FIC: Mother's Day, Part 1 of 2

[geri_chan]

Here's this month's entry for the Decade of Snape/Lupin project!

Title: Mother's Day, Part 1 of 2
Rating: PG
Pairing: Snape/Lupin, past Lupin/Tonks, Fred/Tonks
Word count: ~8,530
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Author's note: Semi-DH compliant, with a few twists.
Sequel to: Awakening
Summary: Remus receives a second chance at life, while Tonks is shocked to find that Remus isn't waiting for her in the afterlife.

***

The first thing Remus saw when he opened his eyes was Severus's face.

His black eyes were filled with an intense jumble of emotions: anger, fear, relief, and...could it possibly be...love? Remus found himself smiling, filled with such joy at seeing Severus again that he forgot momentarily that Severus was supposed to be the enemy.

"It worked, Professor!" another familiar voice exclaimed, and only then did Remus notice that Harry was there as well. His green eyes--so much like Lily's--contained only simple, unadulterated relief, but Remus had a much less complicated history with Harry, after all.

They were both looking down at him, and Remus shifted slightly, finding a firm mattress beneath him and a softer pillow propping up his head. He glanced around and noticed that he seemed to be in a private hospital room--probably at St. Mungo's?

While Remus was getting his wits about him, Harry said to Severus, "You were right--he wasn't really dead, after all!"

"Of course I was right, you idiot boy," Severus growled in a low, raspy whisper. The words seemed spoken with a painful effort, and Remus saw that there was a bandage wrapped around Severus's throat.

"What happened?" Remus asked.

"If you mean this," Severus said, touching his bandaged throat, "Nagini happened. If you mean Potter...well, it's a long story, but suffice it to say that Voldemort is dead and gone--permanently, this time. If you mean what happened to yourself--"

"I was dead," Remus interrupted. "At least, I thought I was...I remember being with James and Lily and Sirius, but something--someone--called me back. It was you, wasn't it, Severus?"

Severus flushed and glanced away, and it was Harry who replied, "It was Professor Snape who told us that you weren't really dead."

"Werewolves can't be killed so easily," Snape said gruffly. "Your lycanthropy shielded you and threw you into a sort of deathlike trance that was nearly indistinguishable from the real thing. Literally, you were in a state of suspension between life and death."

He paused to cough, and Harry hastily resumed the explanation. "We all thought you were dead, but fortunately Professor Snape explained things to us and helped to prepare the potions that restored you to life. You could have died for real if you'd been left untreated, he said, and even if you managed to wake up on your own, it wouldn't have been good if you'd woken in up in a coffin buried underground."

Remus shuddered, but was distracted from that gruesome thought when Harry eyed the still coughing Severus with a look of concern, then poured him a glass of water from a nearby pitcher. Severus gave Harry a curt nod of thanks and sipped from it carefully while Remus watched in amazement.

"Severus...you're on our side again?"

"You always were a bit slow, wolf," Severus replied. It was difficult to tell from that hoarse, damaged voice, but Remus thought he detected a faint hint of affection mixed in with the sarcasm. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking.

"He's always been on our side," Harry said earnestly, and explained how Severus had been carrying out Dumbledore's plan from the start, and that the apparent murder had been done on Dumbledore's command.

When he got to the part about how Severus had done it all for Lily, Severus cut him off with a curt, "That's enough, Potter," looking rather embarrassed.

"Oh, sorry, Professor," Harry immediately apologized. "I guess that's kind of personal, right? Anyway, Remus, the point is that the Professor was Dumbledore's man all along."

Remus knew that there were other things he should be concerned about, such as which of his friends and comrades might have died in battle, but he couldn't help being amazed by the way that Harry now regarded Severus with admiration and respect instead of fear, hatred, or at best, wariness. And rather than being pleased with Harry's change in attitude, Severus seemed disconcerted and more than a little uncomfortable with it.

And then it sunk in that Remus had not had the faith to believe in his lover no matter how bad things had seemed. And also that he had married a woman he didn't love because he'd felt betrayed--but perhaps he was the one who had betrayed Severus. And Tonks, too, because she deserved a husband who truly loved her instead of one who'd simply caved to peer pressure. True, she had been stubbornly persistent and hadn't wanted to hear his halfhearted attempts at turning down her advances, but it was still his responsibility for not standing firm and refusing to be pushed into a relationship he didn't want. And perhaps if he'd been honest with her and told her that the one he'd loved was Severus, she would have realized that he wasn't just being noble and selfless by saying that he was too old and too poor and too much of a werewolf to be a good husband. But he'd been afraid that everyone would regard him with suspicion if they knew that he was the traitor's lover, or simply that they would scorn him for being gay. He already had one black mark against him as a werewolf and he didn't need another, or at least, that was what he had told himself.

