FIC: Phoenix Rising, Part 22 of 37

[geri_chan]

Title: Phoenix Rising, Part 22 of 37
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Word count: ~9,570
Warning: AU; my own version of Year 6 (was written pre-HBP).
Author's notes: {} Indicates character's unspoken thought
Disclaimer: Characters belong to J.K. Rowling, except Hob, who belongs to William Mayne; no money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Sequel to: Always (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6), Summer Vacation (Part 1, Part 2), For Old Time's Sake (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5), Three's a Crowd (or, Summer Vacation II) (Part 1, Part 2), Return of the Raven (Part 1, Part 2), Phoenix Reborn (Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8)
Summary: An Occlumency lesson causes both Harry and Snape to struggle with conflicting feelings.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21

***

Meanwhile, unaware that his godfather was out of the country, Harry was finding school to be challenging and sometimes frustrating. He was doing well in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but struggling to keep up in Potions and Incantations. Harry had found his fifth-year Potions class difficult enough, but Snape drove his advanced students even harder, and of course Snape was quick to point out any mistakes that Harry made. However, Harry tried not to let Snape unnerve him; ironically, the control he had been learning in his Occlumency lessons helped him to keep his temper in check, and he was a little less intimidated by his teacher after spending the summer with him in Sirius's house. Whenever he felt himself becoming nervous and angry as Snape loomed over him, he tried to picture the scene he remembered from the night of the full moon--an indignant Snape lying flat on his back fending off the "attack" of an overly-affectionate werewolf covering his face with enthusiastic swipes of his tongue--and suddenly, the black-clad Potions Master would no longer seem quite so menacing. (Harry was careful not to meet Snape's eyes at those times, though; he doubted that Snape would be amused by that image.) So Harry was making less mistakes in Potions than he used to, but he was still overwhelmed by the amount of homework Snape assigned. However, he was slightly cheered by the fact that so far, Snape had not yet found an excuse to give him or Ron detention.

Professor Blackmore drove her students just as hard as Snape did, though of course she treated them much more fairly. As she had warned them on the first day of class, she expected to have their undivided attention at all times; she would not stop to explain something twice because a student happened to be daydreaming or whispering to a friend in the middle of her lecture. In fact, if she caught them at it, which she usually did, it earned the miscreant an immediate detention. The incantations and runes she taught them were very complicated, and she burdened them with even more homework than Snape. It was just barely manageable, if you started on your homework right away; if you left it till the last minute, you'd never get it done. Harry and Ron were forced to become organized in order to keep up, much to their disgruntlement and Hermione's pleasure.

Too much homework and an unfair Snape were nothing new, but on top of that came the news that the Death Eaters had broken out of prison. Most of the students were tense and nervous, except for Draco's crowd, of course, who were insufferably smug, and were openly gloating about it. Well, almost openly. Draco didn't actually say he was glad that his father was free, but he made a great show of reading the Daily Prophet at breakfast every morning, making sure that the prominent headlines about the Death Eaters' escape were visible to everyone in the room. Draco was a little cowed by the newly-stern Professor Lupin and more than a little cowed by Professor Blackmore, so he didn't taunt Harry in class, but he did silently mouth, "I told you so," in DADA class one day when Lupin's back was turned. Harry seethed furiously, but didn't dare respond with a hex or even a verbal insult, because Lupin would probably give him detention or take points from him, and he and Ron had already lost Gryffindor too many points as it was. He still felt a little hurt that Lupin was so quick to punish the Gryffindors and defend the Slytherins, and wondered if Lupin's romance with Snape could have affected his judgment. He and Ron commiserated privately, taking care to say nothing to Hermione, who always took Lupin's side and would just tell them that they were the ones behaving unfairly.

Shortly after Halloween, Harry went to Snape's office for his Occlumency lesson as usual. Instead of his normal hostility, Snape eyed him with a very odd, brooding look on his face. He said nothing, but just stared at Harry for a long time, until Harry finally said, "Sir?"

Snape blinked, cleared his throat, and said gruffly, "Well, then, let's see if you've been practicing, Potter."

Between homework and Quidditch practice, Harry had not had much time to practice his mental exercises, unless fighting not to lose his temper in Potions class counted. "Yes, sir," he said, trying to avoid Snape's eyes.

Snape raised his wand and said the words that Harry knew by heart: "One--two--three--Legilimens!"

Maybe keeping control of his temper in Potions class had helped, after all; his mental walls held up against Snape's initial attack. Snape eased up, and Harry made the mistake of relaxing for a moment; Snape immediately attacked with a sharp, sudden strike. Harry rushed to reinforce his defenses as memories slipped out, like water through a crack in a dam: a gloating Draco reading the Daily Prophet...the battle with the Death Eaters in the Ministry of Magic...an angry Lupin taking points from Harry and Ron for insulting Draco's father...Hob's cupboard under the stairs in Sirius's house, which melted into an image of the cupboard Harry had been forced to live in at the Dursleys'... Harry flushed with anger and humiliation at the thought of Snape seeing that memory, and finally managed to repair the gap in his "wall" and stop the flow of memories.

Fighting to keep the anger from overwhelming him, Harry stopped trying to merely defend and began actively pushing back Snape's attack, and then suddenly it was Snape's defenses that broke, and images flowed into Harry's mind: an eleven or twelve year old Snape, staring at the posted class rankings, with his name listed as number 2, right below James Potter's...James Potter, the center of attention as a crowd of admiring students, including Lupin, gathered around him, while Snape stood alone and apart from the crowd, watching...young James--no, it was Harry himself, sitting in the Great Hall the day he had first arrived at Hogwarts, because an adult Snape was watching him from his vantage point at the staff table, with first shock and then loathing...Harry again, older this time, sitting in Potions class as Snape looked down and saw the words "I must not tell lies" etched into the back of Harry's hand...

