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FIC: Phoenix Reborn, Part 8 of 8
Title: Phoenix Reborn, Part 8 of 8
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Word count: ~10,370
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Warning: AU; no character death at the end of the story.
Author's note: {} Indicates character's unspoken thoughts
Sequel to: Always, Summer Vacation, For Old Time's Sake, Three's a Crowd, Return of the Raven
Summary: The battle at the Ministry ensues, and when Sirius is mortally wounded, Snape makes a surprising decision.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
***
Harry watched his last hope walk out the door. But Hermione, of all people, lied to Umbridge, inventing a crazy story about building a weapon for Dumbledore and lured her into the Forbidden Forest where they were able to escape and set off in search of Sirius...
***
The first thing Snape did was go to his quarters and contact Black through his mirror. "Black!" he shouted. "Black, answer me! BLACK!"
Sirius Black's face appeared in the mirror, looking puzzled and a little annoyed. "You don't have to shout, Snape," he said. "What's so urgent?" Then Black began to look a little worried. "Is Harry all right?"
"Are YOU all right? Where are you?"
Black frowned. "Where do you think I am? At Grimmauld Place, of course, in my little 'hidey-hole,' as you like to refer to it. And since when are you so concerned about my well-being?"
"Since Potter seems to think that the Dark Lord is holding you in the Department of Mysteries."
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Black, and then the anxious faces of Branwen and Lupin crowded into the mirror.
"Severus," Lupin said, his blue eyes filled with concern, "is Harry having more visions?"
"Apparently," Snape replied. "I couldn't really question him about it, because Umbridge caught him in her office..." Snape quickly explained what had happened. "He must have been trying to reach Black through the fire...idiot boy, he should have just come to me in the first place--"
Branwen was frowning. "Voldemort must be using the bond between them to try and trick Harry. The Occlumency lessons haven't been helping, then?"
Snape's face flushed red, and Black must have read correctly the look of guilt in his eyes because he shouted, "You bastard! You haven't been teaching Harry, have you?!"
"Severus!" Lupin exclaimed, looking shocked. "You didn't continue the lessons? But you promised..."
The look of bewilderment and disappointment in Lupin's eyes made Snape feel far worse than any insult Black could have screamed at him. "He never came back to my office," Snape mumbled. "He never showed up for his lessons..."
"You slimy son-of-a-bitch!" screamed Sirius. "You've been teaching your Death Eater friend's son, but you can't be bothered to teach Harry when his life depends on it--"
"We don't have time for this now," Branwen interrupted. "But I'm very disappointed in you, Mr. Snape."
Snape hung his head in shame. His old teacher was one of the few people whose opinion mattered to him, whose approval he had craved as a child...to see the looks of disappointment and betrayal on her face and Lupin's made Snape wish he could sink right through the floor and disappear. "I'm sorry, Professor," he whispered.
"We'll deal with apologies and recriminations later," Branwen said, as Black glared at Snape through the mirror. "Right now you have to go to Harry and tell him Sirius is all right before he does something foolish."
"Yes, Professor," Snape said meekly. "I suppose it's a good thing Umbridge caught him; at least while he's locked up in her office, he can't go running off to the Ministry of Magic."
"Report back to us at once after you speak to Harry," Branwen ordered, then broke off contact as Black shouted, "If anything happens to Harry, I'll--"
Snape filled an empty potion bottle with water and shoved it in his pocket before he left; he'd need an excuse to go back to Umbridge's office, so he'd tell her that he had managed to "find" another bottle of Veritaserum. He was halfway there when he literally ran into Draco Malfoy.
"Professor!" Malfoy gasped, panting and out of breath. Snape stared in shock at the boy: his face was covered with flapping bat wings. "Potter and Granger--they tricked the Headmistress into going to the Forbidden Forest with them--some crazy story about building a weapon for Dumbledore! And then the others--Longbottom, the Weasleys, and that crazy Luna Lovegood--they attacked us--hexed me--and went after them!"
"You idiots!" Snape raged. "You let a few Gryffindors overpower you? Including Longbottom, that incompetent little--" Snape broke off his tirade; he didn't have time for this. "Oh, never mind! Get yourself to the hospital wing, I'll deal with this!"
Cursing under his breath, Snape ran back to his quarters. {Stupid boy!} he thought. {Didn't he realize I got his message?} The first thing he did was to try and reach Dumbledore, but as the Headmaster was still in hiding, he was unable to contact him directly, but he did have the means to send and leave a message, which he did, asking Dumbledore to go directly to Phoenix headquarters and contact him. Next, he used the mirror to contact Black and the others, dreading the confrontation that was sure to follow...
"Damn you, Snape, this is all your fault!" Black shouted.
"Laying blame won't help now," Branwen said impatiently. "We've got to stop them before they reach Voldemort!"
"You'll need more than yourself and Lupin to take on the Dark Lord," Snape warned. "And he's bound to have at least some of his Death Eaters with him."
"Alastor, Kingsley, and Tonks are here right now," Branwen said.
Tonks's spiky-haired visage appeared in the mirror and waved at Snape. "Don't worry, Severus," she said cheerfully, "we'll bring Harry back home safe and sound!"
"I'm going with you," Black announced.
"You're not to leave the house," Branwen said, turning back into Professor Blackmore and giving him her most intimidating glare.
"I'm not going to sit around and twiddle my thumbs while my godson is in danger!" Black said hotly, for once not cowed by his former teacher's gaze.
"The Headmaster will be there any minute," Snape protested. "Someone has to stay behind and tell him what's going on!"
"I'll leave a message with Kreacher," Sirius said, brushing off Snape's objection.
"Damn it, Black, don't be so self-centered--"
"Don't you dare lecture me, Snape!" Black shouted. "This is all your fault, you know!"
"We don't have time for this!" Mad-Eye Moody snapped.
"Sirius, you WILL stay behind," Branwen said, using her most strident, no-nonsense professorial voice and glare.
"I will not!" Black retorted. "Do you think I care about being captured when Harry's in trouble? And who knows how many Death Eaters Voldemort's got with him--you'll need every available man!" He glanced at Branwen and Tonks and added, "Or woman, of course." Branwen opened her mouth to object, and Black said in an obstinate voice, "You'll have to tie me up and knock me unconscious to stop me!" Branwen looked tempted to do exactly that, and Black hastily added, "And as soon as I wake up, I'll free myself and follow you!"
"Oh, very well," Branwen sighed. "We don't have time to argue. We'll set off for the Ministry at once. Severus, please stay by the mirror and wait for word from the Headmaster."