But now Remus felt cowardly and ashamed, especially after all that Severus had sacrificed in order to protect Harry, knowing there was a good chance that he could die without anyone knowing the truth, his sacrifice unknown and unheralded. And what had trying so hard to please everyone gotten Remus, anyway? He had lost Severus's friendship years ago because he'd been too afraid to stand up to James and Sirius, but the Shrieking Shack incident had also ended up damaging his friendship with the Marauders. They had never quite understood why he was so upset that the prank had put Severus in danger--after all, it was just Snivellus and he hadn't been hurt. Although they'd remained friends on the surface, they had become a little distrustful that Remus cared so much about a Slytherin, enough so that they suspected him when it became obvious there was a traitor in their midst. So James, at Sirius's urging, had ended up choosing the real traitor, Peter, over Remus as the Secret Keeper, and Remus had lost all his friends--James and Lily to death, Peter to Voldemort, and Sirius to Azkaban. He and Sirius managed to patch up their friendship years later, but for all too brief a time, and now all the Marauders except for Remus were dead.

And letting himself be pushed into a relationship with Tonks because he'd been afraid of losing not only her friendship, but the Weasleys' as well, had resulted in a marriage he was desperately unhappy in. Tonks had seemed blissfully oblivious to his discontent, but in looking back in hindsight, her declarations of love and happiness seemed just a little too loud and cheerful to ring true. Perhaps she too had been playing a role, and had hoped that pretending to be a happy, loving couple would eventually make it true.

If Remus hadn't married Tonks, he might now have a second chance with Severus, but it was too late. He'd made a vow to Tonks, and even though he'd done it for impulsive and stupid reasons, it wasn't fair to abandon her. Besides, there was Teddy to consider--he was the one good thing that had come out of that marriage, and their son needed both his parents.

Anyway, he was probably presuming too much to think that Severus would even consider taking him back now. Why would he want such a faithless lover?

In spite of it all, a tiny hopeful voice whispered in the back of his mind, But still, he cared about you enough to call you back to life.

"I'm sorry, Severus," Remus said humbly. "At first, I couldn't believe it when they told me that you murdered Albus, but in the end I did. I should have trusted my first instincts--I should have trusted you."

"You believed what you were meant to believe, Lupin," Severus said gruffly, turning his head to avoid meeting Remus's gaze.

"Still, I should have had faith in you," Remus insisted.

"We all should have," Harry said, looking shamefaced. "If nothing else, I should have trusted Professor Dumbledore, because he always believed in you, Professor Snape."

Severus heaved a sigh of exasperation, looking much more like his usual self. "You may be the Boy Who Lived and Defeated Voldemort, Potter, but you are a very bad actor. If you--and everyone else--had believed in me, then the Dark Lord would not have. The whole point was for everyone to believe that I had betrayed Dumbledore and the Order, so the two of you can stop with all the remorseful breast-beating!"

Remus found himself smiling, a little sadly, at that familiar grumpy tone he had grown to love. He was still full of regrets, but all he said was, "Yes, Severus."

Harry didn't really look convinced either, but he said, "Yes, Professor," then began explaining to Remus how Severus had restored him to life--a very complicated process involving some rare potions and an arcane magic ritual. "It was Professor Snape who brewed the potions and found the instructions for the ritual in an old book in the Restricted Section of the library."

Severus harrumphed in response, which provoked another coughing fit. "I'm very grateful to you for saving me, Severus," Remus said, staring at him anxiously. "But are you all right? It seems as if you could do with some healing yourself."

But Severus just waved off his concern with an impatient gesture. "Aside from the damage caused by her fangs, Nagini's venom is--was--particularly corrosive, much more so than a normal snake. Of course I had a healing potion and antivenin prepared ahead of time, and I took them as soon as Potter and his cohorts left."

"We thought you were dead," Harry said remorsefully. "I mean, I know now that you were just pretending to be, but if we'd gotten you to a Healer right away--"

"Didn't I tell you to stop with the breast-beating, Potter?" Severus demanded. "There was no reason for you to take a Death Eater to a Healer in the middle of a battle!"

"Yes, sir," Harry said sheepishly.

Severus gave him an exasperated look and muttered something under his breath that sounded like, "...preferred it when he was an insolent brat." Harry grinned cheekily and Severus glared at him, but looked a bit relieved to see a glimpse of the old Harry, which made Remus smile again. "In any case, Lupin," Severus continued in a louder voice, "I'm told that further attempts at magic healing will not hasten the process and might even harm it. But my throat should eventually heal on its own, though it will leave a scar." With an ironic half-smile he added, "Not that I'm worried about ruining my good looks."

"You should consider it a battle scar and wear it with honor," Harry declared firmly.

"Spare me your Gryffindor dramatics, Potter," Severus growled, then started coughing again.

Harry handed him another glass of water and said, "Yes, sir, but perhaps you should get some rest now that Remus is all right." He leaned over and whispered to Remus, "He said the ritual had to be performed as soon as possible or we might not be able to...er...bring you back. He's barely gotten any rest since--"

"Potter!" Severus shouted, or at least as much of a shout as he could manage, though it was more of a hoarse bark. To Remus, he said gruffly, "It is merely that none of the dunderheads around here were competent enough to brew the potions or perform the ritual, so naturally the burden fell upon me."

"Naturally," Harry said with a grin. When Snape glared at him, he said, "What, I thought you liked it better when I was insolent?"

"Thank you, Severus," Remus said softly. He saw through the Potions Master's bluster, and was touched to know that Severus still cared about him--he only wished that he'd realized it sooner.

