater had few advantages, but occasionally it came in handy. He was a bit worried that Dumbledore might suspect something, though. Although Lupin swore he had told Albus nothing, Snape caught the Headmaster staring at him one evening at dinner with a self-satisfied look on his face.

"Is there something you find amusing, Headmaster?" Snape asked in a deliberately snotty tone of voice. If one of his own students had spoken to him that way, he'd have had the miscreant scrubbing bedpans in the hospital wing for a week, but Dumbledore simply continued to smile, and stroked his beard in a way that was downright smug.

"Not at all, Severus," Dumbledore said innocently. "I am just pleased to see that you have your appetite back. You've been a bit off your feed since the beginning of the term, old boy, but I'm glad to see you're feeling better."

Snape gritted his teeth; Dumbledore only called him "old boy" to get on his nerves, he was sure of it. He supposed he ought to be grateful to the Headmaster for bringing Lupin back to Hogwarts, but he was damned if he was going to give the meddling old busybody the satisfaction of knowing he was right! So he picked a fight with Lupin by accidentally-on-purpose bumping his arm, knocking over a glass of wine--liberally splashing both the table and Lupin, then blamed it on Lupin for being a "clumsy git". Lupin just mopped up the mess with a napkin, and gave him a long-suffering look that said without words, "Aren't you being a little childish, Severus?" The werewolf got his revenge later, though, by unexpectedly slipping his hand beneath the table and trailing his fingers along the inside of Snape's thigh, causing the Potions Master to nearly choke on his dinner. Hagrid "helpfully" pounded on his back, nearly breaking his bones in the process, while Lupin hovered over him solicitously, a hint of suppressed laughter in his blue eyes.

{You'll pay for this later!} Snape thought as he glared at Lupin.

But it was the wolf who peered out from behind Lupin's eyes and said, {I certainly hope so,} with that lascivious, feral grin, and it took every ounce of Snape's self-control to keep from pouncing on him right there at the dinner table. The grin lasted for only a second, too quick for anyone else to notice before Lupin's features settled back into an expression of guileless concern. But both men soon found excuses to leave the table early: Snape sourly said he needed to rest after his near-death experience, and Lupin left a few minutes later to change his wine-stained robes.

Flitwick watched Lupin's retreating form with concern as he said, "Perhaps you ought to separate those two as much as possible, Albus, before any blood is shed."

Dumbledore just chuckled and stroked his beard. "Oh, I hardly think that will be necessary, Filius."

***

Christmas arrived, and Snape's good mood was strained by the fact that the full moon fell on December 25th that year. Not that he would have minded spending Christmas with the wolf curled up in his lap, but Dumbledore was planning his usual Christmas feast, and it would look odd if both Lupin and Snape didn't show up for dinner.

"Go ahead, Severus. You don't want to blow our cover, after all," Lupin said with his usual mischievous smile. "I'll be all right. I'm not afraid of the wolf anymore, thanks to you." He raised the goblet of Wolfsbane Potion in a mock-toast and gulped it down.

Snape gave Lupin a long kiss, despite the bitter taste of aconite on his lips. He grimaced slightly and muttered, "There must be a way to make that blasted potion taste better..." Of course, there had been little incentive before for him to improve on the taste as long as the potion itself was effective, but now that he and Lupin were a couple... Unconsciously, his lips curved into a smile at that last thought.

"I would be ever so grateful if you could," said Lupin, giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Now go on, before you're late."

"I'll be back as soon as I can," said Snape, reluctantly turning to leave.

"Save me some Christmas pudding," Lupin called after him cheerfully.

***

Time slowed to an interminable crawl for Snape as he endured two hours of mindless chatter and holiday cheer; Lupin definitely had the better end of the bargain, despite being cooped up in Snape's quarters in the shape of a wolf. Dumbledore brought out those ridiculous wizard crackers; Snape gladly handed his "prize" over to the Headmaster. From the gossip he'd heard, and by the way Weasley and Potter were smirking, he suspected the vulture-topped hat closely resembled the hat the boggart-Snape had been wearing. As if that wasn't bad enough, Sybill Trelawney sat next to him and maundered on about her morbid predictions, focusing on Lupin this time for some reason. Snape was sorely tempted to invoke the Imperius Curse just to make her shut up.

"...Professor Lupin will not be with us for very long," Trelawney was saying. "He seems aware, himself, that his time is very short. He positively fled when I offered to crystal-gaze for him--"

{As any sane man would,} Snape thought dourly. {Surely the Headmaster would forgive just one tiny, little curse...}

"Imagine that," said McGonagall dryly; apparently Snape was not the only one who was fed up with Trelawney's "predictions". Fortunately, the Headmaster jumped in and changed the subject before Snape did anything that would get him thrown in Azkaban, and they managed to get through dinner without further incident, although Sybill prophesied disaster for the first person to leave the table. However, since that would be either Potter or Weasley, Snape wasn't particularly concerned. He lingered behind after the others had gone, and put together a plate of leftovers for Lupin.

"Still hungry, Severus?" a voice behind him asked.