Snape paced back and forth in his quarters, cursing both Black and himself, until finally Dumbledore contacted him through the mirror. "Headmaster!"
"Severus," said Dumbledore, his voice heavy; Snape could see the living room of the Grimmauld Place house in the background behind him. "It was a trap; I have just finished questioning Kreacher--he has been reporting to Narcissa Malfoy--"
"What?" exclaimed Snape. "How--"
"I don't have time to explain, Severus," Dumbledore interrupted. "They are all in great danger; I am going after them."
"What should I do, Headmaster?"
"Go to my office and wait for me there. If I'm able, I'll send the children to safety there. I'll contact you as soon as I can."
***
Harry and his friends got to the Department of Mysteries, and found that it was indeed a trap after all; there were a dozen Death Eaters lying in wait for them. One of them had a pair of intense gray eyes peering through the slits of his hood that seemed oddly familiar. He knew that Draco and his father had gray eyes, and thought perhaps it was Lucius Malfoy, except that another black-robed figure said, "To me, Potter," in Lucius Malfoy's voice. And then Harry was too busy trying to escape to worry about who the other Death Eater was...
Harry and his friends fled with the prophecy sphere, but were eventually cornered near the dais where the strange stone archway stood. The Death Eaters caught Neville and threatened to kill him. Harry was just about to hand over the prophecy to save him, when Sirius and several of the other Order members appeared out of nowhere; they began fighting the Death Eaters, and Sirius shouted at Harry to run. Harry was trying to flee with Neville when he dropped the sphere and it shattered. He was horrified, but was too busy trying to save himself and Neville to worry about what the loss of the sphere might mean. And then, to his great relief, Dumbledore appeared as well--they were saved!
Meanwhile, Sirius and Bellatrix Lestrange were dueling; Sirius ducked the jet of red light that shot from her wand. He laughed and taunted, "Come on, you can do better than that!"
The second jet of light hit him squarely in the chest.
"SIRIUS!" screamed Harry. He saw a look of mingled fear and surprise on his godfather's wasted, once-handsome face as he tumbled backwards towards the ragged veil hanging from the arch on the dais.
Blackmore, who was closest to him, lunged forward and grabbed his arm. They both nearly fell through the veil, but apparently she was much stronger than she looked, because she was able to haul him back to safety even though Sirius was several inches taller and a good many pounds heavier than her. He collapsed on top of her, and they both fell to the floor of the dais. Bellatrix raised her wand, but Bane had launched himself into the air and was diving at her, clawing at her eyes; he missed, but spoiled her aim. She aimed her next attack at him, but the raven easily evaded it, cawing at her mockingly.
Kingsley Shacklebolt ran forward to continue the duel with Bellatrix, and Lupin and Harry rushed towards Sirius and Blackmore. "Is he all right?" shouted Harry.
Blackmore had rolled Sirius onto his back. He was unconscious, and there was a huge, raw wound on his chest that was charred around the edges; the front of his robes had been burned away. "It's not good," said Blackmore gravely. "He took a direct hit."
"But he won't die, right?" Harry asked desperately. "He can't die!" But he saw the fear and grief in Lupin's eyes, and the sympathy in Blackmore's normally cold green eyes as she turned to look at him. Behind him, he heard Kingsley cry out in pain, and turned to see Bellatrix running away as Kingsley fell to the ground. Harry ran after her.
"Harry--no!" Lupin shouted, reaching out to grab Harry, but he was too late.
"I'LL KILL HER! SHE HURT SIRIUS--I'LL KILL HER!"
He battled with Bellatrix, laughing at her panic when he told her the prophecy was smashed. Then Voldemort appeared, and Dumbledore battled him. Voldemort fled, possessing Harry briefly before he left. His scar and his head exploded with pain, but he didn't care, all he cared about was Sirius... He was still feeling dazed and shaken when Dumbledore handed Harry a Portkey and told him to return to Hogwarts with Lupin, Blackmore, and Sirius.
***
Harry's feet hit solid ground again; his knees buckled a little and the Portkey, the golden wizard's head, fell to the floor with a resounding "clunk." They had arrived in the Headmaster's office. Snape was sitting behind the Headmaster's desk, but jumped to his feet when he saw them. "Lupin, Branwen--what happened?!"
At any other time, the sight of Snape sitting in the Headmaster's place would have filled Harry with anger, but right now all he cared about was Sirius, and he would accept help from anyone, even Professor Snape. "Sirius is hurt!" sobbed Harry. "We have to get him to Madam Pomfrey!"
Lupin and Blackmore eased Sirius down onto the floor. "I'm afraid it's too late," Blackmore said softly. "He's slipping away. He'll be gone before we get him that far. No one can survive a direct hit from such a spell; I'm amazed he's lasted this long." From his perch on her shoulder, Bane cawed mournfully.
Lupin choked back a sob, and Harry screamed, "No! He won't die--he can't die!" He grabbed Sirius by the shoulders and started shaking him. "Come on, Sirius, wake up! Please, Sirius, please don't die...somebody do something!"
A hand closed around his shoulder and roughly pulled him back from Sirius's unresponsive form. "Out of the way, boy," Snape said curtly. His black eyes were glittering strangely, and he held a silver letter opener--one that had been lying on Dumbledore's desk earlier--in one hand. Before Harry could protest, Snape crouched down beside Sirius, pulled up the sleeve of his left arm, and slashed the letter opener down across his arm, just below a copper serpent-shaped bracelet on his wrist. Then he dropped the letter opener and pulled his wand out of his robes with his right hand. He lifted the wand and said, "Sanguis--"
"NO!" screamed Lupin, lunging at Snape and grabbing his right arm, disrupting the spell. "Don't do it, Severus, I won't lose you, too!"
"What's going on?" Harry asked frantically, turning to Blackmore, who was staring intently at the struggling pair, her green eyes narrowed.
"Severus is attempting to cast a very ancient spell--Sanguis Sanatio, or Blood Healing," she said in a calm, didactic tone, as if she were teaching in a classroom instead of watching a comrade die. "It is a type of blood magic where the caster can transfer the life force of one person to another. It is prohibited by the Ministry of Magic as a form of the Dark Arts because normally the donor is an unwilling victim. However, the caster can attempt to transfer his own life force to another, but it is extremely dangerous, particularly when the recipient is as close to death as Sirius is. It makes the bond between the two very difficult to break, and the caster might find himself unable to end the spell before all his life force is sucked out of him. If that happens, the recipient will live, but the caster will die."