Severus stared down at his feet and mumbled something that might possibly have been a "you're welcome," then muttered something only slightly more coherent about letting Remus get some rest.

He turned to leave, but Harry gave him an alarmed look and hissed, "Professor!" When Severus looked up, Harry whispered urgently, "We still have to tell him about...you know."

"He's your friend and mentor," Severus whispered back irritably. "Can't you handle it?"

"No!" Harry protested, still whispering.

"You faced down the Dark Lord but you can't manage this?" Severus retorted.

"At least give me some moral support!" Harry pleaded.

"Excuse me, you two," Remus interrupted. "I assure you, being newly risen from the dead hasn't done anything to affect my hearing, and I can hear every word you're saying."

"Bloody werewolf hearing," Severus muttered under his breath, then exchanged an apprehensive glance with Harry, which worried Remus. The news must be really bad, since Severus usually didn't mince words or exert much effort in sparing Remus's feelings.

"I know that we must have taken losses during the battle," Remus said, managing to keep his voice calm and level. "Please, just give it to me straight--whom did we lose?"

After another exchange of glances, Harry solemnly began reciting the names of the people who'd died in battle. Some were friends and trusted comrades, others were people he'd barely known or even total strangers, but Remus mourned them all and felt an intense stab of grief not just for himself, but for the pain that their loved ones must be going through. Hardest of all was to hear the names of the Hogwarts students who had died--only a few, but even those few were too many when they shouldn't have been facing any greater concerns than passing their exams and worrying about whether the cute boy or girl in their class liked them.

"So young," Remus whispered when Harry told him that Colin Creevey had died. He closed his eyes for a moment, remembering the exuberant Muggle-born boy who had seemed so proud and delighted to have become a wizard, and the way that he used to follow Harry around like a worshipful puppy. It was hard to believe that he was dead now, all that youth and potential abruptly cut short. And Fred Weasley hadn't been much older. Remus couldn't imagine what the Weasley family was going through right now, particularly George--even for twins, they had been extremely close, like two halves of a whole. What must it feel like for George, who had lost his other half?

He opened his eyes to find Harry and Severus still staring at him in concern, which made him both worried and a little puzzled. Yes, he grieved for those who had fallen, but to be perfectly honest, Remus had already lost the people who were nearest and dearest to him long ago: James and Lily nearly two decades ago, Sirius a couple of years ago, and his parents had died of natural causes during the years in-between. And Peter, of course, had been lost to them long before he had died. Remus still had a few friends that he cared about, but they were more casual than close; certainly nothing approaching the brotherly bond he had shared with the Marauders. The only people whose deaths he would truly be devastated by were standing in front of him: Severus and Harry. And of course, little Teddy...

"Teddy!" he gasped, seized by a sudden heart-stopping panic. "Did something happen to Teddy?!"

"No, no," Harry hastily assured him. "Teddy is fine." Remus had just enough time to breathe a sigh of relief before Harry visibly steeled himself, obviously preparing to deliver bad news. "It was Tonks," Harry finally managed, forcing the words out with an effort. "She was killed by Bellatrix."

Remus stared at Harry in confusion, unable to comprehend his words. "But...but...that doesn't make any sense," he stammered. "Dora was at home with the baby. Unless the Death Eaters attacked the house? But you said that it was Bellatrix, and I know I saw her during the battle at Hogwarts..."

"Remus," Harry said gently, "you know how Tonks is--I mean, was. She wasn't happy about being left out of the action, and she was worried about you, so...well, she came to take part in the battle."

"But she promised!" Remus shouted. "She promised to stay at home with Teddy! We had agreed that at least one of us needed to stay safe so that our son wouldn't be an orphan!"

"You needn't shout at Potter, Lupin; it's not his fault," Severus said, though in a surprisingly mild tone for the acerbic Potions Master. What surprised Remus even more was to hear Severus defending Harry--a surreal moment that startled him out of his anger for a moment. Harry seemed equally stunned, his eyes widening as he stared at Severus in slack-jawed shock.

"As Potter said, you know what Tonks is like," Severus continued. "Or you should, since you were married to her," he added, and Remus winced at the edge of bitterness in his voice. "Did you really think that she would stay safely at home twiddling her thumbs like a meek little housewife? Hell, Molly is a stereotypical housewife, and even she refused to stay at home when her family was danger! I still can't believe it, but she actually managed to kill Bellatrix. Motherly love, I suppose--apparently Bellatrix was attacking Ginny, and Molly wasn't about to lose another child to the Death Eaters." He sounded both bemused and impressed.

"You're right," Remus said wearily, his anger fading. "I should've realized she wouldn't be content to remain safely at home."

"I'm really sorry, Remus," Harry said, awkwardly reaching out to place a comforting hand on Remus's shoulder.

"Thank you, Harry," Remus replied, torn between feelings of grief and guilt. Grief because he had genuinely cared about Tonks, though more as a friend than a lover or wife. And guilt partly for not foreseeing that she would break her promise and recklessly run into danger. But most of all he felt guilty because a small, selfish part of him felt relieved that he would no longer be trapped in a marriage he had never really wanted.