The memories abruptly ceased as Snape broke off the spell. Harry looked up at his teacher with trepidation as Snape stared down at him, managing to look angry, troubled, and confused all at the same time. This time Harry was afraid to break the silence, and they stared at each other until Snape finally said, "Enough for tonight." Then he grudgingly added, "You seem to be making progress, Potter. But don't let your guard slip like that again; it's a foolish beginner's mistake. Always keep your defenses up, particularly when you're facing an enemy."

Some impulse overrode Harry's common sense, and he spoke without thinking. "Are you my enemy, sir?"

Snape just stared at Harry for a moment, looking more troubled than ever, then said sharply, "Don't be impertinent, Potter! For the purpose of this lesson, obviously I am."

"And outside of this lesson, sir?" Harry asked quietly. He was still confused by Snape's dual nature, and viewing himself through Snape's eyes had been extremely disturbing. From that image of himself as a first-year, Snape did indeed have trouble distinguishing Harry from his father in his mind.

"Obviously we have to work together to serve the Order, like it or not," Snape said through gritted teeth, with a flash of resentment in his black eyes. "Otherwise I would not be giving up my free time to tutor you. I assure you that I have other things I would much rather be doing. Now get out of here, Potter, and you had better have your Potions homework ready to turn in tomorrow, because you won't get any slack from me, extra lessons or not!"

"Slack" was the very last thing that Harry would expect from Snape. "Yes, sir," he said, and left the room, feeling a bit smug because he had already finished his Potions homework before dinner. He wondered why Snape had looked so troubled, and why, despite that last remark, Snape had been less hostile than usual; he had even given Harry a grudging compliment on his progress. Harry rubbed the back of his hand, feeling a phantom pain as he remembered how Umbridge's detention lines had cut into his hand last year; he had not realized that Snape had known about that. {He probably gloated about it,} Harry thought bitterly, but as he recalled the memory, he wasn't sure that was really true. The memories were brief and hazy, and flashed by so quickly that it was difficult to be sure, but he thought that he had detected a sense of horror and outrage on Snape's part. Maybe he was just imagining it. Yes, it was probably all his imagination. But suddenly he recalled Lupin telling him that Snape cared about his students even if he didn't show it, and he remembered how Dobby had stolen a jar of healing salve for him from Snape's office. For the first time, Harry wondered how Dobby had known that Snape kept the healing salve in his office; it would have been far more logical to look for it in the hospital wing. Maybe...no, surely Snape couldn't have given it to the house-elf! No, that was absolutely ridiculous! The house-elves cleaned the entire school, including Snape's office, and Dobby had probably seen the salve during the course of his duties; he'd had no trouble finding the gillyweed for Harry, after all. But then that thought began nagging at him too, because Dobby had only gone after the gillyweed after the fake Moody had put the thought into his head. Harry had been heading back to his dorm, but he turned around and headed for the kitchen instead.

The house-elves greeted him happily, clustering around him and offering him trays of sweets. "No, thank you, I was just here looking for Dobby, have you seen him? No, thanks--well, maybe just one."

Harry accepted a berry tart and took a bite out of it just as a voice exclaimed happily, "Harry Potter!"

"Hi, Dobby," Harry said. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Dobby shooed off the other house-elves, and they retreated to a corner of the kitchen to talk. "Listen, Dobby, do you remember the time you got the jar of healing salve for me from Snape's office?"

"Did Harry Potter get in trouble for that?" Dobby asked anxiously, preparing to start pounding his head against the wall.

"No, no!" Harry replied hastily. "Not at all! I was just wondering, um, how did you know Snape kept it in his office?"

Dobby paused to think. "Professor Snape said so."

"He told you it was there?!"

"No, Dobby was delivering mail to Professor Snape's office, and Professor Snape was holding the jar, and he said--" Dobby did a bad imitation of Snape's sinister cackle. "--'I'll bet Harry Potter could really use this healing salve for his hand! Too bad I'll never give it to him!'"

"And you snuck back into Snape's office after he left?" Harry asked. Something about Dobby's story struck him as odd; did Snape make a habit of talking to himself? Had he been gloating in front of Dobby because he knew that Dobby was a friend of Harry's?

"No," Dobby replied. "Professor Snape told Dobby to clean his office, and then Professor Snape left. So Dobby cleaned the office and took the jar." Dobby stared at the shocked expression on Harry's face and asked in a worried voice, "Did Dobby do something bad?"

"No, you did fine, Dobby," Harry said, but his head was spinning. "Um...do you normally clean Snape's office?"

"No," Dobby said. "Dobby likes to clean Gryffindor Tower because Harry Potter lives there!" He beamed happily at Harry.

"And don't the house-elves usually clean the school at night, after everyone is asleep?" Harry continued. Dobby nodded. "Was Snape's office especially dirty? Did he maybe spill something?"

Dobby thought about it, then said, "No, it didn't need much cleaning. Professor Snape keeps his office very neat."

The house-elf was looking worried again, so Harry forced a smile on his face and said, "Okay, Dobby, thanks. That's all I wanted to know."

"Dobby is always happy to help Harry Potter, sir," the house-elf said happily.

Harry left the kitchen and slowly headed back to Gryffindor Tower. He was in no rush, because he wanted to be alone while he thought things over. Snape was a lot of things, but stupid wasn't one of them; he would never proclaim out loud that he had something that could help Harry and then leave Dobby alone in his office with it--unless he wanted Dobby to take it. It sounded crazy, but there was no other explanation. If he had known about it at the time, he would have suspected Snape of setting up a trap for him, but more than a year had passed with no punishment from Snape--at least, not for that particular offense. Could it be that Snape had been trying to help him? But why go to the trouble of staging that little charade for Dobby? He could have just given it to Harry, or told Madam Pomfrey to do so if he was afraid of ruining his Death Eater image. Harry sighed and shook his head, wondering if he would ever understand Snape. He wished he could talk about it with someone, but Ron would probably be just as bewildered as Harry, and ever since she had learned of his romance with Lupin, Hermione had become firmly entrenched in Snape's corner, and he didn't really want to hear once again about how she had known all along that Snape was "all right."