Snape jumped, nearly dropping the plate. "Oh, Headmaster! You startled me; I thought everyone else had left. Er...yes, well, I'm not hungry now, but I just thought I might, ah, want a little snack later..."

Dumbledore smiled, a twinkle in his eyes, and said, "Of course, Severus. Perhaps you might want to take a plate up to Professor Lupin as well, since he missed dinner tonight."

Snape's face turned beet-red and he growled, "I'm not his servant! Lupin can fetch his own damn dinner!" He whirled about, his robes swishing around him as he stalked off in a huff.

As he walked back to his own quarters, Dumbledore chuckled to himself, "You're a clever old wizard, Albus, if I do say so myself!"

***

Snape returned to his rooms and found Lupin already in wolf form, curled up peacefully in the middle of his bed. But he looked up, sniffing the air eagerly as Snape walked in. The wolf sat up, barking happily as he wagged his tail.

Snape sat down next to Lupin, and asked jokingly, "Is it me or the food that you're so happy to see?" Lupin barked again, and covered Snape's face with wet, wolfish kisses. "Enough, enough!" Snape laughed, pushing the wolf away from him. Lupin subsided, and Snape wiped his face on his robe, grumbling, "Ugh, wolf drool!" Lupin just grinned unrepentantly (if a wolf could be said to grin), and sniffed at the plate of food. "Hungry?" asked Snape, and the wolf seemed to nod, so he laid the plate down beside them and watched Lupin eat. The wolf quickly gulped down the turkey and sausages, but lingered over the Christmas pudding, savoring the taste. Snape smiled; apparently Lupin liked sweets in either form. When the last crumb was gone, Lupin licked his chops and settled down on the bed sleepily. Snape kicked off his shoes and sprawled out beside the wolf, who gave his face an affectionate lick. Snape stroked the wolf's fur, noting that there were silver hairs sprinkled among the brown, much as the human Lupin's hair was streaked with gray, giving his coat an unusual but attractive sheen. Snape continued to pet the wolf and scratch behind his ears as Lupin drifted off to sleep. In a strange way, he found it easier to be affectionate with the wolf, as Snape found himself murmuring sweet nothings and nonsensical endearments that he would have been too embarrassed to say to the human Lupin. Then he too fell asleep, feeling quite peaceful and at ease with the wolf's warm, furry body pressed close against his own.

***

He woke up several hours later with his human lover in his arms, smiling warmly at him. "Good morning, Severus," said Lupin. "At least, I assume it's morning. I don't know how you can keep track of time here in the dungeon."

"With a clock, of course." Snape's reply came out sounding much less sarcastic and much more affectionate than he had intended. {You've been getting soft since Lupin came back into your life,} the little voice in his head accused. {Ah well, it is Christmas, after all,} he rationalized, then promised himself, {I'll take some extra points off Gryffindor once school starts again.} His inner voice seemed satisfied with that, leaving Snape free to return Lupin's smile and say, "Merry Christmas, Lupin. Or, day after Christmas, rather."

"Merry belated Christmas, Severus," Lupin replied. "Oh, that reminds me, we haven't exchanged presents yet!"

"So who says I got you a present?" Snape grumbled, but Lupin just laughed and dragged him out of bed. Two rather pathetically small piles of presents awaited them; Lupin had few friends or family, and Snape had even less, due to his less-than-charming personality and the fact that he was still estranged from his parents. Snape did receive what he referred to as "the obligatory suck-up gifts" from the parents of some of his Slytherin students: expensive books and bottles of wine, but aside from Lupin's, the only real presents he got were a package of senbei (Japanese cookies) from Professor Kamiyama and a box of Honeyduke's fudge from Dumbledore.

"I see you still have a sweet-tooth, Severus," Lupin observed with a grin.

"Be nice, or I won't share any with you," sniffed Snape, pretending to be offended. "Besides, I wasn't the one who, ah, 'wolfed' down the Christmas pudding last night."

"Ha ha, very funny, Severus, but I'd stick to teaching if I were you," retorted Lupin, unwrapping a winter cloak from Dumbledore and a tin of cookies from Hagrid. He experimentally dropped one on the floor, and it bounced. "Er...I suppose that's an improvement over the ones that were heavy as rocks," he said dubiously.

"You can eat them if you want, but I'm sticking with the fudge," said Snape, cradling his box of candy protectively. Then he prodded the cookie with one finger, muttering to himself in a speculative tone, "But perhaps I could find a use for it as a poison ingredient..."

"Never mind," said Lupin, hastily putting away the cookies. "I'll feed them to Fang later."

"Oh good, then I can see if it really is effective as a poison..."

Lupin ignored Snape, and opened his last present. Despite his complaints, Severus had gotten him a gift after all: two sets of robes, one black and the other a smoky blue-gray that complemented the color of his eyes. "Thank you, Severus! They're beautiful," said Lupin, giving his lover a hug and a kiss.

"Yes, well, I sort of owed it to you after I ruined your other robe..." Snape mumbled as his face turned red with embarrassment.

"Yes, well, you can tear my clothes off anytime you want," Lupin whispered playfully into his ear.

"LUPIN!" Snape howled, turning even redder. "And I used to think you were such an innocent!" he said, glaring at Lupin, who was rolling on the floor with laughter.