"I am sorry for your loss, Lupin," Severus said stiffly, staring past him but not quite at him.

"Thank you," Remus murmured, unable to meet Severus's gaze, either.

Harry gave the two of them a puzzled look, obviously picking up on the tension between them but not understanding the reason behind it. "Er...the Professor said it would take some time for you to fully recover after, um, being revived. Maybe we should let you get some rest?"

Lupin did feel tired and weak now that Harry had mentioned it, but mostly he was overwhelmed by the double shock he had just received, that Severus had not betrayed them and that Tonks was dead. "Yes, I am a bit tired," he said. "But...I'd like to speak to Severus alone for a minute, if I may?"

Still looking puzzled, Harry replied, "Yes, of course. I'll wait for you outside, Professor."

Once Harry had left the room, they stared at each other in silence until Remus cleared his throat and started to say, "Severus, I--"

"I already told you that I don't want any apologies, Lupin," Severus interrupted.

"I won't apologize, then," Remus said quietly. "And I don't expect you to forgive me, but I wanted to explain about Tonks."

"There's nothing to explain," Severus said gruffly, turning his back on Remus. "A young and beautiful woman inexplicably became infatuated with you; why shouldn't you have married her? An opportunity like that doesn't come along every day, and if nothing else, it would give you the normal life that you always seemed to crave..."

"That's not what I wanted!" Remus cried, and a startled Severus tuned to face him. "You were what I wanted," Remus said in a quieter voice.

"You had a funny way of showing it," Severus replied bitterly.

"Damn it, Severus, I thought you were a traitor!" Remus shot back in frustration. "Meanwhile, Tonks was flinging herself at me, and Molly and everyone else was pushing her at me, saying that's what Dumbledore would have wanted, never asking what I wanted!" He took a deep breath, then exhaled and admitted, "To be fair, I never came right out and said that I didn't want her. I was trying to let her down gently, so I made up excuses about being too old and poor for a young girl like Tonks. Everyone took that to mean that I did love her but was being self-sacrificing about it.

"Maybe I should've had more faith in you, but our relationship was still fairly new at the time. We were just beginning to trust each other, and when I heard the news I thought that maybe none of it had been real, that you still held a grudge against me for the Shrieking Shack and all the times that I'd failed to stand up for you in school." Then Remus sighed, "Oh hell, I'm just making excuses, aren't I? To put it simply, I believed the deception and lost faith in you. And once I'd lost you, it didn't matter to me whom I was with, so I let myself be pressured into a relationship with Tonks. I soon realized that was a mistake, but by that time Tonks was pregnant and..."

"And you had no choice but to marry her," Severus finished, his voice sounding more resigned than bitter now.

"Well, I did have a choice," Remus admitted. "I could have chosen not to marry her and let everyone hate me for being a cad who abandoned his pregnant girlfriend. And I won't deny that played a part in it, but I also felt a sense of responsibility towards my child."

"Once I heard that Tonks was pregnant, I knew that you would never leave her, regardless of whether you loved her or not," Severus said quietly.

"I never loved her, at least not that way," Remus said just as quietly. "I cared for her as a friend, and I was grateful to her for giving me Teddy when I never thought I would ever be able to have children, but...you were always the only one that I really loved. Even when I hated you for murdering Dumbledore--or so I thought at the time--I couldn't stop loving you even though I hated myself for it."

"I see," was all Severus said, but Remus caught a glimpse of his eyes glistening with unshed tears before he turned away. "Well then, I'll let you get some rest now," he said gruffly, but he paused for a moment with his hand resting on the doorknob. Without turning around, he added, "I said that you believed what you were expected to believe, but even so, I was...disappointed...that you didn't believe in me, even though there was no good reason why you should."

"Severus--" Remus said in a voice filled with guilt and sorrow, trying to apologize even though Severus had said that he didn't want any apologies, and even though it was probably too late to do any good.

"But still," Severus said, ignoring the interruption, "I am glad that you survived, Remus. And if you are ever so stupid as to get yourself mortally wounded in combat again, I just might kill you myself!"

He swept out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Remus stared at the closed door in disbelief, and a hesitant smile spread across his face as he dared to hope that perhaps it might not be too late after all.

***

Tonks found herself walking through what seemed like the Forbidden Forest, only she knew that it wasn't. A dead giveaway--if one could pardon the pun--was the warm, glowing light shining at the end of the path she was walking on. She felt a sense of peace and comfort emanating from it, easing the anger she felt at not being able to at least take Bellatrix with her when she'd died.

And overall, she did feel at peace with herself as she headed towards that light and whatever lay beyond it. Oh sure, she was a bit anxious about leaving before the outcome of the battle was known, but Harry was the Chosen One, the Boy Who Lived...to put it plain and simple, he was the Hero. And heroes always won out in the end, didn't they?

And of course she would miss Teddy and her mother. Tonks felt especially guilty about leaving her mother alone so soon after she'd lost her husband. But she wasn't really alone--she would have Teddy to comfort her in the days and years ahead. And Teddy was so young--he wouldn't miss her, or at least not for long. Likely he wouldn't even remember her when he got older...