***

Branwen's words about Potter and his father were still vivid in Snape's mind when the boy arrived for his Occlumency lesson. He knew that she was right about him treating the boy unfairly, but it was one thing to accept it intellectually while conversing with Branwen in her office, and quite another to try and do something about it when Harry was standing right in front of him looking so much like James. His feelings towards the boy were hopelessly entangled with his feelings towards the boy's father, and separating the two was proving extremely difficult, like trying to untangle a snarled knot of string.

Potter was actually making good progress in his lessons, but he was still too careless; he let a false lull in Snape's attack trick him into letting his guard down, and Snape was quick to strike and show the boy his mistake. The images of Draco and Lupin were not too disturbing, but the image of Potter living in a cupboard barely large enough to house a hob was...unsettling. It was a pointed reminder that Harry was not James, who had never suffered a moment's hardship as a child, who'd had everything handed to him on a silver platter--at least, it had seemed that way to an envious young Snape. He didn't want to feel sorry for Harry; he wanted to hate him...except, as Branwen had reminded him, that it was really James he hated.

Maybe it was his preoccupation with the past that distracted him and allowed Potter to get through his defenses, because suddenly Snape was the one on the defensive, and not surprisingly, the memories that escaped were all of James and Harry. When he saw himself looking down at the sentence carved into Harry's hand, he quickly broke off the spell. Having the boy in his head was bad enough, but he most certainly did not want Potter to find out that Snape had arranged for Dobby to "steal" the jar of healing salve. He thought he would die of embarrassment if the boy found out Snape had taken pity on him; the humiliation of the Pensieve incident had been bad enough.

And Snape was badly shaken by the memory of his first sight of Potter on the first day of school. He had known that James Potter's son was entering Hogwarts, of course, and had not been pleased about it, but he had not expected the boy to look so much like his father; it had been like seeing a ghost. Perhaps he could have tolerated the boy's presence better if he had resembled Lily instead, but having to see a near-duplicate of James in class every day awoke long-repressed emotions and opened old wounds. He could not look at Harry without being reminded of James, which could not help but remind him of Lupin, which in turn brought back all the old feelings of love and betrayal and hatred. Snape had blamed James for taking Lupin away from him, both because of the "prank" and just for being the golden boy whose friendship Lupin had chosen over Snape's. The very sight of the boy filled Snape with an irrational surge of hatred, and though he knew he was being unfair, Snape didn't try very hard to fight it. Hate was so much easier to deal with than loneliness and guilt...and even after he and Lupin resumed their romance, Snape had not been able to let go of his resentment towards Harry, because he was jealous of Lupin's affection for the boy. It was ridiculous to be jealous of a child, but Snape had feared being second in Lupin's heart to a Potter once again...in truth, he hated sharing Lupin with anyone, but especially with someone who bore the face and name of his old childhood enemy...

Snape stared down at the boy, who stared back at him with James's face and Lily's eyes. Funny, how he had never noticed that before--that the boy had his mother's eyes, although Lupin and several of the other Order members had remarked upon it. Did he have Lily's compassion as well as James's arrogance? Lupin and Branwen seemed to think so. Anger warred with confusion and guilt; Potter was disobedient, insolent, and always up to mischief, but so were the Weasley boys, as Branwen had pointed out, and so was Draco Malfoy, Snape had to reluctantly admit to himself. He was not entirely sure how many of Potter's flaws were real and how many had become magnified in his eyes because of his hatred for James. How much of Potter's attitude was really insolence and arrogance, and how much merely the mischievousness and self-centeredness of any normal child? Of course, "normal" was a relative term...how many children had lived in cupboard for eleven years? For that matter, how many parents punished their children with a Cruciatus curse?

Finally he noticed that Potter was looking at him curiously, and shook himself out of his reverie. "Enough for tonight," Snape said. "You seem to be making progress, Potter," he reluctantly acknowledged. But he could not resist chiding, "But don't let your guard slip like that again; it's a foolish beginner's mistake. Always keep your defenses up, particularly when you're facing an enemy."

"Are you my enemy, sir?" Potter asked.

Snape should've been angry, but he felt more shaken. For a moment, he wasn't sure if it was Potter or his own conscience talking. Snape's head knew that Potter was not the enemy, but he was having trouble convincing his heart of that. "Don't be impertinent, Potter!" Snape snapped. "For the purpose of this lesson, obviously I am."

"And outside of this lesson, sir?" Potter asked quietly.

"Obviously we have to work together to serve the Order, like it or not," Snape snarled through gritted teeth, easily falling back into the old, familiar role of the embittered Potions Master in order to hide his inner turmoil. "Otherwise I would not be giving up my free time to tutor you. I assure you that I have other things I would much rather be doing. Now get out of here, Potter, and you had better have your Potions homework ready to turn in tomorrow, because you won't get any slack from me, extra lessons or not!"

The boy left without further argument, and Snape returned to his quarters. It was a great relief and comfort to find Lupin already there, looking up from some papers he was grading to give Snape a welcoming smile.

"Hello, Severus," Lupin said cheerfully. "I hope you don't mind that I let myself in. How did Harry's lesson go?"

"Of course I don't mind, and all right, I suppose," Snape replied. He tried to keep his voice nonchalant, but Lupin was always good at picking up on his moods.

Lupin looked at Snape more closely and said in a concerned voice, "Are you all right, Severus? Did Harry stir up some disturbing memories?"

"Sort of," Snape sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lupin asked gently.

Snape looked into his lover's eyes, seeing no censure, only love and concern, but he was reminded once again of Branwen's words, of how it hurt Lupin to see Snape at odds with Black and Potter. There were a great many things he wanted to say to Lupin, chief among them, "I'm sorry": sorry for rejecting Lupin after the Shrieking Shack incident, sorry for all the hurtful things he had said back then, sorry for exposing Lupin's lycanthropy, sorry for causing Lupin pain by constantly arguing with his best friend and his deceased best friend's son. And also, "Thank you": "Thank you for still loving me after all the horrible things I've done to you." But all that would take a long time to say, and right now he wanted more than anything to feel Lupin's arms around him, so he settled for saying, "I love you, Remus."