Harry's jaw dropped open. Snape was willing to risk his live to save Sirius?! But he hated Sirius--why was he doing this? And why was Lupin trying to stop him? Yes, Lupin was kind to everyone, even Snape, but Sirius was his best friend, and if Snape was willing to take the risk...
Snape saw the look on Harry's face and snarled, "I'm not doing it for you, Potter! Nor for him!" He jerked his head in Sirius's direction. Then he looked directly into Lupin's blue eyes and said quietly, "I'm doing it for you."
Harry sat down hard on the floor, the shock of that statement hitting him like a physical blow. {Why would he do that for Lupin? He hates Lupin, doesn't he...?}
Then Lupin shocked him even further by screaming, "I don't want you to!" There were tears streaming down his face as he continued to struggle with Snape, trying to wrench the wand out of his hand.
"Not even to save Black?" Snape whispered.
"No!" sobbed Lupin. "I can't lose you, not again..."
An oddly triumphant smile spread across Snape's face, and his black eyes were shining. He looked as if someone had just told him that Slytherin had won the House Cup, that he had been given the DADA position, and that Harry had just been expelled--all his fondest wishes granted at once. "Then I will do it," he said softly, "for you." Lupin started screaming again, and Snape called out irritably, "Branwen, get him off of me before I bleed to death without even finishing the spell!"
Once again, Harry thought that Blackmore must be stronger than she looked, because she was able to haul Lupin off of Snape without too much effort. "Are you sure about this, Severus?" she asked.
"Yes," he said calmly.
"NO!" Lupin was screaming, but Blackmore had her arms locked firmly around him. "Branwen, you've got to stop him, don't let him do it--" he pleaded as he struggled to break free of her grasp.
"You once told me not to stop you from making your own decisions," Snape said. "So don't interfere with mine."
Harry wished he would stop talking and just get on with it before Sirius died, then felt ashamed of himself. Was it wrong of him not to care if Snape died as long as it would save Sirius? But Snape had volunteered, though Harry still didn't understand why...
Snape lifted his wand and shouted, "SANGUIS SANATIO!" and held his bleeding arm over Sirius's face, allowing the blood to drip into his mouth. Though Sirius was still unconscious, he made a choking, gurgling sound, then swallowed. The blood began to flow faster, gushing out of the shallow cut at an abnormally fast rate. Sirius continued to swallow, although his eyes remained closed and his body remained still. Color began fill Sirius's pale face again, while Snape gradually turned whiter. The wand fell from his hand to the floor with a clatter, and Snape slumped across Sirius's body. His arm dropped, but landed on Sirius's mouth, and Sirius sucked at the wound greedily, swallowing convulsively, and Harry shuddered. His godfather looked like a vampire; he could understand why the Ministry had made the spell forbidden.
Sirius's body began to twitch, and Lupin shouted, "ENOUGH! HE'S HEALED, ALREADY! BRANWEN, STOP HIM--" Blackmore let go of Lupin, and they both pulled Snape away from Sirius, but Sirius's mouth remained locked onto Snape's arm.
Blackmore slapped Snape's face--once, twice, three times--until his eyes fluttered open and he looked around groggily. "You have to end the spell, Severus!" she said urgently. "Get his wand, Remus!" Lupin pressed the wand into Snape's hand. "Hurry, Severus!" Blackmore cried. "I don't want to lose any more of my students!" Were those tears glistening in her green eyes...?
Snape feebly lifted the wand and croaked, "Fi...Finite Incantatum." The words were barely audible, but apparently that was enough, for his arm fell free of Sirius's mouth.
Blackmore hovered over Snape anxiously for a moment; his skin looked pale and waxy--even more unhealthy than usual, but he was breathing shallowly, and the sorceress smiled. "He'll be all right," she said, sounding relieved. She smoothed his greasy hair back from his face in a gesture that was almost motherly--Harry had seen Mrs. Weasley do the same thing to Ron and his siblings many times--and tenderly kissed him on the forehead. "You did well, child," she said softly. "I'm so proud of you." Despite his concern for Sirius, Harry couldn't help but stare at her for a moment. He knew Blackmore had taught Snape, Lupin, and Sirius when they were students at Hogwarts, but she had not aged, and it was very strange to see her caressing a man who looked older than her in a motherly fashion while calling him "child." She seemed to sense his thoughts, and flashed a quick smile at Harry, then turned back to Snape and said, "Or rather, I'm so proud of the man you have become, Severus." Snape smiled faintly, and then Lupin threw himself across Snape's chest, sobbing hysterically. Blackmore patted him on the shoulder and said reassuringly, "He'll be fine, Remus." Then she said, "Come, Harry, let's see to Sirius."
She didn't need to tell him twice; he ran over and knelt at his godfather's side. "Sirius?" he called anxiously. Sirius twitched again, then his eyelids flew open and he made a choking sound. He sat up and spat out a mouthful of blood. "Ugh, what's this awful taste in my mouth?" he asked. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve, then stared at the blood that came off on it. "Wha--what happened?" he stammered, patting himself on his now-healed chest, as if searching for wounds. "The last thing I remember, Bellatrix hit me with a spell--"
"You almost died, Sirius!" Harry exclaimed, his words tumbling out of his mouth in a rush. "But Dumbledore came and fought off Voldemort and gave us a Portkey back here and Professor Snape saved your life--"
"WHAT!?"
"It's true, Sirius," Blackmore said, trying to sound stern, but looking as if she wanted to laugh. "Severus used a Sanguis Sanatio spell to heal you--"
"WHAT!?"
"--So you ought to thank him."
Sirius looked over incredulously, to where Snape was lying a few feet away from him. Lupin was still lying across his chest, sobbing quietly, while Snape patted him on the back awkwardly, looking embarrassed but pleased. His left arm was still covered with blood, but the wound had begun to close and scab over, forming an angry red line just below his wrist. "B--b--but," Sirius stuttered. He started to say something, but seemed to change his mind and said instead, "That spell is forbidden!"
"Mr. Black!" Blackmore said indignantly, sounding like the schoolteacher she used to be; Harry half expected her to give Sirius detention right then and there. "Severus saved your life at great risk to his own, show some gratitude!" Harry had mixed emotions; he wanted to defend his godfather, but Sirius WAS acting awfully ungrateful...
Sirius looked both angry and ashamed at the same time. He ran his tongue across his lips, tasting the blood still smeared there, and a look of horror gradually dawned on his face as he realized that the blood belonged to Snape.