That gave Tonks a brief pang of regret, but even so, she kept walking straight ahead without looking back. She loved her mother and son dearly, but Remus was her whole life and she couldn't bear to live without him. She would rather have been able to save him, of course, but since that wasn't possible, she was content to be with him in death. All that mattered was that they would be together.

She stepped through the golden light, and on the other side, she found family and friends waiting for her--some of whom she didn't realize had died.

"Hey there, Nymphadora," Fred Weasley said with a grin and a wink.

"Don't call me 'Nymphadora'!" Tonks snapped automatically, then stepped forward and hugged him tightly. "Oh Fred, not you too!"

"It's okay," he comforted her, patting her on the back. "It's not so bad, being dead. I'm not quite sure what we're supposed to do next, but I'm sure it will be a grand adventure! I think it's harder on the ones we left behind." He smiled sadly, and Tonks knew that he must be thinking of George.

"Dora," said a familiar voice, and Tonks turned to see her father smiling warmly at her, waiting for her with open arms.

"Daddy!" Tonks cried, and flung herself into his arms, weeping as they enveloped her in the secure, reassuring embrace that had comforted her so many times as a child, and even as a young woman.

"My little girl," he murmured, planting a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "I am sorry and yet glad to see you again."

Tonks hugged her father once more, then pulled back slightly to look at the other people who were waiting to greet her. Colin Creevey, smiling at her shyly--poor boy, so young to have died, even younger than Fred. Sirius, who swept her into a hug and said, "I've missed you, little cousin."

Standing beside him was a man that she mistook for Harry at first, until she saw that he was older and that his eyes weren't green. And then she saw the red-haired woman with him, who did have Harry's striking green eyes--or rather, he had hers.

"James and Lily!" Tonks exclaimed.

"We haven't seen you since you were just a kid," James laughed, reaching out to ruffle her hair. "You've grown quite a bit since then!"

"You've really grown into a lovely young woman, Tonks," Lily said with a smile, giving her a hug.

"Well, it looks like the old gang's all here, then," Tonks laughed, looking around for her husband, then growing puzzled when she didn't see him. "Where's Remus?"

The others exchanged looks--the kind of looks that said they were trying to figure out how to break bad news to her. But what could possibly be worse than Remus dying, especially when it was clear now that death wasn't really the end?

Her father placed his hands on her shoulders, as if to steady her, and said, "Dora, I have good news for you. At least, I hope you'll think it's good news. Remus isn't dead."

"What?" Tonks said, staring at him blankly. "But he did die--I saw Dolohov strike him down! Even though I knew he was dead, I still checked, hoping for a miracle, and he wasn't breathing and his heart wasn't beating!"

"His dual nature as a werewolf is what saved him," Lily said gently. "I don't understand all the technical details, but it seems that his wolf half is what kept him alive. Apparently he fell into a sort of coma where his heart rate and breathing slowed down to a point where it was practically undetectable. But Severus figured out that he was alive and found a way to save him."

"Severus?" Tonks echoed. "But...he's a traitor! Why would he help Remus?"

"It's a very long story," Lily said, still in that gentle voice. "Come with us, and we'll explain what happened."

But Tonks was already sinking to her knees in shock--and also guilt that she felt so devastated to learn that her beloved husband was alive instead of dead.

***

The next several days passed in a blur. Remus was released from the hospital and attended funeral services for Tonks, as well as Fred and other fallen comrades. He also did his best to care for Teddy, who seemed bewildered by the fact that his mother was gone and spent a great deal of time crying, unwilling to be consoled by either his father or his grandmother.

And things were a little tense between Remus and Andromeda. Although she never actually came out and said so, it was clear that she blamed him for her daughter's death, at least partly. Not that he blamed her, when he blamed himself, too. He had tried to express remorse--not that any apology could ever make up for the loss of Tonks--and Andromeda had merely said that no one could ever stop Tonks when her mind was set on something. And maybe she believed that intellectually, but emotionally it was hard to ignore the fact that Tonks had rushed into battle and been killed for Remus's sake.

They were both doing their best to get along for Teddy's sake, but Remus thought that he should move into his own place soon before that civil facade cracked. He hated to take Teddy away from Andromeda, but he would make sure to take Teddy over for frequent visits.

The only problem was that he didn't have a job or enough money to rent a house or even a small flat. The first part was solved when Kingsley, the new Minister of Magic, offered him a job heading up the newly created Werewolf Liaison Office, which would carry out Kingsley's reforms in granting werewolves equal rights and helping to integrate them into society. But Remus would still need to save up at least a couple of paychecks before he had enough money to move out on his own, and he wasn't sure how long he and Andromeda could manage to maintain the fragile harmony they had established. He knew that Harry would gladly have loaned or outright given him the money, but Remus was too proud to take charity from his best friend's son.

But he did keep in touch with Harry because he was anxiously monitoring Severus's situation. Although Harry had revealed Severus's true loyalties on the day of the final battle, there still had to be a formal Ministry hearing to officially establish his innocence. Kingsley was taken aback at the news, but believed Harry once the shock wore off. However, quite a few people ranging from Ministry officials to the parents of Hogwarts students were less inclined to accept the infamous Professor Snape's change of heart.