"I was corrupted in my youth," Lupin replied, wiping tears from his eyes. "Sorry, Severus," he said contritely, once he regained control of himself. He gave Snape a peck on the cheek and handed him a small package, saying, "Merry Christmas."

Snape tore off the wrapping and opened the small box within, revealing a copper bracelet in the shape of a snake. The serpent was coiled around itself, biting its own tail to close off the circle, and had tiny garnet chips for eyes.

"To match the medallion I made for you," Lupin said, a little shyly.

"Thank you," said Snape, but he felt a little uneasy as he thought about the serpent-and-skull tattoo branded on his arm, although it was at present faded to a nearly unnoticeable blur.

Something must have shown in his eyes, because Lupin said anxiously, "If you don't like it, we can take it back to Hogsmeade and exchange it--"

"No, no, it's fine," Snape said hastily. "It's just that I hope this doesn't mean that you think of me as a snake," he laughed nervously, attempting to turn it into a joke. "I remember that's what your friends used to call me--"

Lupin just gave him a gentle smile and said, "I loved you because you were a Slytherin, not in spite of it; I never wanted to make you over into an honorary Gryffindor. In the West, the serpent is a symbol of treachery, but in Asia it's a symbol of wisdom. I told you once that I loved every part of you--your passion for knowledge and your sharp Slytherin wit--"

"Do you love this part of me?" Snape asked harshly, pulling up his sleeve to reveal the remnants of the Dark Mark. "The part that hungered to learn the Dark Arts, the part that was seduced by Voldemort?" Fear made his voice sharp; hearing Lupin use the word "love" even in the past tense sent a tremor of terror and longing through his body. Even though Lupin was sharing his bed once again, they had both carefully avoided using the word "love" up until now...

But to Snape's utter amazement, Lupin bent down and lightly kissed the Mark on his arm. As he sat there gaping like a goldfish (again; why did Lupin always have that effect on him?), Lupin said quietly, "Yes, I love even this part of you, Severus. And I love the part of you that was brave enough to admit you were wrong and turn spy for Dumbledore."

Snape continued to sit there with his mouth hanging open, while the little voice in his head gibbered, {He said "love"--present tense! He said he loves me! He loves me, he loves me, he loves me!} He coughed, clearing his throat, then licked lips that had suddenly gone dry, and managed to croak out the words, "Then I would be honored to wear this." He slipped the bracelet over his wrist with a trembling hand, then took Lupin in his arms and held him tightly. He buried his face in Lupin's soft hair, whispering, "Thank you, Remus." There was so much more he wanted to say, but that was all that would come out of his mouth at the moment...

"You're welcome, Severus," Lupin murmured as he returned the embrace. He had carefully avoided using the word "love" up until now, not wanting to scare Severus off. But at this moment, it seemed to be something Severus needed to hear, and Lupin felt relieved he had judged rightly, as his lover clung to him instead of pushing him away as Lupin feared he might. Lupin smiled at the heartfelt tenderness in that simple "Thank you, Remus," and smiled again at the memory of the endearments Severus had whispered to the wolf last night, no doubt thinking that Lupin was too sleepy to hear them, but he had. Of course he wanted to hear Severus actually say the words "I love you," but he was willing to be patient, since everything Severus did--from helping to create the Wolfsbane Potion, to buying him new robes, to staying with him through his transformation--proved that he did. There was no rush after all; they had all the time in the world...

***

Things went well for awhile, although Lupin and Snape quarreled about Potter twice in the following months. The first, and less serious argument, took place over Lupin's decision to teach Harry the Patronus Charm.

"It's too advanced for a third-year student, Lupin!"

"For an average third-year, perhaps," said Lupin. "But we both know that Harry is not your average student."

Snape snorted in disgust and rolled his eyes. "How can I forget, when it's constantly thrown in my face? Dumbledore already lets him get away with murder as it is; this will only give him an even more self-inflated opinion of himself!"

"I know you dislike the boy, Severus," Lupin said, fighting to keep his voice level. His normally boundless patience had been stretched thin by his frustration over Severus's inability to view Harry objectively, as well as by his fear that he might lose Severus over this. "But he needs to be able to defend himself, with Sirius Black on the loose."

It obviously pained Lupin to mention his traitorous friend, and Snape's expression softened slightly. "He'll be safe as long as he stays in the castle," he said in a milder tone.

"It's not just Sirius," Lupin said wearily. "I don't trust the Dementors; they've gone after him twice now, once on the train and again on the Quidditch field."

Snape had no reply to give him. He didn't entirely trust the Dementors either, so he let the subject drop. Besides, Potter probably wouldn't be able to manage the charm, anyway...

Lupin returned from his first lesson with Potter looking pale and subdued. "What's wrong?" Snape couldn't help saying in a snide tone as he looked up from his desk. "The prize student not performing up to par?"

"No, Harry did quite well for his first time," Lupin replied distractedly.

"Then what's wrong?" Snape asked, seriously this time.

Lupin looked at him with haunted eyes. "Harry told me...when the Dementors come near him--even the fake boggart-Dementor--he can hear Lily and James screaming."

