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FIC: Mother's Day, Part 2 of 2
Title: Mother's Day, Part 2 of 2
Rating: PG
Pairing: Snape/Lupin, past Lupin/Tonks, Fred/Tonks
Word count: ~7,000
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Author's note: Semi-DH compliant, with a few twists.
Sequel to: Awakening
Summary: Tonks struggles with seeing Snape take her place in Remus and Teddy's lives, and Teddy eventually has questions about his mother.
Part 1
***
The afterlife, Tonks discovered, seemed to be a temporary stopping point, a place for the dead to rest and recover from whatever had cut short their lives. She found herself in a pleasant little town not unlike Hogsmeade, and there was an empty cottage waiting for her, already furnished and containing clothes and books and trinkets like the ones she had possessed in life, right down to her old teddy bear with mended seams and mismatched button eyes. It had been too threadbare and fragile to hand down to Teddy, but Tonks hadn't been able to bring herself to throw it away.
There were shops and restaurants that didn't require money and seemed to magically replenish themselves. Tonks asked if she was supposed to get a job, and Lily had laughed kindly and said that it wasn't necessary, but that she could if she wanted to. Some people enjoyed cooking or sewing or bantering with customers, and others just wanted to keep busy, so there were always enough volunteers to keep the shops staffed. As a matter of fact, Fred was working in a joke shop with his uncles Gideon and Fabian.
"So, this is, like, Heaven?" Tonks asked doubtfully. "I mean, it's very nice and all, but it seems a bit...well...anticlimactic."
"Yes and no," Lily replied. "From what I've heard and observed, this is a place for the dead to find healing and peace, particularly those who died by violence or with unfinished business. People stay here for weeks, months, or years, depending on their needs. Many people, like James and I, wanted to stay to watch over their children or other loved ones left behind. But there's no time limit--there are people who have been here for centuries. Although time here is relative, and doesn't always pass at the same rate as it does in the world of the living."
"And what happens when you're ready to, er, move on?" Tonks asked.
Lily shrugged. "No one really knows, just like the living don't know what comes after death. Sometimes they say farewell and walk off into the sunset; other times, you wake up one morning and realize that your neighbor has vanished. There are rumors, of course. Some say that you go on to the real Heaven, while others say that you're reincarnated and begin life over again. And it's said that some of the older spirits stay behind to guide the newly deceased souls into the afterlife. But we'll never know for sure until it happens to us."
"Well, I'm in no rush to leave yet," Tonks decided. "You said that people watch over their loved ones? Is there a way that I can look in on Remus and Teddy and my mum?"
"Of course," Lily replied, and led her to a pond tucked away in a cozy, flower-strewn little clearing in the woods. "Just look into the water and say the name of the person you want to see."
Tonks knelt beside the water and whispered, "Remus," while Lily walked off a short distance to give her some privacy. Her reflection stared back at her for a moment, and then the water shimmered and blurred, and images began playing across the surface of the water, like watching a montage on a movie or television screen. Images of Remus in a hospital bed, being tended to by a very relieved-looking Harry--and Snape, of all people! Images of her mother and Remus, tense and standoffish in their mutual grief, yet both doing their best to comfort Teddy. Remus moving in with Snape, and looking happier than he had ever been during the short time that he'd been married to her. She wept when she saw Remus kiss Snape for the first time--just the faintest touching of lips, but it was far more tender than any of the kisses or lovemaking they had shared. Looking back in hindsight, Remus's attentions now seemed affectionate enough, but dutiful and a bit remote rather than passionate.
"It was Snape," she wept. "Snape was the one he was really in love with."
"I'm afraid so," Lily said sympathetically, returning to her side. "They became friends and then lovers when we were all at Hogwarts, but James and Sirius came between them. Even though they'd only been together for a short time, I don't think either of them ever really got over it."
"So he never really loved me," Tonks said bitterly.
"I think that Remus cared about you in his own way," Lily said kindly, but Tonks could see the pity in her eyes.
"Please, I'd like to be alone now," Tonks said, with all the politeness she could muster, which wasn't much. Lily nodded and obeyed, leaving Tonks alone by the pond.
She sat there for hours until the sky grew darker as dusk fell. And still she couldn't bring herself to move. Why should she? Since this was an idyllic post-life paradise, there was nothing dangerous in the woods, and the weather was never too hot or too cold for comfort. She could stay out here all night without taking any harm.