"It's so unfair!" Harry complained when the the three of them met for lunch at Grimmauld Place when the hearing was finally over. "I told them the truth; Professor Dumbledore's portrait told them the truth; and I even showed Kingsley the Pensieve memories, and he agreed that they were real and not faked. Yet people still don't want to believe it!"

"I painted myself as a villain, and that image is not so easy to undo," Severus replied wryly. His voice still sounded a little hoarse and husky, but was much improved, and he no longer broke into those painful coughing fits. "People have hated and feared me for so long that they can't just change their feelings overnight. And besides, I did kill Dumbledore, even though it was at his request. And I did let the Carrows harm the students. I tried to curb the worst of their excesses, but there were occasions on which I couldn't stop them from casting a Cruciatus Curse on a rebellious student without breaking my cover. I can't really blame them for hating me."

"Neville and Luna and Ginny don't," Harry insisted loyally. "They even testified on your behalf that you would send them to 'detention' with Hagrid in order to protect them from the Carrows."

"But things must have turned out all right at the hearing since you're here and not locked up in Azkaban?" Remus asked hopefully.

"In a manner of speaking," Severus said with a shrug. "I've been placed on probation for two years and will have to live with an Order member who will agree to be responsible for me." He smiled thinly and added, "However, even the ones who believe I'm innocent aren't exactly lining up to volunteer."

"I told you that you're welcome to stay with me, Professor," Harry said earnestly.

"I appreciate the gesture, Potter," Severus said dryly. "However, I'm not certain that we wouldn't drive each other stark raving mad within a week."

"But we've been getting along well enough now, haven't we?" Harry asked with obvious sincerity. "We've had our differences in the past, but I really do respect you now that I know the truth."

Remus nearly burst out laughing at the look of consternation on Severus's face, but managed to restrain himself to a faint smile. "I think that Severus just feels a bit awkward about having a former student be responsible for him," he suggested tactfully.

"Oh, of course," Harry said sheepishly. "Say, I have an idea--what if the Professor moves in with you, Remus?"

Remus suddenly found his heart beating faster, and silently told himself to calm down--he wasn't a teenage boy with a crush any longer. "I don't mind," he forced himself to say in a level voice, casting a sidelong glance at Severus, who seemed to have frozen in place. He looked shocked, but didn't seem dismayed, exactly. Encouraged, Remus continued, "The only problem is that I'm currently living with Andromeda, who might not welcome another housemate. However, I was thinking of moving out on my own with Teddy..."

Harry nodded and said, "Yeah, Hermione said that things were a bit tense between you two, that maybe Andromeda needs some time alone to mourn Tonks."

"Hermione is indeed a clever young witch," Remus said with a sad smile. "The other thing is...well..." He flushed with shame. "I need a bit of time to save up enough money to put down a deposit on a flat."

"Remus, you should have told me that before!" Harry scolded him. "You know that I'd be happy to--"

"I appreciate your generosity, but I can't accept charity from you, Harry," Remus said firmly.

"It's not charity for friends to help each other out," Harry protested. "If it makes you feel better, you can pay me back after you start getting paid for your new job."

"Thank you, Harry, but if I'm going to be a good father to Teddy, I need to be able to stand on my own two feet."

"Actually, I already own a home," Severus said slowly, as if he were still thinking over Harry's suggestion. "Nothing fancy, but my parents left me a small house in Spinner's End after they died. I've been living mainly at Hogwarts, but it's still in livable condition--more or less."

"I don't mind doing a few repairs or renovations," Remus said, trying not to sound too eager for fear of scaring Severus off. He was newly widowed and even if he hadn't loved Tonks romantically, it would be disrespectful to her memory to start another relationship so soon. And even more importantly, he knew that it would take time to earn back Severus's trust. For now, he would work on rebuilding a friendship with Severus--he wouldn't expect or ask for anything more. It was miracle enough that Severus had cared about him enough to save his life, and that Severus was willing to consider living with him.

Remus smiled and added, "Due to my financial situation, I've gotten pretty good at repairing things."

"Yes, that's obvious from the state of your robes, Lupin," Severus replied sarcastically, but without his usual acerbic bite.

Remus glanced at his patched robes and laughed, "Okay, so I'm not the best at mending spells!" Actually, Tonks had bought him new robes, but he'd felt embarrassed about being supported by his wife. Besides, this one was more comfortable despite the patches, though it had driven poor Tonks crazy that he refused to throw it out.

(Andromeda had just sighed and said, "That's the way men are, dear," because Ted had owned an even more ratty and equally beloved old robe that he'd insisted was perfectly good for "puttering around the house." Their compromise had been that he would wear it only in the house because Andromeda refused to let him go out like that in public.)

"But I am pretty handy with a paintbrush or hammer and nail," Remus added.

"Very well, then," Severus said. "You shall be my keeper, and in return I'll provide housing and the Wolfsbane Potion for you. Is that acceptable to you, Lupin?"

"It is," Remus replied, holding out his hand. After hesitating a moment, Severus reached out and shook it while Harry beamed at them, looking quite pleased with himself.