"You should know better than to expect common courtesy from Black, Branwen," Snape said calmly. He was still pale and his voice was weak, but he seemed to be in good spirits. "If you prefer, Black, I'll take back my blood and let you die..."
"NO!" shouted Harry, although he realized a moment later that Snape was joking. {JOKING?! Did Snape just make a JOKE!?} "Thank you Professor Snape, thank you so much for saving Sirius!" Harry said earnestly. He still hated Snape, but he was so grateful to have Sirius back that he could have kissed the Potions Master right on his oversized nose.
"Hmmph!" Snape grunted, turning red. Lupin looked up and managed a small laugh, although his eyes were red and his face streaked with tears. "I told you, boy," Snape said in a testy voice, sounding much more like his normal self, "I didn't do it for you!"
"Then who did you do it for?" Sirius asked sharply. Snape just gave him a look that clearly said he thought Sirius was an imbecile.
"He said he did it for Professor Lupin," Harry replied, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't supposed to call Lupin "Professor" anymore. Snape's face turned even redder, and Sirius looked quite put out for someone who had just been brought back from death's door. Lupin giggled, and Blackmore had a very amused look on her face. Harry looked back and forth at the adults; he was obviously the only one who didn't know what was going on. Despite his relief and happiness, he felt a little irritated, and asked Snape, "Why would you save Sirius for Lupin's sake? I thought you hated him!"
He half expected his teacher to yell at him that it was none of Harry's business, but Snape just looked at Lupin and said, "The boy's a bit dim, isn't he? If he's supposed to be the savior of the wizarding world, we're all in a lot of trouble..."
Harry turned to Sirius, staring at him expectantly. "You don't want to know," Sirius said darkly.
"You'll understand when you're older, dear," Blackmore said, her green eyes sparkling with laughter as the corners of her mouth kept twitching up in that amused little smile. Bane cawed raucously; even the bird seemed to be laughing at Harry!
"I've just fought a bunch of Death Eaters and nearly been killed by Voldemort!" Harry shouted. "Don't treat me like a child!" Snape and Sirius both looked horrified; Harry had heard the stories about her fearsome reputation but right at this moment, he didn't care. The pent-up anger and frustration that had been building up all year suddenly spilled out, even though it wasn't really Blackmore that he was angry at.
But instead of yelling at him or turning him into a toad, she merely gave him a sympathetic look and briefly reached out to touch his cheek. "You're right, Harry. You've been forced to do things that no child should have to do, and endured terrors that would have broken many grown men. But this is not for me to tell; it is between Remus and Severus, and if they wish to keep it private, you must abide by that."
"So who says Remus wants to keep it private?" Lupin asked, a mischievous gleam in his blue eyes. He was eyeing Snape with a look that was oddly predatory.
And Snape, oddly enough, looked frightened of him. "No, Lupin!" he said frantically. "Don't you dare--" He tried to scramble back away from Lupin, but was still too weak to move more than a few inches. Lupin seized Snape's face, holding it firmly between his hands, and kissed Snape full on the mouth.
Harry's jaw dropped again, and he nearly fainted with shock. Blackmore burst out into peals of laughter. A detached part of his mind noted that he had never heard her laugh before; it was a beautiful, almost musical sound. But the rest of him was consumed with horror as watched Lupin--Lupin, who had been his friend and favorite teacher, Lupin whom Snape had hated so much that he had exposed Lupin as a werewolf and had him kicked out of Hogwarts--kiss Snape, not just a little peck, but a hungry, devouring kiss. Snape struggled weakly, clawing ineffectually at Lupin's hands, then suddenly seemed to give in. His hands closed around Lupin's wrists, seeming to hold them in place instead of trying to pull them away, and he returned the kiss, almost against his will. {Merlin's beard!} Harry thought. {How long is this going to go on? Don't they have to breathe?!} His brief kiss with Cho had been nothing like this! He couldn't stand watching them anymore, and turned to look at Sirius instead. His godfather looked both furious and horrified, but not surprised.
Blackmore kept laughing, and Sirius glared at her. "This is all your fault, you know!"
"Huh?" Harry asked.
"Severus and Remus became...friends...when I forced them to work on a project together in my class during their fifth year," she replied serenely. "I wanted to promote inter-House cooperation, not play matchmaker, but I confess I was not displeased with the results."
"B-but, they hate each other," Harry stammered. No, that was not quite true; he remembered during their talk about the memories he had seen in the Pensieve that Lupin had said he did not hate Snape, and certainly, even as an adult, Lupin never seemed to resent Snape, no matter how nasty he was to Lupin. "At least, Professor Snape hates Lupin..."
"There is a very thin line between love and hate, Harry," Blackmore replied, looking serious once again. "And Mr. Black's foolish prank turned Severus against Remus, and drove a wedge between them for many years." She gave Sirius a cold look, and he squirmed like a sullen schoolboy being scolded by his teacher, looking defiant and guilty at the same time.
Sirius muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like, "Slimy git."
Blackmore's eyebrows shot up into her forehead and her green eyes blazed. "What was that, Mr. Black?!" she snapped, and Harry hoped she wouldn't kill Sirius and undo all of Snape's hard work.
But Sirius was saved, because Lupin had finally ended the kiss, and Blackmore turned towards them, distracted, as Snape spluttered, "How--how could you?! And in front of the boy!" His voice was shrill with indignation, but a little breathless, and he looked utterly mortified. His eyes flickered towards Harry, then quickly looked away again, as he blushed deeply.
"You sound like a deflowered maiden in a bad novel, Mr. Snape," Blackmore said dryly, and Snape's face turned even redder as Sirius chortled with laughter. Blackmore's head swiveled back towards him. "Oh, shut up, Sirius! I just might lose my temper, and I don't think Severus is willing to perform a Blood Healing on you a second time!"
"Lupin tried to stop me, you know, Black!" Snape suddenly called out in a nasty voice, his black eyes glinting with their old malice. "He would rather you die than me--"
"SEVERUS!" Lupin shouted, anger, horror, and guilt all merged into one anguished wail.
There was a loud CRACK! as Blackmore slapped Snape hard across the face. And when Sirius opened his mouth, she slapped him as well for good measure. "Stop acting like children!" she screamed furiously. "I've seen first-years who are more mature than you two! It's one thing if you're just hurting each other, but your stupid, petty quarrels are hurting someone who loves you both, someone who is much too good for either of you!"