"Hey, Tonks," Fred said with casual cheerfulness, and Tonks looked up to see him approaching with a picnic basket in one hand. "You've been out in the woods all day and missed lunch, so I thought you might be hungry." He sat down on the grass beside her, placing the basket between them.
"I'm not hungry," Tonks said sullenly. "And it's not like I'm going starve to death if I miss a meal or two."
"Of course not, but why miss out on eating when the food here tastes so good?" Fred replied, pushing a bottle of butterbeer and a flaky pastry into her hands.
Since it was obvious that he wasn't going to leave her alone, Tonks sighed and bit into the pastry, expecting something sweet, but it turned out to be filled with chunks of ham and melted cheese. Her stomach rumbled, and she suddenly realized how hungry she was, dead or not. She wolfed down the pastry in a few bites, washed it down with the butterbeer, and licked the crumbs from her fingers, feeling a little better than she had before.
"Thanks, Fred," she said.
"No problem," he replied as he began eating a pastry himself, at a much more leisurely rate.
"I suppose Lily told you what happened," Tonks said, her face burning with shame.
"All she said was that you needed some time alone," Fred said, and Tonks felt even more ashamed for thinking that Lily would violate her privacy. "But I've heard that when people look in on the past, they have trouble tearing themselves away at first. I looked in on my family the other day myself, and I cried for hours, seeing how much they missed me and how lost George looked." His eyes began to tear up, and he turned his head away for a moment as he quickly brushed the back of his hand against his eyes. "Anyway," he continued with slightly forced cheer, "I figured that you probably went through something like that looking in on Remus and little Teddy."
He was just a boy, really, and she shouldn't burden him with her pain, but Tonks found herself spilling out the whole story to Fred. He listened solemnly, with more maturity than he had ever shown before, and Tonks thought to herself that maybe he wasn't a boy any longer. He had fought and died like a man, after all, and the horrors that he'd lived through would change even the most reckless, lighthearted prankster.
"Why didn't he just tell me that he was gay?!" Tonks demanded, hating the slight edge of a whine that she heard in her voice.
"Well, looking back, I think maybe that he tried," Fred replied, after thinking it over for a few moments. "He kept going on about how he was too old and poor for you."
"I thought that he was just being noble and self-sacrificing as always!" Tonks protested.
"Well, I can't blame you, since we all thought the same," Fred said. "But I'm sure that it was hard for him to announce to everyone that he was gay when he already had a strike against him for being a werewolf."
Tonks fell silent as she thought about all the prejudice that Remus had suffered as a werewolf. How much worse would it have been if he'd become known as a gay werewolf? The wizarding world wasn't exactly tolerant of such things, especially with the pureblood emphasis on keeping the bloodline running by reproducing more little pureblood offspring. Maybe Remus would have confided the truth to her in private--if she hadn't forced a public confrontation in front of Molly and the others in the hospital wing.
"Still, he should have told me...something," Tonks insisted. "He didn't have to say that he was gay, but he could have said that he only liked me as a friend or something like that. He never came out and said that he didn't love me, so I thought that he felt the same way I did." But even as she said the words, she wondered if she would really have believed him if he'd said that he didn't love her, or if she would have told herself that he was lying to protect her.
"He should have," Fred agreed. "But maybe it was tough for him to say no when everyone was rooting for you guys to be together." Tonks flushed with embarrassment, although Fred's words didn't sound accusing. "And he was probably confused about Snape turning out to be a traitor--or at least, that's what we thought back then. You and he got to be pretty good friends before the romance thing started, so maybe he thought the two of you could make a go at it."
Tonks still felt confused and angry and guilty, but somehow, talking to Fred had made that burden a little more bearable. "You're pretty smart for a kid," she said, punching him lightly on the shoulder.
He grabbed his shoulder with an exaggerated grimace and made a show of keeling over in pain. Tonks laughed, and Fred sat back up, saying with a grin, "I'll have you know that I'm no kid--I was a successful business owner before I died! And popular with the ladies, too!"
His smile faded for a just a second before it brightened again; perhaps he was recalling his girlfriend, Angelina. "I apologize, Sir Weasley," Tonks said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. "And Fred...thanks for listening."