***

The house wasn't as bad as Severus made it out to be. Some of the furniture was threadbare, and the inside was rather dark and gloomy, but the house itself was solidly built. Some new wallpaper, upholstery, and a few lamps made things much more bright and cheerful, although Severus rolled his eyes at the Quidditch-themed wallpaper for Teddy's room and the little broomstick-and-Snitch mobile that hung above his crib.

"The boy is a bit young for you to be trying to make him into a future Quidditch star, Lupin," Severus said in a voice that was snarky and yet almost good-natured at the same time.

"I just thought that the wallpaper was cute, that's all," Remus laughed. "And the mobile is a gift from Harry. It doesn't matter to me whether Teddy grows up to be a Quidditch player or a teacher or anything else that strikes his fancy, as long as he's happy."

"I think Potter is hoping for Quidditch player," Severus said.

"Well, I won't object if Teddy wants to emulate his godfather," Remus replied with a grin.

"Merlin forbid--not another Potter!" Severus exclaimed dramatically.

"You say that, but you've grown fond of him, haven't you?" Remus asked, then laughed again as Severus responded with vehement denials. "Well, Harry has grown fond of you," Remus said. "It's kind of cute, the way he regards you almost with hero worship."

"I can't fathom it," Severus said, shaking his head in disbelief. "I think being almost killed must have driven him a bit batty."

"He knows now how much you cared about Lily, and how much she cared about you," Remus pointed out. "Knowing that you were someone special to Lily probably made him see you in a different light."

"He thinks that I was in love with her," Severus said in an exasperated voice. "And yes, I understand how he could mistake platonic love for something more romantic, but why should that change his opinion? Shouldn't he find it disgusting that the teacher he hated lusted after his mother?"

"Loved, not lusted," Remus corrected gently. "I admit that it does seem a bit strange, but Harry's always been a straightforward, black-and-white sort of person. He thought that you were a bad guy, but it turns out that you were on the side of the light, so that makes you a hero now. And you loved Lily, who is very dear to Harry in spite of the short time that they spent together, so I suppose that makes you dear to him, too."

"Merlin save us," Severus sighed.

Remus laughed, then said in a more serious voice, "Are you really all right with having Teddy here, Severus? You don't mind having a small child underfoot?"

"He can't be any worse than the little monsters I taught at Hogwarts," Severus replied, waving off his concerns dismissively. "If his crying gets annoying, you can cast a silence spell on his room. And he's still small enough that if he gets underfoot, you can just pop him back into his cage--er, crib."

"I shall do my best to keep him from bothering you," Remus promised. "And Severus?"

"Yes, Lupin?"

"I'm happy to be given a second chance at life," Remus said quietly. And maybe at other things, he added silently. "And I'm happy to be living with you."

Severus was silent for a long moment, then said gruffly, "The idea of living with you is not as distasteful as I might have thought." Remus smiled, and Severus blushed and snapped, "Wipe that stupid grin off your face, Lupin!"

"Yes, Severus," Remus said meekly, but he had a hard time keeping his smile from growing even wider.

***

They got along well enough--better than Remus would have expected, given their turbulent past history. Severus found plenty of things to complain about, ranging from Remus's habit of being "annoyingly cheerful" in the morning to the way he sang (loudly and off-key) in the shower. But the complaints seemed more like a token gesture to keep up appearances than anything else.

Severus seemed to have mellowed a great deal, and when Remus tentatively remarked that he seemed more at peace with himself, he replied, "Chalk it up to not having to teach a bunch of dunderheaded brats anymore." Remus laughed, and Severus replied in a more serious voice, "And also to being free of having to serve two masters." He smiled sardonically and added, "Or mostly free, save for my werewolf keeper."

"I am your friend, Severus," Remus said, daring to reach out and lay his hand over Severus's. "Never your master or keeper. I hope you know that."

"I do," Severus replied softly. Then he cleared his throat and gruffly complained about idiot werewolves who could barely look after themselves, let alone be anyone else's keeper.

Severus had given up his position at Hogwarts although McGonagall, the new Headmistress, had asked him to stay--she and the other teachers had all been remorseful that, like Remus, they had believed in his guilt without question. His detractors at the Ministry were ready to put up a fight, but Severus rendered the issue moot when he politely declined McGonagall's offer, saying that he appreciated the gesture but was looking forward to taking a break from teaching and having some time off to himself.

Remus had worried at first that he was merely accepting the inevitable, but Severus seemed to be happy working in the small laboratory he'd set up in the basement of the house. He confided in Remus that he was planning to start a mail order potions business--under a pseudonym, since many customers would be leery of doing business with a pardoned Death Eater.

He even started a garden in the backyard, which was currently overgrown with weeds. Remus volunteered to help, and when Severus would have brushed off his offer, Remus said with a grin, "I'm not being entirely selfless. I know that you're planning to grow herbs for your potions, but I thought that I could plant a small patch of vegetables to supplement our meals. And perhaps I could use a few of the edible herbs for seasoning?"

"That seems like a reasonable arrangement," Severus had agreed, and they worked side-by-side in the garden with Teddy watching them from his playpen, or occasionally bundled up in a sling on Remus's back. Teddy seemed to find it amusing to watch them struggle with the deep-rooted weeds, and gurgled with laughter when Severus directed a stream of curse words at a particularly stubborn one.