Sirius rubbed his cheek and gave Lupin a hurt, disbelieving look. Snape's face must have been equally sore, because there was bright red handprint on his cheek where Blackmore had slapped him, but Snape ignored it. He was looking at Lupin, who was staring at him with a stricken expression on his face. Snape flushed and dropped his eyes for a moment, then lifted them again and whispered, "I'm sorry, Remus." Harry had never seen Snape look or sound so sincerely remorseful; in fact, he had never known Snape to show any remorse before, period.
Blackmore calmed down a little when she heard that, but she was still angry. "Sirius, Severus risked his life to save yours, and you didn't even have the decency to give him a simple 'thank you'! And Severus, I don't understand how you can be so noble one minute and so childish the next: you risked your life to save someone you hate for the sake of someone you love, then you turn around and say something spiteful like that!"
"I don't lo--" Snape automatically started to protest, then saw the hurt look in Lupin's eyes, and said quietly, "I don't deny that I'm a fool. I was angry at Black and lost my temper, but I didn't mean to hurt you, Lupin."
"You were angry at me too, Severus," Lupin said softly. "For embarrassing you in front of Harry. And I apologize for doing that. But after your noble, self-sacrificing act--" Lupin smiled faintly, and Snape blushed. "--I thought he would figure it out eventually. And to be honest, I'm tired of hiding our relationship. We could have spent so much more time together this year if you hadn't been afraid of Harry and the others finding out about us."
Snape looked shamefaced, and suddenly all the strange little details Harry had noticed over the past year clicked together: the times Snape and Lupin had disappeared together, Snape's odd behavior at Christmas and the way Lupin had playfully teased him, Sirius's resentment and Blackmore's amusement...Snape and Lupin were in love with each other!? Harry's head started spinning; he had not received such shocking news since he had first found out he was a wizard!
"You're not ashamed of me, are you, Severus?" Lupin asked quietly.
"No!" Snape protested. "It's just--well, if the Death Eaters find out--"
"I understand that, Severus," Lupin said patiently. "I'm not suggesting that you shout it from the Astronomy Tower. But surely the members of the Order can be trusted--"
"Perhaps. But the children will spread it all over the school," Snape complained, glaring at Harry.
"Well, perhaps the Weasley children should not be told," Lupin conceded. "At least, not Fred and George, at any rate. But I'm sure Harry can keep his own counsel."
"He'd better!" Snape snarled, still glaring at Harry. "I swear, Potter, if you breathe one word of this to anyone I'll--"
"Severus," Blackmore interrupted in a tone of warning. Then she turned to Harry and said, "I expect you to respect Professor Snape's privacy, Mr. Potter. His personal life is no one else's business, and you do owe him a debt for saving Sirius."
"Harry doesn't owe him anything--" Sirius began indignantly.
"We all do," Blackmore said loudly, overriding him, although she didn't seem to be particularly grateful that Sirius was alive and well at that moment. "Is that clear, Mr. Potter?"
"Yes ma'am," said Harry. He didn't like it, but she was right; he did owe Snape one for saving Sirius. To Snape he said, "I won't say anything, Professor, I promise."
"You'd better keep this promise better than you kept the last one," Snape growled, but subsided when Lupin whispered something into his ear.
Then the empty fireplace burst into emerald-green flames and Dumbledore emerged from the fire. "Sirius!" he exclaimed, looking shocked to find him alive. Sirius grinned and Dumbledore embraced him, saying, "Oh my! Thank goodness, my boy..."
"Severus saved him," Blackmore announced helpfully, and Sirius scowled. "With a Sanguis Sanatio spell."
"He did?!" Dumbledore exclaimed. "Very impressive, Severus!" He looked as if he would embrace Snape as well, and the Potions Master took a hasty step back. Dumbledore smiled and settled for giving him a hearty handshake and a clap on the back. "I hope you thanked him, Sirius."
Sirius flushed, looked down at his feet, and mumbled, "ThankyouSnape."
"What was that, Black?" Snape asked, cupping a hand over his ear. "I couldn't quite hear you." Lupin sighed, and Blackmore glared at them again.
"I said, thank you, you slimy git!" shouted Sirius.
"As gracious as ever, Black," Snape smirked. "But you're welcome."
"I'm sure you'll all be glad to know that everyone else is all right," Dumbledore said. "Nymphadora Tonks may need to spend a little time in St. Mungo's, but it seems that she will make a full recovery." Everyone except for Snape made relieved noises, and Dumbledore said, "I believe Sirius and Severus should get some rest now themselves, and I do need to have a word with Harry in private."
Sirius, Blackmore, Lupin, and Snape filed out of the room, leaving through the fireplace. As Snape passed by Harry, leaning heavily on Lupin, he whispered menacingly, "You'd better keep your promise, boy!" but Lupin smiled and gave Harry a wink over Snape's shoulder.
***
Snape had been shocked when the others appeared in the Headmaster's office with Sirius Black's dying body. Snape had been prepared for injuries, and brought several bottles of healing potions and salves with him to the office, but it was clear that Black was far beyond such help. Potter was sobbing and screaming piteously, but that was not what had moved Snape to pick up the letter opener from Dumbledore's desk. No, it was the look of devastation on Lupin's face as he watched his last childhood friend slowly dying on the floor. Lupin had suffered so much already; he didn't want him to have to suffer anymore.
{You don't think that he'll suffer if YOU die?} the sarcastic voice in his head asked.
{I don't intend to die!} Snape retorted silently, but the spell was risky, and he had performed it only once before, many years ago, when Voldemort had forced him to transfer the life force of a Mudblood captive to a wounded Death Eater. He had never tried it on himself. But while Lupin would certainly mourn if Snape died, Black was his oldest friend. They had known each other longer, since they were eleven years old, and deep in his heart, Snape had always feared that Lupin loved Black more than him, despite Lupin's protests and the Headmaster's lectures about love not being something that was divided up like a pie. Black was Lupin's last link to the past, and there was a bond between them, forged during their childhood years, that Snape could never touch, and feared he could never equal. Lupin loved Black and needed Black, so Snape was willing to risk his life for Black however much he hated the arrogant prat. For Lupin's sake.
"Somebody do something!" Potter screamed, and Snape obliged, shoving the boy out of the way as he pulled up his sleeve and slashed his arm. He had just raised his wand and begun to utter the spell words when Lupin lunged at him screaming, "NO!"
"Don't do it, Severus," Lupin cried, grabbing at his right arm. "I won't lose you, too!"
Potter was staring at them with a look of shock on his face, and Snape snarled, "I'm not doing it for you! Nor for him!" To Lupin he said softly, "I'm doing it for you."
"I don't want you to!" Lupin screamed.
Snape felt a fierce sense of joy at those words. "Not even to save Black?" he whispered.