"I'd be glad to lend you an ear anytime, Tonks," Fred said, pulling an Extendable Ear out of his pocket, and they both burst into laughter.
***
Severus and Remus didn't resume their romance immediately after Remus's impulsive kiss, but it was a first step towards building a relationship that was more solid and stable than it had ever been in the past. They took things slowly, learning to trust each other again--or maybe learning to fully trust each other for the very first time. This time they started off learning to be friends, and only when that friendship felt secure, months later, did they begin to take things to the next level.
It happened so slowly that when their relationship finally became apparent to outsiders, their friends thought that it was a natural outgrowth of two wounded war veterans finding comfort in each other, not two former lovers rekindling an old flame. Harry was startled, but once he got over the shock, said that he was glad for them, although he kept saying things like, "I never had any idea that you were gay!"
"Bisexual, Harry," Hermione corrected him almost primly. "Remus was married to Tonks before, so that means he can be attracted to both men and women."
"Oh, I see," Harry said, nodding. "Then that also explains..." His voice trailed off, but his eyes flickered over to Severus for a moment. In spite of the shocking new revelation, it was obvious that Harry still believed that Severus had been in love with Lily.
Severus rolled his eyes, but chose not to correct Hermione. "Miss Granger is still a little know-it-all, but she doesn't know as much as she thinks," he whispered smugly into Remus's ear.
As for McGonagall, she brushed a tear from her eye and hugged them both, much to Severus's discomfort and Remus's amusement. "I'm so happy for you both," she told them. "You've both mourned long enough--Lily and Tonks would want you two to be happy, I'm sure." In a more tart voice, she added, "And don't roll your eyes at me, Severus! Whether you loved Lily romantically or as a friend, you did love her, and you've put your life on hold ever since she died. I'm glad to see that you've finally given up your martyr complex and gotten on with life!"
"Yes, Minerva," Severus said with uncharacteristic meekness. Apparently McGonagall was a bit more perceptive than Harry and Hermione. Remus wasn't quite so sure that Tonks would want him to be happy with Severus, but he told himself that McGonagall was wiser than he, and hoped that she was right.
Molly was less sanguine about the news. She probably wasn't comfortable with them being gay (or bisexual), but the main problem was that she still held a grudge against Severus for cutting off George's ear, even though it turned out to have been an accident. But George finally put his foot down and said, "Enough, Mum! I don't hold a grudge against the Professor anymore, and after all the people we've lost, we need to be all the more grateful for the friends who have survived." Then with an attempt at his old mischievous charm, he said, "Besides, I've made a prosthetic ear that's even better than the original!" He pulled a remarkably lifelike ear out of his pocket and stuck it on the side of his head. "You see, it also doubles as an Extendable Ear!" It shot out towards the kitchen door, remaining connected to his head by a long cord.
"George Weasley!" Molly shouted with some of her old fire. Everyone laughed, and if the laughter was a bit forced, it did ease the tension. And if Molly was never quite comfortable with Severus, she would invite him over for dinner on the weekends along with Remus and Teddy.
Andromeda had the most difficulty in accepting the relationship, and accused Remus of having never loved Tonks. Since her accusation wasn't entirely unfounded, Remus found it hard to refute, although he gently said that he had cared for Tonks very much and would always honor her as Teddy's mother, which was true.
But in the end, Andromeda was won over by Teddy's obvious love for Severus, and Severus's love for Teddy. He developed lycanthropy when he was two, and both Andromeda and Remus went frantic with fear and guilt. It was Severus who sharply told them to pull themselves together, that they were frightening the boy, and it was Severus who developed a child-safe version of the Wolfsbane Potion and brewed other potions to ease the pain of the transformation. It was Severus who cradled Teddy in his arms, both as a wolf cub during the night of the full moon and the next morning when he awoke as a boy.
"Thank you, Severus," Andromeda said with tears in her eyes as she watched him hold Teddy in his arms tenderly. "What he had to go through was horrible...but you made it easier for him, as much as you could."
"He's a brave lad," Severus replied quietly. "In that, he takes after his mother." He smiled faintly and added, "He may turn out to be a bit foolhardy, like both his mother and father, but I'll do my best to keep him out of trouble."
"I'm sure you will," Andromeda said, laughing through her tears. "I still wish Dora were here...but since she can't be, please look after him. And please, don't let him forget about her."
