Title: Snupin Meme
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Snape/Lupin
Word count: 611
Disclaimer: No money is being made off this story; consider it a little wish fulfillment on my part.
Summary: Inspired by
this meme by
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dacian_goddess on
portus_envy; prompt: Severus can't get somebody's clothes off fast enough (or vice versa).
( Read more... )"Severus, please hurry," Lupin groaned urgently.
"Hold onto your bloody horses, Lupin!" Snape panted as he tore at Lupin's robes, trying to undress him as quickly as possible--a process not helped by all the werewolf's squirming and wriggling. "Will you hold still for just one minute?!"
"I can't help it, Severus!" Lupin cried frantically. "I just can't take it any longer!"
"There!" Snape exclaimed triumphantly as he finally managed to rip the last stitch of clothing off Lupin's body. Then he quickly flung his lover into the bathtub, causing a loud splash as soapy water smelling strongly of disinfectant slopped over the sides and onto the floor.
"Careful, it's stinging my eyes," Lupin whined, wrinkling his nose as Snape vigorously shampooed his hair and scrubbed his body. "And it smells awful!"
He scratched at his sides, and Snape slapped away his hands, none too gently. "Well, I'm sorry, but I haven't yet managed to come up with a perfume that will kill fleas," Snape said tartly. "And stop scratching!"
"But I'm so itchy!" Lupin wailed.
"It's your own damn fault for frolicking with that stray dog last night," Snape replied heartlessly.
"We were just chasing rabbits and wrestling a bit," Lupin said sullenly. "I wasn't doing anything like...well...you know..."
Snape gave him a disgusted look before dunking his head under the water to rinse off his hair as Lupin let out a startled yelp and came up choking and spitting out water. "Of course I didn't think that, you idiot wolf!" Snape snapped. "Whatever your other flaws, you've never been into bestiality, and you'd damn well better not cheat on me by humping the first stray that comes along, or I'll neuter you both!"
"I couldn't help it," Lupin said plaintively, giving him a sad, puppy-dog eyes look. "The dog brought out Moony's canine instincts. He just wanted to play."
"I've warned you about this, Lupin," Snape lectured sternly as he continued to scrub, and tiny black bodies floated to the surface of the water as the flea-killing soap did its job. "About playing with strays or chasing wild game in the woods. No one bathes feral animals or takes them to the vet, so they tend to have fleas and ticks--which naturally transfer themselves to the next furry body that comes along. And the fleas remain even when your body changes back to normal in the morning."
"I'm sorry, Severus," Lupin said meekly. "I'll remember that next time."
"See that you do," Snape replied, sounding slightly mollified. "Now rinse off and apply this ointment to your bites; that should stop the itching."
"Thank you, Severus," Lupin said gratefully, then gave him a coy smile. "Would you like to help rub the ointment on me?"
"No," Snape said curtly. "I'll be outside burning your flea-ridden rags." He gave Lupin's robes a distasteful look, then flicked his wand and levitated them into the air, floating them along ahead of him as he stalked out of the bathroom and slammed the door behind him.
Lupin sighed as he pulled out the stopper and let the dirty water drain, then rinsed off with clean water. Apparently it was going to be awhile before he was completely forgiven. As he applied the ointment that soothed his itchy bites, he began thinking about the stray dog he had played with during the full moon--just think, the poor thing must itch like this all the time! And it had looked rather scrawny and underfed, too.
Lupin grinned to himself as he wondered how Severus would feel about adopting a pet dog, provided that it was properly bathed and vaccinated.
THE END.
***
Afterword: This was great fun to write--I was inspired as soon as I saw the prompt, and finished it in about an hour. I thought about titling the story "Itchy" or "Bathtime," but I figured that would have given away the surprise. ^_^ Oh, and I also belatedly realized that "frolicking" might have unintended connotations, so I threw in Lupin's attempt to clarify at the last minute.
ETA 7/10/08: Oops, I just took a closer look at the original meme post, and apparently it's a heads-up about a meme to be officially posted tomorrow. I got so excited when I saw the prompt that I guess I didn't read the whole post carefully. I apologize if I jumped the gun a little.