"No!" sobbed Lupin, trying to snatch the wand from his hand. "I can't lose you, not again..."
Snape had never felt so happy in all his life, not even when he had kissed Lupin for the first time, not even when Lupin had said the words, "I love you." His heart swelled with that fierce sense of joy, as well as a bitter, sharp-edged rush of triumph. {FINALLY!} he exulted, wanting to shout it out to the world. {He chose me over Black! He loves me more than he loves Black!} His eyes filled with unshed tears of satisfaction, and he felt a wide smile spreading across his face. "Then I will do it for you," he said. Now that he knew Lupin really loved him, he didn't mind the thought of dying; he would do anything for Lupin--even give his life for Black. Well, he would have done it anyway, to be honest, but now he would do it gladly, at peace with himself, for his deepest desire had finally been fulfilled. Lupin started screaming even louder, though, and Snape called out for Branwen to get Lupin off of him.
He brushed off Branwen's query and Lupin's protests, and invoked the spell. The blood drained out of his body at an alarming rate, and as he grew lightheaded with blood loss, he realized that there was indeed a very good chance that he might die. {Ah well,} he thought. {Better to die making Lupin happy than at Voldemort's hands. And that bastard Black will be indebted to me for the rest of his life, just as I was to Potter senior...} There was a self-satisfied smirk on his face when he finally lost consciousness and fell across Black's body.
He felt someone slapping his face and heard someone calling out his name. The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes was not Lupin, but Branwen's face, her green eyes tearful and worried. {Professor Blackmore crying? Over ME?} Snape wondered if the blood loss had caused him to hallucinate.
"You have to end the spell, Severus!" Branwen said urgently, and then he saw Lupin's face, also filled with worry, and felt a wand being pressed into his hand. "Hurry, Severus! I don't want to lose anymore of my students!" Blackmore cried, and he realized that she really had cared about him and the other Slytherins, that someone else besides him mourned the deaths of Rosier and Wilkes. It made him happy, but there was no time to think about that now. He raised the wand and ended the spell.
Branwen fussed over him for a minute, then declared that he would survive. She gently smoothed back his hair and kissed him on the forehead, saying, "You did well, child. I'm so proud of you. Or rather, I'm proud of the man you have become, Severus." She looked almost motherly. Or at least, she had treated him with the affection and approval he had always longed for but never received from his own parents. Who would have thought that fourteen years in the Demon Realm would make her so tenderhearted? Then Lupin was throwing himself on Snape, weeping hysterically, and Snape patted him on the back in an attempt to comfort him. He felt a little embarrassed that he had all but declared his love for Lupin in front of Potter, but felt incredibly happy nonetheless. Professor Blackmore was proud of him, Lupin loved him; all was right with the world.
Then Sirius Black was shouting in horror and outrage as he found out who had saved him; Snape was enjoying himself immensely. He was a little outraged himself, though, when Potter actually thanked him, and he growled, "I told you boy, I didn't do it for you!" Black demanded to know who he had done it for, but Snape didn't bother to reply other than to glare at him. Black was a moron if he really couldn't figure it out on his own.
Then big-mouth Potter was spilling the beans and asking in an almost angry tone why he would save Black for Lupin's sake. "I thought you hated him!"
The ungrateful little wretch; he was as stupid as his godfather. But Snape felt oddly amused, and asked Lupin, "The boy's a bit dim, isn't he?"
Lupin laughed, and so did Branwen, which triggered a temper tantrum in the boy. He half expected her to turn him into a toad on the spot, but apparently she was still feeling motherly, for she soothed him and told him that what went on between Lupin and himself was private.
"So who says Remus wants to keep it private?" Lupin asked, with a grin, stalking towards him as the wolf looked out of his eyes.
Now was a very bad time for Lupin to suddenly decide he wanted to become an alpha wolf! Snape protested frantically, trying to back away from his lover, who had apparently gone insane, but he was still weak from the spell and could barely move. Lupin caught Snape's face between his hands in an iron grip and kissed him hard. He heard Branwen laughing...and was that other sound Black retching? He struggled, clawing at Lupin's hands, trying to break free, but he was too weak...and the truth was, he didn't really want to. Lupin was kissing him hungrily, passionately, demandingly, forcing his tongue between Snape's lips, and Snape let out a little moan and found himself kissing Lupin back. Lupin was an enthusiastic lover, but he usually let Snape be the aggressor, and in a strange way it pleased him to have Lupin pounce on him like this, claiming him in front of the others and declaring to them all that Snape was his mate. Then Lupin broke off the kiss--probably because they would have fainted from lack of oxygen if it had lasted any longer, and Snape regained his sanity as he caught a glimpse of Potter's horrified face. "How--how could you?! And in front of the boy!" Snape shrieked.
"You sound like a deflowered maiden in a bad novel, Mr. Snape," Branwen said dryly, and Black laughed mockingly, which made Snape's blood boil.
Branwen was scolding Black, but Snape lost his temper and without thinking, taunted Black with, "Lupin tried to stop me, you know, Black! He would rather you die than me--" Then Lupin was screaming his name in anguish and Blackmore slapped him hard across the face. That, more than the angry lecture that followed, along with the look of betrayal on Lupin's face, was what brought Snape back to his senses. "I'm sorry, Remus," he whispered, ashamed of himself; he had acted as badly as Black, maybe even worse... Blackmore was still lecturing him about hurting someone he loved, and Snape started to protest that he didn't love Lupin, but when he saw the wounded look still in Lupin's eyes, he knew he couldn't lie, not even to protect his cover or spare his pride. Besides, by now the truth was probably quite obvious, even to Potter. All he could do was apologize.
Lupin forgave, him of course. He always did, even though Snape didn't deserve it. Then he said, "...And to be honest, I'm tired of hiding our relationship. We could have spent so much more time together this year if you hadn't been afraid of Harry and the others finding out about us." Snape felt even worse than before; he had been so busy feeling sorry for himself, been so jealous of Lupin and Black living together, that he hadn't stopped to think about how Lupin might be feeling. "Are you ashamed of me, Severus?" Lupin asked quietly. Snape made a lame protest about keeping their cover, and Lupin calmly pointed out that he was talking about letting the Order know, not the entire world. Snape said he was worried about the brats gossiping about them, but Lupin said, "I'm sure Harry can keep his own counsel."
Snape wasn't sure about that, but as usual, Lupin and Branwen overrode him, and the cat was out of the bag anyway. "I won't say anything, Professor, I promise," Potter said.