"What?!"

"He can hear Voldemort killing his parents." Lupin's face twisted in agony, and Snape jumped up and wrapped his arms around him. He held Lupin all night, and gently soothed away his tears when he wept in his sleep. Although he still didn't agree with Lupin's decision to teach Potter the Patronus Charm, he said nothing more about it, and Lupin carefully avoided the subject as well, mentioning nothing about Potter's progress or lack thereof in his lessons.

And then Sirius Black entered the castle, unintentionally aided by that idiot Longbottom, who had apparently left the Gryffindor Tower passwords lying around on a piece of paper.

"It looks as though you were right," Snape said grudgingly. "I just hope he's as quick a study as you seem to think he is."

"Thank you, Severus," said Lupin, giving Snape a kiss on the cheek.

"Hmmph," Snape grunted, but all was well between them again. At least until the next incident...

***

The second argument was more serious, and started when Draco Malfoy barged into Snape's office one day screaming something about Potter and disembodied heads. After calming the boy down and getting the full story, Snape had a pretty good idea of what must have happened, and set out in search of his prey. He soon found Potter in the vicinity of the statue of the one-eyed witch where he had been lurking earlier. "So," he said, smiling triumphantly at the guilty expression on the boy's face. "Come with me," Snape ordered.

He hauled the boy back to his office, and grilled him about the "apparition" Malfoy had seen in Hogsmeade. Potter tried to play innocent, but Snape wasn't fooled. "So," he said, giving the boy his most vicious smile, the one that struck fear into the hearts of his students, even the most jaded of the seventh-years. "Everyone from the Minister for Magic downwards has been trying to keep famous Harry Potter safe from Sirius Black. But famous Harry Potter is a law unto himself. Let the ordinary people worry about his safety! Famous Harry Potter goes where he wants to, with no thought for the consequences." The boy just stared back at him, his face carefully expressionless, and suddenly Snape was furious. After all Lupin's hard work and concern for the boy, the extra lessons and the nightmares about his parents, the ungrateful brat went and risked it all on a lark! Not only that, he wasn't even man enough to admit it and take his punishment! He was just like his father, the golden boy who thought the rules didn't apply to him...

"How extraordinarily like your father you are, Potter," Snape said, his eyes glinting with malice. He went on to describe how a little success at Quidditch went to James Potter's head, adding, "Strutting around the place with his friends and admirers...the resemblance between you is uncanny."

"My dad didn't STRUT!" Potter burst out. "And nor do I."

{Aha!} Snape thought gleefully. {Struck a nerve, did I, boy?} "Your father didn't set much store by the rules, either," he said aloud. "Rules were for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup-winners. His head was so swollen--"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Potter, leaping to his feet.

"What did you say to me, Potter?" Snape asked in a dangerous tone that would have sent anyone with even a shred of self-preservation running for the door.

But apparently he had pushed Potter too far, because the boy started screaming that Dumbledore had told him his father had saved Snape's life. "You wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for my dad!"

Snape felt the blood drain out of his face. {You bastard!} he silently swore at the man who was the closest thing he had left to family. {How dare you! How dare you speak of that to anyone, let alone Potter's son! How dare you keep meddling in my life...!} "And did the Headmaster tell you the circumstances in which your father saved my life?" he asked, too overcome with hatred to raise his voice above a whisper. From the boy's expression, clearly the Headmaster had not. He relaxed just the slightest bit, and taunted Potter with his father's false heroism. "There was nothing brave about what he did," Snape snarled. "He was saving his skin as much as mine. Had their joke succeeded, he would have been expelled from Hogwarts."

Snape took a dark pleasure in the look of doubt that crossed the boy's face. Good. His father had shattered Snape's childish illusions; now he would return the favor to the son. Then he noticed how the boy kept hiding his hands in his pockets, and snapped, "Turn out your pockets, Potter!" The boy reluctantly did so, revealing a bag of Zonko's tricks and a piece of parchment. He saw how Potter's eyes remained riveted on the parchment, and the look of panic that crossed his face when Snape threatened to throw it into the fire. Interesting. Snape took out his wand and ordered the paper to reveal its secrets.

After three tries, words suddenly appeared on the blank surface of the parchment: "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business." Snape froze, as he watched taunts from his childhood enemies slowly scroll across the page, as if from beyond the grave. Potter trembled in fear, as well he should. But Snape's anger was momentarily diverted to someone else...

He grabbed a fistful of powder from a jar on the fireplace, and threw it on the flames, shouting, "Lupin! I want a word!" Lupin emerged from the fireplace, brushing ash off his robes, his usual innocent expression on his face. Snape was getting very fed up with innocent-faced Gryffindors. He shoved the parchment in his lover's face and snapped, "Well?" When Lupin's face went blank, Snape had to fight off an urge to slap him. "WELL? This parchment is plainly full of Dark Magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise. Where do you suppose Potter got such a thing?"

Lupin's gaze flickered over to Potter, giving him a look of warning, and Snape felt his blood boil. Lupin was HIS friend and lover; he wasn't supposed to be conspiring with the enemy! He wasn't supposed to be keeping secrets from Snape! {Damn it all, am I destined to come in second to a Potter my entire life?!} Snape raged silently.