"I won't, Andromeda," Remus promised. "I'll make sure that he knows whom his mother was and how much she loved him." Severus said nothing, but nodded silently in agreement.
***
Through the magical pond, Tonks watched Remus and Snape fall more deeply in love, and watched her son grow older without her. She laughed at what a cute and mischievous werewolf cub he made, with his fuzzy blue fur, and wept when he began making his nose grow larger to mimic Snape's. And she wept and raged when he started calling Snape "Papa."
Her father and Sirius tried to tell her that she spent too much time staring into the pool, but she angrily brushed them off. Lily would smile sadly and tell them that Tonks needed to come to terms with things on her own. Tonks knew that she should have been grateful for Lily's compassion, but instead she felt sullen and resentful, like a child who was being patronized and humored.
Lately, Fred's company was the only one she could tolerate. He would join her at the pool and listen to her rages or let her cry on his shoulder without lecturing--at least, not too much.
"I know that you must hate not being there for Teddy," he said one day. "But it's not like they're letting him forget you. Andromeda is always telling him stories about your childhood, and Remus has told him about the pranks you liked to play and what a brave Auror you were. And Teddy keeps a picture of you on his nightstand."
"That's all I am to him, a photograph, not a real person," Tonks said bitterly. "I can't help feeling like Snape's taken my place."
"Well, Snape treats Teddy like a son, it's true," Fred agreed amiably, then grinned. "But I'd hardly call him Mummy Snape! Can you picture him wearing an apron and cooking and cleaning like my mum?"
Tonks knew that Fred was trying to cheer her up, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh. "Snape hasn't just usurped my place with Teddy," she said. "He's taken my place with Remus, too. Damn it, Fred, doesn't it bother you at least a little bit that Angelina has started dating your brother?!"
She bit her lip, wishing she could take her words back. It wasn't fair to lash out at Fred because she was angry at Snape, especially when he was the only one who tried to understand her. But he didn't seem to take offense, and replied calmly, "No, actually I'm kind of glad. Maybe it's different because Angelina and I were only dating, not married like you and Remus. I cared about her, but we were young and I wasn't thinking about marriage back then. Who knows whether we would have stayed together in the long run if I had lived? But in any case, I'm glad that they were there for each other. I know that they were both hurting, but George was the one I worried about the most. He was so sad and broken that I was afraid he would never heal. I'm glad that Angie was there to comfort him, and I'm glad that he was there to support her, too. She was the first one to make him laugh after I died, when I was afraid he would never laugh again. I'm glad that two of the people I loved have found happiness together."
"I'm a horrible wife and mother," Tonks said miserably, feeling petty and ashamed of herself. "Why can't I just be happy that Remus and Teddy are happy?"
"You're not horrible," Fred said reassuringly, wrapping an arm around her, and she leaned over to rest her head on his shoulder. "You're just having a hard time letting go of them because you miss them so much. Isn't that what this place is for, to help us heal and let go of the past?"
"How'd you get to be so smart, Fred Weasley?" Tonks asked.
"I was born that way," he said with a cocky grin. Tonks burst into laughter and tears at the same time, and Fred held her as she wept.
***
Teddy adored his two fathers, and Severus showed a gentleness and patience with Teddy that Remus had never seen him show with his students, not even his favored Slytherins. However, that didn't mean that he was a pushover, either. When Teddy misbehaved, Severus would scold him sternly and sentence him to an appropriate punishment, unmoved by tears or what Severus referred to as Teddy's "puppy dog eyes look." Remus's natural tendencies would have been more indulgent, spoiling him a little to make up for the loss of his mother. But it wasn't fair to let Severus be the sole disciplinarian, so Remus put in an extra effort to present a united front as parents. Even Molly had to grudgingly compliment Severus's ability to reign in the rambunctious Teddy without being overly harsh.
Remus made sure to tell Teddy about his mother, in simple terms that a toddler could understand--that she had loved him very much, and that she had died a hero, protecting the wizarding world from evil wizards. Andromeda told him many stories about Tonks, of course, and Remus added a few anecdotes of his own, mostly from when they'd still been friends instead of a married couple because those had been his happiest memories of her.
But Teddy treated those stories like fairy tales: he enjoyed hearing them repeated, but he seemed to think of Tonks almost as a favorite fictional character who wasn't quite real.