That seemed to be enough. "I love you too, Severus," Lupin said, smiling at him warmly. He rose from his seat and held his arms open, and Snape stepped forward into his lover's embrace.

They made love that night, slowly and tenderly, without the usual hunger and urgency fueled by the wolf's instincts or Snape's insecurities. It was more comforting than passionate, but no less pleasurable for that. He basked in Lupin's presence afterwards, filled with a warm glow of contentment, his troubling thoughts temporarily banished. "I love you, Remus," he said again as he reached out to brush Lupin's hair back from his face, then let his fingers slowly trail across Lupin's cheek and down his neck, coming to rest on his chest, over his heart. He stared at Lupin with a sense of awe, marveling at how beautiful his lover was, and what a miracle it was that some as beautiful and kind and brave and...well, wonderful...as Lupin actually loved him.

"I love you too, Severus," Lupin said softly. "I love the way you look at me, like I'm the most precious thing in the world to you."

"You are," Snape whispered, and gently kissed Lupin on the lips.

"As you are to me," Lupin whispered back, smiling at him joyfully, although there were tears glistening in his eyes.

Tears of happiness, not sorrow, but Snape was reminded of the things he had wanted to say to Lupin earlier. "I'm sorry, Remus," he said quietly.

"For what?" Lupin asked in confusion.

"For everything," Snape replied. "For not trusting you, for not loving you enough back in fifth year--"

"Shh," Lupin said, laying a finger across Snape's lips. "It's all right. You don't have to apologize anymore."

Snape kissed Lupin's finger, but continued, "And for getting you fired--"

"I didn't get fired; I resigned," Lupin said lightly.

"And..." Snape hesitated. "I'm sorry for always fighting with Black and Potter."

"Well, it's not entirely your fault, at least with Sirius," Lupin said with a rueful smile. "I know he starts at least half of those quarrels."

"But it hurts you, to see the people you love at odds with each other."

"I told you, Severus, you don't have to forgive Sirius for my sake--"

"But it would make you happy if I did," Snape persisted, staring directly into Lupin's blue eyes.

Lupin looked torn, as if he didn't know whether to answer "yes" or "no". "Well, yes," he admitted, almost reluctantly. "But it's not something you can force. You have to let it happen naturally, Severus."

"I don't know if I can let go of the hate," Snape said in a low voice.

"Severus--"

"But I'll try," he continued. "For your sake."

Lupin looked both happy and worried at the same time. "Did Branwen give you a lecture the other day when she spoke to you in private? I know she means well, but you don't have to let her bully you into--"

Snape had to laugh a little in spite of himself. Now that Snape had decided to make peace with Black and Potter--or at least attempt to--and after all the trouble Branwen had gone through to make him reach that decision, it seemed that Lupin was going to stubbornly resist their efforts. {Perverse little werewolf,} he thought affectionately. "Don't you want me to make peace with Black, Lupin? How many times have you thrown up your arms in frustration when we fought?"

"Of course I do!" Lupin said. "But...I know how hard it is for you. I'm afraid it will make things worse, I suppose, if you try to make yourself feel something you can't."

"I'm not saying I want to become best friends with him, Lupin," Snape said in a testy voice, and Lupin giggled. "I don't know if I can ever bring myself to actually like him, but I'll try to stop hating him for your sake. I'll try to get along with him." He thought sourly to himself that Black probably wouldn't make it easy for him. "Branwen says I should at least give him a chance to prove that he's really changed."

"Thank you, Severus," Lupin said with a smile as clasped one of Snape's hands between his own. "I know how difficult this is for you."

Lupin's smile made the unpleasant task ahead of him seem slightly more palatable. "It is difficult," he said, "but I want you to be happy." He flushed guiltily. "I've treated you so badly, and yet you've always forgiven me--"

"I'm not keeping score, Severus," Lupin said, gently but firmly. "And neither should you."

"And it's not as if you ask for much," Snape finished.

"Just a few public displays of affection," Lupin grinned.

"Exhibitionist," Snape teased.

"You like it," Lupin retorted.

Snape grinned, then said in a more serious voice, "I love you, Remus. When the war is over, I will gladly tell the world that you are my lover."

Lupin stared at him in shock for a moment, then smiled, blinking back tears. "I'll hold you to that, Severus."

"I'm sure you will," Snape said in a dry voice, recalling Lupin's threat to kiss him at the head table in the Great Hall, and Lupin laughed. He moved closer and snuggled contentedly against Snape's chest and they held each other in silence for a moment.

"Sev?"

"Hmm?"

"Was it just Branwen's lecture, or did something happen during Harry's lesson to bring all this on?"

"Both," Snape said. "Mostly the lecture." He sighed. "When I look at him, I can't help but see James. The first time I saw him, the day he entered Hogwarts, it was like seeing a ghost."

"I know," Lupin said softly. "It brought back painful memories."

"I was so jealous of him," Snape said helplessly. "It seemed like he had everything I didn't: real friends, loving parents...you."

"You have me now, Severus," Lupin said gently. "I have loved you since fifth year, and I have never stopped loving you."

"I know," Snape said holding him tightly. "I know that now, even if I was too stupid to realize it back then. And I know I shouldn't hate the boy so much...Black at least gave me reason to hate him, but the boy hasn't really done anything except be born the son of someone I hate." He paused, and a little of the old resentment stirred. "And break every school rule and get away with it. And give me that same insolent look his father--"

"Severus!" Lupin scolded.

"Sorry," Snape said, flushing. "Old habits are hard to break."

Lupin smiled at him forgivingly, which made him feel even more ashamed of himself. "It will take time," Lupin said gently. "Your feelings won't change overnight. But you've made a start; that's the main thing. I'm very proud of you, love." He kissed Snape on the cheek.

"Maybe what I hated most was that you love him and loved his father," Snape admitted reluctantly. "I was jealous. I still am, a little. Well, more than a little."

"Oh, Severus," Lupin started to say sadly.

"But it doesn't seem so bad," Snape continued, "when I'm lying here with you like this."