"Full of Dark Magic?" Lupin asked in that pleasant tone he used whenever he thought Snape was being unreasonable. {Let's talk about this later,} his eyes seemed to plead.

Snape shot back a look that said, {We'll talk about this NOW,} and Lupin sighed, then rambled on about how it was obviously some sort of harmless prank item from a joke shop. And then Weasley rushed in, stammering some blatant lie about how he had bought the parchment from Zonko's ages ago.

"Well, that seems to clear that up!" Lupin said in a tone of false cheer. He plucked the parchment out of Snape's hand, saying, "Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" and quickly hustled the two boys out of Snape's office. As he left, he said in a low voice, "We'll discuss this later, Severus."

"Oh, indeed we shall, Lupin," Snape said in a tone of quiet menace, but the office door had already swung shut behind Lupin and the boys.

***

Some time later, Snape heard a knock at the door of his personal quarters, a quiet, almost timid sound, as if the person behind the door wasn't sure of his welcome. "Come in, Lupin," Snape called in a disgruntled tone. He got up from his armchair and set aside the book he had been reading--or attempting to read, anyway; he found himself scanning the same page over and over with no recollection of what the words said.

Lupin just stood there, looking like a chastened schoolboy. "Severus--"

"You made me look like a fool!" Snape interrupted. "You deliberately lied to cover up for Potter!"

"Yes, but--"

"How could you give him that thing! Are you TRYING to get the boy killed?!"

"Severus!" exclaimed Lupin, sounding outraged. "Of course I didn't give it to him! How could you think I'd do such a thing?"

"Maybe 'Mr. Moony' wanted to share his secrets with his best friend's son," Snape replied in a caustic voice. "Where else would he have gotten it from?"

"Filch confiscated that map years ago," Lupin protested. "Obviously Harry or one of his friends somehow found it in his office."

"Which brings us back to the question, how could you let Potter get away with it? This is not a question of some schoolboy lark, Lupin! There are Dementors out there! Your old friend Sirius Black is out there! Aren't our positions being reversed here? Potter is your friend's son--shouldn't you be the one worrying about his safety, not me?!"

Lupin bowed his head and said meekly, "You're right, Severus."

"How could you--" Snape suddenly stopped his rant, disarmed by Lupin's reply. "Er...what did you say?"

Lupin looked up, his blue eyes solemn and remorseful. "I said you're right, Severus. I'm sorry."

Snape opened and closed his mouth, but nothing came out of it.

"I never thought Harry would do such a foolish thing," Lupin continued, "after what he told me about the Dementors. But the young always think they're immortal, and he is James's son, after all..."

Snape snorted, but somehow he wasn't as angry as he had been a minute ago. "Oh yes, very much his father's son. So he gets off scot-free?"

Lupin sighed wearily. "I know I shouldn't have intervened. But I felt this urge to protect him, I suppose. After all, I wasn't there to protect him when he was a baby, nor when he was growing up..."

"I'm not Voldemort," Snape said, feeling rather miffed. "You don't have to protect him from ME! Believe it or not, I am trying to keep the boy from getting himself killed, which is no easy task when he seems to court danger at every turn!"

Lupin smiled, and reached up to caress Snape's cheek affectionately. "I know that, Severus." But Snape pulled away, not quite ready to forgive him yet. "Yes, I should have let you give Harry detention, or whatever punishment you had in mind," Lupin admitted. "But you should know by now that such things are no deterrent to a mischievous boy. It certainly never stopped his father, or you and I, for that matter, from getting into trouble!"

Snape just crossed his arms and glared at Lupin. "That's beside the point. Are we just going to let little Harry Potter run down to Hogsmeade whenever he feels like it?"

"No, I've confiscated the map, and had a very serious talk with Harry." Snape raised an eyebrow, unconvinced, and Lupin continued, "I reminded him that his parents sacrificed their lives to save his, and told him it was a poor way to repay them by throwing that sacrifice away for a bag of magic tricks."

That quiet tone of disapproval, the look of disappointment and hurt in those blue eyes--Snape knew well how devastating they could be, although it had never occurred to him before that Lupin might be using them as a weapon on purpose. That was food for thought, but in any case, Potter must be feeling lower than a worm right about now. "Good," he muttered aloud. "I really hate that passive-aggressive thing you do; I only hope Potter finds it just as annoying."

Lupin smiled and fluttered his eyelashes. "Why Severus," he said innocently, "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't play dumb with me," Snape warned. "I'm still angry with you--Moony." He clenched his fists; it was ridiculous how much those childish taunts still stung after all these years. "But I suppose I should keep my 'abnormally large nose' out of your business!"

Lupin sighed. "Are you still mad about that? The map was enchanted to insult anyone who didn't give it the proper command."

"It didn't think I was just 'anyone'! Those were not just random insults."

Lupin sighed again. "No, I suspect Sirius must have programmed that response into the map, just on the off-chance that you might find it. It was just a childish prank, Severus, created long ago by a few mischievous boys who were much too full of themselves. You know that's not how I think of you now; I never did, even then." Snape still looked sullen and unforgiving. "You are so stubborn, Severus Snape," Lupin sighed.