"Of course she seems fictional when he's never met her," Severus pointed out reasonably when Remus expressed his concerns. "Or rather, he's too young to remember the short time they spent together. He knows that she was his mother and that she died, but he's too young to fully comprehend such concepts. I'm sure that he'll grow more curious about her as he gets older."
"Will you be all right with that when the time comes?" Remus asked quietly, reaching out to hold Severus's hands in his own. He knew that Severus hadn't liked Tonks much, even before they'd become romantic rivals, but he never once uttered a single word against her in front of Teddy. Remus was grateful for that, but it worried him a little that Severus never spoke of Tonks at all, not even when Teddy wasn't around, and he usually found something else to do when Remus told Teddy stories about his mother. He worried that Severus might be bottling up suppressed resentment and that it might all come spilling out one day unexpectedly.
Severus heaved a sigh of resignation. "The late Mrs. Lupin is never going to be my favorite person," he admitted in a dry voice. "But she is Teddy's mother, and he has a right to know about her. I've never said anything disrespectful about her to Teddy, and I never will."
"I know that, Severus," Remus replied, squeezing his hands gently. "I just worry that it's hard on you, being reminded of that time..." When I betrayed you, he finished silently in his mind.
But Severus smiled at him sincerely and said, "It doesn't bother me so much now that I'm with you and Teddy."
"I'm glad," Remus said, leaning over to give him a kiss. He'd meant it to be brief and reassuring, but it quickly turned more lengthy and heated.
"Andromeda won't be bringing Teddy back home for two more hours," Severus said slyly (and a bit breathlessly) when they finally pulled apart.
"Well then, I think we should make good use of that time!" Remus laughed, wrapping his arms around Severus.
***
"Ugh!" Tonks exclaimed, wrinkling her nose as she quickly turned away from the pond. "I definitely don't want to see that! And you're not exactly my favorite person, either, Snape!"
"They get it on pretty frequently for fortysomething-year-old men with a small child," Fred observed with a grin.
"That's disgusting, Fred!" Tonks shouted, whacking him on the shoulder, but she was actually glad that he had regained his old mischievous sense of humor. When he laughed, she attempted to glare at him, but couldn't help smiling back at him.
"You're incorrigible," she said, shaking her head. "But seriously, it's not much fun watching my former husband--is he 'former' if I'm dead but he's not? Anyway, it's not much fun watching him get all lovey-dovey with Snape." It still hurt, to see Remus happier with Snape than he'd ever been with her, but somehow it didn't sting quite as much as it used to. She wasn't ready to admit it to anyone else yet, but deep down she was beginning to realize that maybe she'd been more in love with an idealized version of Remus that she'd created than with the real man himself.
"Well then, if you need a break from all that lovey-doveyness, why don't you join me?" Fred suggested. "James wanted to put together a Quidditch game and he needs a few more players."
"Do you really trust a clumsy oaf like me with a Bludger?" Tonks asked wryly. Sadly, death hadn't made her any more graceful than she'd been in life, and she still had a habit of tripping or knocking over things.
"Hey, it's not like it'll do any permanent damage if we get hit with one, since we're dead and all," Fred pointed out cheerfully.
"I guess you're right," Tonks laughed, casting only one backwards glance at the pond as she walked back to the village with him.
***
Pre-Hogwarts education for wizarding children was rather haphazard and inconsistent: some were home-schooled or privately tutored, while others attended Muggle schools until they were eleven. Both Remus and Severus were former teachers and could have done an adequate job of teaching their son, but Remus thought that it was important for Teddy to socialize with other children his age.
Muggle school was out of the question with the way that Teddy's hair changed colors with his mood, so Remus was delighted when a small private school for pre-Hogwarts children opened in Hogsmeade not long after the war ended. It was a practical as well as an intellectual consideration, since many wizards and witches were so busy with the post-war rebuilding effort that they did not have the time and leisure to homeschool their children.
When Teddy was six, he came home from school one day looking unusually serious and a little troubled. Severus exchanged a questioning look with Remus, then went about his normal routine of setting out a snack for Teddy on the kitchen table--today it was pumpkin juice and a slice of the apple pie that Molly had brought over earlier.
"How was school today?" Remus asked casually.