"You'd better keep this promise better than you kept the last one," Snape growled.
"He wouldn't have had to break his promise if you hadn't ended the Occlumency lessons," Lupin whispered, and Snape's mouth snapped shut. This whole disaster was as much his fault as Potter's, because if he hadn't stopped the lessons due to his feelings of shame and hurt pride, Potter might have been able to block the Dark Lord out of his mind, and he would not have been lured into Voldemort's trap. Though of course if Potter had just been sensible and stayed put...
Then Dumbledore returned, thrilled to find Black alive, of course. He praised Snape for casting the healing spell; part of Snape was pleased, but the other part was resentful that the praise came for saving Black's worthless life. Snape wondered how many people would mourn him if he died? Lupin, of course, and Branwen. Dumbledore. Dylan Rosier. Possibly Professor Kamiyama. Four people, maybe five; well, that wasn't really so bad... And then Dumbledore made Black thank him, which raised his spirits even further. He was almost in a good mood when he left the room, leaning against Lupin for support.
***
They crawled out of the fireplace in Snape's personal quarters, dusting ashes off their robes. "You could stay with me here tonight," Snape said hesitantly. "If you want to." He wasn't sure, after the way he had treated Lupin tonight, that he would.
"Of course I want to," Lupin said. "I may be angry with you, Severus, but I still love you." He took pity when he saw the anxious expression on Snape's face, and caressed his cheek, where Branwen's handprint was gradually fading. "That must have hurt," he said in amusement, kissing Snape's cheek. Snape was still looking a little unsteady on his feet, so Lupin led him to the bed. Snape nearly collapsed on it, and Lupin sat down next to him. "Actually," he said, "I'm not really angry with you, Severus. Just hurt, and disappointed."
"I know," Snape said, hanging his head. "I'm sorry. I'd rather you were angry with me."
"Well, I am a little angry with you for risking your life," Lupin said. "Though of course I'm overjoyed that Sirius is all right. But you were taking a huge risk, Severus! Do you really think I'd be happy if you traded your life for Sirius's?"
"Well, I...yes," Snape admitted. "At least until you tried to stop me from casting the spell."
Lupin sighed--a very long-suffering sigh. "And then you had to rub it in Sirius's face! Why do you two have to play these stupid games?! Are you trying to drive me and Sirius apart the way Sirius tried to drive us apart in school? Is this some kind of revenge?"
"No!" exclaimed Snape, horrified. "I wasn't trying to--I just didn't think! I'm sorry, I just..."
"Just what, Severus?" Lupin asked wearily. Snape hesitated. "Just tell me the truth, Severus!" Lupin snapped impatiently.
Snape was suddenly afraid; how much could even the near-saintly Lupin put up with before he reached his limit? The fear of losing Lupin was the only thing that made him answer honestly. "I've always been jealous," he whispered, "of Black and Potter. Because they were close to you and I was not. Because you loved them. Loved them more than me."
"Oh, Severus," Lupin said sadly. "How many times must I--"
"I'm not blaming you, Lupin," Snape interrupted. "I know I treated you badly, after what happened in the Shrieking Shack. But the fact is, that you did forgive them, even Black. You went back to them, and I was left alone again. And yes, I know that's my own fault, but--"
"They were my friends, Severus," Lupin said, a pleading look in his eyes. "They'd been with me, stood by me even though I was a werewolf--"
Snape placed a gentle finger across Lupin's lips. "Shh. This is hard enough as it is, and I'll never have the courage to finish if you keep interrupting me. That is, if you really want to hear this." Lupin fell silent, and Snape continued, "Yes, I know. You had a history with them. But I didn't, and I was so jealous of that. You know, until I caught Potter looking at my thoughts in the Pensieve, I never realized that I resented you for standing by while they played their pranks on me. Well, maybe 'resent' is the wrong word...I didn't resent it at the time; I never expected you to defend me, you see. They were the golden boys, the noble Gryffindors, and I was just the slimy Slytherin." Lupin's eyes were filled with tears, but he still remained silent, as Snape had asked. "It was enough for me that you didn't take part, that you smiled at me in apology afterwards. I lived for those smiles; I actually used to provoke Potter and Black so they'd attack me, just so you would smile at me afterwards. But it hurt so much, to know that was all I would ever have, that I could never be part of your little group..."
Lupin couldn't help himself. He threw his arms around Snape and held him tightly, laying his head on Snape's shoulder as he wept, "But that's not true, Severus! I did love you, I do love you, even if I was a coward when we were children--"
"Shh," Snape whispered, stroking his hair comfortingly. How strange; usually Lupin was the one comforting him. "I know you loved me; those few weeks at school we were together were the happiest of my life, at least until we met again as teachers. And I know you love me now. But you love Black as well."
"But not--"
"Oh, I know not sexually or romantically, but you love him all the same. You always did, even after you had quarreled with him over me, even after you thought he was a murderer, didn't you?"
Lupin nodded, still weeping. "But I don't love him more than you, Severus--"
"I didn't believe that, until today," Snape admitted. "But you said you wanted the truth, Remus. And the truth is--" He took a deep breath, then forced out the words he had been too ashamed to say before. "The truth is, I don't want you to love him at all. Nor Potter junior. The truth is, I don't want you to love anyone but me." Lupin stared at him, but didn't look as surprised as Snape had thought he would. Was his selfishness so obvious? "I know it's petty and irrational and selfish, but I can't help it, Lupin. I want you to myself. I don't want to share you with anyone, especially Black."
"Severus--"
"But I don't want to lose you, either," Snape added, "so I put up with it. But I was never so happy as I was when you said today that you didn't want me to risk casting the spell, not even to save Black."
"Then why did you do it?" Lupin whispered.
"Because you care about him. Because he's your oldest friend, the only one of your group not dead or a traitor. I wanted to spare you that loss."
"You moron!" shouted Lupin. "How do you think I'd feel about YOUR loss? Do you think I'd just brush it off, say, 'Severus is dead but that's all right because I've still got Sirius'?!"
"N-no, but--" Snape stammered, taken aback by the fury of Lupin's attack.
"You weren't being noble! You were wallowing in self-pity! You thought it didn't matter if you died because you thought I loved Sirius more than you!"