Lupin's sad expression melted back into a smile. "Then we must do this more often," he declared.

"It might be a little difficult to do this more often than we do," Snape said with dry humor. "Considering that you spend just about every night in my quarters."

"We could always have a quickie between classes," Lupin suggested with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. "Didn't you have some fantasy involving, ah, how did you put it--throwing me across my desk in my office and having your way with me?"

"LUPIN!" Snape bellowed indignantly. He tried very hard to scowl ferociously at his lover, but when Lupin laughed, he couldn't help but laugh with him. "You are incorrigible, werewolf!" he said fondly.

"And you're not as tough as you like to pretend, Professor Snape," Lupin said, kissing the tip of his nose. "You're very diligent about protecting Harry, someone you claim to hate. And I know you like Hermione."

"I do not LIKE that annoying, know-it-all little Gryffindor wench!" Snape huffed, his face turning bright red.

"Uh-huh," Lupin said, with an amused, you-don't-fool-me look on his face. "I seem to recall you having a rather cozy little chat about Potions with her in the drawing room over the summer..."

"She kept pestering me about some potion she'd read about--in that book you bought her for Christmas and put my name on when I specifically told you not to, I might add! So it's all your fault! I finally had to explain it to her to make her leave me alone!"

"Uh-huh," Lupin repeated, in a voice that said he didn't buy that for one second.

"It's true!" Snape insisted. "Of course, I couldn't finish my explanation because a certain oversexed werewolf happened to pounce on me in the middle of it--"

"Grrr," Lupin growled playfully. "And that was your fault, Severus, for looking so handsome." He pushed Snape's hair back so he could gently press his lips against the nape of Snape's neck; Snape shivered with pleasure. "I don't know why exactly, but seeing the nape of your neck exposed really turns me on." He grinned at Snape. "Like you seem to have a thing for my throat."

Lupin tilted his head back, and Snape obligingly kissed and nipped at the hollow of his throat. "Would you like me to cut my hair, then?" Snape asked.

"No!" Lupin said instantly, sounding appalled. "I love running my hands through your hair!" And he did just that, to prove his point, letting his finger's slide through Snape's thick, black, collar-length hair. He kissed Snape lightly and said, "Besides I don't want you sharing that lovely neck of yours with the entire world!"

"That's a privilege reserved only for you, I suppose?" Snape laughed.

"Exactly," Lupin said, with a very possessive and self-satisfied smile. "Besides, if you walk around all day with your neck exposed, how am I supposed to control the wolf? I thought you didn't want me jumping on you at the head table..."

"No, I will keep my hair as it is," Snape said hastily, and Lupin chuckled.

"Good," Lupin said, nuzzling his hair. "And speaking of the wolf, it is feeling quite hungry right now, and it is your duty to keep it pacified."

"Never let it be said that I don't do my duty by Hogwarts and the Order," Snape said, feigning a martyred air as he pulled Lupin into his arms.

***

Snape was still in a good mood the next day, although of course he tried to conceal it from his students. He was sitting in his office between classes, when suddenly he heard Lupin call out to him through the fireplace, "Severus! I need to see you right away!"

The urgent tone in Lupin's voice alarmed him, and he pulled out his wand before grabbing a handful of floo powder and stepping into the fireplace. Hogwarts was well-warded, but in these times, it was better to be safe than sorry.

He emerged to find Lupin standing alone in his office with a mischievous expression on his face. "All right, what's going on, Lupin?" Snape asked suspiciously, feeling annoyed and relieved at the same time.

Lupin did not reply, but took out his own wand and began casting spells, setting a silence spell on the room and placing wards around the door, fireplace, and windows. Then Lupin began undoing the fastenings on the long, blue robe he was wearing--one Snape had given him for Christmas--starting at the throat and slowly working his way down. The robe fell open, revealing that he was wearing nothing beneath it.

Snape's jaw dropped, and his wand fell out of his hand to the floor with a clatter, but he didn't even notice. "Lupin!" he said; it was meant to be a cry of outrage, but came out as more of a squeak. He stared at his lover in shock for a moment; he had once had a dream remarkably similar to this scenario, but he had never told Lupin about it. Could he have guessed somehow? Then a rather disturbing thought occurred to him. "Please tell me that you didn't teach your classes like that all morning!"

Lupin just grinned at him wickedly. "Mm, but doesn't that thought turn you on just a little, Severus? The thought of me being naked beneath my robes all day...?" He laughed at the look of mingled lust and horror on his lover's face, and taking pity on him, pointed at a neatly-folded stack of clothing on the chair beside his desk. "Of course I didn't, silly! I came to my office after class and got undressed. Just for you, my sly Slytherin. You were saying last night that we should do this more often. And I did propose a quickie between classes..."

"I thought you were joking!" Snape said.

"I was," Lupin admitted, "but then the idea started to become very appealing."

"This is reckless behavior, Lupin," Snape said sternly, but his authority was somewhat diminished by the fact that he was licking his lips. "If anyone should walk in on us--"

"Thus, the wards, Severus," Lupin said calmly. "No one can enter through the door or even the fireplace until I remove them; there is a silence spell on the room so that no one passing by can hear us, and I have even warded and cast a spell of obscurement on the windows, although a person would have to be flying by on a broom in order to spy on us through them. It's perfectly safe, Severus."

"We'll be late for class," Snape protested.

"I don't think they'll start without you, Severus," Lupin said impishly. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and let the robe fall to the floor in a puddle at his feet.

That did the trick; Snape's halfhearted objections immediately ceased, and he crossed the room in three long strides, took Lupin in his arms, and kissed him hungrily.

Snape's sixth-year Advanced Potions students were sitting in their classroom, gossiping amongst themselves, wondering what was keeping their teacher, who usually arrived on time like clockwork. About ten minutes after class should have started, the door slammed open and Snape stalked in, looking rather flushed. "What are you doing?!" he snarled, and his students all jumped. "Do you think you can slack off just because I'm late? Class started ten minutes ago; if I'm not here you should be reading your textbooks or continuing to work on your potions, not sitting around gossiping!"