"Okay," Teddy mumbled through a mouthful of pie.
"Chew and swallow before you speak, scamp," Severus said sternly, and Teddy grinned up at him, looking more like his usual self.
"Yes, Papa."
"So what did you do in school today?" Remus prompted, reassured by Teddy's smile.
"We made Mother's Day cards since it's Mother's Day on Sunday," Teddy replied. "I don't have a mother, so I asked the teacher what I should do, and she said that I could make a card for Grandma, or maybe I could make a card telling my mum all the stuff I'd like to tell her if she was here."
Remus's first instinct was to curse the teacher for assigning a Mother's Day project to a class that contained a motherless boy, but he supposed the issue would have come up sooner or later regardless. Teddy was getting old enough to become more curious about his mother, not to mention becoming more aware of the fact that their family was different from most others. He'd already gotten into a minor scuffle with a boy at school who had taunted him for having two daddies.
"I think that's a good idea," Remus replied, keeping his voice calm and matter-of-fact. "Making a card for your mum, I mean."
"I'd like to make her a card," Teddy said, frowning slightly and wrinkling his nose in an endearingly puzzled expression. "But isn't that kind of weird, since it's not like I can really give it to her?"
"If you like, I could take you to visit your mother's grave on Sunday," Remus told him. "We can bring her your card, along with some flowers." Since Teddy had still thought of Tonks as a fairy tale heroine up until now, they had not yet taken him to see Tonks's grave. Andromeda had wanted to shelter him from that stark reality of her death until he was old enough to understand it better. Remus and Severus had agreed that it would do no harm to wait until Teddy expressed an interest in visiting the grave, or at least began asking more questions about his mother's death, and it seemed that the time had finally come.
Teddy glanced over to Severus, looking for permission, or perhaps just reassurance. "It's your choice, Teddy," he said gravely. "But I don't think it's a bad thing to wish to pay tribute to your mother on Mother's Day."
Teddy's nose wrinkled again and he asked uncertainly, "Does that mean you think it's a good idea?"
"I believe that is what I just said," Severus said, as if it should be obvious, and Teddy laughed.
"Okay, then I'd like to go visit Mum this Sunday," Teddy decided, then tucked into his pie with good appetite.
"Try not to eat like a wolf when the moon isn't full," Severus scolded, but he reached out to ruffle Teddy's hair fondly, and Remus smiled lovingly at them both.
***
The three of them walked into the cemetery together, Teddy holding a bouquet of flowers and his card in one arm, while his other hand clutched at Remus's as they made their way through the rows of headstones. Far too many of them marked victims killed in the final war with Voldemort.
It was a bright sunny day and the cemetery did not look gloomy or haunted: the lawn was green and freshly mown, with bouquets or vases of colorful flowers decorating several of the graves. Still, Teddy's hand tightened around Remus's nervously.
"There's nothing to be afraid of," Remus said gently, and Severus placed a steadying hand on their son's shoulder.
"There is nothing here that will harm you, Teddy," Severus said firmly. "I do not sense any ghosts or evil spirits."
Teddy relaxed slightly and said, "And not all ghosts are bad, anyway. Uncle Harry said that Nearly Headless Nick is nice, although the Bloody Baron is a little scary." Then he giggled and added, "Although he thinks you were scary, too, Papa! Isn't that silly?"
"Uncle Harry has never been the brightest candle in the chandelier, if you know what I mean," Severus replied dryly.
"Severus!" Remus said sharply, trying not to laugh, but Teddy had no such compunctions and laughed merrily, the last of his nervousness vanishing.
The laughter faded when they finally stood before Tonks's grave, and Teddy cautiously reached out with one hand to trace the inscription that read, "Here lies Nymphadora Tonks Lupin, loving daughter, wife, and mother."
"Hello, Mum," Teddy said hesitantly as he laid the bouquet and card in front of the headstone, then turned to face his parents. "I feel a bit silly. Do you really think she can hear me or know that I've made a card for her?"
"A wise man once told me that the dead never truly leave us," Remus replied.
"Does that mean she's a ghost?" Teddy asked, looking confused.
"No, your mother was not the type to choose that kind of half-life," Remus said gently.
"Indeed, one thing I can say about Tonks is that she never did anything by halves," Severus agreed.