"Severus, please!" Remus scolded, although he was more amused than offended. "There is an impressionable child present."

"Since his vocabulary consists primarily of 'goo goo' and 'da da' at this point, I hardly think you need to worry about his delicate sensibilities being offended, Lupin," Severus said dryly.

"You never know," Remus laughed. "I'm told that a three-year-old James once cheerfully blurted out an obscenity at a formal family dinner!" Then he abruptly fell silent, mentally kicking himself for that slip of the tongue. He tensed and waited for Severus to react with anger, as he usually did at any mention of his old rival, but instead he merely raised an eyebrow.

"But Potter the elder was a dunderhead," Severus said mildly. "Young Teddy appears to be a more intelligent child--although Merlin only knows where he got it from, considering whom his father is."

"Da!" Teddy declared emphatically, as if in agreement, although he might also have been demanding attention from his father or asking to have his diaper changed.

"You see, the child agrees with me," Severus said sagely, choosing to go with the first interpretation.

"A clever child indeed," Remus agreed, lifting Teddy out of the playpen to give him a hug and a kiss.

***

Remus had worried that despite Severus's reassurances, he would find Teddy a nuisance, but his worries were unfounded. At first Remus tried to keep Teddy out of his way, which wasn't that difficult, since Andromeda baby-sat Teddy during the weekdays when Remus was at work. At night, Severus didn't seem to mind if Remus and Teddy joined him in the sitting room while he read a book (sometimes a Potions text, other times a novel), as long as Teddy was reasonably quiet. And if Teddy started crying, Remus would take him upstairs to settle him down, occasionally resorting to a silence spell when Teddy threw a full-blown tantrum.

On Remus's days off, Severus spent a lot of time working on his potions at first, but gradually began spending more time with Remus and Teddy. Remus thought that he was bored and a little lonely--he was on probation, not under house arrest, but he disliked venturing out in public too often due to the amount of attention he attracted as either a hero or a villain, depending on one's point of view.

Harry would stop by to visit from time to time, sometimes with Hermione. Severus would act annoyed, but beneath his bluster, Remus thought that he secretly enjoyed the visits--as a change from his daily routine, if nothing else. McGonagall was a more welcome guest, but she was busy overseeing the rebuilding of Hogwarts, so for the most part, Remus and Teddy were Severus's sole companions.

One night, a few days before the full moon when Remus was already feeling tired and sore, Teddy began screaming and crying. "Sorry, Severus," Remus said, bouncing Teddy in his arms in an attempt to comfort him, but it only made him scream louder. "I'll take Teddy upstairs for a bit."

He went upstairs to his room, which was Severus's childhood bedroom; Severus had moved into his parents' room downstairs. After casting a spell to muffle the noise, Remus rocked Teddy in his arms and sang him lullabies, but nothing seemed to help. He just kept crying and crying, until Remus was frantic with worry and frustration, and on the verge of breaking down into tears himself.

And then the door opened as Severus peered through it anxiously. "Is everything all right, Lupin? You were up here for so long that I thought I'd better check on you and the brat."

"He just won't stop crying," Remus said helplessly. "Do you think he might be sick? Maybe I should take him to St. Mungo's?"

To Remus's utter astonishment, Severus held out his arms and said, "Here, let me take a look at him." Too stunned to do otherwise, Remus handed over Teddy without a word. Severus looked over Teddy carefully, then cradled him in one arm--managing to keep a secure grip despite his screaming and squirming--and took out his wand and cast a few diagnostic spells with his free hand.

"I believe it's just a touch of colic," Severus said calmly. "Let's go down to my workshop and I'll give him a tincture."

So they went to his workshop, where Severus handed Teddy back over to Remus, then used a dropper to carefully squeeze a few drops of a potion into the baby's mouth, which was conveniently opened wide in an angry scream. Then he took Teddy back from Remus, resting Teddy's head on his shoulder while he held Teddy close against him, gently patting his back. "There, there," he crooned soothingly, unperturbed by Teddy's continued screams. "You'll feel better in a little while."

Remus felt as if he had stepped into some strange alternate universe where Severus Snape was an expert baby-sitter. "Severus...how...?" he blurted out, not very coherently, but Severus understood what he meant.

"You might have heard that I'm Draco's godfather," Severus replied with a smile. "It wasn't just an honorary title. I often looked after him when he was a young child, and he was quite a spoiled and fussy baby. Teddy's tantrums are nothing compared to Draco's, I assure you."

A few minutes later, Teddy's screams quieted down into a few hiccuped sobs, until he fell into an exhausted but peaceful sleep in Severus's arms. He handed Teddy back to Remus, who tenderly kissed his son's tear-streaked cheek. Impulsively, Remus leaned forward and brushed a light kiss against Severus's mouth before he had a chance to think better of it.

"Thank you, Severus," he whispered.

Severus stared at him, his expression unreadable, and Remus began to worry that he'd undone the tentative trust and camaraderie that had developed between them. But then Severus said gruffly, "You're welcome, Remus," and when Remus smiled in relief, Severus smiled hesitantly back at him.

Part 2