There were mumbles of "Yes, sir," and "Sorry, sir." Ron muttered under his breath, "If class started ten minutes ago, then where were you?"

"I heard that, Mr. Weasley! Ten points from Gryffindor for your insolence! And not that's it's any of your business, but I was late because I was having a conference with Professor Lupin!" He slammed his books down on his desk, causing the students to jump again, and he glowered at them, looking extremely vexed and just dying for a chance to punish the next student who stepped out of line. The Slytherins gulped and turned pale, trying frantically to think of something they might have done that would have caused Lupin to call a conference with Snape.

{Oh Merlin, I hope it wasn't me!} Theodore prayed fervently. {Did he report Draco's Serpensortia stunt to Snape? No, he gave Draco detention for that, so Snape already knew about it. Maybe Lupin noticed Blaise was acting oddly on Halloween...?}

Meanwhile, Draco was thinking to himself, {No wonder he's so ticked off; he hates having to spend time around the werewolf. Merlin, I hope Lupin wasn't complaining to him about me! But I haven't done anything since I cast the Serpensortia spell on Nott...}

Blaise just slid down a little lower in his seat, doing his best to become invisible; most of the other students followed his example.

"Stop slouching and sit up straight!" Snape shouted, and the children all sat bolt upright. "Your potions have been steeping since yesterday; take them out and get back to work on them!"

The students rushed to obey, working in a very industrious manner all period. Thus, they were all too busy to see Snape turn away as, for just a moment, a small but very amused smile crossed his lips.

***

Sirius returned to England, loaded with souvenirs he had bought and gifts the Kamiyamas had pressed upon him, mainly an ungodly amount of Japanese sweets, including a freshly made batch of mochi, sticky-sweet rice cakes. "Be sure to give some to Snape-sensei," they said cheerfully. Miyako also gave Sirius one of the wooden fox statuettes she carved for the temple, and gave him some comic books and video game cartridges for Lupin.

He stopped by the school to present Kamiyama's proposal to Dumbledore, who summoned Snape and Lupin to the office so they could hear it as well. "Intriguing," Dumbledore said, stroking his beard. "Very well, I will talk to the Ministry and the school governors."

"Do you really think they'll let Karasu teach the children physical combat?" Sirius asked dubiously.

"I'll take care of it," Dumbledore said, sounding unconcerned. "Perhaps if we present it as a cultural exchange, more as a sport or recreational activity..."

Lupin grinned. "Slyness is not solely a Slytherin trait, it seems." Snape just snorted and rolled his eyes.

"And he's talking about stirring up the non-humans," Sirius complained. "Is that wise?"

"Better that they be stirred up by one of our allies than by Voldemort," Dumbledore pointed out.

"I suppose so," Sirius conceded.

"You've done very well, Sirius. I'd like you to be the liaison to our guests when they arrive."

"Well, Remus laid all the groundwork; I'm just the messenger boy," Sirius said modestly, but felt quite pleased with the Headmaster's praise. "But sure, I'd be happy to."

Snape looked as if he wanted to say something sarcastic, but seemed to be trying very hard to restrain himself. When he spoke, all he said was, "I'm worried about this child Miyako has Seen."

"Divination is rarely very specific, unfortunately," Dumbledore sighed.

"At least with her dream of the roses," Snape continued, "we knew it had something to do with Dylan. How are we supposed to find this child? Camp out in the maternity ward of St. Mungo's and examine every newborn girl?"

"It will probably become clear when the time is right," Lupin said. "That seems to be how these things work."

"The way these things work," Snape grumbled, "is that it usually doesn't become clear until it's too late."

"I'll inform the other Order members of Miyako's message," Dumbledore said. "Perhaps something will occur to one of them."

Sirius doubted it, but there was little else they could do. He handed out the souvenirs he'd brought with him, tabi socks--socks with a split in them for the big toe, to be worn with sandals--for Dumbledore. "You always said one can never have too many socks," Sirius said, and Dumbledore chuckled, appearing to be quite tickled by his gift. He then handed Lupin the gifts from Miyako, and Sirius's own gift, a bottle of sake. "And I should give you back the books and things you loaned me--"

"Keep them," Lupin said. "You should probably keep studying them if you're to be the liaison to the Japanese emissaries."

"Thanks, Moony. And um, these are for you, Snape," Sirius said awkwardly, handing Snape the packages of sweets. Lupin grinned and Snape raised his eyebrows, and Sirius hastily added, "They're from the Kamiyamas."

"Ah, I see," Snape said, accepting the packages. Lupin cleared his throat loudly. "Well, er, thank you," he muttered in a rather grudging tone.

Lupin cleared his throat again, looking at Sirius this time. "Uh, yeah, no problem," Sirius muttered rather grudgingly himself. "Um, is Branwen around? I brought back something for her, too, and for Harry."

"No, I believe she had some errands to run in Hogsmeade," Dumbledore replied. "But I'll send for Harry so you can see him."

"Oh," Sirius said, feeling a little disappointed. "Thanks. Here, Moony, maybe you can give this to Branwen for me? Just a little souvenir from my trip." It was a folding paper fan, painted with a design of a pair of cranes in flight. Ironically, the cranes looked a lot like Chizuru, although Sirius had bought it in the village before he met her, simply because it was pretty and reminded him of the painting at the Sakura which served as a Portkey.

"Of course," Lupin said, taking the fan. "I'm sure she'll be sorry she missed you." He and Snape left, and a little while later Harry arrived.

"Sirius!" he exclaimed happily, and ran forward to give his godfather a hug.

"It's good to see you, Harry," Sirius said, feeling much better. He hugged Harry back and said, "I had to stop by to see the Headmaster so I thought I'd say hello. Here, this is for you; a souvenir from a trip I just took to Japan." He handed Harry the omamori charm.

"Thanks, Sirius," Harry said, staring at the little brocade bag curiously. "What is it?"

"A good luck charm," Sirius replied with a grin, "called an omamori. This one is for success in exams."