Remus smiled at him, then explained to Teddy, "What I meant was that the dead live on in those of us who loved them, for as long as we remember them. And that Dora also lives on in you, Teddy."
"Because I have half her genes?" Teddy asked. When Severus raised his eyebrows, Teddy elaborated, "Auntie Hermione explained it to me."
"I see that Auntie Hermione is still a little know-it-all," Severus muttered under his breath.
"Severus!"
Teddy giggled again, then said to Remus, "Okay, I get the memories and the gene stuff, but can Mum hear me if I talk to her? Like from Heaven or something?"
"No one really knows what happens after we die," Remus replied quietly. "Not even ghosts, because they've chosen not to pass on to wherever it is that people usually go when they die. But that same wise man also said that death is not the end, but just the start of a new adventure. So I'd like to think that wherever she is, your mum knows that we're thinking of her."
Teddy visibly brightened and exclaimed, "Yeah! I bet that Mum is having some really cool adventures! If nobody knows what happens after you die, it's like exploring uncharted territory, right?"
"It must be that pirate novel that Miss Granger gave him," Severus said, shaking his head, but he smiled at Teddy.
"Right, uncharted territory," Remus laughed, ruffling Teddy's hair. "Go on and say hi to your mum."
So Teddy sat down in front of Tonks's grave and chattered happily about his friends and his lessons at school, and how Papa was teaching him to brew potions, and how turning into a werewolf kind of hurt, but he liked running around in the woods with Dad and being scratched behind the ears by Papa. He rambled on for quite awhile, but he had several years' worth of conversations to make up for, so Remus and Severus waited patiently.
Finally he ran out of things to say, and his barrage of words slowly petered to a stop. Remus knelt beside Teddy and said, "Dora, I hope that you can see that Teddy is growing into a fine young man. He does well at his studies, but he also knows how to have fun and doesn't get into too much mischief." He winked at Teddy, who grinned back at him. "I know that if you were here, you'd be as proud of him as I am. I promise that Severus and I will take good care of him."
He rose to his feet and held out his hand. Teddy took it, saying, "Goodbye, Mum. Can we come visit her again sometime, Dad?"
"Of course," Remus replied, and they walked over to join Severus, who was standing a short distance away. He seemed lost in thought, and Remus said, "Severus? We're ready to leave now."
***
Severus had stepped back to give Teddy and Lupin some privacy, feeling as though he shouldn't intrude--they were his family, but Tonks had not been his wife or mother, or even a friend. Prior to her infatuation with Lupin, he had not given her much thought other than to be mildly annoyed by her clumsiness and mischievous sense of humor. But after she married Lupin, Severus had hated her passionately for stealing his lover, even though she'd had no idea that he and Lupin had ever been a couple, and even though there had been no reason for anyone (Tonks and Lupin included) to doubt that he was a traitor.
Maybe it wasn't fair to hate her, but Severus Snape had never been particularly concerned with fairness, and had freely given in to his loathing. He had hated Lupin too for a time, but the fear of nearly losing Lupin to death had jolted him into letting go of old grudges.
Tonks was another story. Death had softened the intensity of his hatred, but he'd still nursed a secret resentment for the woman who had dared to take Lupin from him, for however brief a time. But Severus had quickly grown to love Teddy, and out of consideration for the boy, he'd kept his opinions to himself and had taken care never to say anything negative about her in front of Teddy--or anyone else, since gossip traveled like wildfire in the close-knit wizarding community.
And as the years went by, his resentment slowly began to fade as bitter memories were replaced by the joy of his present life with Lupin and Teddy. He felt an occasional painful twinge when he thought about the past, but there was little time for reminiscing with an active young son demanding his attention. And besides, he was the one who was sharing Lupin's bed now, and he was the one kissing Teddy goodbye and sending him off to school in the mornings, not Tonks. If he'd been a fair man or a kinder one, he might even have felt sorry for the late Nymphadora Lupin nee Tonks...maybe just a little.
"Severus? We're ready to leave now."
Severus jumped slightly at the sound of his name and turned to see Lupin giving him a concerned look.
"Yes, fine," Severus said, but remained standing in place, staring at the grave. True, he hated that Lupin had let himself be pressured into a marriage with Tonks, but if they hadn't gotten married, then Teddy would not exist. Teddy, whom he loved dearly and was as much his son as Lupin's, even though they shared no blood ties. When Severus tried to picture a life without his son, it seemed empty and incomplete, even with Lupin by his side. So maybe he owed Tonks a debt of gratitude for giving birth to Teddy, if nothing else.