"Quit sighing at me, Lupin!" Snape growled irritably.

"I told you before, Severus, I love your nose," Lupin said, and kissed the tip of it to prove his point. "And your hair..." He nuzzled Snape's shiny black hair. "And your lips..." He kissed Snape's lips, feeling them reluctantly relax and part beneath his own. When he finally broke off the kiss, he pressed his lips against Snape's ear, whispering, "I love every part of you," as he pressed close against Snape, slipping his hands inside the other man's robe. Snape gasped, and Lupin asked slyly, "So do you forgive me now?"

"Are you trying to bribe me with sex, Lupin?" Snape asked, trying for an tone of indignation, but failing miserably when Lupin's hands deftly unbuttoned his shirt and encountered bare skin. He gasped again.

"Why yes, Severus, I believe I am," Lupin replied, his blue eyes sparkling with mirth. "Is it working?"

In response, Snape covered Lupin's mouth with his own and pulled him into the bedroom.

***

Much later, Lupin stretched out languidly in the bed, tilting his head back to expose his throat. By now, Snape knew better than to think it was an accident or coincidence; it was an act of contrition and submission by the wolf. He bit down, harder than usual, on the soft flesh of Lupin's throat, and his lover let out a little moan of mingled pleasure and pain. Lupin had taken to wearing high-collared shirts to hide the bruises on his neck; the last thing they needed was for the staff--and Dumbledore in particular--to speculate on where those hickeys had come from. And Snape had been a little embarrassed about behaving like an oversexed teenager--except it was more than just youthful lust that motivated him. For one crazy moment, he found himself wishing that Lupin wouldn't hide those bruises; he wanted everyone to know that Lupin belonged to him--his mate, his property... {Mine!} he thought possessively, and the sarcastic voice in his head asked incredulously, {Just which one of you is the werewolf, exactly?}

Sanity returned then, and he felt ashamed of his base desires, but that didn't make them go away. He trailed his hand down Lupin's body, watching him shudder with pleasure. He was pleased with the response his touch evoked in his lover, but it still didn't completely satisfy him. The wolf gladly--joyfully, even--submitted to him in bed, but the man still defied him in their professional lives, over Potter. "Would you really choose Potter over me?" he whispered.

Snape wasn't aware that he had spoken aloud until Lupin gave him an alarmed look and said, "Severus! What are you talking about?"

He felt ashamed that he had exposed his weakness to Lupin, but it was too late to back down now. He scowled to cover his confusion, and snapped, "You were willing to risk this--risk us--over that boy?!"

Lupin began to look just the slightest bit annoyed, and Snape felt a perverse sense of triumph at being able to shake his calm. "I thought we had already settled this, Severus! I wasn't aware I was risking anything--"

"Liar," interjected Snape. {I saw the fear in your eyes, back in my office. You were afraid of losing me, but you risked it anyway, to get the brat out of trouble.}

By the way Lupin averted his eyes, Snape could tell his remark had hit home. Then Lupin looked up and said quietly, "Would you really have thrown away everything we have together just because, in a moment of weakness, I bent the rules to help my best friend's son?"

Then suddenly it was Snape who was unable to meet his lover's eyes. "You make me sound so petty," he mumbled.

Lupin placed a hand on Snape's cheek, gently turning his face till their eyes met. "Are you jealous of Harry, Severus?" he asked, a sympathetic look in his blue eyes.

"Of course not!" Snape snapped, jerking away from Lupin.

"He's thirteen years old, Severus; he's no threat to you--"

"For God's sake, Lupin! You have your faults, but no one's accusing you of being a child molester!"

"Then what is your problem with Harry?" asked Lupin calmly. "And why are you so angry with me?"

Snape dropped his gaze and muttered lamely, "I just don't like being made a fool of, that's all. And I hate the way he flouts the rules, just like his father."

Lupin smiled sadly. "I don't think it's really so much Harry that you hate, but James. I never understood why you two hated each other so much."

{Because he stole from me everything I ever wanted, including you,} Snape replied silently, but of course he could not say that out loud.

Lupin kissed him on the cheek. "I love Harry, because he is the son of one of my dearest friends. I love him as I would love a nephew if I had one, but that's all."

{But I don't want you to love him at all,} Snape thought miserably. {I want you to love only me!} It was a selfish, petty thought, and Snape knew it, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

***

"I love you, Severus," Lupin whispered. But Snape still stared back at him silently with those wary, wounded black eyes. Not knowing what else to do, Lupin put his arms around Snape, drawing him closer, and whispered urgently, "Make love to me." Snape hesitated for a moment, then obeyed with considerable haste and need. Lupin surrendered himself completely to his lover's touch, knowing how much Severus craved--no, needed--for Lupin to relinquish control to him. He didn't completely understand why, although he suspected it had something to do with Severus's childhood and the years he spent among the Death Eaters. But it didn't really matter; if this was what Severus needed, then Lupin would gladly oblige. {I was never much of an alpha wolf, anyway,} he thought with a touch of amusement. {I was always content to follow the pack...} Then he let go of his ruminations and gave himself over to desire, trying to convince Severus with his body of what words could not--that he loved his beaky-nosed, sarcastic, brooding Slytherin lover with all his heart...