Snape felt as if he'd been slapped in the face again, probably because Lupin's words were true. He felt a sudden surge of panic; was this where Lupin finally came to his senses and left him? Why on earth would anyone put up with someone as paranoid, ill-tempered, and selfish as Snape? The pride he had been so concerned about protecting earlier meant nothing to him now; he would grovel in front of Potter and Black right now if it meant Lupin wouldn't leave him. "I'm sorry, Lupin! I'm so sorry, I know I'm an idiot, but don't leave me; I'll stop fighting with Black, I swear--"
"You ARE an idiot!" screamed Lupin. "Who said anything about leaving you?!" Then he cut off Snape's frantic babbling with a fierce, possessive kiss similar to the one he had planted on Snape in the Headmaster's office earlier. Snape clung to him desperately, and Lupin didn't break off the kiss until he felt Snape begin to relax, the fear and tension draining out of him. "I told you once--I have told you many times, Severus, that I will never leave you, no matter what you do." He gave Snape a helpless look. "What do I have to do to convince you, Severus?"
"I don't know," Snape said. "I'm sorry. Blackmore's right, I don't deserve you--"
"Severus! Stop that!"
Snape gave him a slightly crooked smile. "I know, stop wallowing in self-pity. But you are the only one who has ever loved me. And I've never really been sure why you do. I know I'm not the easiest person in the world to get along with...I suppose I'm afraid one day you will leave me and find someone worthy of you."
Lupin gave him an exasperated smile. "Severus, how can you be so arrogant and so insecure at the same time?" Snape stared back at him, his expression wavering between indignation and embarrassment. "Most people wouldn't consider a werewolf to be 'worthy' of anyone."
Now Snape did look indignant. "You know I don't--"
Lupin kissed him, lightly this time. "I know you think of me as a man, not a monster. That is part of why I love you. And you embrace the wolf as well as the man, and for that I love you, too. You spent years helping to develop the Wolfsbane Potion for me, without ever expecting anything in return, and for that I love you. I love you for the fact that you made it at all, after the way I hurt you when we were teenagers, and despite the fact that you had come to hate me. After the first war ended, you sacrificed your happiness to keep me safe--I still think your decision was wrong, but you did it out of love, and I love you for it. You risked your life to spy on the Death Eaters back then, and you are doing the same thing now, and for that I love you. You risked your life to help Mudbloods and Muggles--people you had been brought up to despise; most of them were strangers to you, some were people you knew and didn't like, people who had been cruel to you in school, and still you risked your life for them. I love you for that. You protect Harry even though you hate him, and hated his father, and I love you for that. You're trying to save Draco and Dylan and I love you for that as well. And yes, I love you for saving Sirius, even though I was so mad I could have killed you myself! So you see, Severus, you are quite worthy of being loved, and are as noble as any Gryffindor." Snape was staring at him, looking completely stunned, and Lupin grinned. "Sorry to ruin your reputation; I know how much you cling to that 'sneaky Slytherin' image."
"Remus..." whispered Snape.
"I love you, Severus," Lupin said, kissing his forehead, his nose, and his lips. He pushed up the sleeve of Snape's robe, and kissed the newly-formed scar on Snape's arm, then kissed the Dark Mark. "I love every part of you: the brave part and the insecure part, the compassionate part and the bitter part, and even the self-pitying part of you. I love YOU, Severus Snape. Remember that."
"I'll try, Remus," Snape said humbly.
"Oh, and what you said about not fighting with Sirius? Don't make promises you can't keep. Because you will fight with him again, and you know it. And it will probably be at least half Sirius's fault, anyway."
Snape smiled. "Yes, Remus."
"And by the way, you're wrong about me being the only one who loves you. Dumbledore has always loved you, and I think Branwen made it clear today that she does as well. She was strict with us when we were children, but now I can see that she always cared deeply about her students, especially you."
Snape looked a little stunned, and not quite convinced, but he said meekly, "Yes, Remus."
"And this business about wanting me to love only you?" Snape started to speak, but this time it was Lupin's turn to lay a finger across his lips. "You do know I can't do that," he said softly, and Snape nodded. "And think about it, Severus, you wouldn't really want me to." Snape looked confused. "Would you still love me, if I were the kind of person who could simply cast aside my oldest and dearest friends, who could abandon the son of my late best friend? Wouldn't you be afraid that I would one day cast you aside, too?"
"Probably," Snape admitted, looking chagrined. "But..."
"But?" Lupin asked.
Snape hesitated. Well, he had already exposed nearly all his secrets and selfish, petty thoughts and Lupin still loved him, so he might as well go ahead and say it. "I know you love Black and Potter, but...can I be first in your heart?" he asked in a tremulous whisper.
Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School, former Death Eater and current spy, was staring at Lupin with all his masks stripped away, his face completely open and vulnerable for once. His eyes were filled with fear, hope, and shame, and he looked like a frightened little boy. "Oh, Severus," Lupin whispered. What had his parents done to him, what had the students at Hogwarts done to him, to make him so fearful and certain that no one would ever really love him? And why had Lupin not tried harder to befriend him and protect him at school? He should have defied his friends for Severus, he shouldn't have given up after Severus had rejected him. He should have kept reaching out to Severus, should have kept offering him his love, even if it cost him his other friends, even if it made him the laughing stock of the school. He couldn't make up for those lost years, but there was one thing he could do now. "Yes, Severus," Lupin said tenderly, wrapping his arms around his lover and pulling him close. "You can be first in my heart, always."
Snape laid his head against Lupin's chest and sobbed, with long-held sorrow and new, incredulous joy. Lupin lay back on the bed, pulling Snape down beside him, stroking his hair and his back, kissing away the tears on his face, saying over and over, "I love you, Severus. I will always love you. You are first in my heart." Lupin was not just saying the words to comfort Snape; he was not the type of man who was capable of that kind of deception, even for a good reason. When he made the decision to tell Severus what he needed to hear, he resolved to stand by those words. He would put Severus first from now on; he still loved Sirius as much as he ever did, but Severus needed him more. That would undoubtedly cause problems in the future, but Lupin would deal with them as they arose. Then Lupin silently, sadly, laughed at himself. Who was he fooling? He had already made the decision earlier in the Headmaster's office, when he had tried to stop Severus from healing Sirius.
Snape wept, allowing himself to be comforted by his lover. He knew the fear and self-loathing he carried inside him ran too deep to be healed in a single day, and the time would come when he would doubt Lupin and try his lover's patience once more, but for now, right at this moment, he believed Lupin. And eventually he stopped weeping, soothed by the gentle touch of his lover's hands and the sound of his voice, and Snape fell asleep in Lupin's arms, for this one moment feeling secure and cherished, knowing that Lupin loved him, knowing that he was finally first in his beloved's heart, as Lupin had always been first in his.
THE END
Next story in the series: Phoenix Rising, Part 1
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