"Severus?" Lupin repeated.
"Just give me a minute, Remus," Severus told him. "You two go on ahead; I'll be right with you."
Lupin gave him a long, thoughtful look, then smiled and said, "Come along, Teddy."
As the two of them walked off, Severus heard Teddy say, "Does Papa want to talk to Mum, too?"
Severus didn't catch Lupin's reply, but he was probably replying in the affirmative--the damn werewolf had a knack for seeing right through him. He went over to stand before the grave, feeling rather silly. Despite all Lupin's talk about death not being the end, he found it hard to believe that Tonks would be listening or that she would want to hear anything that he had to say even if she was. Still, Severus felt that he had to say it; Lupin's Gryffindor idealism must be contagious.
He took a deep breath, then bowed his head slightly, and said, "You and I have never been friends, Tonks. But you brought Teddy into the world, and he is the most precious thing in my life, along with Lupin. So thank you for Teddy, and I promise that I will take care of him, and will lay down my life to protect him if necessary."
Still feeling silly but more lighthearted, as if a burden had been lifted from his shoulders, Severus turned away and went to join his lover and son, who were waiting for him with welcoming smiles.
***
"Damn you, Snape," Tonks sighed. "I really would have liked to continue hating you. Oh well...I can't deny that you've been a good parent to Teddy, so thank you, too, you snarky bastard."
Through the water, she looked at the card laid in front of her headstone, and at Teddy's smiling face and bright blue hair. In the past, that smile would have bothered her because she had assumed it was only for Remus and Snape, but now she knew that it was for her, too. Wiping a few tears from her eyes, she stood up and headed back to town without glancing back once. Along the way, she ran into Fred, who looked startled but pleased to see her.
"Hey, Tonks," he said, holding up a picnic basket. "I figured you'd be over by the pond, and I thought maybe we could have lunch together."
She stared at him and recalled all the times that she'd cried on his shoulder, and the way he had listened to her rants without lecturing or judging her. And she remembered all the long, heartfelt conversations they'd had about the loved ones they'd left behind, when they had both comforted each other.
I've been a complete idiot, Tonks realized ruefully. She had imagined love where it didn't exist with Remus, and failed to notice when it was staring at her right in the face--a freckled face framed by red hair, currently staring back at her with a puzzled expression.
"Tonks, are you okay?" Fred asked.
"Never been better," Tonks replied sincerely, reaching out to take his free hand. "Lunch sounds great, but let's have it somewhere else. Teddy's doing fine with Remus and Snape, so I don't think I'll need to check in on him for awhile."
A smile filled with warmth and joy spread slowly across Fred's face, and he gently squeezed her hand. He made an extravagant bow and asked in a comically courtly manner, "Shall we have lunch then, milady?"
"We shall," Tonks declared, then leaned over to kiss him and felt a sweet thrill that she had never experienced with Remus. Someday, she knew that she would move on and explore the unknown, but there was no rush. She still wanted to see Teddy grow up, though she vowed that she wouldn't visit the pond as obsessively as she had before. And there was still plenty to explore right here, along with a chance at a new life--or afterlife--with Fred.
They had all the time in the world.
-End-
Afterword: I was originally thinking about writing a short ficlet in which Teddy makes a gift for Snape on Father's Day--some sort of misshapen clay thing that's lumpy and maybe not quite identifiable, but which Snape would treasure nonetheless because Teddy made it with love. But then it got me to wondering what Teddy did on Mother's Day, and I thought I could write a short fic in which Snape and Lupin take him to visit Tonks's grave. But naturally, since my planned "short little fics" usually somehow spin out into epic-length, Tonks started clamoring in my mind for her story to be told, too. And then Fred worked his way into the fic, and well...the result is what you see here!
The "Snape is Draco's godfather" trope came in handy to explain why Snape is good with babies--I find it kind of amusing to imagine him baby-sitting Draco now! Also, I realized in hindsight that my vision of an idyllic limbo-afterlife for spirits who aren't quite ready to move on probably came from Charles de Lint's novels Promises to Keep and The Mystery of Grace, which have a similar theme.
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