***

Snape tried to drown himself in his lover's embrace. Each helpless moan and cry of pleasure, not to mention the undeniable response of Lupin's body, reassured Snape of Lupin's desire for him. {But lust is not the same thing as love,} whispered the voice in his head. {Shut up!} he ordered it. Then Lupin frantically called out his name, and Snape forgot about the voice, caught up in the heat of the moment and the needs of his body...

Afterwards, Snape felt somewhat pacified by the feeling of languor spreading through his body, as well as by Lupin's sweet, trusting smile as he drifted off to sleep in Snape's arms. He could afford to be magnanimous, he decided. After all, Potter was only a child, no true rival for Lupin's affections. And all his other rivals had been eliminated: James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were dead, and Sirius Black was destined for the tender embrace of a Dementor--providing Snape didn't find him first. Nothing would give him greater pleasure than killing Black--in self-defense, of course. Snape smiled--in a way that would have frightened Lupin had he been awake to see it--and tenderly kissed his sleeping lover. Once Black was gone, there would be no one left to come between him and Lupin; he supposed he could put up with Lupin's avuncular interest in the Potter brat...

***

To Lupin's relief, Snape didn't mention the parchment or the Hogsmeade incident again; apparently he had decided to forgive Lupin. He seemed much more relaxed, and the tension in their relationship over Harry seemed to have disappeared, at least for the moment. He went out of his way to be affectionate and solicitous, in that slightly sarcastic way of his. He even went so far as to surprise Lupin on Easter morning with a basket filled with chocolate eggs and bunnies. Lupin laughed with delight, touched that his prickly Slytherin lover would do something so silly just to please him. Of course, it was not an entirely selfless gift, as Snape ate half of the candy himself, and reminded Lupin (in that low, husky voice that Lupin found so sexy) that chocolate was an aphrodisiac. And since it was a holiday, they were able to spend the entire day in bed testing the veracity of that statement, coming to the conclusion that--for the two of them at least--it was true.

The only thing marring Lupin's happiness was the fact that Sirius Black was still at large. Not only did he have to worry about Harry's and the other students' safety, the memory of his old friend's treachery still saddened and troubled him. He was still not quite sure how Sirius had fallen under Voldemort's spell; true, Sirius had been proud and arrogant, weaknesses that Voldemort could easily have exploited. But he had hated the Death Eaters so passionately; how had he ever gotten close enough to Voldemort to be seduced?

"Severus," Lupin said hesitantly. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," replied Snape with a smile. He was in a remarkably good mood, perhaps because several of his students--including Harry--had done poorly on the Potions exam. While he was a good teacher, he did take a rather sadistic pleasure in tormenting his students.

{But I love all of him, even that part of him,} Lupin reminded himself. Still, he wished Severus would be--if not kinder--at least more objective regarding Harry.

"Well, what is it?" Snape asked.

Lupin hesitated again. His question might make Severus angry, but he had to know... "Did you know, back then, that Sirius was a Death Eater?"

Snape frowned. "No, I didn't know; I was as surprised as everyone else when I heard he had betrayed the Potters. What brought all this on?"

"I'm sorry to stir up unpleasant memories," Lupin said anxiously, but Snape seemed more thoughtful than angry. "I just...I was wondering...I don't understand how Sirius could have turned to Voldemort. I just thought you might be able to give me some insight...but never mind. I shouldn't have brought it up."

"It's not as if he was a saint," Snape said sharply. "If you'll recall, he did try to kill me when we were teenagers."

"I know," said Lupin hoarsely, turning pale at the memory. "I believed--I still hope--that he didn't intend to kill you, that it really was just a stupid prank that got out of hand." Snape snorted derisively. "But he was never really sorry that he had risked your life; he never quite understood that what he had done was wrong. And that I could not forgive. And more, it scared me, that he could be so callous. That was why, when I heard what he had done to James and Lily and Peter, that I could believe it--just barely. But still...he hated you so much, Severus. I still find it hard to believe that he could serve the same master--" Snape flinched, and Lupin hastened to add, "I mean, the man he believed was your master. I know Voldemort wasn't really your master, that you were working as a spy for Dumbledore..."

"The old man told you that, I suppose?" Snape asked wearily, and Lupin nodded. "Meddling old wizard," Snape muttered. Then he sighed and said, "I don't have any answers for you, Remus. I don't know why Black joined the Death Eaters; I never saw him at any of the meetings or ceremonies. To be honest, I expected him to take the opposite route and become an Auror, the type who killed on suspicion alone, with no trial or questions asked. They took pleasure in those kills; I saw it in their eyes. There was very little difference between them and the Death Eaters they were hunting...I could picture Black becoming corrupted that way. It's a very small step from vigilante to murderer... I never heard of Voldemort turning an Auror over to our...er...his side, but I suppose it's possible." Snape smiled bitterly. "He's very good at twisting men's souls. And Black was so arrogant and stupid--I wouldn't be surprised if he thought he could take on Voldemort all by himself..."