"Well, I can sure use it!" Harry laughed, a little ruefully.

"Snape's not giving you a hard time in class, is he?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said in a warning tone.

"No, actually I'm doing okay," Harry said quickly. "It's tough keeping up in class, but I'm doing a lot better in Potions than I did last year. Honestly. And he says I'm making progress with my Occlumency lessons." Harry hesitated, then added, "I'm not sure, but I think he tried to help me last year, when Umbridge gave me detention."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked.

Harry explained about the lines he wrote for Umbridge that cut into his hand, and Sirius scowled furiously at Dumbledore. Before Sirius could start giving the Headmaster a piece of his mind, Harry hastily continued with his story about Dobby, and how Snape had apparently left the jar of healing salve out for the house-elf to "steal."

"I just don't get it," Harry said in confusion. "I thought he hated me. Why would he want to help me?"

"He doesn't hate you, Harry," Dumbledore said gently. "I told you that before. It's your father he hates. Unfortunately, you remind him of James."

"Okay, I get that," Harry said, looking uncomfortable. "And I get that he protects me because he feels like he owes my dad for saving his life, and because of the Order. But the lines weren't exactly life-threatening, and he's given me plenty of detention himself--"

"Unpleasant detention tasks, I'm sure," Dumbledore said, still in that gentle voice. "But nothing like Professor Umbridge's punishment."

"Well, no," Harry admitted.

Harry looked at Sirius with troubled eyes, obviously asking for guidance. Sirius wanted to say something wise and godfatherly, but he was just as clueless as Harry. "I don't know, Harry," Sirius said slowly, keenly aware of Dumbledore's eyes gazing intently at him, although the old wizard was smiling in his usual good-natured fashion. "Maybe he helped you because of the debt he owes James." Then he reluctantly added, "I suppose if Remus were here, he would say that Snape cares about all his students, even if he doesn't show it." Harry still looked dubious, and Sirius couldn't blame him, because he shared those same misgivings; despite Lupin's words, it seemed to Sirius that Snape's concern was focused mostly on his Slytherin students.

"There is more to Professor Snape than meets the eye, Harry," Dumbledore said, kindly but firmly. "You know that."

"Yes, sir," Harry said, although he didn't look completely convinced. Then he turned back to Sirius and said, looking more cheerful, "You'll come to our Quidditch match this month, won't you, Sirius?"

"Of course!" Sirius said, smiling. "I wouldn't miss it for the world! I can't wait to see Gryffindor wipe the floor with Slytherin!"

"Ahem," Dumbledore said, clearing his throat and giving Sirius a stern look.

"Ah, all in good fun," Sirius hastily added, "and in a sportsmanlike manner, of course."

"Of course," Harry said, grinning.

"I should get going," Sirius said regretfully. "But I'll definitely be here for the game, Harry."

"I'll see you then," Harry said, turning to leave. Then he paused and asked, "By the way, what were you doing in Japan?"

Dumbledore and Sirius exchanged a look. "Sirius was running an errand for me," the Headmaster said. "It will become public soon enough, but for now I must request that you keep that information private."

"You were on a secret mission?" Harry asked, sounding excited and impressed.

"Just carrying some messages," Sirius said modestly, but smiled proudly.

"Can't you tell me what it was?" Harry asked eagerly. "You know I'll keep quiet about it!"

Dumbledore smiled. "I can't go into the details, but Sirius was meeting with some allies of the Order. As I said, you'll hear about it soon enough."

Harry looked a little disappointed, but he didn't argue. "It was good to see you, Sirius," he said, giving his godfather a quick hug before he left.

"You too, Harry," Sirius said, and he left as well.

***

Sirius returned home, and was welcomed back by Tonks and Hob. He had brought gifts for them, too: a violet-colored kimono with a white flower design for Tonks ("To match your hair," he said with a grin) and some sweets for Hob. It was nice to have someone to come home to; Sirius found that he no longer minded living at the Black family house so much now that Tonks and Hob were living with him. Hob's little cosmetic touches, like the new curtains and wallpaper, had helped, but it was mostly their mere presence that brightened the formerly gloomy atmosphere.

He retired to his room to rest before dinner, and when he came down to the dining room, was surprised to find Tonks dressed in her new kimono, placing a vase filled with fresh flowers in the center of the table.

"My, don't you look nice," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "Did you get all dressed up just for me, or are we having company?" There were three place settings on the table, but the shy little hob usually preferred to eat alone in the kitchen or his cupboard now that Sirius was no longer living by himself.

"We're having company," she said in a slightly too-casual tone, and Sirius frowned suspiciously. Just then, he heard the sound of the front door opening and slamming shut. "Ah, there's our company now!"

Sirius was not kept in suspense for long; a minute later, Branwen walked into the dining room, with Bane perched on her shoulder as usual. "Thank you for inviting us, Tonks," she said, handing the young Auror a cardboard pastry box. "I stopped by Hogsmeade to pick up some dessert."

"You didn't have to do that, Branwen," Tonks protested, then laughed. "But Hob will be happy."

"Branwen?" Sirius asked, feeling a little stunned. "What are you doing here? Why aren't you at Hogwarts?"

"Well, it's nice to see you, too, dear," Branwen replied mildly. "Tonks invited me--" Bane cawed loudly. "--and Bane, of course, over for dinner."

"But what about your classes?" Sirius demanded.

"We don't teach at night, Sirius," Branwen said gently, as if speaking to a very simple-minded child. "Except for Severus, who has to give Harry and Dylan private Occlumency lessons. Besides, it's Saturday."

"Don't be so rude, Sirius," Tonks chided. "Branwen will think you're not happy to see her."