With horror, Lupin could finally picture a logical scenario in which Sirius succumbed to Voldemort. "Yes, that would be the sort of foolish, heroic thing he might try...he would not be afraid of dying, but--"

"But there are worse fates than death," Snape finished. "As you and I know." They looked into each other's eyes, and found a certain understanding there; each man had been branded a monster by society: one by the bad luck to have inherited a recessive gene, a family curse, and the other by the foolish choices he had made as a boy. No matter how they redeemed themselves, most of the world would never view them with anything but contempt. Lupin silently reached out and placed his hand over Snape's. Snape shifted his hand slightly so their fingers interlaced, gave Lupin's hand a brief squeeze, then continued, "Voldemort could easily have crushed his mind and twisted his hatred to suit his own purposes. That's the sort of thing that would have given Voldemort great pleasure, corrupting a champion from the other side..." Lupin shuddered, and Snape added, "But of course this is all speculation."

"But it's the only explanation that makes sense," said Lupin, gripping Snape's hand tighter.

"It will all be over soon," Snape said, trying to sound more certain of that than he felt. "He can't evade the Ministry and the Dementors forever."

"Forgive me if I feel less than confident in Cornelius Fudge's abilities," said Lupin dryly, and Snape nodded in reluctant agreement. "And the Dementors are as much a threat to the children as Sirius is."

Snape sighed, and said, more to himself than to Lupin, "I wish Branwen Blackmore was still here." She had been one of the most formidable sorceresses he had ever met, and he would have felt much more confident if she had been here to help protect the students; she could easily have wiped the floor with Black...

"Professor Blackmore?" Lupin asked, startled. Then he smiled and said, "She certainly was intimidating! But it's thanks to her that we're together..."

"Yes, and I repaid her very poorly for that favor," Snape said guiltily.

"It's not your fault, Severus," Lupin said gently. "She was an Auror; she knew the risk she was taking. And Voldemort would have gone after her whether you joined him or not."

"Yes, but if I hadn't joined the Death Eaters, it wouldn't be my responsibility--"

"You helped save lives, Severus," Lupin said firmly. "In my book, that counts for more than the ones who remained neutral and stood by and watched while other people died."

"Like my parents," muttered Snape.

Attempting to steer the conversation in a less morbid direction, Lupin asked, "I was wondering...why isn't Incantations and Summonings on the curriculum anymore? I know Blackmore had no equal in that field, but surely Albus could have found someone capable of teaching that class?"

Snape smiled bitterly. "That's not the problem; you or I could have taught the class, if it came to that. The school governors decided to eliminate it from the curriculum after the war ended. It smacked too much of the Dark Arts, or so they said."

"But that's not true! I mean, yes, one can use a summoning to command a creature of the dark, but the same power can be used to summon an ally--"

"You don't have to convince me, Lupin," Snape interrupted. "I argued against it, but as you can imagine, my opinion didn't count for much at the time. I think it was the rumors of Blackmore's demon blood--"

"A child's fairy tale!" snorted Lupin.

"Yes, yes, we older Slytherins used to give the first-years nightmares by telling them tales of how Blackmore would drink their blood and steal their souls if they didn't behave in class. And of how Bane was her demon familiar. But it was more than just those silly rumors; it was also the manner in which she died that frightened the governors. They never found her body, or Bane's, you know. Just blood and feathers, and the bodies of three Death Eaters ripped to shreds. They think, in desperation, that she might have summoned a demon, and that after it killed the Death Eaters, it seized her and took her back to...wherever it came from."

Lupin went pale. "Surely not...!"

"I don't believe it myself, but the absence of a body is rather inexplicable...and if she is alive, why hasn't she returned by now? But in any case, my belief or disbelief doesn't enter into it. The governors have decreed that our innocent little students will not be corrupted by Summonings spells, and their decision is final."

Lupin shivered, and moved next to Snape, laying his head on his lover's shoulder, feeling the need to comfort and be comforted. "It's hard, sometimes, being the 'good guys' and having to play by the rules," he said.

"I know," replied Snape solemnly, slipping his arm around Lupin. "Why else do you think so many of us found Voldemort so seductive?"

And for that, Lupin had no reply.

***

Sitting in his office, Lupin reached into his desk drawer and pulled out the Marauder's Map. It was almost time for him to go to Severus for his Wolfsbane Potion, but he told himself he wanted to check up on Harry and his friends; it was the day of Buckbeak's execution, and they were bound to sneak out of the castle to visit Hagrid. At least, that was the excuse he gave himself, but the truth was he was motivated more by nostalgia. He touched the map, feeling connected once more to his childhood friends. He was happy now, with his job and with Severus, but he felt a pang of longing for those carefree days, when Lily and James and Peter were still alive, when Sirius had not yet turned traitor...when he and Severus were building a tentative friendship, their dreams not yet shattered by Sirius's selfish prank...

Then he gasped as he watched the dots moving on the map. There were the dots representing the three children...but there were also two more that should not be there: Sirius Black and...PETER PETTIGREW?! Lupin jumped up and ran out of his office. In his haste, he left the map lying on his desk and completely forgot about taking his potion...

Part 6