Sirius shot her a quick glare and silently vowed, {I'll get you for this!}

Hob, who was probably in on Tonks's little scheme, had prepared a delicious meal and brought up a bottle of the finest vintage the Black wine cellar had to offer. Sirius sighed and resigned himself to an evening of matchmaking. He took a sip of wine, comforting himself with the fact that his mother would be rolling over in her grave if she knew that he was sharing her best wine with his half-blood cousin and a part-demon woman who, though from a distinguished line of wizards with Dark leanings, had thrown in her lot with "that bleeding heart Dumbledore" (as Mrs. Black used to refer to the Headmaster). Branwen clearly had no clue what Tonks was up to, so Sirius relaxed a little, and simply enjoyed her company as they conversed about Hogwarts and Sirius's trip to Japan; he tried to ignore Tonks's look of smug satisfaction.

As they lingered over dessert (chocolate marble cheesecake), Branwen said to Tonks, "You look quite fetching, dear. That robe suits you."

"Thanks," Tonks said with a grin. "Sirius got it for me in Japan."

"That reminds me," Branwen said, "thank you for the fan, Sirius; it's lovely."

"It's nothing," Sirius mumbled, as Tonks asked, "What did he get you? Can I see it?"

"Tonks!" Sirius said indignantly.

"Of course you can see it," Branwen said, giving him a puzzled look. She reached into a pocket on her robe and pulled out the fan, spreading it open so that Tonks could see the crane design.

"Ooh, that is nice!" Tonks said.

Bane cawed in a disgruntled tone. Branwen laughed, "Bane thinks you should have gotten a fan with ravens on it instead!"

"Sorry, Bane," Sirius said sardonically, "but they didn't have any. Maybe that tengu crow-man, Karasu, would know where to find one."

"The cranes are lovely, dear," Branwen said, smiling. "Remus says that they're a symbol of good luck in Japan."

"Really?" Sirius said. "I didn't know that; I just thought it looked pretty."

"Yes, apparently they're a symbol of longevity, peace, and fidelity."

"Fidelity?" Tonks asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Yes, because the Japanese cranes mate for life. Rather like wolves, I suppose."

Sirius, unfortunately, had just taken a bite of cheesecake, and choked on his food when he heard Branwen's words. She patted him on the back as he coughed and choked, saying in a concerned voice, "Are you all right, Sirius? My goodness, you have to be more careful when you eat, dear."

"I'm okay," Sirius gasped, finally managing to get the lump of cheesecake down his throat. He drained his glass of wine in one gulp, and glared at Tonks.

She smiled back at him innocently and asked, "That's quite fascinating, don't you think, Sirius? About the cranes, I mean?"

"Fascinating," he said sourly.

"It wouldn't hurt you to take a little interest in Japanese culture," Branwen said in what Sirius privately thought of as her "teacher's voice." "Since Albus has asked you to be the liaison to the representatives from Japan."

"Remus has already loaned me some books," Sirius said, a little sullenly.

"Good," Branwen said. "Make sure you study them." Sirius grunted an affirmative, and Branwen turned to Tonks. "How are you holding up, Tonks?"

"Okay," she said. "Though I can understand why Sirius was going a little stir-crazy last year." She gave her cousin a sympathetic look, but Sirius was not in the mood to forgive her just yet for her meddling. "It's incredibly frustrating just sitting here doing nothing."

"I know," Branwen sighed. "I don't think they really believe you're guilty, but since they have no other suspects, they're loathe to let you go for fear of looking incompetent."

Sirius snorted derisively. "I think you can find Cornelius Fudge's picture in the dictionary under the definition of 'incompetent'!"

"I thought about offering to swear under Truth Serum that I had nothing to do with the break-in, but the Headmaster told me that wasn't a good idea," Tonks said.

"No, it's not!" Branwen said, looking alarmed. "It would be all right if we could make sure that the Ministry confined themselves to asking solely about the break-in, but we can't take the chance that they might intentionally or unintentionally get you to spill information about the Order. It's possible that Voldemort might have other plants besides Gwydion, and there are always those like Umbridge who are not Death Eaters, but who have become his unwitting pawns."

"I know," Tonks said glumly. "I wouldn't want to endanger anyone, especially Severus and Dylan."

"We'll have to do it the hard way, but we will clear your name eventually," Branwen promised, patting her shoulder comfortingly. Tonks thanked her, and she left soon after that, saying it was late and she should get back to school. She lifted her familiar from the table, where he was sitting in a near-stupor after consuming a huge slice of cheesecake. "I think Severus is right," she told him disapprovingly. "You're getting fat." The raven was too contentedly full and sleepy to respond with his usual indignant croak. Branwen bid Tonks and Sirius goodnight, kissing Sirius on the cheek in a motherly fashion before she left.

As soon as Branwen was gone, Sirius said to his cousin, "You're dead meat, Tonks!"

"What?" she asked, feigning bewilderment. "All I did was invite a friend over for dinner. I thought you'd be glad of a little company; I know I am."

"Do not meddle in my love life, Tonks!" Sirius said sternly. "I mean it!"

"But Sirius--"

Sirius decided to turn the tables on her. "What about you?" he demanded. "You're single, too, aren't you? Shouldn't you be devoting your energies to finding someone for yourself first?"

"I don't have time for that--" Tonks began to protest.

"You've got nothing but time on your hands," Sirius pointed out, and grinned at the look of consternation on her face. "It's fine with me if you want to invite a guy over, though of course you'll have to run him by Dumbledore first, since this is the Order headquarters." Tonks blushed a little. "Do you have a certain guy in mind?"

"I don't have a boyfriend!" she said, still blushing.

"But there's someone you like?" Sirius hazarded a guess as his cousin's face turned pink, which clashed rather badly with her violet hair and kimono. "Who is it?" he cajoled. "Come on, you can tell me, your favorite cousin!"

"Gee, look at the time," Tonks said hastily. "I didn't realize it was so late! I'm heading up to bed; 'night, Sirius!"

"Goodnight, little cousin," he called out cheerfully. He took the dishes to the sink, and left a plate of cheesecake beside the fire for Hob. He was pleased that he'd managed to divert her attention away from him and Branwen for the moment, but frowned a little as he wondered who her crush was; not just any guy would do for his favorite cousin. He resolved to keep his eyes and ears open; sooner or later she would let down her guard and let a hint slip out.

Part 23